CHAPTER TWO #2
“No wonder so many people try to friend me on social media to discuss you and how I ruined our perfect relationship.”
His brows went up. “People do that?”
“Yep.”
“I never told anyone your name.”
“Word got around anyway.”
The man did not look happy. He slipped a hand to my lower back, urging me into the apartment. “Bon will be finished with his security check in a minute. Come on in.”
“Has anyone ever actually been hiding out in your shower or under your bed?”
He shook his head, tucking his straggly long hair behind his ears. “This building’s secure. It’s why I bought the place. Along with Dave and Mal being here already.”
“You’re close to them, huh?”
“They’ve been good friends. Most of the time.” He glanced over at me, his forehead furrowed.
“What? What is that look for?”
“Nothing.” He paused. “It’s just strange seeing you again. You in this context is…interesting. Not bad, just unexpected.”
“Tell me about it.”
“I thought you hated me.”
My shoulders slumped. “Ignore what I said in the car. I was having a very small and probably long-overdue meltdown. But the truth is, I never hated you. It probably would have been easier if I had. You just disappointed me, big time.”
Bon wandered out of one of the back rooms, standing almost at attention. “Will you be in for the rest of the night, Mr. Dillon?”
“Yeah, I’ll stay put. Don’t worry. You can head home.” From out of the glossy double fridge, Adam retrieved two beers and set them on the white stone countertop. The rest of the kitchen was navy. Very dramatic.
On silent feet, Bon exited the apartment, locking the front door behind him.
“This sure is a change from my crappy little apartment.” I took the beer he offered, taking a long gulp. My throat was still itchy from the totally unnecessary tears. “You must love it here.”
He shrugged.
“Did you buy it already decorated?”
“Yeah. Some financier asshole lived here last.” He sprawled out on the white couch. “Pretty sure Mal annoyed the dude into moving. None of them liked him. Apparently, he complained about the bodyguards coming and going, the fans out front, and all that.”
“Guess it would take some getting used to.”
He took a swig of his beer.
“Are we going to talk about the check?” I asked, slipping into one of the armchairs. Very comfy. “I think we should.”
“What’s there to say? You deserve the money, Jill. As far as I’m concerned, you earned it.”
“Adam—”
“No one supported me and my music like you did. Showing up for every gig you could, helping to lug equipment, giving me space to write my songs.” He stared out a window at the lights of the Pearl District. “Even if it was too much for you in the end…”
I downed some beer. The less said about ye olde days, the better. It would only lead to more fights. And what was even the point of rehashing the past yet again?
His sneaker tapped out a beat against the floor and he pulled out his cell. Soon enough, Howlin’ Wolf played over the sound system. Blues had always been his go-to when stressed. “Too damn quiet in here.”
“Is that why you go out all the time?” I crossed my legs, waving my foot in the air.
Guess we were both a little wired. “Heard Martha say something about it when you got in the car. And then there’s the tea being served in mighty amounts.
Did you really trash a hotel room? Isn’t that a bit clichéd? ”
“Everything worth doing eventually becomes a cliché.” He put the beer to his lips again. “So you are keeping tabs on me.”
“I don’t need to. Certain people are only too happy to tell me everything and anything when it comes to you.” I stared at the wall. “You should have seen the messages I received when you were photographed with that model, Mae Cooper.”
He snorted. “She’s a neighbor.”
“How handy.”
“She’s also engaged to Bon’s brother. Who’s almost as intimidating as Bon is. Not a family you want to mess with.”
I paused. “Oh.”
He just watched me.
“What?” I snapped.
A small amused smile curled his lips. “Not like you to be jealous.”
“Go fuck yourself.” I set my beer and the check down on the coffee table, hauled my ass out of the chair and made for the door.
Stupid. I was so breathtakingly stupid. With a bit of work, I could have found an address for Martha and just mailed the damn money to her.
She’d have passed it on to him. But no. I had to see the big jerkwad for myself.
“This is getting us nowhere. I never should have come.”
My fingers no sooner gripped the doorknob than he was there, hands flat against the front door, blocking my exit. I looked up and growled. “Move, Adam.”
“Go pick up the check.”
“I don’t want your money.”
“Yes, you do. You dumped me over money.”
I shook my head. “That was only part of it. A very small part of it. The straw that broke the camel’s back, so to speak. Now move.”
“We’re not done talking.”
“Oh yes we are. Unless of course you’d like to get punched in the dick.”
His gaze hardened. “I’m sorry, all right? I’m sorry. Is that what you want to hear?”
“Move!”
With a snarl of his own, he took a step back, frustration etched into his handsome face. “Fuck’s sake, Jill. Why do you always have to be so…?”
“So, what?”
He just shook his head, mouth tight with frustration.
“Go on. Say it.”
“Emotional,” he spat. “It’s always pushing with you. Where’s our relationship heading? What are my plans for the future? How do I feel about you? We could never just fucking be. The crazy thing is, I was with you. I was a hundred and ten percent with you and it still wasn’t enough.”
“Maybe you should have told me that instead of mumbling excuses when I needed to talk.”
He shook his head.
“Anyway, got some amazing news for you, Adam. We’re no longer together.
You no longer have to tolerate my needy, chatty ass.
” I wrenched open the door, paused, and slammed it shut again.
If this was the last time I ever saw the jerk, then I would say everything I needed to say.
And I’d say it now, right up nice and close to his face in a nice clear angry voice.
“But while I’m here, how fucking dare you?
You wrote a whole damn album telling the world how you felt when you couldn’t even tell me.
Not once. Not even once did you tell me how you felt about me. ”
“You kicked me out.”
“You took me for granted.”
“You blocked my number.”
“You behaved like an emotionally repressed immature asshole, and I didn’t want to talk to you.” I slammed my hands against his chest. “So there,” I yelled like a reasonable adult.
“I loved you!” he roared back at me. “I loved you, Jill. And maybe I was shit at showing it, but I would have figured it out. I would have gotten there. Why the hell did you give up on me so soon?”
I stared at him, stunned. The blood drained out of my face, my brain feeling both light and heavy at the same time. “You did? You mean that? You really loved me?”
“Of course, I did,” he said, shoulders falling, the fight leaching out of the man. “And it’s not like you ever said it to me either.”
Huh.
“Was it that asshole Chris who was always hanging around?”
“What?” I shook my head, trying to think straight. “No. There was no one else.”
“Bet he was knocking on your door not five minutes after you threw me out.” He cracked his knuckles all Neanderthal-like. “The way he used to look at you…”
Holy cow. Adam had loved me. I’d thought it was all some bad joke or publicity stunt.
An artistic temperament leading to imagined feelings or something similar.
But he’d actually finally said the words, and from what I could tell, he meant them.
Guess still waters really did run deep. And I’d never said it to him because everyone knew the guy had to say it first. It was like an unwritten rule.
Still, this new information had my heart hammering inside my chest. “Chris? Really? He does absolutely nothing for me. Never has. Guess I’m not the only one with jealousy issues. ”
“Guess not.” A muscle popped on the side of his jaw. Then he squeezed his eyes shut, sucking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly. “What the hell are we doing? Can we not fight for a while? Is that even possible?”
“I don’t know.”
Silence.
Neither of us seemed to know what to say.
And the quiet was neither easy nor comfortable.
My head was reeling, and even Adam seemed sort of dazed.
We’d had the odd disagreement before the big this-is-the-end-of-us moment that led to me kicking him out.
However, we’d never yelled in each other’s faces quite like that before.
Maybe we should have. More than a little honesty seemed to have slipped out along with all of the accusations and anger.
“Mae is a neighbor and a friend. Nothing more.” He finally turned and headed back to the sofa. “Would have thought you’d have replaced me by now for sure, though.”
“I haven’t really been in the mood for dating.”
“For a year?”
I shrugged. My dry spell didn’t need to be discussed.
Once more, he sprawled on the couch, finished off the beer. Eyes closed, he laid his head back against the cushions.
“What about you?” I asked, voice lowered.
I could have left. I probably should have, given it would have been the smart thing to do.
Yet my feet stayed still. No one had ever told me they loved me before outside of family, who were basically obligated to say that sort of thing.
No one had given me that and meant it. It was a little overwhelming.
“What about me? You mean dating?” he asked, eyes still closed. “Nah. Not in the right headspace, besides being too busy recording and touring. The promo appearances alone have been never-ending.”
I stood behind the wingback, hands resting on top. “You look exhausted, and you stink.”
“You always said you liked the way I smelled.”
No way would I be going near that. “If you’re so damn tired, why were you heading to a club?”
“So I could play on the down-low with some local musicians. Just hang out and relax. Have a couple of beers and unwind without a whole lot of fuss.”
“No partying with groupies, huh?”
“Sad to say, but after you sign the first couple pairs of tits, it kind of loses its thrill. Mal was right about that. Of course, if he tried to sign any these days, Anne would chop off his hands.” He chuckled.
“Too much drinking and my playing started to suffer so I had to cut back. Martha got Jimmy to give me a talking to after the hotel room incident.”
“Jimmy Ferris?”
“The one and only. Lead singer of Stage Dive and reformed addict.” He sighed, a soul-deep kind of noise.
“What he had to say scared the shit out of me, actually. Lots of people offer you all sorts of things when you get big. Not that I’m as big as them.
But the champagne just flows, let alone the hard stuff.
I could have easily been headed straight for the 27 Club.
He talked some sense into me, and I slowed it down. ”
“Good. I know I used to ride you about sleeping half the day away, but you looked better back then. You looked—” Beautiful. I almost said it. “Healthy. Alive.”
He grunted. Some habits hadn’t changed. At least, not entirely. Overhead, the air-conditioning clicked on, the quiet hum the only sound since the song had finished. Not a single noise from the city filtered through. One of Adam’s eyes opened, taking me in.
I rested my arms against the top of the chair. “What?”
“Just checking you’re still here,” he replied.
“I wouldn’t leave without saying something.”
“Will you stay awhile? Please?” His eyelids fluttered and then fell closed again. “Despite the arguing, it’s good having you here.”
“Are you okay? You look totally shot.”
“No, I’m fine. It’s always like this after a show. Just stay awhile, okay?”
I hesitated. Of course, I did. But in the end, I couldn’t say no. He was so obviously rundown and lonely in this crazy new life of his. And we probably needed to argue some more about the check. There was that to be considered. “Okay.”
I sat down on the couch, curling my feet under me. Not so far away that I was being distant but not so near that either of us might find the other’s physical presence distracting. God knew how often I used to find his body distracting. Vexingly, impossibly, wonderfully distracting.
Adam gave a slight nod, his eyes still shut.
Then his body relaxed fully against the couch.
Within minutes, he was asleep. Adam had always been able to drop off easily while I tossed and turned and pondered something completely stupid and unnecessary for an hour or so.
Like why dresses rarely had pockets (so they could sell us handbags) and if penguins ever got cold and wanted to move to the Bahamas.
Important life-altering stuff. But even Adam had never fallen asleep this fast. How damn tired must the man be?
In and out, in and out, his easy breathing filled the room.
The number of nights that sound had lulled me to sleep, safe in the knowledge he was there.
The one person who could turn me inside out with a single look.
And he’d left me alone in his lux new apartment where I definitely did not belong.
“Holy shit,” I whispered. “Now what do I do?”