Chapter 42 Bastian #2
“’Course she’d put that in her application.
Always looking for a fucking handout, that one.
” He lets out a rueful snort. “Bet she don’t even remember Ginny.
” Bobby stares out the window, jaw working like he’s chewing on something tough.
“OD’d when Haven was still in diapers. I’ll never forget the smell.
” He shakes his head, mouth twisting with disgust. “Ginny was always bad at changing her, but it’d been fucking hours. ”
My knuckles whiten on the steering wheel, and for a dangerous moment I have to fight not to slam on the brakes.
“Haven was there when her mother OD’d?” My voice is hoarse all of a sudden, my mouth dry.
“Told you, she don’t remember shit about nothing.”
Why the fuck Bobby sounds so defensive when he claims he wasn’t even there is suspicious as fuck. But I say nothing—because Jesus, what the fuck can I say?—and when Bobby carries on like we’re discussing a fucking footfall match it all starts making sense.
“Me and Lenny went out to score. Left Haven with Ginny like always. Weren’t even gone all that long, just had a few beers on the way back.
But when we got there...” His voice trails off, and for a moment, I glimpse genuine pain beneath the ravaged exterior.
“Ginny was cold and the girl was just sitting there in the corner in her dirty diapers.”
Christ.
For the first time since I met Haven Lee, I feel a stab of something that might be genuine sympathy for her. I can’t imagine what would be going through such a young child’s mind during an incident like that. If they’d even comprehend the significance until years later.
I was sixteen when the ambulance came to take Sybil’s body away. She’d been cold, too. That’s how long she’d been in the bath, bleeding out.
Enough time for the water to run cold.
Enough time for Billy to run cold.
Sympathies aside, this changes nothing.
If anything, it makes what’s happening between me and Haven more...understandable.
Haven was primed for corruption long before I came along. I’m probably not the first person who’s taken advantage of the cracks her terrible childhood tore through her psyche.
But I will be the last.
Soon as I figure out how to repair the damage I caused on Tuesday.
Coked-up Bastian has a habit of fucking up, but I’ve learned how to not be so hard on myself.
If I’d been in my right mind, I’d have realized Haven was far too lucid.
Now she remembers everything, and I’ve got a big mess to clean up…and God knows where I’ll find the motivation. Zero dopamine, incredibly low levels of serotonin, and a headache that no amount of Advil can tackle is turning an hour’s indiscretion into massive regret.
Even worse, I’ve started backsliding into old habits.
Spiraling.
“Still, that’s tough for a kid.” I stop for a red light, watching Bobby from my peripheral vision as I try to wedge out the piece of glitter in my cuticle. It’s a losing battle, though. There’s even more under my fucking nail. “Tough on you.”
“Yeah, well.” He scratches at his neck again, nails leaving angry red trails on his skin. “Life’s tough.”
Rain drums on the roof of the car. I increase the wiper speed, settling into the rhythmic swoosh-swoosh as we drive.
“Think she deserved it? Ginny?”
“’Course not.” Bobby’s face crumples into a deep, angry frown. He takes a packet of cigarettes out of his pocket, hesitates, and starts toying with it in his lap.
“It’s okay if you think she did, even if you’re glad she’s gone.
It’s basic human psychology.” I say with a chuckle.
He throws me another disgusted sneer, but I can’t fucking help myself.
“The Germans have a word for it. Schadenfreude. Taking pleasure when bad things happen to someone else, especially if you think they deserve it.”
“Listen here, you puffed-up shitheel.” Bobby shifts in his seat, the leather creaking beneath him as he turns to glare at me. “Ginny didn’t deserve to go like that.”
“Most people don’t get what they deserve. Good or bad.” I shrug, keeping the annoyance out of my tone.
Bobby’s eyes narrow slightly. “Yeah? That was this is about? You telling me Princess Shit of Turd Mountain deserves to dick around with those country club brats because her mama died and I couldn’t afford to get her a goddamn pony?”
I laugh, and fuck, how that makes his blood boil. I can see it in the way he grits the stubs of his decaying teeth, how the cigarette packet crumples in his grip.
“You certainly have a way with words, Bobby.” I lift my hand, cutting off the angry sound he makes. “She’s a smart girl with a bright future ahead of her. Just because she took your car, that doesn’t mean she deserves—“
“Bitch has got you fooled! That innocent look of hers don’t mean shit!
” Spittle flies out of his lips, and thank God none of it touches me.
“My Ginny had that look. Like butter wouldn’t melt in her fucking mouth.
” His mouth twists into something that might be a smile on a less ravaged face.
“Girl’s got a mean streak. Gets that from her mother too. ”
I raise an eyebrow. “Haven doesn’t strike me as mean-spirited.”
“No?” Bobby laughs, the sound like gravel in a blender. “Ask her ‘bout Lenny, then.”
I search my memory for the name, but nothing comes up, which means she didn’t mention him anywhere on her application or in her essay. He could have been anyone. Old boyfriend, classmate, family member.
“Lenny?”
“Georgia’s brother.” He lets out a wet laugh, his voice dropping an octave with sentimentality. “Ginny and Lenny. Jesus, those two. Got up to all kinds of shit together.” He scratches at his neck again, harder this time. “Always chasing the next high, ’til Ginny took the express train out.”
“And Lenny?”
Bobby’s expression darkens. “Disappeared.” His bloodshot eyes fix on me, sharply focused with sudden paranoia. “Roundabout the same time Princess took off running with my car.”
“Yet you were sure she stole your car?”
“Lenny never learned to drive. Always had me or Ginny cart him around.”
“You think they’re connected,” I say carefully. “Lenny disappearing. Haven leaving.”
He turns back to the window, watching raindrops race down the glass. “Never believed in coincidences. That cunt knows exactly what happened to him,” he says quietly.
There’s more to his croaking voice than simple suspicion about missing family.
There’s hatred there.
Raw and festering.
“You think she’d harm your brother-in-law?” I press, watching his face for the first sign I should back off.
Bobby’s expression hardens. “Didn’t say she did something to him. Just said she knows what happened to ‘im. Like, if he ran, she’d know where.”
“And where’s that?”
“Think I’d be in your fancy-ass car to catch a bus back to nowhere if I knew that?”
“No, of course not. So you contacted the police?”
He gives me a sneering glance. “What for?”
“To find Lenny?”
He chuckles sourly. “You serious?” He huffs out a resigned breath. “She can have the fucking car. Ain’t worth shit, anyhow. Just want to know if Lenny’s okay. It’s not like him, taking off like that. Even after Ginny died, he always stuck around.”
“I understand you’re concerned, but I’m afraid I can’t have you showing up at the college just to cuss her out again.”
“What choice did I have?” Bobby snaps, taking a cigarette out of the pack like he can’t wait for us to get the bus stop so he can light it.
“I’ll tell her to call you…once she’s gotten a new phone, of course. She has your number, doesn’t she?”
He scoffs. “She won’t.”
“I’ll make sure she does.”
“She don’t like it when you make her do things she doesn’t wanna,” he mutters. “But sure, go ahead.” Bobby adds something under his breath that sounds like ‘cocksucker’, shaking his head as he stared through the windshield.
When a street sign flashes past, he suddenly sits up a little straighter, frowning.
“Where the fuck are you going?” he demands. “This ain’t the way.”
“Just have make a quick stop, Mr. Lee,” I say, giving him a disarming smile as I flick on the indicator and turn into a side road. “Don’t worry, I’ll have you on your way in no time.”
I don’t think my smile reaches my eyes.
I don’t think Bobby Lee notices.
If he does, he doesn’t care. I’ve given him money. Let him vent. I’m the closest thing he has to a friend, now that his BFF Lenny is apparently out of the picture.
Unfortunately for Bobby, I don’t need a friend.
I needed intel on Haven, a way to make things right with her. And Bobby just handed me an arsenal.
It’ll take time, but I’m nothing if not patient.
I’ll build her back up, piece by piece. Show her the respect she’s never been given. Give her the attention she’s always craved but never received.
And in the meantime, I have Kai to keep me occupied. He’s a useful distraction—all that pent-up rage and self-loathing wrapped in such a pretty, self-destructive package.
He’ll do nicely until Haven comes back to me.
Because she will come back to me.
They always do.
But first things first.
It looks like Daddy Lee’s in desperate need of a fix.
As am I.