3. Chapter 2
Chapter 2
Declan
Declan
A s I pull up my old Ford pickup truck to my quiet cabin in the woods, I notice a tiny Mazda in the driveway. With a resigned sigh, I get out of the truck to deal with the woman who has become my greatest mistake. She’s taught me lessons that I never wanted to learn.
Lisa is sitting on her tiny Mazda’s hood, wearing cut-off shorts and a crop top that shows plenty of her fake boobs. Her face is plastered with thick makeup and her long false nails are sparkling in the sun. Looking back, I don’t know why I thought she was a pretty girl, and I can’t believe I ever thought that I could love this woman. Everything about her is a mirage.
Lisa used to be a beautiful woman, or so I thought. Now, everything about her is fake. She’s had several plastic surgeries, including lip augmentation, a nose job, a boob job, Botox and fillers, as well as face lifts. Even her long blonde hair is out of a bottle, and she has extensions in. It’s all a facade to cover the ugliness inside .
Strangely, my family figured her out before I did, and it drove a wedge between us. I couldn’t wrap my mind around her being as conniving as she was until I was already ensnared in her web.
A lot of men still think Lisa is pretty; however, she’s not aging well, and it’s showing. They don’t know her like I do and only see her hourglass figure, the long blonde hair, and her large breasts. She’s my ex and she’s an ex for a reason. Manipulation and lies top her resume. Being a vile bitch who is self-centered is her biggest personality trait. She doesn’t care who she walks on to get to where she wants to go. Lisa never admits to being wrong, and I truly believe she doesn’t ever think she is.
Reluctantly, I walk in her direction with a long sigh escaping my lips. As I get close to Lisa’s car, I see the small boy in the back seat. I’m hit with a burst of pain in my chest as always when I see Cole, Lisa’s son. This was the son that I thought was mine. He’s an innocent child, and I don’t hold what his mother did to destroy my life against him, but I can’t control flinching at the sound of his little baby voice. I’m not in the mood for her shit, and bringing Cole with her is part of her manipulation tactics.
When Lisa told me she was pregnant, I was elated, so much so that I purchased little baby clothes, a crib, and other things we would need once he was born. We had even gotten a sonagram, and the doctor had informed us we were having a son. That was the proudest day of my life as I stood looking at the little black and white blob on the screen, knowing I had a son on the way. As I listened to the swooshing sounds of his heartbeat, I could feel a sense of warmth spreading through me. My eyes filled with tears of joy, expressing the depth of emotion I couldn't put into words. Now I know what an idiot I was. That bitch laid on that table and allowed me to make a fool of myself. She was probably laughing on the inside seeing me cry at the sounds and sight of a baby that I was excited to have.
When Lisa was six months into her pregnancy, I cut out of work early to surprise her with flowers and her favorite candy. As I entered the house, I heard a commotion coming from our bedroom. The closer I got to the room, the clearer the sounds were. Opening the door with a feeling of dread, I saw Lisa naked and riding a guy’s cock in our bed, moaning like the whore she is. The sounds from that day are just as vibrant as if I heard them yesterday. The skin slapping, moans and grunts. Some nights I wake up in a cold sweat dreaming of those sounds and the feeling of betrayal that shattered me.
The man was someone I had never seen before, and when he noticed me, he threw her off him and asked who the fuck I was. Once I admitted I was her fiancé and the father of the baby she was clearly carrying, he wanted out, showing me his hands in a nonthreatening gesture. He had no idea she had a fiancé, but the pregnant belly was obvious, so I still considered him an idiot. I couldn’t understand how that didn’t come up before he shoved his cock inside of her. The guy admitted he didn’t care or even consider who the father of the child was, said he just saw her as an easy fuck. Throwing his clothes on haphazardly, he fled and left me to deal with the aftermath.
Lisa had the audacity to say she felt neglected and lonely because I worked too much. I wasn’t working that much more than normal, but I had planned to take some time off after the baby was born to help her, which meant I had to get ahead. I’ve subsequently learned that it’s Lisa’s default reaction—play the victim card to deflect any responsibility.
After several hard-fought days, I had to forgive her for the sake of our unborn son. I never could stomach touching her intimately after that, but figured if we could co-parent once the baby was born, we could fake a family environment for his sake. I didn’t want to only see my child every other weekend and half the holidays. Continuing to buy things for the baby and taking care of Lisa, we set up the nursery and prepared for the baby to be born. The wedding was canceled, but I didn’t want to leave the mother of my child out in the streets or alone to endure the latter stages of her pregnancy. Even if she didn’t deserve my devotion, my child did .
During that time, I spent little of it at home, unable to cope with the tension. Only acknowledging her when it was important had become a habit. Looking at her and remembering her riding another man’s cock while she was incubating my child in her womb made me sick. I had no idea then that what Lisa had done to me was just the tip of the iceberg.
The nasal sound of her shrill voice pulls me from my memories. I’ve worked hard, and it’s been a long day. All I want is a shower, something to eat, and maybe a whiskey or two before I hit my bed. Wash, rinse, repeat. That’s my life now. All because I trusted one woman.
I’m sweaty and dirty from climbing and cutting trees all day. Not that I care what she thinks, but I’m sure I don’t smell the best. Exhaustion has set in, and I feel lethargic. I don’t have the bandwidth to deal with her drama tonight.
“Declan, I can’t believe after all this time you’re still driving that beat-up piece of shit ole pickup truck. I know you’ve made lots of money and can afford a much nicer car. Why do you embarrass yourself like this?”
Rolling my eyes, I can’t help but think what a bitch this woman is.
With that thought, frustration and annoyance surge through me, causing my temples to throb and my jaw to tense. I can feel my heart rate rise as a mix of anger and hurt wells up within me. My eyes narrow slightly, reflecting my inner turmoil as I struggle to maintain my composure.
Lisa, sitting before me with a smug expression, crosses her arms and looks over at my beat-up truck, disdain evident in her eyes. Her condescending tone and judgmental words have struck a nerve, igniting a storm of emotions within me. I can feel my face flush, embarrassment washing over me.
Taking a deep breath, I try to push past the swirling emotions that threaten to consume me. I remind myself to stay calm, to not let her words get to me.
With a forced smile, I reply, “Well, Lisa, some of us value things beyond their monetary worth. This old truck has sentimental value to me. It’s a reminder of my roots, my hard work, and the memories I’ve made along the way. It’s not about impressing others or conforming to societal expectations.”
Lisa scoffs, clearly unimpressed by my explanation. I resist the urge to snap back at her, knowing that it would only escalate the situation. Instead, I choose to stand my ground, refusing to let her judgment dictate my happiness or self-worth. Deep down, I know that my worth isn’t defined by the car I drive or the possessions I own. It’s about the person I am, the values I hold, and the fact I’m not an asshole to others. As I look at Lisa, I can’t help but pity her narrow-mindedness, her inability to see beyond materialistic ideals.
With a last exasperated sigh, I try to make progress in finding out why this cunt is here so she can leave as soon as possible. “What are you doing here, Lisa?”
“Declan baby. I’m here to see you. I miss you, darlin’,” she croons with an added southern accent to her dialect. Lisa does that to make her seem like a sweet southern girl but piss her off and the accent magically disappears.
She slips off the hood and gets into my personal space. Taking a step back, I try to avoid her touching me and stand with my hands on my hips. The glare I pin on her should be a hint that I don’t want her near me but unfortunately, she’s clueless. I feel her long nails glide along my neck as she takes another step closer. It’s obvious she’s trying to get as close to my body as physically possible. The feeling of her hands on me makes my skin crawl.
Stepping back further, I shove her hands off me, hard enough that she stumbles forward. Never having hurt a woman, a feeling of guilt slithers over me. It was a reflex to avoid her touch, and I have no intention of hurting her. Being around Lisa turns me into a person who I hate, and that’s why I work hard at avoiding her. If she catches me off guard, like tonight, I do my best to keep our interactions short and to the point. It’s important that I keep the rage and hatred I feel towards her contained, especially when Cole is sitting in the car watching us.
“Never touch me again. I’ve told you before and I’m telling you again that you are not to put your hands on me. You lost that right when you shattered my world and couldn’t keep your legs closed.”
“Declan, drop it and move on.” She rolls her eyes and sighs like I’m being over dramatic. “I told you why I was sleeping with other men. Nothing I said to you was getting through that thick skull, and besides, they meant nothing to me.”
“So, when I walked in on you being fucked from behind by my father in our house, that meant nothing to you? You ruined my life and my family for nothing? You destroyed my mother. What if the baby you told me we were having had been my father’s? Were you going to let me raise my own sibling without knowing? Because of you, I will never trust another woman. I will never get married, have a family, or do any of the things we had planned for our future. All because you were a selfish cunt who made sure I can never trust another woman again. I won’t ever be able to look at you without seeing you being fucked by my father while he was still married to my mom. A woman who is a fucking saint and never deserved that clusterfuck of drama. My family will never be mended after what you’ve done. Do you ever sit back and think about all the lives that you’ve ruined, Lisa?”
“Why are you being so dramatic about this? We can move on and have the marriage and family that we always wanted. We can try for that baby right now if you like.”
Lisa takes a step forward to rub her hands across my abdomen. Again, I move back and feel bile moving up my throat. She had those hands all over my father and countless other men. How could she think I would ever let her touch me again?
“Lisa, if that’s why you came, you need to leave and stay gone. I’ve told you nothing between us will ever happen again. You disgust me. You work at a fucking strip club, taking your clothes off for every man in this town. Even if they’ve all had their cocks inside of you already, it just adds to the nausea that I experience every single time I see your face. Every time I go into The Lucky Horseshoe to have a drink, I hear the whispers from the men in this town. I know that you’re doing more than just taking your clothes off at Tassels.”
“You cut me off just when I had to survive, Declan. With no money in my name, I had to figure out how to make a living. How the hell do you expect me to feed and clothe our son? If you just forget what happened, we can move on and be happy again. I’ll quit Tassels and be a good wife to you and a wonderful mother to your children. Why are you being so stubborn?”
“Fuck my life. What did I do to deserve the hell you’ve put me through? Never mind, don’t answer that. First of all, you don’t feed or clothe Cole. Second, I know you only brought him with you to get my attention. You know I’d fallen in love with the idea that he was my son, and when I found out that he wasn’t, it destroyed me. I’m broken, Lisa. Fucking devastated. Not only was he not the guy’s kid that I found you riding in our bed, but he also wasn’t my father’s child either, and although I thank God for that, it still shows just how sick you truly are. You don’t even know who’s cum filled your fucking pussy and got you pregnant. It also tells me you cheated on me a lot more times than I know about. Your parents raise that boy, and you only throw him a bone when it’s convenient for you.”
She cries on cue, as if she’s been damaged by my words, when we both know the tears are as fake as her hair color. “How can you be so cruel to me? He’s your son,” she whines.
My voice comes out louder than I intend. “We don’t share a drop of D-N-fucking-A, Lisa. Cole and I were tested, and I was not a match. DNA doesn’t lie.”
“If you just give me another chance, we can have a child that’s yours, if DNA is so important to you. I know you still want me. Just let it happen.” Her voice becomes gentle and seductive as she moves toward me again .
“Woman, you really are oblivious to reality. I wouldn’t fuck you if you were the last woman on earth, and no way in hell would I allow a child of mine to have you as a mother. You’ve made sure that you are nothing more than a cum bucket for men to release into. Filthy and disgusting. Now get your ass off my property, you trifling bitch.”
She flinches as if I’ve physically struck her, and I can’t help but feel a tiny sliver of guilt for the harshness of my words. I’ve never disrespected a woman. My mother would have slapped me in the head had she heard me talking to a woman this way. Maybe not with it being the woman who had sex with her husband in her son’s bed, but still, my mom always tells me that resorting to violence or hurting Lisa emotionally isn’t how she raised me to act. That being said, this woman is toxic, and the hatred I feel for her is unmatched. She’s the reason I’m dead inside.
As Lisa returns to her car, her tires crush gravel when she hightails it out of my driveway, visibly upset. Letting out a shaky breath, I am inundated with memories of my past life with the woman who shattered me.
Lisa and I started dating a few years ago. She wanted to get serious and wanted me to put a ring on her finger. I wasn’t in love with her, but I liked her just fine. She was a warm body to curl up next to when I needed companionship. When she came to me and told me she was pregnant with my child, I was excited to become a father. I moved her into my house and proposed to her. After some time, the pregnancy brought us closer, and I fell in love with her. Visions of our future were bright, and I latched onto dreams of having a wife and children. I’m not sure what made me fall for her because all the signs were obvious to my brother Mason and my mother. They saw her for the user she was, but I fell for it hook, line, and sinker.
Working extra hours, I was trying to ensure my logging business was successful. I was going to have a family to support and wanted to give them the best of everything. Lisa became resentful of the long hours. She started staying out later. Something a woman who was pregnant shouldn’t have been doing. When I questioned it, she said I was controlling. The funny thing is, I wasn’t then, but I am controlling now. I need everything to be under my control.
Soon I noticed things weren’t adding up. When she had doctor’s appointments, she made them in the next county over. She didn’t want me to be part of them or to attend them with her, which I quickly nipped in the bud. Determined to be part of my child’s life from the beginning, I started demanding to be at appointments. Even working the extra hours, I always made time for her and anything she needed.
Eventually, Lisa admitted that she purposely got pregnant to trap me into marriage. She had been sleeping with other men anyway but planned to pass the baby off as mine no matter who the father was. She didn’t use the men for an inseminator. No, she just enjoyed having sex with random men and thought what I didn’t know wouldn’t hurt me. Getting pregnant, regardless of the father, was just icing on the cake for her. She loves to have sex with a slew of men. When she admitted this to me, I was baffled. I asked her why she would want to get married to me if she knew she didn’t want a monogamous relationship. I figured at the time maybe she was talking about an open relationship, but Lisa made it crystal clear that I could never touch another woman. Not that I wanted to, but you would think that would be her logic if she wanted to sleep around. Her explanation made no sense. Frankly, I think she’s just a whore.
Don’t get me wrong, women liking sex doesn’t offend me in the least, even if they are hooking up with every Tom, Dick, and Harry. I’m not a slut shamer per se. What offends me is when they play with someone’s heart and make them think they are interested in being in a committed relationship all while playing games. The lies and drama I won’t ever allow in my life again. If I were to take another chance with a woman and she did this to me again, I wouldn’t survive it.
I remember the day that it all ended like it happened yesterday. Lisa and I had not been intimate since I caught her cheating because I couldn’t stomach touching her. Still determined to make things work, I figured it would just take me some time to forgive her. We continued going through the motions, and I slept in a separate bedroom. I couldn’t lay on the bed where she’d fucked another man.
As soon as I pulled up to our cabin, I noticed my father’s truck in the driveway. I remember wondering why he was there, in the middle of the day, knowing I would be at work? Still, it didn’t occur to me that anything was wrong, and there was no way I could have imagined what I would find. I got out of my truck and went into the house. Once I was in the front door, I didn’t see anyone in the living room or the kitchen, so I started walking through the house, looking for Lisa. Even after catching her cheating before, I never fathomed that the scene I found could ever happen. Met by the sounds of slapping of skin and grunting, my shocked gaze landed on my father. The man who gave me life had Lisa bent over the back of the couch as he pounded into her from behind. His pants were down around his knees. The sight took my breath away. It felt like I had fallen from a rooftop and hit the ground, hard. I couldn’t breathe, and I couldn’t process the reality of what I was seeing.
My father was fucking my fiancé in my own house. The man who was married to my mother and had been for thirty-five years. I had never known the man to look at another woman, let alone to be balls deep inside of one. Everything I thought I knew about my life vaporized within an instant.
They didn’t see me, and I, lost for words, simply turned and fled, knowing nothing in my life would ever be the same. By that time, Lisa was mere weeks away from giving birth to my son, but everything I knew told me to get a DNA test. I’d already confronted her and my father. My father moved out of the house he shared with my mom, and I left my home with Lisa. I still couldn’t throw her out on the streets pregnant, she had nowhere else to go. Her parents had cut her off and refused to allow her to move back home. They were embarrassed by the reputation their daughter had gotten, being the subject of all the gossip around town. The only reason they raise Cole now is because when the DNA test came back and I discovered he wasn’t my child, I shut down and withdrew from the situation. I wasn’t even at the hospital when she gave birth. That might sound harsh, but I couldn’t look at her without feeling sick to my stomach, and he was a reminder of what she had done. Figuring she would be able to contact the real father I walked away, but to my shock that’s not what happened.
Lisa up and left, leaving the child in the hospital. When her parents found out, they were livid and couldn’t abandon their grandson. They took him in and are raising him the best they can, hoping that one day Lisa will decide to be a decent mother, but that has yet to happen. They still encourage the relationship between Lisa and her son for the child’s sake. Their lives have been just as affected as mine, and they’ve even reached out and said they didn’t hold my leaving Lisa against me. I, in turn, apologized for not being able to stay and raise their grandson. He is innocent in this, but she continually uses him against me, just as I knew she would.
No woman will ever get close enough to hurt me like that again. I haven’t even hooked up with a woman in two years, ever since my family crumbled. Sex isn’t even a thought that enters my mind anymore.
My mother is the only one that I allow to be within my vicinity, and then it’s on a limited basis. After she lost her husband and her life was destroyed by Lisa and my father, I couldn’t turn her away. Still, I withdrew as much as she allowed, as a coping mechanism. My brother Mason tried to get through to me, but I threw myself into work.
Working countless hours until my body is so exhausted that I can’t move has become commonplace. Being deep in the woods of these mountains, I am able to find peace. No one is here to hurt me or lie to me. The trees don’t lie, and they don’t fuck you over. Keeping secrets doesn’t bother me anymore because I don’t get invested in anyone’s life enough to care. Most days I simply go through the motions, feeling numb and resigned to my future, but it’s not living.