8. Chapter 7
Chapter 7
Savannah
W hen I get off work, I go by Kate’s and grab Kenzi. Knowing I’ve still got to get home and feed the both of us, Kate asks us to stay for dinner tonight. She does that at least once a week and it works out well; it means I don’t have to cook, especially on the nights I’m exhausted.
Whenever I go to pick up Kenzi, she always asks if she can stay longer because she loves Kate. To have her come home with me at night, I practically have to bribe her. I’m so grateful that I have a babysitter she loves. My little girl has been through hell and seen too much in her young life.
Even now, she brings up her father and the way he hurt me. She doesn’t want to see him, but she tells me she’s glad he’s not hurting me anymore. It breaks my heart that she doesn’t have a relationship with her father. Derek was never a father to her, but she deserves one. One who will love her and make her feel appreciated. One who can show her how a real man should treat her. Unfortunately, her father will kill me if he ever finds us, so I can’t encourage her to have a relationship with him, ever. He can’t be trusted not to start taking out his violent fits on her; we’ve both got to accept that she will never get what she needs from him.
Kenzi didn’t ask to be born. I brought her into the world and a situation that was tumultuous. I don’t regret her. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, but I regret bringing her into a situation that has caused her pain and damage. She’s an innocent child, deserving of happiness and love. I can’t bear to think about the horrors she’s witnessed; for that, I’ll carry the guilt for the rest of my life. She saw her mother get beaten many times, and Derek raped me right in front of her. When we first left home, Kenzi was withdrawn, and she still has nightmares about Daddy hurting Mommy. No child should have to see that. Kenzi would benefit from some counseling, but I don’t have medical insurance for her since it was all in Derek’s name. They would notify him of where the bill originated and our address. I can’t leave a paper trail. Not being able to take that chance, I’ve put off taking her to someone, hoping, given time, she would just simply forget about what she’s seen.
I wish Kenzi was lucky enough to have decent parents. A better mother, and a sane father. She emanates love, intelligence, and sweetness. Add a little sass and you have my precious daughter.
Pulling up to Kate’s house, I notice two vehicles in the driveway that aren’t normally here. One is the sheriff’s car; the other is a huge pickup truck. Because she has company, I decide I’m going to fake a headache as an excuse to leave. I have no desire to be around that cop and whoever else is in that house. It was bad enough being in the diner with him, but to make small talk around the dinner table is something I can’t do. A shudder runs through me. Besides, he’s starting to ask questions, which increases the risk to us.
As I approach the door, my heart pounds in my chest. Slowly, I raise my trembling hand, ready to knock. But before my fingertips can touch the weathered wood, the door swings open with a creak. Before me stands the same grumpy lumberjack from yesterday’s encounter at the diner, a scowl still etched deeply on his face. His gaze is so intense that it feels like sharp daggers piercing into the depths of my soul. As I meet his gaze, his icy blue eyes fill with a seething hatred that instantly gives me goose bumps. I’ve given him the nickname “the lumberjack” because his scruffy beard and plaid flannel shirt perfectly embody the rugged image.
“Come in,” he growls.
“I just want to pick up my daughter. Can you please send her out?” The moment I arrived; an unexpected wave of tension hit me. The familiar stranger standing before me, his furrowed brow and clenched fists, emits an aura of anger. I can’t comprehend why he appears so displeased to see me here, especially since I have no inkling that he was even acquainted with Kate.
Kate quietly approaches from behind, her footsteps barely audible on the polished floor. As she nears, the faint scent of her floral perfume lingers in the air. “Savannah, meet my sons, Declan, and Mason is over at the table with Kenzi,” she says, her voice soft yet clear. Meanwhile, the sound of lively chatter and clinking cutlery fills the room, emanating from the table where Mason sits with Kenzi.
Rolling my eyes and looking up at the sky, I can’t believe my luck. Of all the people to be Kate’s sons, it had to be these two. One is a cop, and the other hates me for no reason.
She turns and walks away before I can turn down her invitation. Standing in front of the big, bearded guy, who is staring at me with that look again like he’s confused, I have no choice but to follow her inside.
At the dining table sits the sheriff. He’s talking to my daughter and playing, making her giggle. A giggle I haven’t heard in months. While he grins from ear to ear, he may appear less scary, but I’m cautious about trusting him. My feet propel me forward, and I grab Kenzi up from her seat. Not only is panic building in me, but I’m also worried about him questioning Kenzi or her slipping up and saying something that will reveal our secret.
“I appreciate you inviting us to stay, Kate, but I need to go home,” I rush out.
“Wait, Savannah, slow down.” She looks at me like I’ve grown two heads. She doesn’t know why I’m trying so desperately to get out of this house like my ass is on fire.
Kenzi notices my panic and cries, looking terrified. I guess my nervous energy has alerted her that something is wrong. The two enormous men in this room with us are making me feel panicked and crowded. It’s more suffocating than it was in the more spacious diner.
“All I want is to go home. I’m sorry.” My voice trembles as my panic becomes evident. “I’ll talk to you later.”
I struggle to hold Kenzi as she kicks her legs and screams to get down. The energy in the room is frenzied and she can feel it. She finally wins, and I have no choice but to release her, where she runs to Kate. Kenzi is sobbing and holding onto her tightly.
“Savannah, you’re scaring her. Sweetheart, what is the matter? What happened?” Poor Kate tries to make sense of my hysteria. Realizing how crazy I must look to these people; I take a deep breath and try to calm myself.
Feeling a hand on my shoulder, I spin around to find Declan standing nearby. “ Savannah, calm down. No one here intends to harm you or your daughter. How about we step outside to talk? We can allow Kenzi to finish her dinner in peace.”
Because of his size compared to mine, this guy is intimidating. Not only is he a man, but he also looks even more enormous in the medium-sized dining room. My fear is uncontrollable, and I don’t know why I can’t hold it together like I did earlier today. His touch on my skin shouldn’t calm me, but it does. Being terrified of him, but his touch being soothing is so conflicting. I must be losing my mind.
Mason is just sitting, looking dumbstruck. It’s clear these people think I’m a crazy woman and I don’t blame them. I lost my mind and panicked. While trembling in fear, I plaster a fake smile on my face and try to calm Kenzi.
“Mommy’s sorry, baby. I just have a headache and don’t feel well. I’m so sorry, baby. Everything is okay. Finish your dinner with Kate, and I will return shortly.” It’s not lost on me that my attempts to soothe her is more about trying to calm myself down.
After the scene I just made, I don’t want to walk outside with this man, but what choice do I have?
Once we are outside, I try to settle my shaking and slow my breathing. Feeling my heart pounding, I can’t help but be anxious.
“What has you so terrified?” Instead of ignoring what happened, the lumberjack guy is determined to have this conversation.
I look down at the ground, ashamed to look the man in the eyes. My voice comes out shaky as I struggle to control my trembling. “I’m so sorry.”
This hulking man, standing with his legs apart and his fist clenched at his side, stares down at me with the same intensity he did earlier today, but this time it’s obvious he’s trying to figure me out. Anger is rolling off him in waves.
“Who hurt you?” His demanding and scary voice sends chills scattering down my spine.
“No one. I just have a headache and want to get my daughter and go home,” I lie, badly.
“My mother invited you to dinner, and you scared the hell out of that little girl in there, trying to get away from us. Your daughter was also triggered when she saw Mason’s cop car and uniform, the same way you were. I assume you don’t act that way towards my mom, so it has to be me or my brother that sent you into a panic. What was it?”
This is something I don’t want to discuss. My baby was scared when she saw Mason in his uniform? I’m surprised to hear that, and it hurts to know she’s been damaged as much as I have. “Causing a scene was not my intention. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. Kenzi being upset is news to me, and I had no idea that she was triggered like that. I didn’t know that Kate was your mother, but honestly, all I want is to get Kenzi and go home.”
His gaze bores into me, as if he could penetrate the depths of my soul.
“No.”
“No?” I flounder, parroting his words back at him.
After saying no, he simply turns his back to me. No explanation, just no. I notice his fists are clenched down by his side. Then suddenly, he turns back to me, seemingly after calming himself.
“You’re clearly avoiding the topic. It’s obvious you don’t want to reveal what has caused your fear towards me and my brother. That’s fine, you don’t have to explain yourself to me. What you do need to do, however, is go into that house, sit your ass down, and eat the dinner that my mother made you. You will not scare that little girl or hurt my mother’s feelings. She loves that child, and she thinks a lot of you.”
My cheeks heat. Whether it’s Kate telling him about me or me making myself look like a complete psycho, I’m not sure which one embarrasses me more.
As I give him a small nod, I feel like a child being reprimanded by their father. Following the man, I step inside and sit down at the table. I keep my eyes down and my mouth shut. This is so embarrassing; I can’t believe it. These people think I’m insane and they are probably right.
I push the food around on my plate but can’t eat much of it. My stomach is in knots. After forgetting the earlier scene, Kenzi is once again giggling and playing with Kate and Mason. The tears have dried on her little cheeks. I feel like an outsider watching them interact as a family. I wish I could give her one of her own, but that’s never going to happen.