Chapter 3 #2
“I sometimes sleepwalk. It’s worse during more stressful times and when I don’t get much sleep.”
“Oh, dang. I don’t think I’ve met a sleepwalker before, but it sounds like you’ve had to navigate through your own challenges too.”
“We all do. I have to lock up snack cabinets and sharp objects. I’ve also had to hide my car keys.” He swallows hard. “I’m probably going on too much about it now.”
“It’s okay. I don’t mind.” Aside from him having a nice soothing voice, hearing about his struggles helps me feel more seen for mine. He understands what it’s like to have something unexpectedly alter his whole life.
“I’m sure you don’t, and I’m also sure you’d like to find your shoes in less than an hour. I’m supposed to be speeding up the process, not delaying it more. So, tell me what these walking shoes or outside shoes look like.”
“They’re for me to sit outside, and it’s been pretty cold lately. Sometimes icy and wet.” I navigate back to where I’m supposed to be going with all this. “They’re navy, with one white stripe going across and pink laces with strawberries on them.”
“Sounds easy enough. Point me there and we’ll get those shoes on your feet.”
A laugh slips past my lips, and I lower the phone to the shoe rack, leaning down a little. “They should be somewhere on the right side. I had Travis keep all his on the left.”
“I see them,” he says confidently. “They’re the last pair on the left. Looks like your boyfriend, or whoever put your shoes back, moved them to the wrong side.”
“Yeah. Travis is often in a rush, but it’s probably my fault for asking so much of him all the time.”
“This is a new life change for you, and the people in your life should be there to help you navigate through it.”
“My best friend is great and so is my sister. One lives over an hour away, though, and the other works a lot.”
A knock at my door has me freezing as I’m reaching down to feel for the last pair. Shoulders lifting, I grab my shoes and toss them on the ground, facing where the second knock is now coming from. “Coming.”
“Got company?”
“It would seem. Thanks so much for your help.” I feel for my shoes with my feet, eventually shoving each one in. Loosening the laces beforehand definitely helped. Thank you, past Henry.
“No problem. You know where to find me if you need me again.”
“I do,” I say promptly, closing the closet door.
“Enjoy the rest of your day.”
“You too.” The video chat ends, and I slide my phone into my pocket, sticking an arm out to slide my hand along the wall leading to the front door.
I pull the door open after my hand lands on the knob on the first try, and there’s a burst of pink coming from the porch.
It’s one of the colors I can make out the best. The brighter the better.
“Hey, you semi match today,” a high-pitched voice I’d recognize anywhere says.
“Only semi, huh?” I stand to the side to let my best friend Janie in, and her arm brushes over mine as she enters the house.
“I call it progress.” Her voice is teasing and she squeezes my shoulder. “Were you on the phone with someone or something?”
“I swear that front door is paper thin.”
She laughs. “You’re also a loud as fuck talker.”
I roll my eyes. “If you must know, I was using the Be My Eyes app to find my hoodie and shoes.”
“Oh, how’d it go?”
“Pretty good. The guy was really nice.”
“Did he sound cute?”
“Is that a thing?”
“It sure is. Haven’t you listened to those deep, honey-like voices in audiobooks before?”
“You’re ridiculous,” I quip. I know exactly what she means, but refuse to acknowledge it, because he had such a confidence in his voice that made him attractive all on its own.
“I’m right, though and your response tells me so. That and the cute blush on your cheeks. Where’s your phone? I’m curious whether it shows a picture of him somewhere.”
“I’m not giving it to you.”
“Ugh, fine. You’ll set it down eventually and I’ll just take it when you’re not paying attention.”
“And because of that, it’ll remain in my pocket until you leave.”
Laughter bubbles out of her. “You’re not very fun today. Is it because you need coffee? Have you had any yet?”
“No.” I shift my feet. “I didn’t feel like burning myself a second time today.”
“Come on. We’ll make some together, and soon you’ll be making it in your sleep.”
I huff a laugh. “Not sure I’d ever need to, but whatever you say.”
“You never know. Always better to be prepared for anything.” Chairs scrape against the floor, wood clapping wood as they’re shoved under the table. “I swear, if that man didn’t leave this place like a damn death trap, you’d be able to move around better.”
“He’s doing his best.” But is he really? I keep wanting to believe he is, but there’s so much evidence lately that proves otherwise. The cabinets he forgets to close, the items in the fridge he keeps moving around, and when he moves my toothbrush behind his.
“So you say.” She’s less convinced than I am. “Okay, I’m at the coffee station waiting for you to get your ass over here so we can start. I know you can get here from the table easily. We’ve been doing it twice a day ever since you got home.”
“I know.” As busy as she’s been, she’s still managed to show up for me more than anyone else. Helping me shop for more accessible devices and change settings on my streaming accounts. Watching movies looks different for me now, but at least it’s not something I’ll have to give up completely.
With the help of my memory and the tap of her nails on the counter, I make it to where she is in no time.
My fingers feel around the counter, my knee coming in contact with one of the bottom cabinets.
I open the drawer in line with the espresso machine and pull out a K-cup for the Keurig, not sure what I’m slipping into the slot when I finally land in it.
“So, vanilla latte?” Her voice vibrates in my ears.
“I can be in the mood for that.”
“You know what? Me too.”
“Okay, but you’re making yours.” I laugh.
Her hand guides mine to the side of the machine where the on button is. “Front is on.” She slides my hand back. “Back is off.”
Things I never thought to remember before losing most of my sight. I run my fingers back and forth twice before hitting the on button.
“You have to put a cup in there first.” A cabinet opens and closes. Glass taps glass and the machine starts going.
“Shit, sorry. Should have done that first.”
“It’s okay. I got it there in time. Luckily, this thing is slow as fuck.”
I chuckle, and after we both have our coffees in hand, we step out onto the front porch. Sitting on the wooden swing side by side, we gossip a little, and I tug my hood over my ears whenever the wind picks up.
“You think it’ll snow soon?”
“Hopefully not until you guys reach the cabin for your holiday vacation.”
“Hopefully. Although I’m not sure he still wants to go this year. I bring it up and he changes the subject.”
“Hmm.” Her nails clack on the glass. “You should keep bringing it up anyway.”
“I think it’s all been too much for him.”
“Everything is.” She sips her drink and then plants her feet on the ground, making the swing go still. “I can see your neighbor doesn’t believe in closing his blinds when he’s got company over.”
My eyes widen. “Which neighbor?”
“The one on the right. Aren’t you guys friends with him?”
“Andy?”
“I think.”
“But that can’t be right. He’s supposed to be at the gym with Travis. They carpooled together. “
Silence strings between us for too long before she says, “He’s definitely getting a workout, but not at the gym unless that’s code for his bedroom.”
Heart racing in my chest, I sit closer to the edge of the swing. “Why would Travis say they were carpooling if Andy was having a friend over?”
“I don’t know.” Her voice goes quiet.
Did he go somewhere else? Has he not been going to the gym all this time? So many questions swirl in my head until a dizzy spell hits me. “Who is the other guy? Can you see him?”
“No. His face is at an odd angle. Dang, they’re both out of view now. Who knew this was going to be coffee and a show at your house.”
I want to laugh but can’t. A bad feeling washes over me, and I set my mug between my thighs, unable to steady my breaths as everything sounds so loud around me—my friend’s breathing, birds chirping, wind blowing, and distant moaning.
Someone grunts loudly before yelling a slew of curse words.
That voice. It’s the one I’ve heard telling me he’ll always be here.
One that said he loved me last night after we made love. No. I have to be wrong.
“Man. They’re really going at it.”
“Yeah,” is all I’m able to say.
“You should call him.” Her words have me sitting taller.
“Huh?”
“Travis. Call and see where he is. Maybe Andy changed his mind last minute.” For whatever reason, her mind isn’t going where mine is, unless it’s been there and she’s hoping to be wrong.
I want to be wrong too. “Yeah. I can do that.” I rub a hand on my knee, using my other hand to pluck my phone from my pocket. I hit the assist button, asking it to call Travis. His ringtone goes off only feet away and I freeze. He doesn’t answer.
“Hang up,” she stammers, and she hits the button before I can say anything then snatches the phone from my hand. The same ring goes off and again he doesn’t answer.
“That asshole,” she bites out, dropping my phone between us. I grab her arm before she can fully jump off the swing.
“Wait. Maybe it’s a coincidence.” My voice trembles.
“You and I both know damn well it isn’t.” She shakes me off her. “How could he do this to you? Like, what a piece of shit to do it while you’re right next door too, like it’s some sick game to them.”
“Just stay here with me, okay? I’ll talk with him when he comes home.”
“Oh yeah, sure. Let’s give him the privilege of finishing . . . I think not.” She gets to her feet and I grab forward, catching air.
“Janie.”
Her footsteps stomp away from me and grass crunches beneath her shoes. There’s banging on a door minutes later, and so much screaming. I try to tune it out, not ready to hear the truth yet. It’s hard to avoid for long, though, when Travis’s voice is mixing with Andy’s from the same doorway.
My heart falls into my stomach. Talk about another life change I’m not equipped to get through.
I’m so ready to forgive him too. To work through our issues, wanting to be better.
Wanting to do better. Travis steers me into the house and sits me on the couch next to him.
I feel like I’m under water and he’s talking above me.
The only words that stick out are the hardest ones to hear.
“I tried but I don’t think I can keep pretending things are working between us when they aren’t.”
“Is it because of the accident? The doctor said I’d adjust, and once I do, I won’t need help as—”
“No.” His fingers rub over mine. “There were problems before that, and I was hoping that moving in together would fix them. All it did was make me see how different we were.”
“And give you access to another place to put your dick.”
He lets out a rough sigh. “I wanted to end things sooner but decided to wait until after Christmas since I know how important spending time in your grandparents’ cabin is for you. And if you still want me to come—”
“Oh, will Andy be coming too, then?”
“He’s being very understanding in all this, so try not to be so hard on him.”
My skin grows tight. “Are you kidding me? Are you really saying I shouldn’t be angry with someone I thought was my friend who went behind my back to fuck my boyfriend?”
“It’s not like that. I was the one who initiated it. He turned me down the first time.”
“In that case, better put him up for neighbor of the year award, then, huh?”
He scoots closer and I move away, dropping my hand from his. “I’m really sorry. I tried. I did. There’s just no passion anymore. I’ve come to realize I need more.”
“More?”
“In the bedroom and outside it too. Andy is up for exploring and trying new things. Things I’ve brought up to you that you either said no or maybe to without ever bringing it up again.”
“Ask me again, then. I didn’t know you really needed those things, but if you do, I can try to give you what you need.”
“It’s too late, baby. I want to be with Andy. We’re in love.”
I scoff. “You barely know each other.”
“When you know, you know.”
“You should go stay with him starting tonight, then. I want all your things out.”
“And what about Christmas vacation?”
“I’ll go alone.”
“To a cabin out in the middle of nowhere?”
“Yes. I’ve got my phone and laptop to help me get by. I can also call friends if need be.” And Raf from the Be My Eyes app. I keep that last one to myself, as I remember what he said about giving him a shout anytime I need anything.
“You sure? I can still come with you?”
“But it won’t change anything, right? When it’s all over, you’ll still end up choosing him.”
He breathes out another sigh. “Yeah.”
Neither of us says anything for a long time, and when he tries to reach for me, I tug away. My eyes water, my body feeling numb as I curl up in the corner of the couch. “You can go now,” I whisper.
Without another word, his footsteps trail to the door.
They pause after he opens it, and then they move again seconds later.
Janie rushes to my side and I lean into her warm embrace.
She orders us food and we cuddle on the bed, watching Christmas movies.
She adds to the descriptions, and we share some laughs together that I wish could last even after she leaves.