Chapter 6
Six
Rafael
He remembered me and Huey. Then again, it’s not every day you meet a pig at the park.
I kept thinking of ways to tell him we’d met before the last time he called, but I couldn’t find the right words.
I was kind of hoping we’d run into each other at the park again and I could tell him then.
That didn’t happen, though. I never saw him there after the first time, but I kept going to that same bench anyway.
However, I did spot his boyfriend doing the downward dog in front of a group of people way more than I would have liked.
He made eye contact with me the second time, holding it until Huey and I disappeared into a grouping of trees leading to our favorite trail.
Did he not join Henry at the family cabin? I don’t see or hear him anywhere.
Would Henry have agreed to keep me on the line for the movie if he was there?
Doubtful. Maybe he’s working and meeting up with him later.
I don’t ask and just keep describing people and places in detail in the movie.
His laugh does things to me. Same thing with that cute half smile and those sparkling eyes.
I manage to catch a glimpse of it all in the reflection of the TV at every scene change.
The movie is cute and funny like he said. I encourage more laughs out of him whenever I say, “They’re decorating a Christmas tree that looks like a Christmas tree.”
“What? A Christmas tree that looks like a Christmas tree? You don’t say,” he muses. “I gotta say, you’re not the best at this.”
“They say practice makes perfect, so I’ll be much better with the next movie.”
“Next movie, huh? You offering this kind of service to more people, because I’m not so sure they’ll all be as lenient as me.”
“Maybe. If they want a great description of Christmas trees.”
More laughter flies from his mouth and it has my heart doing this weird pitter-patter thing.
For a minute I feel as if I’m sitting right beside him.
Would he let me hold his hand if I was? Why am I thinking about that?
I’m putting dating on hold, remember? Besides, he has a boyfriend and wouldn’t want someone as broken as me anyway.
My ex made it clear just how broken I am too, while moving on to someone with way less baggage.
I wanted to be better for him. I tried to be.
But no matter what, I kept pushing him further away while subconsciously trying to keep him close.
Yeah, no way could I stand to go through that with someone else or subject them to wherever it is I sometimes go when I’m not conscious.
To the things I do that I can’t fully remember.
How would he react if he woke up to me sleeping on his porch?
It’s best we keep things as they are. I can help him while also keeping my distance.
It’s why I joined this app—to help people.
But I’d be lying if I said it’s why I never want to leave it.
He needs it so much right now, and I don’t know why but I’m hating the idea of someone else doing it.
“I hate to say this, but the robot did it better this time,” he says, pulling me away from my gnawing thoughts.
“I’ll take that challenge. I’m going to go into so much detail with this next scene, you’ll feel like you’re in the movie.”
“Looking forward to it.” His voice is teasing. Why is this starting to feel so much like a date? Popcorn crunches between his teeth, the kernel falling in front of the phone screen.
“You dropped something over there.”
“Huh?”
“In front of the propped-up phone. Runaway popcorn.”
“Oh. This is probably why I kept walking on chips and Cinnamon Toast Crunch back home.”
“Eh, you’re just leaving snacks behind for later. I usually store some in my desk drawer or a basket on my nightstand, but hey, whatever’s more convenient for you.”
His throat makes a noise. “Yeah, sure. We’ll go with that. Travis sure didn’t see it that way. He hated sweeping up after me. I tried to do it myself but kept hitting him in the process while he was making his morning coffee.”
“Sounds like a more effective way to wake up than caffeine if you ask me.”
“You say that because it didn’t happen to you.” He curses under his breath. “I’m over here chatting away and probably missing important parts of the movie.”
“Eh. Nothing much. One just told the other they were dying from a rare disease.”
“What?” His voice wavers.
“I’m kidding.” I grin. “They’re just at the store talking about things the other guy likes.”
“Want to give me a play-by-play real quick?” He pauses the movie and I nod, hitting myself on the head when I remember he can’t see me.
“Sure.” Leaning back in my recliner, I rest my phone on my knee and give him an overview of what all took place within the last ten minutes, adding in how the store looks like a store.
“Geez.” He giggles, and fuck it’s cute. “Not a store looking like a store. That’s wild.”
“Isn’t it?” I say with an amused tone. We keep watching and my eyes keep drifting from the movie to his face lighting up in the reflection. He’s mesmerizing. Does his boyfriend ever tell him how contagious his smile is? It’s all toward the movie, but mine is because of him.
“Does she look as into him as he does her?”
“Yeah. She doesn’t realize it, though.”
“Typical.”
Laughing, I move on to the next scene, and his face falls when he starts to worry she’ll end up with the wrong guy.
He holds his breath, folding in his legs and grabbing onto his toes.
He does it without looking as if it’s something he does a lot.
Wanting to see all his other reactions, my eyes keep bouncing back to him every chance I get.
“A Love Actually reference. I love it.”
“Is it?” I lift a brow, looking back at the shuffling of cardboard with different words on each one. “Never seen it.”
“What?” His eyebrows jump toward his hairline and I chuckle.
“Really.”
“It’s a must. I urge you to do it as soon as we hang up.”
“In that case, I’ll have to add it to my very long to-do list for the day that I totally don’t have.”
He makes a squeaking noise, bringing his hand to his mouth. “I think mine would be longer if I knew where everything was. My best friend helped me unpack and forgot to tell me where she put things. I’m not even sure I set anything in the right place or where the right place is.”
“How about we add to our lists together and I help you figure it all out? Or at least where some things are. Whatever you need today.”
“I’d hate to take up more of your time. You don’t have anyone else to help?”
“No. I’m not done helping you yet, so why would I move on to someone else so quickly? And don’t worry, I like doing this a lot better than my last job.”
“Even when you don’t get paid for it?”
“Depends on what you mean by getting paid. I may not be getting money, but I’m definitely getting something out of it.”
“Like?” His voice strains.
“Like a nice conversation and great movie recommendations.”
His lips curve and then his eyes widen. “Crap, we’re missing the best part, aren’t we?” He focuses back on the movie.
“The ending?”
“No . . . the kiss. The one after admitting feelings. All the passion and promise of more. The hands in the hair and forgetting to breathe because you can’t get enough of one another.”
My breaths stick to my throat. “We better rewind it in that case, then. That sounds like something way too good to miss.”
“Right?” He lifts both hands and a laugh slips from my lips. He commands the app to rewind it, and I tell him when to stop. He went a little too far, but neither of us mind going back to where the girl protagonist shows up in front of the guy’s house desperate for a second chance.
“She lowers the signs and his fingers rake through her hair,” I say, unable to stop thinking about what it would be like to touch his soft-looking strands. “And his breaths catch as they step more into each other.”
“And then?” he says, sounding a little breathy.
“Her lips turn up as they gaze deeply into each other’s eyes like nothing else exists.”
His breaths pick up. “You’re getting better, or maybe these kinds of scenes are more your thing.”
Instead of suggesting we test that theory out, I continue explaining how I see things unfolding on the screen.
“His lips brush over hers softly and she leans in, sealing her mouth over his. It’s not long but not too short either.
” A lot shorter than I’d want with the man who feels like he’s looking back at me with his lips parted like an invitation.
I want nothing more than to say yes, hoping he’d understand what I was agreeing to. Fuck, I’m screwed, aren’t I?
I like helping people, but each time we talk, his is the only call I want to answer.
That’s not why I’m doing this. This isn’t why I wanted to volunteer.
But I want more with him within such a short amount of time.
More movies, more watching his face on the TV, and more of his laughs.
He always sounds like they’ve been repressed for too long, needing someone to come set them free.
“Raf?”
“Yeah?” I lick my lips, my eyes still on his pretty pink ones.
I imagine the bottom one’s quivering, and I bet I’d be able to feel the vibration all the way to my toes.
I have to put a stop to this. I should tell him I’m busy the rest of the day.
Thinking of him while awake means thinking about him while sleeping too, and that won’t be good for either of us.
There’s a reason I drank so many energy drinks after meeting him in that park.
The last thing I needed was to go back there while I was sleeping and wake up the next morning on the same bench he’d been sitting on. Or worse.
I want to say I waited until he faded from my mind before allowing myself to sleep, but he’s been there all this time, hidden behind all the shit I did to busy myself.
It’s hard to keep pushing him back when I’m the one he keeps coming to for help.
It can’t be the same reason I’m always rushing to answer, stopping whatever I’m doing.
“You didn’t tell me what happened after? Did you run out of descriptive words? Did we reach the limit?”
“Sorry,” I say sheepishly. “Got lost in the magic of love. I have my hopeless romantic moments, and that’s usually why when I have seen these types of movies, I’ve been alone.”
“Wait . . . like every time? Did I pop your Christmas romcom cherry?”
I choke on my next words and swallow hard before trying again. “Yeah. Yeah, you did.”
“Wow. I hate watching any movie alone but especially romantic ones. All it does is remind me of how lonely I am.” He pauses. “Dang. I didn’t mean to sound like such a loner out loud.”
“You didn’t,” I reassure him. “Nothing wrong with having preferences and saying what most people think daily.”
“Not someone like you, I bet.”
“Why not someone like me?” I cock my head, letting my knees fall apart as I rest an elbow on a pillow.
“I just . . . you don’t seem like someone who’d be alone a lot . . . You know what? Forget I said that. I don’t know what I’m talking about anymore. Feel free to stop me from rambling anytime you want. Travis always did.”
He said did. Past tense. Are he and Travis no more? My heart flutters at that thought before I shut it down. No. No one is safe around me. No one is safe getting too close. That’s been proven more than once.
“Why would I wanna do that? I feel people say what they really mean when they ramble, and it tells the other person more about who they are.”
“I . . . not everyone likes it when someone has a problem shutting up when they need to.”
“Again, I’m struggling to see why there’s any need for you to. I say keep going all you want. The right people will stay to listen and enjoy everything they hear.”
“Um . . .” He lifts the camera to his face, his cheeks pinkening. “I guess I never saw it that way before.”
“So . . . you want to rewind the movie again?”
His lips move from side to side as he considers my question. Shaking his head, he opens his mouth to speak again. “No. You can just do a rehash real quick.”
“Okay. Not much happened after that anyway. They had Christmas together with his family, wearing matching pjs and baking cookies. There were some kisses shared between them—not as good as the first one.”
“Good thing you added that last sentence. I was about to ask you to describe those too, but not if they aren’t going to be worth my time.”
“If you want, I can always redescribe the one from before?” I twist my lips, trying not to sound too hopeful.
A muscle in his throat moves, and after rubbing his lips together for what feels like forever, he says, “Okay.”