Chapter 8 #2
I reached over and wrapped my fingers around his forearm.
His skin was warm and so damn inviting. Stroking my thumb over his arm, I fought the urge to close my eyes and memorize the way Atticus felt under my hand.
“I know I’ve fucked this up six ways to Sunday, but please don’t go.
I promise there’s a genuine apology coming. ”
Atticus held my gaze for several seconds before giving me a subtle nod to continue.
“I wasn’t in the right headspace for intimacy, and I haven’t been for a while. I thought I was ready. I truly wanted to be, but I wasn’t.”
Atticus looked down to where I still held his arm. “Wasn’t?” The hope in his voice tugged at the loose threads of my patchwork heart.
Forcing myself to release him, I withdrew my hand. “I’m not, and I’m not sure when or if I’ll ever be.”
Atticus looked at me with so much tenderness that it stole my breath. “You’ve suffered a devastating loss, haven’t you?”
“My life has been one tragedy after another,” I replied with an honesty that rocked me. What was it about Atticus, this virtual stranger, that made me open up in ways I couldn’t with anyone else, not even my best friends?
“I’m really sorry, Ray.”
“No, I’m the one who’s sorry. I tried to message you the next day to explain and apologize, but you’d deleted your profile from the Randy app.” I cocked my head to the side. “Or did you just block me?”
Atticus laughed. “I deleted my profile and removed the stupid app from my phone. I’m not a hookup guy. My best friend encouraged me to get out there and live a little after my breakup with Chad. And while I’m down to fuck, hooking up with a random guy just isn’t my thing.”
Down to fuck. I swallowed hard and picked the first thing that sprang to mind that didn’t involve getting Atticus naked and under me. “So how do you plan to meet these men you’re down to fuck?” What the hell was wrong with me? Imagining Atticus with a different man made me…stabby.
“The old-fashioned way, I guess,” Atticus replied with a casual shrug.
“I’ll go to a bar or club and chat someone up.
See how it goes. Maybe I’ll stop being stubborn and accept the invitations of well-meaning people who want to introduce me to a friend or relative.
What’s the worst that will happen? I make new friends? ”
“Uh-huh.” Really cool response, man. There were a ton of things that could go horribly wrong.
Atticus could meet a shady dude with bad intentions.
He could get his heart broken again, or…
he could meet the man of his dreams. Shouldn’t I want that for him?
The churning acid in my gut said I didn’t like that option.
And what did I do? Blurted out the worst possible thing.
“Or they follow you to your workplace with a crowbar and a shitty attitude.”
Atticus widened his eyes in shock, and his pretty pink mouth gaped open to allow a horrified squeak to escape.
Flames of humiliation engulfed my entire body as I scrambled for a way to unfuck the situation.
Atticus finally blinked and closed his mouth.
He blinked faster, and his lips curved into a devilish smile.
Then the laughter started; soft chuckles became deep-belly rumbles that stole his breath.
Atticus slapped my arm as he gasped for air and wiped the tears from his cheeks.
He circled his hand around his face in a gesture I couldn’t decipher.
“What?” I asked, fighting back my own laughter.
“Your expression is priceless,” Atticus wheezed when he had enough breath to speak.
“Because my remark was way out of line, and I’m so sorry.”
“Well, it’s your job to provide security to Silver Maple, so you should know about potential threats to the residents and staff.” Atticus tilted his head and narrowed his eyes. “Speaking of crowbar-wielding maniacs, I never thought to ask how Chad got onto the property?”
Atticus had let me off the hook with far more grace than I deserved, and I was happy to solve this mystery for him.
“Officer Romero called me about an hour ago and said that Chad had climbed a fence on the far-west side of the property. They recovered his car where he’d parked it on the side of the road.
He’d hiked through the woods bordering Silver Maple and climbed the perimeter fence.
I rode out there and was surprised to find a typical chain-link fence but then remembered that the residents aren’t prisoners.
I updated my incident report, and time will tell if the board wants to update the security.
” Cocking a brow, I asked, “Should they? Are there any other angry ex-boyfriends that might show up here?”
Atticus chuckled and shook his head. “Nope. You’ve met the only guy I’ve ever dated.”
I choked and sputtered, “W-what? No fucking way.”
“Are you making fun of me?”
“Of course not,” I said. “I just find it so hard to believe. You’re so…so…” I waved a hand in his direction. “You.”
Full lips quirked into a teasing grin, and Atticus said, “And you think I’ve got them lined up down the street to take Chad’s place?”
Our conversation suddenly felt like verbal foreplay, and the volleying made my blood hum and rush toward inconvenient places.
“Come on. You must know how good-looking you are. I’ve seen the thirst traps you uploaded to Randy.
So, yeah. I think they’re lined up down the street to get a single minute of your time. ”
Atticus averted his gaze as a pretty blush bloomed across his cheeks.
“I can’t believe I took those photos, let alone uploaded them.
But according to my research, those slutty pictures are expected.
” Atticus licked his lips, and I watched the glide of his tongue.
Was he nervous? Aroused? He raised his head, and the glimmer of gratitude in his pretty eyes twisted my guts.
“It’s been a long time since a man made me feel this good about myself,” Atticus said with a wry smile.
“Even if I think you’re laying it on a little too thick as an apology. But seriously, thank you.”
“I meant every word.”
“Because you don’t say things you don’t mean.”
“That’s right,” I replied, pointing at the food. “Better eat.”
Atticus sighed heavily and forked a bite of my summer salad, but he didn’t bring it to his lips.
Figuring the morning’s incident still weighed heavily on his mind, I said the last thing either of us likely expected. “Do you want to talk about the breakup with Chad?”
“It’s really simple. Chad and I worked at the same company.
We shared a home, a bank account, and a life.
I thought we had a great one. But then…” Atticus paused and shoved the bite of salad into his mouth and chewed.
The timing felt suspicious to me. Was he buying time to figure out what to say, or was he hungry?
And did I care when I got to watch that gorgeous mouth move?
He swallowed the food and moaned. “Fuck me. That’s so good. ”
“Thank you.” I didn’t want to rush him, but my lunch break was almost over, and I hadn’t sampled the chicken yet. “But then…” I prompted before biting into a drumstick. The flavor hitting my taste buds made my eyes roll back in my head. “Fuck me.”
“Right?” Atticus agreed. “What were we talking about?”
“Chad.”
Atticus snarled so adorably. “Right. I caught Chad cheating with the member of senior management that we reported to, which was against company policy.”
“The no-fraternization policy didn’t apply to you and Chad?”
“No.” Atticus squirmed a little on the bench and bit into his half of the turkey wrap.
His eyes expressed “fuck me,” but he didn’t verbalize the request, thank god.
He swallowed his bite and said, “We were just low-level worker bees, and they didn’t care if we were in a relationship as long as it didn’t interfere with our work. ”
“What did you do?” I asked before digging into the potato salad. The chef had added some herbs I didn’t expect. A sprinkling of dill, perhaps. Possibly chives.
“I sent explicit proof of the affair to everyone in the company, including the corporate office in Atlanta, to make sure the lovebirds couldn’t keep it quiet.”
A chunk of potato went down the wrong pipe, and I coughed until I worked it back out. Atticus groaned and squatted down in front of me.
“Christ, I’m sorry.”
I chugged half a bottle of water and cleared my throat. “It’s fine. I just didn’t expect that level of pettiness from you. How explicit was the proof?”
“Well, I cropped the photos to make them NC-17, but I also included damning screenshots of their explicit text messages, where they admitted to fucking all over the office, including on top of the big boss’s desk.”
“Fuck.”
“Do you think I’m terrible?” His hazel-brown eyes looked enormous and suspiciously wet.
I wanted to run my fingers through his messy brown hair to comfort him. Damn, this was getting out of control. “Hell no. I bow to your diabolical brilliance.”
“Really?” His smile was bright enough to outshine the sun.
“Absolutely,” I replied.
Atticus pushed to his feet and resumed his seat on the bench. “I guess that’s a consolation prize to losing my job.”
“That hardly feels fair,” I protested. “You weren’t the one who broke company policy.”
Atticus was quiet for a moment, and I got the feeling he was biding his time again.
What didn’t he want me to know and why? “My employer decided I was more trouble than I was worth. A liability. People were afraid I’d start spying on them and tattle to corporate.
” Atticus sighed and shrugged his shoulders.
“But that was six months ago, and I’m not sure why Chad waited until now to retaliate.
I can only assume things didn’t work out for him and Win, and he took it out on me. ”
“Win? What kind of name is that?”
“Winston Jacob Ellison the third,” Atticus said haughtily.
“That name should’ve died out a couple of generations ago.”
“He’s every bit as entitled as the name implies,” Atticus said. “He had no problem coming into my home and fucking my boyfriend in our bed.”
Wincing, I said, “That’s brutal.”
“Yeah,” Atticus sighed heavily. “Enough about my dating disasters. Is there anyone you want to talk about? I’m a good listener.”
An image of Javier flashed in my mind, his dark eyes twinkling and lips curled into a devilish smile as I clumsily confessed my feelings for him.
It had taken years for that beautiful memory to resurface and replace the one of a smoldering heap of charred metal that had claimed his life.
Javi’s loss was an ache I still felt deep in my bones, but for the first time in three years, my self-imposed loneliness cut deeper than heartbreak.
And that’s when panic kicked in.
Clinging to despair and misery kept Javi’s memory alive, and it prevented me from risking my heart again.
I wasn’t just unlucky in love; I was a walking tragedy, and I couldn’t risk inflicting my bad karma on another living soul, especially not one as sweet as Atticus.
It was time to nix this—whatever it was—before things got out of hand and someone got hurt.
I shifted my gaze away from his mesmerizing hazel eyes to stare at the pond again.
“Um, no, but thank you.” Finishing my drumstick, I tossed the bone into my bag.
“I need to get back to my office.” Real smooth.
Totally convincing. And the Oscar doesn’t go to Rayden James.
Gesturing to the food containers, I said.
“I’m happy to leave my summer salad and watermelon here for you. ”
“Oh, um, no,” Atticus said, his joy deflating more with every word. “You didn’t eat much, and you might get hungry later.”
I closed the containers and repacked my bag instead of making sure.
The air between us felt tense and awkward again, and I should’ve been glad.
It was what I wanted, yet it felt so wrong.
“Thank you for sharing your lunch with me. I’d heard good things about the food, but it exceeded my expectations. ” And the company was stellar too.
“Thank you for sharing your lunch. Chef Sofia will need to look out if you decide to switch careers.”
I chuckled awkwardly as I stood up.
“So, I’ll see you around,” Atticus said.
“Yes.”
Atticus arched a brow. “Often?”
I turned to face him. “No. My partners and I will rotate in and out, probably not on a consistent schedule.”
Atticus didn’t bother to hide his disappointment. “Oh, I see.”
It was time to leave, yet I stood there staring into his expressive eyes. “I saw your car rolling out of here on a flatbed truck. Do you have a ride home tonight?”
Atticus nodded, but it wasn’t very convincing.
“Are you sure?” I asked.
He smiled faintly. “Yeah, my friend is coming to pick me up. The body shop owner made an offer to buy Sadie as a derby car. I need to sign some paperwork and pick up the check. It’s not a lot of money, but it will make a down payment on something else.”
“Okay. I hope the rest of your day gets better.”
“Yours too.”
Walking away, putting space between myself and this temptation was the right thing to do, even if it felt so damn wrong.