Chapter 16
Atticus blinked a few times in surprise, and I understood because I was right there with him.
But I’d imagined Atticus in nearly every inch of my personal space, and I wanted to live that reality with him.
I didn’t just want it; I needed it. Holding my breath while waiting for him to answer, I watched a myriad of emotions flash in his expressive eyes.
Surprise made way for hope, which quickly faded into a heartbreaking uncertainty that triggered every protective instinct I possessed.
Crossing the distance between us, I pulled Atticus into my arms and kissed him.
His lips trembled beneath mine, then parted with an invitation I happily accepted.
Yes, his parents were in the house, and the towel barely clung to my waist, but I didn’t care.
Atticus clearly needed assurances from me, and that was more important than my modesty.
I kissed him until there was no room for any doubt about what I’d asked or what I wanted.
But just in case, I pulled back and held his gaze. “Please come home with me.”
When Atticus finally spoke, his voice was soft with tenuous hope. “My parents’ unexpected arrival didn’t kill the mood?”
“Not even close.”
Atticus rose on his tiptoes to get at my mouth again, and the motion loosened the knot on the towel. My quick reflexes kicked in, and our sanity returned. I retightened the towel and regretfully stepped back from him.
“We should get dressed and go.” Atticus sidestepped around me, grabbed my hand, and tugged me out of the kitchen. “My dad won’t be able to hold my mother back for long.”
“Judging by their appearances, they’ve lived through something tonight.”
“My bad luck is rubbing off on them.” Atticus paused at the base of the steps and looked over his shoulder at me. “Sure you don’t want to get out while you still can?”
Wrapping my arm around his waist, I pulled Atticus back against my chest. “This has been the luckiest day I’ve had in a very long time.”
“How long?”
“Three years.” Sadness washed over me, but it was more of a trickle than the tsunami that had flooded my soul for so long.
Javier had been a wonderful person who’d died tragically and much too young.
I’d loved and mourned him with everything I had, but spending time with Atticus helped me admit to myself that I needed more from life.
I rubbed my nose through his hair and kissed his head.
“There’s a lot of living I want to do with you, so you better pack a bag. ”
It took longer to get dressed than I’d expected, but that’s what happened when you couldn’t keep your hands and mouth off someone long enough to do the most menial tasks.
Atticus threw random items in a bag in between stealing my kisses, and we headed back out to my SUV.
But we had to unload his scooter beneath the carport and move vehicles around before we could leave.
“So embarrassing,” Atticus groaned when his dad all but skipped out to the driveway to move his car.
“Seems like your parents are supportive and cool.”
“Yeah,” Atticus sighed. “Until you realize at least one of them might know more about gay sex than you do.”
“What?”
Atticus proceeded to tell me about the audiobook incident on his way to our hookup.
“So, I was extra horny by the time I parked Mom’s car,” he said.
I reached over and squeezed his thigh. “I’m truly sorry I disappointed you.”
Atticus laced his fingers through mine. “Don’t be. I like how things turned out.”
Neither of us said much for the rest of the drive, until I pulled into the warehouse parking lot.
“Did you need to pick something up from the office?” Atticus asked.
I’d never explained my living situation to him, and there was no way to avoid it now.
I could probably get by with simply telling him we all lived above our offices with little fuss, but getting by wasn’t good enough.
That had been my existence for too long.
If I admitted to wanting more out of life, then I needed to put more into it, especially when it came to exploring my growing feelings for Atticus.
Starting with the truth was the easiest option, so that’s what I chose.
Parking my SUV in its usual spot, I left the engine running to keep the interior cool.
I unbuckled my seat belt and angled my body toward Atticus to see every expression that crossed his face.
“The guys and I live above our security office. Vaughn’s family has owned several warehouses in Columbus for hundreds of years, and they sold this one to us at a bargain.
We each have our own loft apartments on the third floor,” I rushed to say.
Atticus tilted his head to the side and raised an eyebrow. “Okay,” he drew out slowly, sounding uncertain of where the conversation was heading.
“We have a communal space on the second floor where we get together to hang out, eat, and watch television.”
Atticus said nothing at first, just continued to watch me with curious eyes.
When the silence stretched on a beat too long, he removed his seat belt and angled toward me too.
“You don’t have to tell me anything that makes you uncomfortable.
Who the hell am I to judge? I live with my parents again after blowing up my life.
At least you have a place to call your own.
” Atticus leaned forward and kissed me softly.
“And I’m glad you share it with people who are so important to you.
I think your friendships are beautiful.”
“Our bond runs much deeper than a typical friendship.” Realizing how that sounded, I rushed to add, “It’s not romantic or sexual. We’ve never—”
Atticus raised his hand. “Again, not my business.” He placed his palm over my heart and added, “But I want you to be my business though. I really, really care about what you do from now on.”
I chuckled to relieve the pressure in my chest. “It’s important that I explain some things, and I probably should’ve already done this…before we…you know.” Why had I suddenly found it hard to talk about sex?
“Shared amazing orgasms?” Atticus suggested.
“‘Life-altering’ is a better adjective,” I said. “I want you to understand why I fought my attraction to you so hard and why some things are going to be challenging if you’re willing to take a chance on me.”
“Nothing you can say is a deal-breaker,” Atticus told me. “But I’m just curious what kinds of things you mean.”
“I just want to keep you safe.” My throat dried as if suddenly pitched into the desert without water.
I cleared my throat a few times and generated enough saliva to speak without sounding like a chain-smoker.
“I need to keep you safe. I worry that my motivation will come across as overbearing or controlling. I never want to do those things. I just need you to be careful.”
Atticus searched my eyes for a long time, then nodded. “Okay. I’ll double down on my efforts to replace Blanche.”
The sigh I sighed was so ridiculous and dramatic that it made us both laugh. My relief didn’t last long because Atticus’s expression turned sad again.
“I saw the title of the book you read about overcoming survivor’s guilt,” he said. “Considering your military career, I’m sure you’ve witnessed some truly heinous things. Your need to keep me safe is understandable.” Atticus smiled softly and added, “And a little sexy.”
My traumatic heartbreak hadn’t started with my military service, but we could peel the bandages off that twenty-three-year-old wound another time.
The most pressing issues needed to come first. Atticus was cool with my tight connection with the guys, but I needed him to understand the depth of the bond before I got in too deep with him.
“I met Vaughn, Archer, Ethan, and Nico at the Army Ranger School at Fort Benning. We became immediate friends. Some call us platonic soulmates, but I don’t know about all that. I’m sure you overheard me talking about our transition to the private security company after we left the army.”
“I did.”
“Well, that was my idea,” I said. “The pay and benefits were much higher, and we were supposed to be stateside more frequently. The guys came with me without hesitation, and we met some incredible people who became very significant in our lives. There was a group of ten to twelve of us who worked together on foreign details for dignitaries and ambassadors overseas. Some jobs were like taking walks in the park, and others…”
Atticus squeezed my hand, and I looked down at our tangled fingers, remembering the charred, twisted-metal fate Javi had suffered.
Alarm bells clanged, and my heart pounded, reminding me of what was at risk if I ever fell in love again.
I raised my gaze, and soulful hazel eyes promised me that the fear was worth it.
“Did you lose many people on your team?”
I nodded. “During an ambush in Budapest, when insurgents attacked the ambassador’s envoy while en route to the airport. We were heading home for a long break before our next stint. We all had exciting plans we were looking forward to one minute…and bam.”
Atticus flinched and swallowed hard. “How many of you didn’t make it home?”
“Too many,” I replied. “The five of us were the only survivors on the security detail. We saved the ambassador’s life, but all her support staff died.
” I shook my head. “I don’t know how any of us survived.
The attack was extremely organized, merciless, and came with no warning from the State Department.
Everything happened so fast…” My mind tried to replay the horrible images, but I visualized a bright red stop sign instead.
“Did this attack happen three years ago?” Atticus asked.