Chapter 19 #2
I had multiple console color options, but Ray chose the silver one because it was just like his. Ray took the game and adapter kit from me and set everything by the door. Then he turned to face the unit with hands on his hips. “What next?”
I looked around the room, trying to decide where to start, when Ray released a short exhale. I turned in his direction and saw that he’d discovered the DVD racks.
“Find something you like?”
Ray pointed to Say Anything, a classic John Cusack movie.
“You know that one?” I asked.
“Do you?”
I laughed at his expression. “You’re only ten years older than I am.”
“Yeah, but at least I was born a few years after the movie came out. Your parents might not have even met yet in the late eighties.”
I snorted. “My mom has loved my dad since kindergarten. It took him until second grade to catch up and marry her at recess. They were well acquainted when this movie released.”
And very little had changed since then, if my untimely interruptions since moving back home were anything to go by.
I cringed because I didn’t want to wade too deep into those weeds.
But the conversation made me wonder about Ray’s dad and extended family.
Had there been no one who could’ve taken him in instead of letting him get placed in foster care?
I didn’t want to wander too far down that path either.
If someone could’ve taken him in, they would have. Right?
Ray’s bright smile slashed through the shadows cast by my dark thoughts. “That’s really sweet,” he said. “It sounds like you and your sister had an idyllic childhood.”
“It would seem so, but I’ve always marched to a different beat, and it caused a lot of problems. I’m too much of one thing and not enough of another.
But computers and electronics didn’t care about any of that stuff.
They operated the same way for everyone.
Figuring out how things ticked fascinated me, but my parents were not nearly as enthusiastic about my curiosity.
I took apart so many things and ruined them before I learned how circuit boards and wiring worked. ”
I smiled up at Ray, knowing the gesture hadn’t reached my eyes.
“It took me a long time, like maybe right this minute, to understand why I was so hell-bent on fixing the stuff that people no longer wanted when something newer and shinier came along. Where they saw junk, I saw possibilities. And if I could fix those electronics, then maybe I could figure out why my brain’s circuit boards misfired, and my wires always seemed crossed.
” I shrugged as if the barbs of old hurts weren’t permanently anchored in my soul.
“I was a lonely-ass kid who collected things instead of forming friendships,” I said, gesturing around the room.
“Until Emma moved to town in third grade and declared I was her person.”
“Did you follow in your parents’ footsteps and try to marry Emma at recess?”
Laughing, I shook my head. “I realized I loved boys instead of girls at a young age.” I blew out a breath because the next part still hurt. “I thought I hit the lottery when I met Chad in high school.”
Scrunching his face, Ray said, “The guy I tackled after he bashed your car in with a crowbar? The one who barely acknowledged he’d fucked you over six ways to Sunday and definitely didn’t apologize for it? That Chad?”
His outrage made me laugh. “Yes. He wasn’t always a complete douchebag.
Chad used to be loving and kind. I thought we wanted the same things out of life.
We did once,” I amended. “We had the same interests and hobbies. He understood and loved my interest in electronics and computers. I don’t even know when we started planning a future together.
Eleventh grade, maybe. We went to the same college and shared an apartment instead of living in dorms. We got hired by the same software engineering company after graduation.
It was supposed to be our dream careers, but the pay sucked, and I hated the work.
It sucked the soul right out of me. I’d much rather hang out with the residents at Silver Maple. ”
I shook my head because I’d gone off on an unexpected tangent.
“Anyway, Chad and I just rushed into a relationship we weren’t prepared for, and I hadn’t recognized the signs that critical parts had broken until I saw the evidence that he’d found someone newer and shinier.
” I took a shuddering breath. “Chad knew about my deep-rooted insecurities and still threw me away instead of trying to fix what had broken. That felt more like a betrayal to me than the cheating. It’s what I can’t forgive. ”
“And you don’t have to.” Ray pulled me into a tight embrace, resting his chin on top of my head. “Do you think I’m a guy who keeps his word?”
“Absolutely.” It was silly to be so resolute about a man I hardly knew, but I felt his goodness down to my bone marrow.
Ray let go just enough to look into my eyes.
He cupped my jaw with one hand and brushed his thumb over my cheekbone.
Forehead kisses and cheek caresses were quickly becoming my favorite form of touching.
“I will never betray you like that. If something isn’t working for me, I will do the honorable thing and talk to you about it. ”
Tears filled my eyes and stung the back of my nose. Trying to blink them back, I failed, and they cascaded down my cheeks. I lowered my head to hide my reaction, but Ray gently tucked his finger under my chin and lifted it. I bravely opened my eyes and met his beautiful blue gaze.
“I’m not done having my say.” Ray paused to kiss me softly, once, twice, and then lingered long enough that hiding was the last thing I wanted to do.
He pulled back and swiped his thumb over my lips.
“You’re not broken, your circuit boards aren’t…
whatever you called them, and there’s nothing wrong with your wires.
You’re neither too much of this nor not enough of that.
Fucking perfect is what you are. Chad is an idiot, but his loss is my gain. That fucker isn’t getting you back.”
“I don’t think—”
Ray briefly covered my mouth with his finger.
“Yes, someday, that dumbass will figure out that he royally fucked up and will want you back. But you won’t fall for his crap because you know you deserve better.
” He tapped my temple, my heart, and then a few inches below my sternum.
“Wherever your soul is supposed to be located. It knows the truth too.”
“I wouldn’t take Chad back. Not after the way he hurt me, gaslit me about our breakup, and beat sweet Sadie to a pulp.” Sighing, I said, “I really miss that damn car.”
“You can borrow my vehicle,” Ray said.
“Your work SUV?”
He shook his head. “I have a pickup truck I drive for personal use. You’re welcome to borrow it whenever you want.”
“That’s so sweet of you to offer.” It was on the tip of my tongue to refuse, but I said, “Is it fully insured?”
Ray tipped his head back and laughed. “Yes, but I’m not worried.” He looked around the room, then said, “Where do we start?”
“With the highest-priority items first,” I told him. “I have at least two thousand dollars’ worth of GameCube systems and a tiny fortune in games. And the Wii systems and games are hot commodities right now too.”
“Then you should sell the stuff you set aside for me.”
“No way,” I replied. “We’re going to have so much fun playing the Scooby-Doo game this weekend.
And we’re taking Say Anything with us to watch in your mother’s honor.
” I snagged the DVD box off the rack and carried the movie over to our pile.
“Besides, I’m not looking to buy a luxury vehicle.
I want to offload the highest-value items to people who can appreciate them while putting myself in a better financial position.
” And once the words left my mouth, I knew they were true.
The things I’d held on to for so long weren’t what mattered to me anymore.
“I’ll buy a reasonable car like Sadie and tuck the rest away.
Then I’ll sell another batch of treasures and so on until nothing remains. ”
Ray inhaled deeply and nodded. “Put me to work.”
So I did. “Tell me more about your mom,” I said as I snapped the latest round of photos for my online eBay store.
Ray returned the Wii system to the shelf and grabbed the next one.
His shirt had a thin layer of dust covering the front, and beads of moisture dotted his upper lip.
How did he look even hotter when all mussed and sweaty?
I fully planned to reward his efforts beyond his wildest dreams as soon as we got home—er, back to his place. “What do you want to know?”
“Anything you want to tell me,” I said. “What was her name?”
“Delia James.” Ray’s voice was soft and reverent, as if saying a prayer. His eyes lost focus for a few seconds, and then he blinked himself back to me. “My mom was vibrant and so much fun. She would do the silliest impulsive things like mixing sugary cereals in odd combinations.”
“I think I saw that in a movie once.”
“That might be where she got the idea,” Ray said with a shrug.
“Some combinations made sense. Peanut Butter Captain Crunch with Cocoa Puffs were pretty good. Apple Jacks and Cinnamon Cheerios were decent too. But then she’d mix some granola crap with something equally healthy and gross.
” His smile dimmed as if a shadow had crossed his face.
“I used to think she did the weird combos to entertain me, but now I realize she did it because we were low on money. Mom saved the good stuff for me and ate whatever was left. I wish I had at least five minutes with her again to thank her for how hard she worked to put a roof over our heads and food on the table. I want to hear her laugh again.”