Chapter Six #2
When she held up an emerald-green two piece with strappy hip bottoms and a triangle top we knew would show off her cleavage gloriously, we applauded like she’d just sung in an opera.
“We haven’t talked at length about it yet, but… yes,” Chloe said, carefully folding the green suit and putting it on top of the pile cleared to pack. “I would love to have a child. And I think Ava would make the best big sister.”
“She would,” Maven agreed with a soft, knowing gaze. “And you would make an incredible mother.”
It felt like a corset was being pulled tight over my ribs as I smiled and nodded in agreement.
Chloe shrugged, looking at where her fingers were coiling in the silky fabric of a black swimsuit now. “I’d certainly try to be.”
She held up the suit for us to see, and when we took in the one-piece with a set of three gold rings lining the chest and stomach area, it was an easy yes.
“What about you babes?” Chloe asked. “Any of you want to hop on the mom train?”
Grace laughed so loudly it startled Nacho, one of Chloe’s cats who’d been happily snoozing on the back of the couch.
He skittered off as Grace hopped up and grabbed a fresh beer from the cooler she’d packed and dragged into the living room so she wouldn’t miss the fashion show going to the kitchen for a refill.
“Not me,” she declared. “I’ll happily play best auntie in the world to all of your kids, but mom life is not in the cards for this gal. I love to travel too much.”
“You can still travel with a baby,” Maven said. “It’s not like they take your passport away when you give birth.”
“It’s hard enough to travel with Jaxson sometimes, and he doesn’t wear a diaper.” Grace popped the lid off the fresh bottle of beer. “Child-free life for me, lovers. What about you, Mave?”
“On the fence in a major way,” my best friend replied, and I squeezed her arm where it was still threaded through mine. “I mean, I could see a happy life with just me and Vince, but I could also see a happy life with a house full of kids.”
“Plural?” Grace asked, eyes wide.
Maven shrugged. “I can’t explain it, but I feel like I’ll either have zero or four.”
Grace nearly spit out her beer.
“I’m a definite yes,” Mia chimed in from the laptop screen. She had a glass of champagne in hand now and had changed into an oversized t-shirt, her free hand working on removing her makeup with a washcloth. “Not now, obviously, but… one day.” She smiled. “What about you, Liv?”
Everyone went dead silent for a beat.
And then they all burst out laughing.
“Liv? With a baby?” Grace wheezed, setting her beer on the table so she wouldn’t spill it. “Please. She’s more likely to surprise us with a vow of celibacy than a pregnancy.”
“Oh my God,” Chloe gasped, laughing so hard she was crossing her legs like she was two seconds from pissing herself. “Could you imagine? ‘Sweetie, no chewing on Mommy’s leather whip, okay? Let’s go get your teething ring.’”
“‘No, no, that’s a cock ring, honey,’” Maven continued the joke, and that earned her a new fit of giggles from everyone. “’Now drop it. Drooop it.”
“Aww, I could see it, actually,” Mia said when her laughter subsided. “You’d have the poshest baby ever, Liv. Full cashmere wardrobe. Custom stroller. Little Nike shoes.”
“I think Liv would rather surrender her impressive collection of butt plugs than push a baby out of her precious vagina,” Maven said.
“Entrance only — no exiting allowed,” Grace managed as her face turned red.
The whole room howled.
And I willed myself to join them.
Smile, a voice inside me tried. Roll with it. Play the part. Make a joke. Toss them a wink and a little ass shimmy for good measure.
That was the gig, right?
That was what they all expected.
But for the first time, I couldn’t do it.
My jaw was clenched so tight it ached, and I could feel my fingers curling tighter around my wine glass, so tight I was afraid it might shatter.
My heart thudded once, then again, loud in my ears.
I stared at the floor, then at my friends, each of them smiling, not a clue what they were stomping on with their jokes.
“Liv will join me in the cool auntie club,” Grace said with finality. “We’ll be here to spoil all your kids with sugar and then send them home to you.”
And though it didn’t make a single bit of sense, it was that comment that made me snap.
“Have any of you considered letting me answer the fucking question,” I said, voice low and sharp, “since it was me she asked?”
What remained of the laughter immediately halted, a cold silence dropping over us like a cloudy night.
Mia’s eyes grew wide. Grace paused with her beer bottle halfway to her lips and Chloe swallowed, her face turning beet red.
Maven turned to me slowly, brows drawing together. “Sorry, Liv, we were just—”
“Assuming there’s no way in hell I could ever manage a pregnancy, let alone the task of being a mother?”
Her expression was horrified then. “That’s not—”
“I’ll have you all know the I’m actually in the process of freezing my eggs right now.”
The words were out of my mouth before I could think better of saying them, my defensive instinct too strong to fight. The news landed like a bomb, and I tilted my chin higher like they all should have seen it coming when I knew they had every right to make the assumptions they had.
Technically, I hadn’t officially started the process — but I had the plan in place. I had this agreement with Carter, cash to stash away, and finally, the security I’d needed to feel confident to take the next steps.
I hadn’t made the appointment with my doctor yet, but I would.
And now, the cat was out of the bag.
I turned my attention back to where my hands were crafting the bracelet as the aftershocks of that truth settled over the room like dust after an explosion. I didn’t want to look at any of them when I knew they were all looking at each other with expressions of what the fuck just happened?
“Liv…” Grace finally broke the silence, her tone apologetic. “We didn’t know.”
“No one did. And I’d appreciate it if it stayed in this circle until I’m ready to tell anyone else.”
“Of course,” Chloe said automatically. She ditched the swimsuit in her hand and rushed over to me, forcing me to drop the bracelet as she took my hands in hers. I had to resist the instinct to rip away from her touch.
I hated being vulnerable.
And I really despised being touched in the rare instance that I let myself be.
“I… I think that’s amazing, Livia. I really do,” she said, smiling.
“Me, too,” Mia chimed in. “I think you’d make a great mom.”
“We all do,” Maven said from beside me, but I saw the hurt in her eyes, the betrayal of not knowing something she felt like she had a right to know as my best friend. Fortunately, she was such a good friend that she didn’t make it about her. “Does this mean you want to start… dating?”
I snorted. “Oh, hell no. We all know men are incompetent of anything past providing an orgasm, and most of them struggle even with that.” I paused. “Your lovely men excluded, of course.”
Grace chuckled. “So… on your own then?”
I held my chin higher with a sharp nod. “On my own. When I’m ready.” I pointed a finger at Mia. “And you can bet your sparkly little ass that she’ll wear designer clothes just like you said.”
“Little Nike shoes!” Mia squeaked.
The tension in the room melted with the next wave of laughter, and then we were back to helping Chloe sort through clothes, the attention off me at least for the moment.
Although I didn’t miss the way Maven held me tighter, how she laid her head on my shoulder and rubbed my arm when I picked up the bracelet to work again. She was comforting me now, letting me know she was there for me — but I knew she’d want more details soon.
When my stomach settled, I took a sip of my wine, happy to return to our task of getting Chloe packed and ready to go.
But that happiness didn’t get the chance to dip more than its toes before a text message on my phone was tearing it away again.
“Shit,” I muttered when I looked at it, ice sliding down the back of my neck.
Maven bolted upright, brows pinched together. “What? Who is it?”
I swallowed, holding up the screen to the only person in the world who would understand my reaction when I answered her question.
“My sister.”