Chapter Nineteen
Drop the Armor
Livia
All was right in the world again when Carter was in my condo, naked and on his knees.
Power coursed through me as I circled him, wearing my favorite emerald green garter set, the decadent lace of the bodice combining with the high arch of my heels to make me feel invincible.
Some people needed to talk when they were feeling rundown by life. Some people needed to go for a run or take a long hot bath.
This was what I needed.
Control. Certainty. Release.
“Have you been using the plugs I gave you when you’ve played with yourself this week?” I asked, dragging one fingertip down the slope of his shoulder before continuing my slow orbit around him.
His eyes flicked up, a faint flush climbing his neck as he hit me with a smirk. “Yes, ma’am.”
“Good.” My heels clicked softly on the hardwood when I stopped in front of him. “Because tonight, I’m going to take you somewhere you can’t get on your own.”
His breath hitched, but he held my gaze. Brave boy.
“You’ve spent our lessons so far learning how to take control,” I said, tracing his jaw with my knuckles.
“How to read a woman’s body. How to make her feel safe enough to relax and give herself over to you.
” My nails grazed lightly along his skin.
“But there’s another side to that coin. If you want to guide someone that way, you have to know what it feels like to be guided yourself. ”
I let that settle before continuing.
“Think of how we played at The Manor as a warmup, and tonight is game day. If you want to be the kind of lover who wrecks a woman in the best way, you have to understand surrender. You have to know how to let go, to stop trying to perform and just… receive.” My lips curled in a slow smile. “Pegging flips the power.”
He swallowed when I said the word, when I called my plans for tonight into the light. But his eyes didn’t leave mine, and he didn’t protest.
His silent consent made my pussy throb. He trusted me. He really was ready to let go, to give me all the power.
It was so fucking hot to witness that surrender.
“It puts you in a position where your only job is to feel everything,” I continued. “And when you do that — when you drop the armor — you become dangerous in bed. You go from a proficient lover to an absolutely lethal one.”
It wasn’t lost on me how I was preaching about dropping control when it was the very thing I was desperate to hold onto. But that was precisely why I was a Domme.
And I had to admit it, even if only to myself.
Tonight was just as much about my needs as it was about his.
But God, if he only knew.
I was still shaking from that phone call — from hearing my father’s voice in the background, my mother’s clipped dismissal echoing in my head. It was like being seventeen again, screaming into the void, begging someone to take me seriously, to believe me.
I’d been numb the rest of the game, held together only by the gravity Maven could provide with her hand secure in mine, reminding me everything would be okay somehow.
I wasn’t sure.
So, when Carter gave me this tonight — when I asked him to hand me the reins and he didn’t question it, didn’t probe for me to talk when I didn’t want to, didn’t make me feel ridiculous for running from my past — it allowed me my first deep breath of the night.
He trusted me. He believed I knew what I needed.
He gave me the one thing my family never had: validation.
I wanted to tell myself this was just sex. Just control. Just the catharsis I craved.
But my heart knew better.
My heart was terrified, because the way I leaned into him, the way I trusted that he’d be there if I let go…
It felt a lot like falling.
I stepped behind him, nails skimming down his back, my voice dipping into his ear as I ignored the whisper of those terrifying truths and chose to focus on the gift he’d given me, instead. I didn’t want to think tonight. I just wanted to feel.
“This isn’t about making you less of a man,” I said. “It’s about rewriting what manhood means for you. It’s about trusting someone enough to let them push past your boundaries with only your pleasure in mind.”
I moved back to face him, drinking in his flushed cheeks, the tension buzzing off him.
“You’ve always been afraid of being a joke. Of not knowing what to do. But this…” I gestured between us. “This is you learning. This is you building confidence in a place where you’ve always second-guessed yourself.”
His breathing was heavier now, but his gaze never wavered.
“You want to lead in bed one day? To make a woman feel safe enough to hand herself over to you completely?”
“Yes,” he said, low and certain.
“Then you need to know what it’s like to be led.
To feel good direction. To be so present in your body that the rest of the world disappears.
To understand consent. Attunement. Aftercare.
” I tilted my head, letting my gaze drag over him slowly.
“You want to be a menace in bed? Learn what it’s like to be on the other side of yes. ”
I crouched until we were eye to eye, resting my hands lightly on his thighs.
“I realize this kind of trust isn’t easy, the kind that requires you to let me see you at your most vulnerable and believe I’ll still be here when it’s over.”
His jaw flexed, and I could see the battle in him — years of conditioning telling him to hold the line while every nerve in his body screamed for him to drop the shield.
“I will still be here,” I promised softly. “I will still see you as strong. I will still laugh with you. I will still want you.”
That last declaration came out a little breathier than the rest, my heart squeezing tight with the admission.
Because it was true.
I did want him. I wanted him more than I should.
I stood again, walking toward the dresser where my toys were neatly laid out.
My hand closed around the strap-on harness, the cool leather warming instantly in my grip.
“This isn’t just for me, Carter. It’s for you.
I want to make you feel instead of overthink, to show you your partner’s power — and your own — when you surrender. ”
I glanced over my shoulder, catching the way he was watching me like I was both his salvation and his executioner.
“So tonight, you don’t think. You don’t try.
You don’t perform.” I stroked the length of the strap-on before laying it neatly across the bedspread — positioned so he’d see it every time his eyes strayed in that direction.
“The game is over now. You’ve already won, remember?
So now… you feel. You speak your needs. And you let me lead. ”
His lids were heavy as he stared at the toy on my bed, and then his eyes were back on mine.
There wasn’t an ounce of fear to be found.
“You sure that thing’s regulation size?” he quipped.
I fought against a smile.
That’s my Rook.
“Up,” I commanded.
Carter rose instantly, unfolding from his knees with that natural athlete’s grace — all muscle and height, completely naked and completely mine for the taking. I stepped into his space, running my palms up his chest, feeling the heat of his skin seep into my hands.
“Hands behind your head,” I instructed.
He obeyed, the motion stretching him out, baring him to me. I circled him slowly, my fingertips grazing his ribs, his hips, the line of his spine — a soft touch that belied the command simmering under it.
I stopped in front of him again, close enough that the heat of him licked against my skin. “Before we start the lesson, I think I’ll give you something you’ve been wanting.”
His brows furrowed in confusion, but the second I let my gaze drop down his body, realization flickered in his eyes.
“At the club,” I reminded him, taking a small step forward, “you told me how much blow jobs turn you on.”
“Fuck, Liv.”
I gave him a slow, knowing smile, but then cocked my head to the side. “Oh, did I remember that incorrectly?”
“No,” he said instantly. “I just… Christ, Liv, if you get on your knees for me, this is all going to be over well before it starts.”
I pulled my ponytail behind my shoulder, bracing my hands on his shoulders and leaning in until my breath was against his lips. “Not all of it. Just round one,” I said with a wink.
And then I kissed a slow, fiery trail down his chest, his abdomen, until I was seated on my knees with his big, beautiful, heavy cock in my face.
“You may touch me,” I said, sliding my hands up his thighs with my nails playfully digging in. “Fist my hair. Set the pace. Make me take you deep.”
Carter groaned when I said those words, when I punctuated them with the first lash of my tongue against his shaft. I ran it from base to tip, slowly, my eyes locked on his.
“To be clear, you are not the one in control. I will stop when I want. You will only come if I allow it. But you may show me what you like. You may beg for what you want.”
His nostrils flared as he stared down at me, and I kept his gaze as I let saliva gather in my mouth and then spit on him, coating him with wetness that my hand could play with.
His moan was deep and throaty when I slid my fist over him, my touch feather-light and teasing. I coated him, and then I squeezed a little tighter, giving him two full pumps before I lowered my lips to his crown.
When I sucked the first inch of him inside, he shuddered, his hands moving toward my hair. But he hesitated, unsure, his brows folding together as he watched me withdraw and then push down farther.
“I won’t give permission again,” I warned.
Determination settled in on his face, and he grabbed me with force — one hand sliding around to grip my ponytail and the other fisting at the base of his cock. “Open,” he rasped.
I smiled as I did.
“Stick your tongue out.”
Oh, Rookie came to play.
I did as he asked, and then moaned when Carter ran his crown and shaft along my tongue. He inhaled a hot breath at the sound, at the vibration, and then began to slowly fuck my mouth.