Chapter Seventeen
I watch the Mustang pass and disappear down a side street as I sit in a window seat at the diner. I can’t believe he did it. I can’t believe I suggested it. It’s actually pretty mean. But we don’t need to leave Denny panicking for too long. I put an order in for pancakes and a side of bacon and eggs for both of us while I wait. I sip my coffee and watch people passing by.
We need to talk, we really do. Things took an unexpected turn last night and could really complicate matters, but I’m not going to lie to myself. I’m not mad it happened, and that decision is only reinforced by how damn amazing the sex was.
I don’t think I’ve had so many orgasms in one night as I did with Ben. He’s certainly learned some moves since we were horny teenagers. I’m a little jealous of all the women who’ve come before me, and that is the most irrational thought I’ve had in ages.
I’m not sure where we go from here. Everyone is working on me to take this clause of dad’s. From Ben to Dawn, to his family, even Kevin. Everyone is putting forward the pros of taking the offer to keep the company and spend time in Mystic into my head. It isn’t the whole year, and like Ben said, it doesn’t need to be a six-month stretch. I can spread it out.
Kevin even pointed out I can schedule my time in Mystic when I’m working away, on book tours or the like. That way I get around it on a technicality, by saying I’m working.
The more Kevin learns and passes on to me about Day Away, the more I start to think Ben is right. I don’t believe it would do any economic harm to the area. In fact, Kevin’s research showed that smaller areas saw an upturn in tourism and revenue because of Day Away. He’s also seen a few stories of people being ripped off by them, or even intimidated into selling. Kevin is that good at his job.
I hate the thought of anyone losing their jobs, but the idea that the asshole from the boat yesterday would be gloating over Ben really ticked me off. Still, is that enough for me to change my life, to uproot myself? And, if I am here for six months out of the year, I now have the added complication of seeing Ben more often. What we did last night could become an issue.
I may be reading too much into it, but something more than sex happened between us last night. Feelings long dormant had risen to the surface, shocking the hell out of me. As much as I told myself it was just sex, it really wasn’t. And sometimes, the way he was looking at me made me wonder if he wasn’t thinking the same thing.
I try not to let my romantic heart take over my rational brain, but what could staying here mean for us? Would there be an us ? Did I want there to be? And if he met and started dating someone, how would that make me feel? Did I have a right to be jealous? No. Would I be? Without a single doubt in my mind, I’m already getting pissed just at the thought of someone flirting with him, let alone being in a relationship with him. Thinking of Evelyn flirting and staring the way she did makes my blood boil. Do I want to put myself in that position ?
I dare not think there could be more to it than what happened yesterday. We can’t even bring ourselves to discuss it.
“Hey Elle, how are you?”
I look up at Claudia, she is standing by the booth holding a coffee pot. She has a tentative smile on her face again, like she is anxious about talking to me. I give her a warm smile, trying to put her at ease. It usually works with fans who are nervous. Sometimes, I’ve ended up with real introverted fans standing for over thirty minutes chatting away about all different kinds of topics, not just my books.
I’m not entirely sure it works on Claudia.
“I’m good, thank you. How are you?”
“Good, working a long shift today, but I have a couple of days off coming up,” she bites her lip, like she said too much. “Dawn didn’t think you would be in town this long. Are you staying?”
“No. I mean, not long term. I’m just still sorting some things out, for dad.”
“Oh, yes… Of course. I never really said I’m sorry about your dad.”
“Thank you.”
“Can I top up your coffee?”
“Please,” I push the mug forward. “Claudia, could I ask you something?”
Her hand wobbles a bit, but she manages not to spill the coffee. She straightens up and looks at me with a nod.
“You said you knew Darren, my brother.” Another nod. “How well did you know him?”
She glances around us and then at the floor. “We were together for about eight months,” she tells me eventually. Her eyes grow sad.
“Just before he died?” I ask, recalling what she said to me the last time we chatted. “You didn’t come to the funeral,” I say softly.
“I didn’t feel it was my place. I’d never met any of you and well. We cared deeply for one another. I mean,” she nervously moves her hair. “I loved him. And, it was tough, what happened. I didn’t know how to face you all, especially when you would have no idea who I was.”
I have no clue why my brother would hide this relationship from us. “Did you… Do you have any idea why he did… what he did?” I ask her.
She shakes her head sadly and her bottom lip wobbles. Clearly, she has never got over my brother. I believe her when she says she loved him. It’s just such an odd situation. All these years later.
“While I’m here, or if I’m back in town, I’d really like to chat a little more. Would that be okay?” I ask. The panic gets more noticeable, but she nods after taking a large breath. “Claudia, are you okay? You seem nervous, and I don’t want you to feel that way around me.”
“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to. It’s just quite overwhelming. You look a lot like… Darren.”
“Oh,” I nod.
“Hey.”
Claudia jumps when Ben speaks behind her. He apologises for scaring her, but she laughs it off. She waves a hand at me, not answering the question about speaking more, and disappears.
“What was that about?” Ben asks.
“She dated Darren.”
He’s caught off guard by that and he looks after Claudia before turning back to me. “I don’t remember her.”
I explain what she told me last time about not being from around here and fill him in on what she’s just told me, her demeanor too.
“Maybe you’re reading too much into it. Dawn must know her. Have you asked her about it?”
“Dawn didn’t know about her and Darren, either. I don’t know, there is something… not right about it.” I let out a long breath and look at Claudia, who is wrapping cutlery in napkins by the side of the counter. “She said she didn’t know anything about why he killed himself, but the way she looked and spoke… I don’t know. Something seemed off about it.”
“You should talk more to her then. Why don’t you arrange to meet her, you know, while you’re still in town?” he leans back in his seat and stares.
“Maybe I will,” I tell him. But all this thinking about Darren is upsetting me. I knew coming back here would bring all the memories of my family back when I’ve fought so hard not to allow that. This is something I do want to know about, yet not at the same time. Truth is, I’m scared about what she might say, especially if she does know why Darren killed himself. I’ve had to live with survivors’ guilt for a long time.
“What did you do with the car?” I say, a little louder than necessary, in an effort to distract myself from my brother’s death.
The server comes over with our meals. Ben’s brows rise, but he thanks him and picks up his coffee to take a drink. “There,” he points through the window, and I glance across the street. It’s down a side street, but it is facing outwards so I can see it. “I also checked in the window at the restaurant. He was at a table with a blonde girl. They seemed pretty cozy.”
“He’s probably promising her a ride in his hot Mustang,” I laugh.
“I feel like an asshole, actually, but it’s kinda funny. Who knew you could be so conniving?”
“Believe me, I’m not proud of that side of me.”
“I’ll be sure to let him know it was all your idea.”
“Ben!” I shout, but he laughs and holds up a hand.
“I won’t rat you out.”
“Good,” I tuck into my pancakes. We eat in silence for about five minutes. It’s pretty obvious neither one of us wants to bring it up first, but someone is going to have to. “Was last night-”
“About last night-”
We look at each other, then both laugh and tell each other to go first and it becomes a whole thing of telling the other to do it before we eventually go quiet and stare at each other .
“I don’t regret it,” he tells me. “I mean, it might have been a bad idea, given the situation, but no. I don’t regret it. You seem surprised,” he frowns.
“I guess I am.”
“Do you regret it?”
“No… It was actually really hot,” I blush and look out of the window. Ben doesn’t say anything, but he’s staring at me when I look back. “But what do we do now? I mean… chalk it up to a moment of madness. Forget it happened?” I shake my head. “I’m not sure what to do.”
“Guess it depends on how things work out going forward. I mean. Do you still have no idea what you want to do? I don’t want to rush you, Elle, genuinely. I’m in limbo here. I’ve got a lot of people to worry about and it’s tough,” he admits.
“I know, and I really don’t mean to keep you waiting. I will have an answer soon. I promise.”
I can see that doesn’t appease him. He can’t understand why I won’t just make a choice. He leans back, one elbow on the back of the booth, and looks out the window. There is so much he wants to say. It’s written all over his face, but he is holding back.
We’re saved from having to deal with it when Dawn comes in with Tom and two little tow-headed kids. When she spots us, her eyes light up, and she waddles over to us with a grin. She introduces me to her two sons, Logan and Jesse. They’re so cute. Logan is really shy and quiet. Jesse is loud and boisterous and clearly knows Ben, because they sit together and start telling each other jokes. He’s the younger of the two.
Dawn nudges me when the boys are all occupied.
“What?”
“You have a very satisfied yet vaguely confused look on your face.”
“You are full of it, you don’t know anything,” I turn away from her .
“Yep. You two did it, didn’t you? Look at him, all smiling and happy. Ben is never smiley. And you’re here together early on a Sunday morning.”
“Hush,” I warn her. Ben glances at us, but Jesse quickly distracts him again. “Just leave it. I’m trying to figure stuff out.”
“Could it be serious?”
“What? No… I mean. It was one night.”
Dawn arches a brow and if she wasn’t heavily pregnant, I’d nudge her right back.
“When are you due?” I change the subject, asking loudly, drawing her husband’s attention.
“She’s three days over,” he says, a worried look on his face.
“A due date can be out by two weeks either way.” Dawn waves a hand. “I’m not worried, per se. I do want the little volleyball out though, so if you’re listening,” she talks to her stomach. “Do mommy a favor and get a wriggle on.”
Everyone laughs. We finish up our food but hang around. We reminisce about high school. Ben keeps subtly prodding Dawn, bringing up happy memories. I can see what he’s doing. He shrugs at me when he realizes I’m watching him. The look on his face says all he’s doing is what he set out to do, convince me that Mystic isn’t the bad place I remember it to be.
I’m starting to think he’s right as I look around at the people with me, all laughing and joking, accepting me easily despite what I did. There is also Claudia behind the counter, who may have answers about what happened to my brother, answers I have wanted to questions for a long time.
“Dawn,” I draw her attention when Ben gets up to go to the bathroom and Tom is handling a spillage. She is happily letting Tom deal with the kids.
“Yeah?” she turns all her attention to me.
“I’m starting to think…”
“About taking the deal?” she asks, her eyes lit with hope .
It squeezes something inside of me, seeing her hopeful that I’ll be around more. It says a lot about the friendship she feels for me, that she would want me to be back here more. Since I left Mystic, I don’t think I ever had a friend quite like Dawn. Someone as loyal, forgiving, funny.
I have friends, a lot of them are mutual friends with Adrian and although we still see each other, it’s never been the same since we split up, even though Adrian and I remain friends. It isn’t the kind of friendship where we hang out.
Kevin is a really good friend, but also an employee. And I became a lot closer to Izzy and Jenna at the literary agency, Jenna particularly when we did the two tours together. Neither of them are people I would call to ask for advice about what to do here.
A lot of people in my current life have no idea who I really am, or anything about my past. Even my ex-husband. Part of me wonders if that may have contributed towards the demise of our marriage. He always tried to get more information out of me, was understanding when I gave the bare minimum, but seeing it now, from his point of view, I really did hold a lot of secrets.
Being back here, facing them, I see they’re not really as bad as I thought. I’m embarrassed about my relationship with my father. I’m guilty I never took the time to mend the relationship with him. To at least try to repair it.
I look at my old friend through different eyes and she smiles softly at me, like she can see it all coming together in my head. Ben comes back and sits down, accepting fresh coffee from Claudia, who came over to help clean up the table.
It may be too little too late, but by agreeing to this, I can at least do something for my dad. Save the company. I see that now.
“Is Caleb here Miss Claudia?”
I glance at Jesse as he looks up at her. Initially charmed by how cute he is calling her that until I look at Claudia and see the expression on her face.
“Oh no,” Claudia glances at me and quickly away. She gives Jesse a sweet smile. “He’s with his brother today, Jesse, while I work.”
“How is Frankie doing?” Dawn asks her. “I saw him the other day with his friends. He’s so big now. I can’t believe he’s starting college soon. Where did he get in?”
I look up at Claudia. She has two kids? She doesn’t seem old enough to have a college age kid.
“NYU,” she can’t help the pride in her voice despite the tremor in her hand.
“Oh, that is so great, and handy,” Dawn nudges me. “You’ll be able to show him around New York.”
“Dawn, I doubt an eighteen-year-old kid is gonna want to be shown around New York by a woman he doesn’t know,” Tom tells her. “Or that Elle can spare the time.”
“Are you kidding me? Have you seen her?” Dawn elbows me again. “Plus, she’s famous. He’ll get bragging rights.”
Tom is shaking his head.
“You clearly don’t know eighteen-year-old boys,” Ben says to Tom. “I’m pretty sure he’d love it.”
“Okay, settle down all of you,” I say. I look at Claudia. “But if you wanted to have someone in the city who you could call on if you need, that’s fine by me.”
“Yes, uh. I’m sure that would be great. Appreciate that. Duty calls,” she looks up at someone waving for her and heads off.
“You good?” Ben asks, when Dawn is occupied with Logan wanting a cuddle.
I smile at them, then look back over at Ben. “Yeah.”
He looks after Claudia, then back at me. I can’t tell what he is thinking, but there is something niggling in the back of my mind.
“Do you know her son?” I ask him.
Ben shrugs. “Why?” he frowns.
“I’m not sure. It’s nothing, ignore me.”
“I don’t know her, let alone her son. But Dawn does. You should spend some time with her this afternoon. ”
I nod, but I pull my phone out and send Kevin a text asking if he can work his magic. When I put the phone down, Ben is watching me. I wonder if he is trying to get away from talking about this morning, or if this is more of the learn to love Mystic again.
We stare at each other, a thousand things passing between us. From when we were kids, when we fell for one another, when we helped one another through our pain, broke each other’s hearts. To now. To last night.
The look is shattered when Denny appears at the window and bangs on it, making me jump and Dawn shriek and grab her stomach. Denny glares in at Ben, then points to the Mustang.
“You asshole,” he yells, drawing the attention of people in the diner and out on the street.
“Busted,” I whisper to Ben.
“Worth it,” Ben whispers back, making me let out a small laugh.
“Dawn, are you okay?” Tom jumps up and hurries to his wife, who is leaning back and clutching her lower stomach, with a grimace on her face.
“Oh shit,” Ben laughs, looking from his irate brother to Dawn and Tom who has got down on the floor beside Dawn, who is now moaning loudly.
Denny is looking on, his expression turning to horror as he sees Tom helping his wife up, and the whole diner descends into panic.