Chapter 4 #2
“I haven’t slept with anyone since.” They both stare at me like I have just grown two heads and their eyes bulge from their sockets. I sit back and, god, what a relief, that was cathartic.
“You haven’t had sex in seven years?” I nod and give a sheepish smile. I wish I had a camera. They are speechless, and the look of total horror on their faces makes me giggle.
“How is that possible? You’ve had heaps of boyfriends. You’ve even had two marriage proposals.”
I shrug. “I told them I was waiting for marriage. Obviously, I kept them sexually satisfied in other ways, but you know what? The only reason they proposed to me was they thought I would be good marriage material since I wasn’t easy.”
“They believed you?” They are both horrified Abbie looks up at me and starts to giggle.
“What’s funny?” Bridget smiles.
“Her.” She points to me. “She is.” Bridget looks at me and starts to giggle as well.
“What’s funny?” I laugh.
“You’re a fucking psychologist who treats messed-up people all day and you’re more fucked up than the rest of us. You’re the world’s biggest prick teaser.”
I laugh and nod. “Yes, I suppose.”
“Oh my god!” Bridget holds her hands up to her face. “Tash, this is like frigging The Bold and the Beautiful. You do know that, right?”
I nod.
“So what, you’ve been in contact with him all along?”
“No. Not a word. Remember Josh nearly didn’t go to America because he met a girl in Sydney?” Bridget nods. “That was me.” She gasps, eyes wide, and puts her hands up to her mouth. “No way.”
I nod again.
“If you haven’t been in contact, what’s with the celibacy?”
I shrug as I chew over her question. “It hasn’t been on purpose. Every time I’m with a man I think I’m going to go through with it but when it comes close, I can’t do it. I feel like I’m cheating on him and, to be fair, the guys don’t really get me hot for it.”
“Shit,” Abbie whispers. “This is a fucking crisis meeting if I ever saw one.”
I smile. “I know.”
“OK, let’s rehash.” Abbie takes charge of the crisis meeting with her spoon pointing. “So, you were in love with Joshua.”
I nod. “Correct.”
“And last night was the first time you have seen each other since.”
I nod again. “Correct.”
“And what happened?” She looks to Bridget who is still biting her thumbnail as she hunches her shoulders.
“I think he still is attracted to her. No actually, I know he is still attracted to her. He was watching her like a serial killer stalking his next victim.” I can’t help the broad smile from appearing on my face.
Abbie looks back to me. “And this is good, is it?” I hunch my shoulders and nod. “So, are you still attracted to him?”
I nod again. “Yes, seriously.”
“What happened at the wedding?” She looks between Bridget and me.
“We danced.”
“Dirty danced,” Bridget adds.
“And then we kissed.”
“Kissed,” Abbie repeats. “In front of your family?”
“Yes, it wasn’t planned, I was just so turned on. He makes me so crazy I forgot where I was.”
She pinches her lips while assessing the situation, deep in thought. “So, it’s physical then?”
I nod. “I think so. I lose all coherent thought when he is anywhere near me. He just has this way. I don’t know, I can’t explain it. His body talks to mine.”
“What so, he’s like, dominant?”
I nod. “Totally, and he’s seriously fucking hot, so it’s a lethal combo. The way he touches me, it’s like he will die if he doesn’t have me. He consumes me, I feel like I can’t breathe. Like I was meant to please him, to hold him.”
Her eyes widen. “Hmm…” she’s thinking, “…has he called you today?”
I pull my phone out of my bag and check it for the hundredth time today. “No,” I answer flatly while looking at the screen.
“Does he have your number?”
“I don’t know,” I answer.
“What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. I have to get some closure. I know that for sure. I can’t move on until I can get him out of my head.”
“Is that what you want? To move on.”
“Yes. We can’t have a future together. I know that. We both know that, but there was something still there. I felt it and I know he did too. He forgot where he was as well, but I need to finish this for once and for all. I’m sick of this longing from a distance shit.” We sit in silence.
“This is heavy shit, Natasha,” Bridget whispers.
“I know, I need to sort my shit out and I will. I feel like maybe it’s coming to a head now he is back, and I will be able to finish it up.”
“Good.” Bridget smiles. “Can you imagine the shit that would go down if the family found out?”
I roll my eyes. “Don’t even go there.”
Sunday morning I was positive I was going to hear from him.
Sunday night I was pacing, staring at my phone, willing the bastard to ring.
Monday morning I had decided to ring him, Monday afternoon decided against it.
I already looked desperate. Looked desperate, god, I was desperate.
Monday night at the gym I ran twelve kilometers, a feat I hadn’t done before.
OK, I train better when stressed, a no-brainer here.
Then I went home and ate a whole block of chocolate.
Tuesday morning I had all but given up—he probably hadn’t even thought about it again.
I’m overreacting as usual where he is concerned.
He really is pissing me off though. Ring, damn you.
At lunchtime my work friend Simon walks into our staff room.
“Do you want to go grab some sushi?”
“Sure, why not?” I grab my bag. I love Simon.
He’s tall with blond curly hair, sort of surfie looking, not my type though.
He’s hard to explain, but you know those guys that are just too nice.
Anyway, he’s a great friend and he always says the right things.
There have got to be some perks to hanging out with psychologists.
We drive and then walk to our favorite Sushi Train in the city, a place we usually frequent about once a week when we have a long lunch.
We plan them on the same days for this purpose especially.
Simon is telling me in great detail about the date he had on the weekend.
He thinks the girl is a stage one clinger.
Apparently, she was talking babies. I smile, although my thoughts are anywhere but on Simon’s date and proposed children.
He opens the door to the restaurant in an exaggerated bow and holds his arm out to me and I link mine with his.
“Our sushi awaits, milady,” he says and gives me a wink.
He always calls me milady in reference to the historical romance novels I love.
I smile at our ease with each other. He is so uncomplicated.
Why can’t I love a guy like Simon? Why do I have to have bastard-player-lover syndrome?
We watch the train come around the table, while the group in front of us pay their account.
They finish with the cashier and turn, and I bump headfirst straight into Joshua.
Ben and Adrian are behind him. Oh shit, I step back in shock.
What are they doing here? My arm is still linked with Simon’s and I just stare at Joshua dumbfounded.
I did not expect this. Adrian comes forward and gives me a kiss on the cheek.
“Hi Natasha.” He smiles at me.
“Oh hi, Adrian,” I push out. “Ben.” I nod to him and he nods back.
I smile at Joshua and he just glares at me.
Shit. This is uncomfortable. Unable to control myself, I take a quick peek at him, why does he have to be so damn attractive in his gray pinstripe suit?
Looking all flawless. His dark olive skin and square jaw only accentuate his piercing blue eyes.
His body radiates power and at the moment…
anger. I can feel the contempt dripping from his every pore.
Of course, I look like total shit in my scrubs and no makeup.
This is a total disaster. I drop Simon’s arm like a hot potato.
“Um, this is Simon.” I introduce him to the three men.
Adrian shakes his hand first. “Nice to meet you, Adrian.”
Simon smiles. “Pleasure.”
Then Ben holds out his hand, Simon shakes it and then Simon holds out his hand to shake Joshua’s hand.
Joshua stares at him blank faced and keeps his hands in his pockets, unwilling to shake his hand. I frown uncomfortably.
Simon raises his eyebrows. “Problem?” he says to Joshua.
Joshua glares at him. “You tell me,” he snaps. Oh shit, what is he playing at?
Adrian cuts in. “We had better be going.” He seems embarrassed. “Lovely to see you, Tash.” He smiles and gives me a quick peck on the cheek. Ben smiles and Joshua storms off. Simon and I look at each other. I am unable to hide my horror.
“Who was that?” Simon frowns.
“Ex-boyfriend,” I mutter.
“I know why he’s an ex. He’s a prick.”
I smile and nod nervously. I hardly taste my damn sushi.
I just stare into space. Simon is oblivious, rambling on and on about crap, who cares, whatever.
For ten minutes I listen to his constant jabbering.
He is really starting to annoy me now. Just shut the fuck up, I’m trying to think here, I’m holding my temples.
What an absolute bastard, I am boiling mad.
How dare he be so rude to my verbal-diarrhea friend?
I take out my phone and text the number I have for him, not even knowing if that is in fact still his number.
You’re an asshole
I wait and scowl. It probably isn’t even his number. I stole it off Mum’s phone about two years ago. Bloody Mum can’t even save a number right. My phone beeps a message.
No, you’re the asshole.
What! Is he kidding? How am I an asshole? How dare he?
Who the hell does he think he is? I text back.
You have got to be kidding.
I smile. There, that showed him, how dare he say I’m an asshole? I am definitely not an asshole. He is un-fucking-believable. My phone beeps with a message.
FUCK OFF