Chapter 10
Natasha
Ninety minutes later Joshua and I are waiting to be seated at my favorite Italian restaurant. “Table for two, thanks,” he asserts to the waiter, without as much as a smile.
“Ah, yes, this way.” The waiter motions to the front of the bay windows that lead out onto the street. He looks around.
“We need to be at the back of the restaurant,” Josh says as he adjusts his cuff links. I frown at him, affronted by his rudeness.
“OK, this table at the back then.”
Joshua smiles. “Thank you.” Beautiful Josh has disappeared, and Mr. Stanton has come in his place.
That became apparent an hour ago when a bodyguard arrived at my apartment with an overnight bag, full of clean clothes for him.
After a heated discussion and a small tantrum from yours truly, he finally agreed to the bodyguard travelling in a separate car from us.
If I have him for one frigging night I’m not sharing, not a chance.
He looks edible of course, jeans, white shirt and a navy blazer.
He oozes confidence and sex appeal—no wonder he attracts so much attention.
The forty-thousand-dollar Rolex watch doesn’t help the situation either. I am so punching above my weight here.
“Why do we have to sit at the back?” I frown. “I wanted to sit near the window.” He follows me silently and pulls out my chair for me to take a seat. Oohh, manners. He sits, ignoring my question as he looks around. He calls the waiter.
“I’ll have a bottle of Barossa Valley Shiraz, thank you.” He turns his eyes back to me.
“Answer my question,” I snap.
He raises his eyebrows in silent defiance. “Natasha, I really don’t want the paps to find me here. I like privacy.”
I huff. “Could have fooled me,” I mutter under my breath. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he snaps.
“Joshua, I’ve had a Google alert on you, and every time I turned on my computer, I’ve had to endure every damn date you’ve been on for the last five years. I would say you thrive on the attention on your love life.”
He sits back, obviously annoyed at my challenge. “I do, do I?” He raises an eyebrow.
“Yes, I think you do,” I answer. The waiter arrives and pops the cork then pours a little into the glass. Josh tastes it.
“That’s fine,” he replies, his eyes not leaving mine. The waiter pours me a glass.
“Will that be all?”
“Yes, thanks,” I answer. Josh takes a sip and his eyes bore into me as he leans back in his chair. He’s pulling a power stance. Give me a break.
“Why would you have a Google alert on me?” He tilts his head to the side while he runs the side of his forefinger back and forward over his lip. He’s thinking. I’ve already worked out this mannerism.
“You know why,” I answer, slightly embarrassed. Obviously because I don’t have one cool bone in my body. “Josh, I’ve told you my feelings haven’t changed. Of course I want to know what you are doing.”
“And what have you found out?” His smugness is starting to piss me off.
I shrug my shoulders. “Lots of things.” I take a sip of my wine and look around the room.
“Like what?” he snaps.
“Wouldn’t you like to know?” I do wide eyes at him.
“Are you looking for a fight tonight?” His arrogance is seriously pissing me off and I raise my eyebrows at him. He has the audacity to smile and bite his lip.
“It turns me on when you get angry you know.” He sips his wine as he narrows his eyes at me.
I smirk, unable to hold it in. “No, I just wonder why you can’t be seen with me. But you’re more than happy to be seen with every other woman in the United States.”
He rolls his eyes. “You can’t be serious. Did you ask me to take you out for dinner so you can fight with me about my past?” He takes another sip of his wine, his eyes not leaving mine.
“That depends, Josh, is it your past or your future?”
His eyes burn into me. “Both,” he replies.
I nod, unable to speak. I didn’t expect that answer.
I look down at the table and rearrange my knife and fork.
Seriously, what am I doing here? I should rip off this Band-Aid before I get an infection.
Maybe I should start with the antibiotics now before it turns septic.
He must be able to sense he’s hurt my feelings.
“Hey, look at me,” he whispers. I drag my eyes to him.
“Natasha, you know we can’t be like we were.
Why are you bringing this up now?” I shrug, too afraid to speak in case I burst into tears.
What’s wrong with me? Talk about how to lose a guy in ten days, try ten hours. Good one, Natasha, you fuckwit.
I shake my head. “I’m sorry, Josh, I just feel…
off-center, I didn’t know this was going to happen.
” He smiles and nods as if he understands.
“Josh, I promised myself a long time ago that if I ever got another chance with you, I would never keep another secret from you again. So, I need to tell you that I can’t imagine being with someone else…
ever.” He stays silent and still, unsure what to say.
“Tell me, how have you done it?” He frowns.
“How have you moved on? Tell me how to move on, Josh. I don’t know how. ”
“That’s laughable,” he whispers as he leans into the table. “You’re the one that has had two serious boyfriends.”
I frown. “And why do you think I broke up with those boys, Josh?”
He shrugs. “Boredom I suspect, the poor bastards.”
“I broke up with them, Josh, because I compare everyone to you, and unfortunately no one comes close.” He takes another sip of his wine and goes back to his thinking pose, pointer over his lip.
Face serious. “No other man gets me crazy like you, Josh…. I can’t explain it.
” I give him a sad smile, “Let’s just say it’s been a lot harder on me than it has on you.
” There, I said it out loud, no more secrets.
He leans forward, narrows his eyes and clenches his hands into fists. Contempt dripping from his every pore.
“If you think this has been easy on me, you have no fucking idea what you are talking about, Natasha. The reason I sleep with so many women is to try and find someone that even rouses a smidgeon of the feelings that I feel when I’m with you, although they always fall short.”
My heart swells and I smile. “What do you feel when you’re with me?”
“Like I never want to leave. Like the sex I’ve had since isn’t even in the same book, let alone on the same page.”
“What sex do you have with other girls, Josh?” I close my eyes. I’m not really sure I want to know the answer. How in the hell did we get onto this topic?
“Empty sex,” he sighs.
“What sex do we have, Josh, you and me?” I gesture at the air between us.
He stays silent as he assesses my question. After two full moments of silence he sighs as he rests his chin on his hand. “The best sex of my life, I never want it to end. It’s ridiculous, I know.”
I smile a victorious smile as our eyes lock. “I feel the same, Josh. It doesn’t have to end. Why can’t we just spend the next couple of months together?” I grab his hand and give it a pleading squeeze.
“Tash, you know why, it will be just harder to leave when the time comes, and it will end. We both know that.”
I blow out a breath in frustration. “But can you please stick with your promise?”
He leans back and smiles. “The one you made me promise under sufferance?”
I smile. “Yes, that one.”
“I know what you did back there, you know?” He smirks.
“Well, desperate times call for desperate measures and I seriously will go postal if you sleep with someone else, Josh. I mean it.” My voice is rising.
“OK, sshh,” he whispers, as he looks around. “Why is that so important to you?” he asks. He really has no idea, does he?
“Because if we run into each other, say at the Ivy, can you imagine how it would feel if I’m with someone else?”
He runs his tongue over the top of his front teeth. “I think we both saw how that went the other night,” he says, deadpan.
I smile and bite my lip. “What did you do to that guy anyway?”
“Nothing until we got out to the back security room and he told me you give a great blow job.”
I gasp. “Josh, I’ve never been with him.” I put my hand over my mouth. “My god, what a liar.”
He narrows his eyes at me. “Never,” he repeats.
“Definitely not,” I answer. “He’s a dick.”
“Why were you letting him touch you then?”
I swallow. This will sound childish, even to my ears. “I was mad with you, Josh. I had just seen you with that stripper.” I swallow the lump in my throat as the visual re-enters my brain.
He reaches over and squeezes my hand. “So, you were going to sleep with him to pay me back,” he murmurs.
“I was going to try,” I whisper.
“What does that mean?” he snaps.
“Josh, I have trouble being with…other men.” He frowns. “What do you mean?” he whispers.
I shake my head. “Can we talk about something else?”
“No. You told me no secrets, remember.”
This is going to make me sound like the world’s biggest loser. “Josh, other men don’t….” I shrug my shoulders. “Get me hot for it. I usually get the hell out of there before they even get to first base.”
He frowns. “Why?” he questions. “When you are with me, you’re gagging for it.”
I burst out laughing and choke on my wine. “Gagging for it,” I repeat. He smiles and nods. “Josh, you are a born romantic. You should write a romance novel and call it Gagging for It.”
His eyes twinkle as he smiles warmly. “It does have a ring to it, doesn’t it?” He smirks.
“It’s definitely a book I would buy.” I do wide eyes at him to accentuate my point.
“It would be a real page-turner, I suspect.”
Our meal arrives and we both eat in silence, lost deep in thought. And as we are waiting for the check, I peek up at the gorgeous man sitting opposite me.
“How are we going to do this, Josh?”
He blows out a breath and rubs his face. “I suppose we are going to want each other from afar and be mollified that the other isn’t with anyone else.”
“That sounds totally crap. So, I will know at night when I’m alone in my bed that you are alone in your bed and I can do nothing about it?”
He smiles and nods. “I suppose.”
“Josh, that’s torture. It’s like…it’s like….” I can’t think of the appropriate analogy. “Having a Lamborghini in the garage and not being allowed to drive it.”
He throws his head back and laughs. “Did you just call me a Lamborghini?” He raises an eyebrow in question.
“I guess I did.”
“That’s a hot car,” he whispers.
“Well, you’re a very hot man,” I whisper back.
He grabs my hand again, his blazing stare burning into me. “When did you become such a beautiful slut?”
I smile, my chest filling with an unnamed emotion. “When you came back for me and turned on the switch,” I breathe. Who knew I would love the endearment ‘beautiful slut’? Now I know for certain I’m tapped.
“So, I have you for tonight?” He rubs his finger over his lip, leaning back in his chair, his dominant sitting position makes me feel like a naughty schoolgirl.
“Yes,” I breathe as my eyes drop to his finger lingering over his lips, my heart rate rising. His searing stare bores into mine and our eyes lock. I couldn’t look away even if I wanted to. I see a familiar tic of the jaw and a much-anticipated crack of the neck.
“Do you have any idea how hard you are going to cop it when we get home?” He smirks as he raises his eyebrows and crosses his legs to readjust his length that I can now see straining in his pants.
I swallow a golf ball in my throat and a familiar heat starts to run through me, a fire that has only one extinguisher, a certain gorgeous man in a navy blazer.
I smile and lick my lips, and his eyes drop to my mouth.
“I hope it’s hard enough to last me a lifetime seeing as no one else can get the job done…Mr. Stanton.” He grabs my legs hard under the table, his thumbs nearly at bruising pressure, and leans in to whisper in my ear.
“Be careful what you wish for, precious, you are playing with fire. No one will save you when you scream for mercy.”