Chapter 17
Joshua
As I pull into my driveway my mother’s happy mood is sickening. I don’t have the strength to keep quiet much longer. I climb out and hit the lock button as she links arms with Will and begins to walk inside.
“A night of cocktails with my sons, how exciting,” she purrs. I roll my eyes at Cameron who puts a reassuring arm around my neck.
“Just keep quiet and don’t fight with her.
You will only make it worse,” he whispers.
I walk in behind them and head straight into the master suite shower.
I can’t be around her at the moment. She makes me sick.
How can she be in such a good mood after speaking to Natasha like that?
She really does hate her. I blow out a breath as I put my head under the water.
I hear the door shut and my eyes shoot up to see Cam sitting on the side of the bath with a beer in his hand.
I turn my back to him and start to soap up.
“Do you mind?” I snap. I’m not in the mood for his shit either.
He takes another swig of his beer but stays silent.
He comes over to the walk-in shower and leans on the wall of the entrance with his shoulder, his face impassive.
Obviously, he has something to say to me but is trying to word it correctly in his head.
“How long?” he asks. I drop my head and continue washing my legs, deliberately ignoring his question.
“All along…have you always been seeing her?” My eyes shoot up. “Fuck, no,” I snap.
“Since when then?” he questions. “Why didn’t you tell me? I thought we told each other everything.”
“Cam,” I sigh. “This is fucked-up shit that I don’t want anybody to know about.”
He sits back on the side of the bath and takes another sip of his beer. “I want to know since when?”
I sigh and drop my head. “Since we had that fight at the fight night.” He nods and takes another sip of his beer.
I stay silent as I wait for him to start going off at me, but he doesn’t.
He stays silent, which is worse…much worse.
I turn the water off and get out and start drying myself while he sits in silence watching me.
“Do you love her?” He takes another sip of his beer.
I wrap the towel around my hips. “What do you reckon?”
He raises his eyebrows and smirks. “Well, as I sit here and read her name written down the fucking length of your body, I would say yes.” I raise my eyebrows at him and shake my head. “It’s not that bad you know.” He sighs.
“Huh, what do you mean?” I walk into my room. He follows me and sits on my bed. I drop the towel and head into my walk-in closet.
“Being with her, it’s not that bad.”
“Fuck off,” I snap. “It’s woeful.”
“Twenty percent of marriages worldwide are between first cousins, you know.”
I frown. “How do you know that? That’s bullshit,” I snap.
“Seriously, it’s not that bad.”
I shake my head. “No, it is that bad, you are just desensitized to this shit like her because you’re a doctor, well soon-to-be doctor, whatever.”
“What does she say about it?” he asks.
I shrug. “She wants to come out and move back to America with me.”
He raises his eyebrows and takes another swig of his beer. “Shit. Have you forgiven her?” I frown, unsure what he is talking about. “For cheating on you.”
I smirk a sad smile as I pull my jeans up. “She didn’t. She lied so I would go to America and not throw away the opportunity.”
His eyes widen. “Fuck,” he whispers.
“I know.” I sit on the bed to put my shoes on.
“Are you going out?” He frowns.
I nod. “Yeah, I have to see her. I have some serious explaining to do.”
He nods and smiles. “You seem scared, what, is she a ballbuster or something?”
I smile. “You have no fucking idea—we fight nearly every time we see each other.”
“Seriously?”
“She doesn’t put up with my shit, which is—” I shrug, “—refreshing I suppose. Without wanting to sound conceited, I am pretty used to women doing anything I say.”
He listens and I can see him thinking. “Do you think that’s what the attraction is, the defiance thing?”
I shake my head. “I wish it was just that.” I flop back down on the bed as I try to articulate my thoughts.
“I’ve never been with anyone remotely like her. She’s funny, beautiful and smart.” I rub the heels of my palms into my eye sockets. “And the sex.” I shake my head and blow out
a breath. “She fucking blows my mind. You have no idea how hot the sex is. It’s…ridiculous. And it’s intimate, which is new.”
He frowns. “Intimate, what do you mean?”
I shrug and stand back up. “If I knew how to turn it off I would have done it seven years ago.”
“Do you think that maybe it’s just that she was the first girl you loved that you are so stuck on her?”
I smile and nod. “I did think that, but since I have been with her again, I’ve fallen harder for her again.
It’s totally fucked. I have absolutely no control over her or my feelings when I’m with her and it’s fucking with my head.
I’ve lost six fucking kilos since I got back.
She makes me so crazy I can’t even eat.”
He winces. “This whole situation sounds shit. Just don’t tell Mum until…” he shrugs, “… you know if it’s going to work out. Don’t put yourself through it.” He smiles. “Actually, don’t put me through it. She will go fucking apeshit when she finds out.”
“Just tell her I’ve gone to bed then, will you? And then tell her I’ve gone to work early in the morning.”
“Are you not coming home at all?”
“Probably in half an hour. She’s going to kick my ass when I get over there, but hopefully I will be staying.” I quickly throw my work gear into an overnight bag. He watches me silently as I move around my room.
“Going somewhere, Joshua?”
Fuck, it’s Mum. I don’t need this shit. How did she hear us?
“Yes.” I keep my eyes down as I keep packing my gear in my bag.
“Where are you going?” One of her eyebrows rises as she waits for my answer and her arms are crossed in front of her.
She knows damn well where I am going, so I don’t answer.
Cameron interjects. “Come on, Mum, where’s my cocktail?”
She holds up her hand. “In a minute, Cameron. Give us some privacy, please.”
I glare at Cameron, warning him not to go anywhere. “Cameron can stay, Mother. I have nothing to hide from him. What is it you want to say?”
She walks over to the window with her back to me and pulls the curtains back and stares out at the view. “What is going on with Natasha, Joshua? And don’t you dare lie to me.”
Cameron does wide eyes to me, signaling silence.
“I’m still attracted to her,” I answer as I close my eyes and wait for the backlash.
She turns and smiles at me. “I know you are attracted to a lot of women, Joshua. God knows you’ve slept with more than your share.
” I bite my lip as I listen to her. “You realize that if you allow her to persuade you into her bed, you will disgrace the family.” I smile.
The fucking gall of this woman, I really have had enough of her shit for one night.
Cameron shakes his head at me, again signaling my silence.
“Natasha would never have to persuade me into her bed. I would go there willingly.” She narrows her eyes at me, and I cross my arms in front of me in defiance.
“Tell me, Mother, does Dad know you use your money to intimidate people?”
“What is that supposed to mean?” she snaps.
“Natasha asked you tonight if it mattered to you if your boys married into money.”
“And?” she snaps.
“You totally ignored the question.”
“Of course, I want my boys to marry into money. Any self-respecting mother would want good breeding for her grand children.”
I stand up and start throwing my things into my bag again. “That’s funny, because if I know the story right, Dad’s parents didn’t accept you because you came from a poor family. Yet you have the audacity to judge Natasha.”
“Natasha is a self-absorbed social-ladder climber, Joshua, and even if you were not related to her, which you are, I would not approve. The girl repulses me.” That’s it.
I pick up my bag and sling it over my shoulder.
“Where are you going? Put your bag back down immediately until you tell me where you are going.”
I turn slowly.
“Josh, just go,” Cameron urges.
“You want to know where I am going, Mother?” I have never been so angry. She glares at me. “Do you really want to know?” I whisper again.
“Enlighten me,” she growls.
“I’m going to Natasha’s and then I am going to beg for her forgiveness for letting you speak to her like a piece of dirt tonight.”
“Don’t you dare apologize for me. I meant every word I said,” she screams.
“I won’t be home tonight,” I snap as I grab my bag.
“Joshua, no, you can’t sleep with her again. She’s bad news,” she says frantically.
“No, Mother!” I scream. “Natasha is the only thing that is good! I have been holding myself back from her out of respect for you. But seeing you don’t respect her, or me, it’s on, and you can blame yourself.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“Totally!”
She runs and grabs my arm. “Cameron, talk some sense into your brother. Joshua, no. Don’t leave. This is what she wants, to cause trouble between us.”
“What? You can’t be serious. I am going to spend the night with the one woman in the world who doesn’t love me for my money. The one woman who I have no doubt can make me happy.”
“You’re a fool, Joshua. She will break your heart again and deep down you know that. This can never have a happy ending. As soon as her family finds out, she will leave you again and then who will pick up the pieces?”
I storm out and grab the keys to my car, trying my hardest not to punch something. I’ve had enough of this shit. Why is everything so fucking hard?