Chapter 24 #2
“Inception means to plant an idea in another’s mind. What are you trying to plant in my mind, Joshua?” I angrily tap on the side of my head.
“Stop it,” he yells. “You don’t know what you are talking about!” he screams. I walk around him with my arms crossed in front of me, sizing him up. He looks like he’s about to run.
“You see, Joshua, you insult my intelligence if you think I don’t know what you have done.
” He glares at me but doesn’t speak. “What are you trying to plant in my mind, Joshua? Hmm, let me think.” I run my pointer finger over my lip…
. OK, I’m going for an Oscar…I frigging deserve one that’s for sure.
“You’re unworthy of my love or you’re a sleazebag or maybe that you are just not good enough for me, huh, what is it?
” He looks at me, mortified, as my words sink in.
“Speak,” I yell. “Are you really that much of a coward that you can’t face the truth and you would rather force me to leave you?”
He frowns and Adrian smiles and winks at me from where he stands behind Joshua. I bite my lip to stifle my smile. OK, I’m on the right track. Adrian just confirmed it.
“What are you afraid of, Joshua? That I will leave you? That your stalker is going to kill me?” He frowns and I know hearing that point has made him unsettled.
“You gutless prick. Even when I call you out you can’t tell the truth.
” He glares at me and I know he wants to fight but is holding it in.
If I can just push him that bit further. I smile a knowing smile.
“Actually, I know what happened, Mummy dearest got to you, didn’t she?”
“Shut up!” he yells. “Leave her out of this.”
I smile a conceited smile. “Yes, that’s exactly how it went, Margaret rang you and you run to make her happy. Once a mummy’s boy always a mummy’s boy. You make me sick. Did she pay for the photos?”
“Get the fuck out, Natasha!” he yells.
I smile a sad smile. “And to think I actually thought you would protect me from her. What a joke. Come on, we are going home.”
He frowns and looks at Adrian.
“Move!” I yell. I see a bottle of water on his desk and pick it up and unscrew the lid as I talk.
“I told you. We are over, Natasha.”
“We are over when I say we are over and not a minute before, asshole. You don’t get to say how this ends and I will not be played into breaking up with you,” I snap as I start to pour the water on the keyboard of his computer.
Adrian and he both scramble to get to me.
“Is this computer important, Joshua?” I do wide eyes at him as I start to pour it on the monitor.
“I’m not going anywhere until you come with me and I could do a lot of damage in here. You might want to think about that.”
“Just go, man.” Adrian smiles as he slaps him on the back.
“Fuck off!” Joshua yells. “Get out of my fucking head, Natasha. I know what you are doing.”
“Does it feel good to protect your mother, Joshua?”
He glares at me. “This has nothing to do with my mother.” “Yes, it does,” I scream.
“I’m protecting you. You raving bitch,” he yells. Silence fills the room. His eyes widen at the realization I have just tricked him into getting angry so he would speak unguardedly. I sit on his desk and smile.
“There it is. Bingo. Adrian, can you leave us, please.”
Adrian smiles and walks over and kisses my forehead.
“Bye, baby, love your work.” He grabs my hand and squeezes it before he leaves through the door.
I lower my voice and pat the desk next to me. “Come sit with me, Josh. What are you protecting me from?”
He looks at the floor and won’t make eye contact with me. “I’m not having this conversation, Natasha.”
“Then I’m not leaving. Come home with me and we can fight in private. You do realize that your workers are listening, right?”
He frowns as he looks up to the door and realizes that I’m right. I smile as he puts his jacket on.
“Come.” He holds his hand out for me and I grab it like an olive branch. The embarrassing thought that I have to go back through the office where I have just screamed fuck off to the valued employees makes my stomach turn and I pull back on Josh’s arm. He frowns at me.
“What?” he snaps.
“I just yelled fuck off to your receptionists.”
He smiles. “Why are you such a firecracker? Isn’t slapping my face enough aggression for one day?” Oh god, he had to bring that up, didn’t he?
“Josh, if I see you kissing girls, I can’t be held responsible for my actions.”
He gives me a sad smile and nods. “We need to talk, Presh, because we can’t be together anymore.”
My heart drops. “Don’t say that, Josh. Just take me home.”
He gives me a heavy smile and nods. “Let’s go then.”
We sit in silence on the way home. We stand in silence in the lift, and I have to say I’m feeling very nervous.
I thought when I caught him out with the deception all would be OK.
But it is becoming seemingly more likely that it won’t, he’s too controlled and too silent.
We walk into my apartment and are immediately greeted by the sight of my new suitcase sitting in the center of my living room.
He frowns and looks at me. “Going somewhere?”
“Um, yes, I’m going to LA on Friday to pick out a new house, remember, or have you forgotten that, too?”
He nods and sits me on the lounge chair. He turns and faces the window as he puts his hands in his pockets.
“Natasha, I want you to go back to Christopher.”
Horror dawns. “What?” I gasp.
“I know he loves you and he will look after you.”
I immediately stand. “Josh, I don’t want Christopher, I only want you.” He keeps his back to me, and I know it’s so I don’t see his face. I walk over and cuddle him from behind.
“Josh, what’s this about? Talk to me, I don’t understand.”
He turns and cuddles me as he kisses the top of my head. “Tash, I’m going to be honest with you because I love you and I want what’s best for you. I want you to hear me out before speaking.” I nod.
“I wasn’t with that girl last night. I was in the strip club for about ten minutes, picked her up and left. It was totally premeditated that the photos were taken. I didn’t realize that you knew me as well as you do and in hindsight it was a bad decision but I still think that we should break up.”
OK, now he’s scaring me.
“Josh,” I whisper as tears fill my eyes. “Don’t say that, baby.”
“Hear me out, I can’t give you everything that you deserve. You have to give up everything to be with me,” he says, deadpan as if running on autopilot.
I frown. “Josh, moving to the other side of the world is not giving up everything, and besides I told you already as long as we are together, I don’t care.”
“Tash, you have to give up your job, your friends and your family.” He looks down to the ground. “Motherhood,” he whispers.
My eyes turn to saucers. “This is about children?” I gasp. His haunted eyes come back up to meet mine and I know immediately that’s the reason. He needs to be admitted, what in the hell is he on about? I burst into a giggle and he looks at me in disgust.
“This is not funny, Natasha, not even close.”
“Josh, we have every opportunity to have children. There is only a one per cent increased risk in first cousins and the younger I am the risk goes down. I have researched this for years, you stupid man. Besides, I don’t care if we adopt or use a donor egg, whatever.
As long as I get to mother your children I will be happy.
” He swallows the lump in his throat but doesn’t speak.
“Josh, it is not your role to protect me from you, I am not a high school girl giddy on love. I have thought long and hard about our relationship and I will not be with anyone else as long as I know you love me. So, if you push me away in some hero act you will only be punishing me with a broken heart.”
“Tash, you don’t know what you are saying,” he whispers.
“Wouldn’t you prefer to be the man who looks after me and loves me and tucks me into bed every night?” My eyes search his. Nodding, he drops his eyes as he thinks.
“Josh, I am not letting you go. I love you too much to do that and you can’t ask that of me.
It’s not fair that you have made this decision by yourself when it involves my future, what were you thinking?
We have fought too hard already to be pulled apart now.
” I grab his arms and wrap them around me and finally he relaxes into me and cuddles me, then he bends down to gently brush his lips over mine.
“Tash, I just need us to break up now if we are going to. It will break me in a few years if you decide that you hate America or the life I live and leave me. I won’t be able to handle it.”
I smile a broad smile. “Do you honestly think that you won’t be making any sacrifices to be with me?” He frowns, not quite understanding my meaning.
“No women or strip clubs and by the way, if you pull a trick like you did last night I will kill you with my bare hands and a smile on my face.”
He smiles warmly as he pushes the hair off my forehead and nods. “Deal,” he whispers.
“I mean it, Josh, postal. Like Silence of the Lambs-style killing.”
He laughs out loud. “OK, I get it. Natasha, I didn’t know what to do, I knew I wasn’t strong enough to leave you and I knew you wouldn’t let me. You’re right. I am gutless. I tried to take the easy way out.” He hangs his head in shame.
“Yep.” I smile. “Totally,” I reply as I do wide eyes at him. I frown as I sum up the events.
“Why are you even thinking of babies and me, Josh?” I pause and smile. “Are you going to ask me to marry you?”
His eyes twinkle as he smirks, his head at an angle to the side as he watches me. “No, it doesn’t mean I am going to ask you to marry me.”
I frown in disappointment. “This is probably one of those times when you should shut up and look pretty then, Josh.”
He laughs. “Are you saying you want me to ask you to marry me?” He raises his eyebrows.
I smile and bite my lip. “No, I don’t want you to ask me to marry you.”
He fakes a cranky face. “Now you can shut up and look pretty.”