Chapter 24 #4
Joshua walks back into the room and his haunted eyes meet mine. I burst into full blown sobs as he sits next to me on the bed and I fall into his arms.
“I’m sorry, baby,” he whispers into the top of my head. “I’m sorry too, Josh.”
I sob out loud as the pain of the finality of the situation hits home.
My beautiful gran has gone, and I will never see her again and it’s just not fair.
Death, what is it? What does it mean? And where do you go after you leave this life? It can’t be the end…can it? Is heaven wishful thinking? These questions have been running through my head and in my thoughts since Dad’s death and have once again been magnified.
I sit in the church in a daze. It’s been a week since Gran died and today, we bury her. Bridget and I are on either side of Mum. She is inconsolable and sobbing uncontrollably.
I have cried more with this death than I did with Dad’s. I haven’t stopped actually. Where do the tears all come from?
When Dad died, I was in shock and couldn’t comprehend what had happened, but this time I know exactly what is going on.
There are no drugs, no antidepressants and no guilt but still way too much hurt.
I sit and stare at the pastor through the blurry tears that fill my eyes.
I have no notion of what he is talking about, my eyes are fixed on the coffin and the picture of Gran, sitting on the top surrounded by flowers. She looks happy…kind…loved.
I start to feel that pain in my throat that I get when I am trying to hold in hysteria, and I look around the filled church.
Mum, Robert, Margaret and Didge and I are in the front row and behind us are the Stanton boys.
Joshua is sitting directly behind me and every now and then I feel his reassuring hand on my shoulder.
Just having him here eases my pain. The service ends and I watch in horror as the Stanton boys, who are all in tears, rise and move to carry the coffin out to the hearse.
The black suits, the black cars, the black day, it’s too much, and I put my head in my hands and weep.
I can’t handle any blacker, I need some light.
It’s Saturday and I am lying on my lounge feeling sorry for myself.
Joshua has been fussing around me and desperately trying to cheer me up since the funeral.
I know I should get up and do something, but I honestly just don’t have any energy or motivation.
Bridget scammed some cheap tickets to Hawaii through her work so Abbie and she are taking Mum there tomorrow night for some much-needed respite for ten days.
Mum deserves a break and I know she needs it.
She hasn’t been away since she lost Dad.
Joshua wanted me to go with them, but I only just started my new job, and I didn’t want to call in sick.
Deep down though, the real reason is I didn’t want to leave Joshua.
The reason he is in Australia is no longer here and he will no doubt be returning to America any time soon.
I would have been a head case being away and not knowing if he will be here when I got home.
He still hasn’t said anything about me returning with him and whether in fact we have a future together.
I’m not asking. Something changed the other night…
I think for the better. I finally cracked the glass force field.
For the first time he showed me emotion and even though it was anger…
it was there and it was real. The Tatiana thing is stupidly playing on my mind.
I know he didn’t tell me so I wouldn’t worry but the fact is he didn’t tell me, and I feel like I’m going crazy with all this over analyzing. The puzzle isn’t fitting together.
“Can I get you something to eat, Presh?” Joshua leans over me and kisses my face gently as he rearranges the blanket he has put over me.
I take his hand and smile at him. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For being here, it means a lot.” I smile. “Are you okay?” I ask.
He smiles sadly and shrugs. “What do you want to eat? You have hardly eaten in a week.” he sighs.
“A Big Mac,” I reply flatly.
He frowns, horrified. “From McDonald’s.” I smile and nod.
His eyes widen. “I don’t want you putting that shit in your body, Natasha.”
I narrow my eyes. “Don’t make me choose, Joshua. The Big Mac will win every time.”
His mouth drops open in jest. “You would choose a Big Mac over me?”
I smile. “Every time.”
He smirks, stands and takes his phone out and rings Ben. “Can you go down and get Natasha McDonald’s, please.” He listens. “Yes, that’s what I said, McDonald’s.” He frowns and his eyes flick to me.
“What do you want?”
I smile. He’s actually doing it. “I will have a large Big Mac meal with Coke and an apple pie, extra salt on the fries.”
He looks at me, mortified. “Are you serious?”
I smile and nod. He frowns, seemingly embarrassed. “A large Big Mac meal and an apple pie. Thanks.” He hangs up the phone.
He sits on the lounge and pulls my feet over his legs. “The guys are all going out tonight to the Ivy. Do you want to go?” he asks.
I screw up my nose. “Not particularly. You go if you want.” “I’m not leaving you here alone. I will just stay home.” He flicks the channel on the television with the remote.
I frown. “Do you feel like going?”
He shrugs. “Not really but sitting around here being depressed isn’t enticing either.”
He’s right. I have been acting like a sad sack of shit. “Okay, fine, we’ll go.” I give him a small smile.
He smirks, picks up my foot and kisses the top of it. “Let’s go to bed.”
“No way Stanton, today I’m getting my orgasm from my Big Mac.”
The girls and I stand at the bottom bar in the Ivy at 11.
00 pm. I’m wearing a black strapless pant suit with a thick gold belt and gold high heel sandals.
My hair is in a full high ponytail. Joshua told me I look like a Charlie’s Angel tonight.
Happy with that description just quietly, I’m glad he dragged me out. My phone beeps a message.
They are playing our song.
Talk dirty to me.
I smile and bite my bottom lip. Right, he wants to play. “What are you smiling at?” Abbie frowns.
I smirk. “Joshua wants me to talk dirty to him.”
Bridget giggles and takes my phone off me. “What will we write?” She bites her lip as she thinks.
I take a sip of my margarita as I narrow my eyes. “Hmm, I need something to drive him wild, like really filthy.” I roll my lips together as I think.
“What does he write to you when he’s talking dirty?” Abbie frowns in question.
I giggle into my drink. “I can’t repeat it. Joshua Stanton is the king of dirty talk.”
“Of course, he is,” Abbie snaps. “Is there anything he’s not good at? Please tell me he turns into Shrek at midnight.”
I nod as I finish my drink. “He’s shit at two things actually, committing and telling me he loves me.”
Bridget laughs as she comes up with an idea. “I know… how about…Do me doggie?”
I burst out laughing as I frown. “Do me doggie? What the hell Bridget?”
Abbie laughs. “That’s totally shit, do not text that.” She points at Bridget. “You want to turn him on, not turn him off. Don’t ever bring up dogs in the promise of passion.”
Bridget frowns. “I think that’s good. I would text that,” she stammers.
Abbie and I laugh again and clink our glasses. “Do not talk dirty to any men Bridget…please.” I giggle.
Abbie laughs as something catches her eye from across the room and she frowns.
“Back in a minute,” she snaps as she takes off through the crowded club.
“I need to go to the bathroom, Didge.” I frown.
“Ok, I will get another round of drinks. Meet you back here,” she replies.
“Ok.”
Five minutes later, I am in the cubicle in the bathroom and I hear the door bang open from the club.
“You got a hide showing your face around here.” I frown, that’s Abbie’s voice.
“I will go where I want.” A girl’s voice replies. “And get your hands off me.”
I bite my lip and quickly pull my pant suit up.
Oh shit, army guy must have stuffed up with this girl.
I better just stay in here in case Abbie needs me to try and pretend to be tough.
Oh God, I hope not. I’m such a chicken. My heart starts to race in a panic.
“I know about the blackmail, TC,” Abbie snaps.
“What does TC mean?” she yells.
My eyes widen. Shit, it’s TC, she must be blackmailing James. I bite my fingernail as I listen.
“Tunnel Cunt!” Abbie yells.
I find myself smiling in the cubicle with my hand over my mouth. Abbie is so tough.
The door opens. “Get the fuck out before I kick your ass,” Abbie screams.
“I’m calling a bouncer, bitch,” I hear someone yell as they leave through the door again.
Bloody hell, Abbie is losing her shit. She’s telling off innocent people now.
I stay still riveted on the spot.
“Cameron told me you are blackmailing Joshua for millions of dollars so that you don’t send a movie of him and you to Natasha. It was before he was even with her. It has nothing to do with her.”
My eyes widen in horror…WHAT!?
“I swear to God, if you hurt my friend, you are dead meat,” Abbie screams.
“You’re all psychopaths. He threatened to kill me!”
“I’m going to fucking kill you too,” Abbie screams. “And my way will be much more painful, bitch!”
“Owww. Let me go!” TC screams.
I put my hands over my mouth in a panic. What will I do? What will I do? They are having a cat fight.
The door opens again and I hear a bouncer’s voice. “Out, girls,” he snaps.
The girls both leave in a rush. “Kick her out. She’s causing trouble,” TC screams.
“Fuck off, idiot,” I hear Abbie yell as the music floats through the open door.
The door bangs shut and then silence.
I stand from the toilet as the adrenaline starts to pump.
What in the hell was that?
Joshua is being blackmailed and he hasn’t even told me, but he told Abbie and Abbie didn’t tell me?
I am furious, I have never been so mad in my entire life.
I leave the bathroom and storm through the club to the staircase and I take them two at a time.
When I get to the top I look around and I see Abbie still arguing with TC up against the wall and Ben is standing over them with his hand around TC’s arm obviously about to throw her out.
Joshua, Cameron and Adrian are about three meters away glaring at them.
Joshua’s nervous eyes find me through the crowd, and he starts to walk toward me in a rush.
“Let’s go, baby,” he murmurs way too fast.
I grab his drink for him en route to the girls and storm over to them and throw it straight in TC’s face.
It’s as if the whole club stops silent. The boys’ horrified eyes widen and everyone collectively holds their breath.
I slap her hard across the face. “I know about the tape, you dirty whore!” I scream.
Her eyes widen as she steps back from me, she can tell I’m a donkey on the edge. “I am going straight to the police and you will be charged,” I yell.
She laughs in my face and further infuriates me. The guards all wrestle her and lead her out.
I turn to Joshua as contempt drips from my every pore. My eyes hold his.
“Natasha,” he gasps.
I hold my hand up to him in a defensive manner. “Don’t,” I yell.
I am way too mad to listen to his crap. All three boys look like they have seen a ghost and are silent and wide-eyed.
My eyes flick around, and embarrassment fills me. Everybody here knows what is going on but me, he has made a fool of me once again.
“Natasha,” Abbie grabs my arm.
I pull it from her grip. “Stay the hell away from me,” I yell.