Chapter 26 #3
I couldn’t help it. Joshua has been trying to go down on me all week and I haven’t wanted him to.
I’m embarrassed. Tonight, he took over and wouldn’t listen to me.
OMG. HE IS AMAZING. I took him in my mouth too but he wouldn’t come in my mouth.
He tasted perfect. I never thought sex would be as beautiful as this.
I smile broadly, this is exactly how I remember everything. I wouldn’t come in her mouth because I didn’t want her first head job to be traumatizing. My face drops as I realize that thought. I loved her even then.
18/1/2007
I want it to be Joshua. I want to give my virginity to him so he will always know that I love him. I don’t know how to ask him, he may not want to sleep with his cousin. WHY ARE WE RELATED?
I close my eyes in pain, why are we related?
19/1/2007
Joshua and I made love last night. It was beautiful and it fucking hurt. I am no longer a virgin. I told him I loved him, but he didn’t say it back…it hurt my feelings.
I put the book down and rub my face with both hands.
I knew I fucking hurt her. I can still remember the feeling of her hanging on to me so tightly.
Christ, why the fuck am I reading this shit?
It’s messing with my head. She always tells me she loves me and I never fucking say it back. What’s wrong with me?
23/1/2007
Joshua and I cannot get enough of each other.
We sneak away every chance we get. We can’t stop, I will never get enough of him.
We are now making love at least four times a night, it doesn’t hurt anymore…
it feels good…amazing. I’m addicted to his touch…
to his love. We only have two more weeks together.
Joshua told me he has never been in love before, but he thinks he loves me. I hope he does!
I smile and keep reading
23/1/2007
Joshua makes me laugh. We get each other’s jokes when no one else understands what we are talking about.
Even without the sex he is my perfect man, tall, athletic, smart.
He looks at me this way when he thinks I’m not watching, and he cracks his neck.
It’s the hottest thing I have ever see…it means he is getting hard.
Ready for me, my new favorite thing is going down on him. I love watching him come apart…so hot.
I rearrange the erection in my boxer shorts.
Reading that she loved going down on me even back then is a major turn on.
I can remember how much she used to love it…
it’s burned into my brain. My eyes flick to her half-naked body sprawled out on the bed.
Ohh, you’re going to cop it, baby girl, when you wake up.
Hard, I need it hard. I stroke myself to try and stop the need.
I bend and kiss her stomach gently and my cock hardens further. God, I want her.
I hear the front door open. “Hey, it’s me,” Cameron calls from the lounge room.
I jump nervously and throw the diaries back into the box and kick it under the bed. I bend and kiss her thigh and quickly wrap a towel around myself to hide my erection. I head out to see him.
“Is she still out?” Cameron asks as he hands me a coffee. “Thanks.” I take it and nod.
“What’s with the boner?” he smirks.
I look down to the obvious erection through the towel and I shrug.
“She’s unconscious,” Cameron says flatly.
I smirk and nod as I sip my coffee. “I know.” My eyes meet his.
He shakes his head and rolls his eyes as he walks up the hall to Natasha’s bedroom. He stands at the door as he takes a stethoscope from his pocket. I quickly scoot past him and pull the blankets up over her. It is just getting dark, so I flick on the side lamp.
He smirks at me. “You know I’m a doctor, right?”
I nod. “Yeah, I know. I also know you’re a sex maniac.” He rolls his eyes.
I smile and bend to kiss Tash on the side of the face again as I gently take a seat beside her with my coffee.
He picks up her hand and starts to take her pulse. “What time will she wake up?” I ask.
He shrugs. “Between twelve and sixteen hours after she was sedated.”
“Do you think she has a brain tumor?” I ask. He smiles as his eyes stay on her face.
“No.”
“Do you think she has brain cancer?”
He shakes his head again. “No.” He widens his eyes at me.
I watch him silently as he pulls up her shirt and listens to her chest.
“How are you going with the period thing?” He smiles. “Fine,” I snap as I take a sip of my coffee.
He smiles broadly.
“What?”
“This domestic version of Stan is very entertaining.” I fake a smile.
“Hilarious.”
He picks his coffee up from the side table and takes a seat on the end of the bed.
“What happened? Why did she get this migraine?”
I shrug. “Probably because I am an idiot who keeps stressing her out.” I sigh.
“Did you tell her you didn’t trust her?” I shake my head. “No.”
“Did you argue?” he asks.
“No, she was calm, and I argued. Tell me, Cam, do you think Natasha loves me?” I sigh.
He smiles. “I hope so.” My face drops.
“Of course, she does, idiot.” He frowns. “Why would you even say that?”
I shrug and take a drink of my coffee. “She keeps leaving me.” He shakes his head. “Josh…she has had her own reasons. She has never cheated on you. Hell, she hasn’t even slept with anyone else.” He frowns.
I run my hands through my hair in frustration. “What are you worried about?” he sighs.
“That she is going to leave me again, and that I won’t cope,” I mumble.
“Josh. Get over it. Every man on the planet gets fucked around at some point. Why are you carrying on?” he whispers angrily.
I shrug as my eyes flick to Tash.
“You call her the drama queen. I reckon you’re being the drama queen. Of course she was pissed the other night and left. You were filmed with a stripper. I’m pissed off with you myself for being so stupid,” he snaps. I pick up her hand and kiss the back of it.
“I’m still in love with her,” I whisper as my eyes linger on her beautiful face.
Cameron rolls his eyes. “Tell me something I don’t know.”
Adrian
I wake to the sound of the shower running and I smile as I roll over and look at the ceiling.
I haven’t felt this happy for a very long time.
After spending every night with Nicholas for the last month we have finally become intimate over the weekend.
It’s Monday morning and he hasn’t left my side since Friday.
Satisfaction is running heavily through my veins, both emotionally and physically.
The shower turns off and ten minutes later I hear Nicholas out in the kitchen.
It’s weird he didn’t wake me up like he has every other day.
I rise and walk out. He is dressed in his suit and is sitting on the lounge putting socks on.
I saunter into the kitchen and flick the coffee machine on.
“Good morning, I smile.
He looks up from what he is doing, and his haunted eyes meet mine. I frown in question.
“Put some clothes on,” he whispers.
I frown again and put my hand on my hip. “Excuse me,” I mutter. He’s got to be kidding, we have been naked the whole weekend.
He drops his head again and fiddles with his socks.
“What’s up?” I ask as I lean on the counter. Something is obviously the matter.
He stands. “I’m in love with you,” he whispers.
I smile. “Well, that’s good because I am in love with you,” I reply.
He drops his head. “Don’t,” he whispers. I frown.
“What do you mean don’t?” I reply.
“Adrian, you can’t love me.”
“Why not?” I snap.
His haunted eyes meet mine again. “Because I am married.” I frown. “No, you are widowed.”
He shakes his head frantically. “You don’t understand. I feel guilty for feeling like this about you when my husband is dead. I swore I would never love again and here I am playing happy family with you.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “A game you insisted on,” I snap.
“I haven’t slept all night. I should not have done this to you. I thought that I was ready, but I don’t think I will ever be ready.” Hurt pierces my heart and I hold his gaze.
“Do you think he wouldn’t want you to be happy? You deserve to be happy, Nicholas, you have lost enough.”
“He deserved to live and to have his husband to be loyal to him till the very end,” he whispers. “This isn’t about me…or you. This is about Pierre and his memory.”
Nausea rolls in my stomach. “Get out,” I snap as I storm to my bedroom and sit on the side of my bed. Five minutes later I hear him pick up his keys and the door quietly shut behind him.
Tears fill my eyes. “I loved you too, Nicholas, I loved you too,” I whisper.
Joshua
It’s 12.30 am and I sit in the chair next to Natasha’s bed watching her in silence.
She should have woken up by now. I am giving it half an hour and then I am calling Cameron.
This is bullshit, something is wrong. I read the diaries.
Every sordid detail of the way I have treated her is right there on paper in black and white from her perspective.
How can she still love me after everything I have put her through?
I smile, she loves me…even after all that, she still loves me.
I haven’t found the most recent diary. I looked everywhere but she has obviously hidden it.
My stomach is twisted with guilt, she knows more about my past with other women than I thought.
I have been blaming her for our demise when I should have been listening to her reasoning.
It makes sense when I see it from her point of view, as twisted as that is.
I am going to make it up to her, and if it’s the last thing that I do. I have never loved her more.