12. Twelve
Twelve
August 2019 - Three Years Ago
Connor Kelly
W hen I arrive at Ingleton Falls, the sun is setting, lighting up the sky with a hundred shades of pink and orange. There’s a pool that’s shallow around the edges but deep enough to swim where the waterfall feeds into it at the centre. It was twenty-seven degrees today, so I’m looking forward to cooling down in the water.
I dump my rucksack in a small cave running along the pool’s edge. It’s early enough that someone could still wander by here, so I throw on some swimming shorts to avoid offending any human sensibilities.
The shallow water is warm from the sun bearing down on it all day, but it’s cooler and refreshing as I get deeper. Swimming under the spray of the waterfall, I let the cascading falls pound down onto my shoulders; it feels good on my sore muscles from being in the workshop all day.
I finally finished my joinery apprenticeship last month, so at least I’m earning a proper wage from the long days. The workshop owner is a friend of my da’s, and he’s offered to keep me on, but I really want to go into building bespoke furniture. My cousin Mikey has been a joiner for the last five years, and we’ve discussed starting our own business once I have more money saved.
It’s Fee’s birthday in a few weeks, and I’ve been working after hours, making two wooden figurines that match us in our wolf forms. They aren’t very big, but getting the details perfectly right is taking me forever. I’m pretty sure he’ll love them, though, so it’ll be worth all the swearing and the splinters.
“Oi, why do you have clothes on?” Fee asks, rudely interrupting my waterfall shoulder massage. He walks towards me, buck naked, looking affronted by my swim shorts.
“It was just after nine when I got here; I didn’t fancy gettin' arrested for flashin’,” I answer, swimming closer to him. He makes a disgruntled 'hmph' noise and crosses his arms over his chest. It’s dark now, and I don’t think anyone will come by here, so I strip off under the surface and throw them at him. My sodden shorts make a slapping sound against his forearm as he catches them midair before chucking them to the side as though their existence offends him. A laugh bubbles out of me at his ridiculousness. He wades further in, closing the distance.
“Much better,” he says, smiling. Grabbing my waist, he pulls me the rest of the way into him. My foot slips on the slimy stones, and I stumble a little, but Fee’s firm hands keep me in place as he brings his lips down to mine.
Fee has the softest, pillowy lips I’ve ever kissed, and I can’t help but nibble them. He moans in response, digging his fingers into my hips as his tongue seeks out mine. I press my whole body into him. Sometimes, I have this overwhelming feeling, like it’s impossible to get as close to him as I need to. I want to crawl inside him and never leave, but I keep those thoughts to myself; they’d sound kinda creepy voiced out loud.
We’re both hard, and our stiff cocks press together, seeking out any friction as we kiss and pant into each other’s mouths. We glide into the deeper part of the pool. Fee is still standing, but I wrap my legs around his waist, and he places his hands under my bum to hold me in place. He backs into the waterfall, and the heavy spray interrupts the kiss momentarily.
“I missed you,” I mumble against his lips.
Over two years of clandestine meetups after dark, once a week if we’re lucky, less than that when anyone starts to get suspicious. Before he has a chance to reply, he stiffens under my hands, his muscles coiled tight. When I look up at him, his eyes are wide, like he’s seen a ghost. It takes me a second to realise he’s looking behind me towards the water’s edge. He drops my legs but still holds me close—protectively.
I can’t easily break out of Fee’s grip, so I turn my head to see what he’s looking at. Bile rises in my throat as I start to panic. My heart is a steel drum pounding in my chest. Standing eerily still and silent by the edge of the water is a wolf—and not one I recognise. They’re average in size, with colouring similar to a husky, all white at the front with light grey dusting all along their back.
For a moment, I’m frozen in place, then suddenly, time speeds up, and too many thoughts are tumbling through my mind at once. Who is this, and what pack do they belong to? Could they be an omega? No, their scent is beta. I’m not on my territory. I’m not safe here! Fee isn’t safe here!
He finally drops his hold on me, and his shoulders sag. I don’t understand; we should be shifting. We need to be able to defend ourselves because this wolf looks angry. Nothing in their posture is submissive, and if a fight breaks out here, of all places, there will be too many questions I can’t answer. Fee and I will be outed, and we aren’t ready yet. Fee turns to look at me, and my stomach drops when we make eye contact.
Those eyes of his—always so open and expressive—are telling me everything I need to know. Regret. He knows this wolf. This is a wolf from his pack.
He looks guilty. Why does he look guilty? Has he told someone about us? Did he know he was being followed? None of this makes sense.
We’ve kept this secret for two years; why now? Before I even consciously make the decision, I’ve shifted to my wolf form in the water. I can scent better like this; the stranger is female. I’m much larger than she is, but she makes no signs of submission, so I bare my teeth at her and growl defensively.
“Cee, listen to me. It’s okay, I promise it’s okay,” Fee tells me, tugging at the fur around my neck. “Cee, please shift back so we can talk. You’re safe. I wouldn’t lie to you.” He looks at me pleadingly, but I shake my head and keep my eyes trained on the other wolf.
I won’t shift back until she does.
“Shit,” he mutters under his breath. He moves to walk out of the water towards her, but I whip my tail out, forcing him behind me. I don’t know what’s happening here, but he’s still mine. He lets out a sigh of frustration. “Alice, next to the big rock over there is my bag, there’s a t-shirt in there. Shift back, please, so we can talk,” he says to the other wolf.
Alice? His best friend, Alice? Why is she here, and why does she know about us? How did she find us here if she’s from the Lake District pack? She pauses for a second and then lets out a huffing sound before making her way over towards Fee’s bag. When she returns from behind the large rock, she’s shifted.
Alice is small, maybe five foot one or five foot two. She’s wearing Fee’s t-shirt, which resembles a dress on her, cutting off around her mid-thigh. Her hair is a silvery blonde, long and pin straight, falling almost to her waist. She’s beautiful, and the sight of her in my boyfriend’s t-shirt causes an involuntary growl to rumble from my chest.
This time, when Fee tries to walk out of the water, I don’t stop him, but I do follow closely behind. Alice holds out a pair of shorts for him, and he pulls them on quickly.
“What are you doing here?” he asks.
“I could ask you the same thing, what the fuck, Nix? Who is that?” she replies, pointing a finger at me.
Nix? It must be what his friends and family call him, and the thought makes me suddenly feel like an outsider.
“Did you follow me here?” They both seem to be answering questions with questions.
“Yes, I followed you here. I thought you were hooking up with some human I could rib you about, but that’s definitely not a human,” she answers, raising her voice. I snarl at the insinuation I’m just some guy Fee is fucking.
“Enough, Alice. I know I owe you some answers, but you won’t get them if you talk about him that way,” he says firmly. With a voice like that, you’d almost believe he could be an Alpha one day. “You’re alone?” he asks, and she nods.
Fee turns towards me, lifting his hands to cup my face; he tugs gently on one of my ears to make me face him. “Cee, I didn’t know I was being followed. You have to believe me, okay? Please shift back so we can all talk. I promise you’re safe.” His usual playful eyes are serious now.
I pad towards the small cave where I left my bag earlier and shift. After I’ve put on some athletic shorts, I return to where Fee and Alice are standing in suffocating silence. My neck tingles, warning me I’m unprotected around wolves from an enemy pack, reminding me I’m outnumbered. Fee meets me partway, pressing a brief kiss to my lips and holding my hand tightly as if I’ll bolt if he doesn’t.
“Alice, you have to promise me, you can’t tell anyone, please?” he implores her. She stares at where our fingers are interlaced.
“Tell me that isn’t who I think it is,” she says to him as though I’m not standing right there.
“Alice, this is Connor, my boyfriend. Connor, this is my best friend Alice…right?” He phrases it like he’s not sure he’ll still be able to call her that after this particular revelation, and my heart pangs in empathy for him.
“How long?” she asks. He swallows loudly.
“Just over two years.” She gasps at his admission, and her eyes fill with emotion.
“You lied to me,” she says welling up. “Last winter, I asked you so many times who you were meeting in secret, and you fobbed me off, telling me it was a meaningless hookup.” Her words stab me in the chest.
A meaningless hookup? I try to drop Fee’s hand, but he holds on tight, his knuckles turning white.
“I did, I lied. I’m sorry you found out this way, but it was safer for you not to know. Because now I have to beg you to keep this secret for me, keep this secret from the pack and from your Alpha, and I never wanted to put you in that position.” He reaches towards her with his other hand and rubs a thumb gently across her delicate wrist.
“I won’t tell anyone,” she whispers and the breath I’d been holding whooshes out of me.
“Thank you,” I manage to croak out, speaking finally.
“Two years, Nix? What exactly is this?” she asks Fee but gestures between the two of us. Fee looks at me, silently asking my permission to tell the truth, and I nod. At this point, honesty seems to be our best bet for keeping this between the three of us.
“We’re together, Alice. He’s my boyfriend and I love him. I had to lie to keep us safe, so please don't hold it against me because all this secrecy is eating me alive as it is, and I can’t lose you.” A tear has sprung free from his eye and runs down his cheek. I give his hand a squeeze in support. They both turn my way as I clear my throat.
“He’s tellin' the truth; if he wasn’t Phoenix Campbell and I wasn’t Connor Kelly, we’d be mated by now,” I tell Alice sincerely.
Hearing Fee admit how much it tears him apart to keep up this lie is a painful reminder of how much it costs us to be together. I know we tend to avoid difficult conversations because we get to see so little of each other. The last thing we want to do when we’re together is argue or upset each other, but I know in my gut it’s not entirely healthy. If I gave the go-ahead, I know Fee would have us come out, and we’d face the consequences together, but I’m not even close to ready for that. I take a deep breath and hope his best friend knowing the truth buys me some more time.
I pull out the blue chequered picnic blanket I packed and lie it on the ground for the three of us to sit on. Alice looks small and sad, sitting cross-legged on the very edge of the blanket.
“You remind me a lot of my twin, Niamh,” I tell her. “She comes across all feisty and fiery, but it’s a bit of a front; she just feels everythin’ really deeply. Can I give you a hug? You look like you could do with one,” I ask. Her eyes are still glassy, and she lets out a little sniffle but nods. I scooch beside her and wrap my arms around her shoulders, bringing her to my side. She’s tense for a second, and then I feel her let out a deep breath as she relaxes.
We sit there quietly for a moment, processing what’s happened tonight. Having spent the past couple of years worrying over what would happen if anyone found out about me and Fee, there’s some relief from getting caught and the world not crumbling around us. I know it could have been much worse; Alice catching us isn’t the same as if Sam or Jasper, or god forbid, our Alphas, had found us.
I’m also kind of happy; meeting Alice gives me a tiny window into Fee’s world I never get a glimpse of. He talks about his friends and family a lot, but having a real tangible person right here sitting next to me is different. Alice has known Fee since they were pups, and I hope now the secret’s out, I might get the opportunity to get to know her.
The calm that had settled in the air between us is abruptly disturbed by Fee barrelling into us. He knocks us both onto our backs, and his broad shoulders and arms are like a dead weight. He’s going to actually squish poor Alice if he’s not careful.
“Get off me, you big oaf.” Her voice is muffled from being trapped under him.
“I felt left out,” he says with a sulky pout and makes no attempt to move. I shuffle out from under him, causing him to plop down in between us. He’s acting playful, but I know he’s looking for reassurance that we will all be okay— us as well as him and Alice.
I pull my shorts down and shift quickly to save Alice from an eyeful. Nudging Fee with my nose to do the same, he follows suit, with Alice shifting a few seconds after him.
Fee’s big, warm, furry body lies down between us. I’m bigger than he is when we’re in our wolf forms, so I curl around his back. Alice lets out a slight whine before snuggling into his front. Once we’re all settled, it isn’t long before I can hear a rumbling purr from Fee’s chest.
He needed this.
Even though the idea of anyone discovering us scares the living daylights out of me, I'm not sorry that Alice followed him tonight. I can’t help but wonder, though, how long it will be until he needs everyone else to know. Walking away from Fee is out of the question now, but I’m not ready to give up my pack and my family either. And the truth is, if we come out—it’s a choice I’ll be forced to make.