Chapter 8
Then
Icrossed my arms over my chest and turned to face Ryder…in his daisy dukes. Him being forced to have this conversation while clad in little more than his birthday suit was the only thing helping diffuse my anger.
“Well?” I demanded, breaking the silence he seemed determined to drag out. “You heard Nate. We need to talk this out, because if you think I’m going to quit, you’re wrong.”
He’d been avoiding my eyes but he met them now, looking at me strangely.
“I don’t want you to quit.” He glanced down at his body, finally seeming to register his state of undress.
“And I don’t really want to have this conversation in the nude.
” He glanced around the room, presumably for something to cover himself with, before realizing stacks of paper and a half-drunk mug of coffee weren’t gonna cut it.
“Too bad. You being forced to grovel while wearing booty shorts is exactly my brand of justice.”
He crossed his arms over his bare chest, but not before his lips twitched briefly. Point, Everhart.
I sighed. “Come on, let’s have it out. Why are you giving me such a hard time?
I don’t get it. When we met, I thought you were great.
I thought this”—I gestured between us—“was going to be great. What happened? Did I do something to offend you?” I searched his face for answers but found none, his expression inscrutable. “Why do you hate me?”
A groove appeared between his eyes. “I don’t hate you.”
“Could’ve fooled me.”
He gave his head a firm shake. “That’s really not it.”
“So what is it, then?” I snapped, exasperated.
“I’m doing the best I can! I’m trying my heart out, Ryder.
I’ve dealt with your mood swings, I’ve bent over backward to accommodate all your nitpicky suggestions and snarky little comments.
I’ve done everything you’ve asked, even when I don’t agree with it.
And don’t try to tell me it’s not personal, because I’m the only one you treat this way. ”
He bit his lip and looked away, studying a spot on the far wall, and after another few seconds of silence ticked by, I exhaled in disgust. “You know, you’re the only one who has a problem with me,” I needled him, growing belligerent now at his refusal to engage.
“Nate seems to think I’m doing just fine. ”
His gaze snapped back to mine. “Ah, and that’s just it, don’t you see? He’s not complimenting us. He’s complimenting you.”
I narrowed my eyes. “See what? What are you talking about?”
“Nate loves everything you’re doing,” Ryder said, suddenly animated, throwing his hands up in the air.
“Every chance he gets, he’s singing your praises, telling everyone in earshot how pleased he is, ‘brilliant choice’ this, ‘perfect take’ that.
How much of that kind of feedback have you heard him give me?
Let me go ahead and answer that one for you: none.
” He tromped over to one of the chairs flanking Nate’s desk and sank into it like he was exhausted.
I squinted at him in disbelief. “So all this was because you’re jealous? You belittled me because you thought it would make you look better?”
“Not exactly.” I watched him start to rake a hand through his hair before realizing he was ruining Philippe’s handiwork, which seemed to agitate him all over again. “It was much less strategic than that,” he muttered, dropping his hand back to his side.
I wasn’t following. “You’re going to need to do a better job explaining, because I’m lost.”
He blew out a breath. “I’ve been a jerk, okay? I know that. I’ve taken my issues out on you, and I’m sorry for that. But it’s me I’m frustrated with, not you.”
It was my turn to be struck mute. Have I completely misjudged the situation? I claimed the other chair at Nate’s desk, turning his words over in my mind.
He shifted in his seat, wincing as he adjusted his bathing suit. “Look, I know I can be a bit mercurial—”
“A bit mercurial?” I burst out.
He blinked, his face beginning to shutter, and I realized my mistake instantly.
I’d finally gotten him talking, then cut him off at the knees.
If there was one thing I was learning about Ryder, it was that his arrogant facade didn’t reflect everything going on beneath the surface.
If I wanted him to open up, I needed to tread lightly.
“Sorry,” I mumbled quickly. “Go on.”
He took a deep breath. “You’re not the first person who’s told me I’m moody, alright?
I hear it from my mom all the time,” he admitted sheepishly, kneading the back of his neck.
“It’s just, I practically killed myself to get this job, and since we got here I’ve felt completely out of my depth.
It might not make sense, but it’s like the better you are, the worse I feel I’m doing.
It’s like you’re…stealing my thunder.” He dropped his face into his hands and groaned loudly.
“And yes, I know exactly how pathetic that sounded.”
I stilled, taken aback by his vulnerability. Has all of this really been about Ryder’s insecurity and I haven’t realized it?
I leaned forward in my seat, regarding him seriously. “Ryder, I’m going to tell you something and I want you to hear me, okay?” I waited, wanting to make sure he was listening. “What you’re saying is ridiculous.”
He shook his head, resolute. “You’re wrong. The reason I’m giving you so many script notes is because I know I’m not getting it right! I think Nate regrets hiring me,” he said glumly, and I nearly laughed out loud.
“There’s no way you believe that.”
“I do! He sees that I’m struggling. Meanwhile, everything seems so easy for you.
You’re not second-guessing yourself or cracking under the pressure.
You’re confident. You pick a lane and make it yours.
” His face clouded, and he pinched the bridge of his nose like he was in pain.
He looked miserable. “You and Jason sit there giggling while I’m stressing about how to stand out. ”
My heart twinged with empathy, my aggravation shape-shifting into compassion.
The irony of him thinking I have things all figured out.
If he only knew how wound up I’d been since arriving in Seafolly, always fretting that I was one bad take away from being replaced.
I’d grown so used to the permanent knot in my stomach that it deserved its own SAG card.
If Ryder thought I was confident, then I must be a better actress than I gave myself credit for.
Maybe we both were. And clearly, we were more alike than I’d thought.
Instead of a prank war, what we both seemed to need was a pep talk.
First things first. “Easy? You think this is easy for me? Ryder, I’m twisting myself into a pretzel trying to give Nate the performance he wants. I’m tying myself in knots trying to be worthy of you! I’m as desperate to prove myself as you are.”
He waved a hand dismissively and glanced away, like he didn’t believe me. He was so caught up in his own pity party, I wasn’t even sure he could hear me.
I grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him, doing my best to ignore the heat of his skin under my palms. “You’re telling yourself all kinds of stories.
Nate paying me a compliment doesn’t mean he’s unhappy with you.
He literally just said he’s thrilled with what he’s getting from us!
Besides, haven’t you ever heard that success begets success?
‘A rising tide lifts all boats’ and all that?
Iron sharpens iron? If I look good, you look good, and vice versa.
This isn’t a competition,” I reminded him gently, and he looked down, seemingly embarrassed.
Finally, I was getting through to him. “Ryder, you’re doing incredible work.
I’m in awe of your talent. And you know I’m telling the truth because if you sucked, trust me, I’d be the first in line to rub your face in it. ”
The corner of his mouth tipped up, and I felt his shoulders loosen slightly. Progress.
“Seriously, you need to relax. I had no idea all this”—I moved my hands up to his temples and mussed his hair, mostly because his perfect coif was still taunting me and I needed to settle the score—“was going on in your head.”
That got a smile out of him, and he caught my hands as I released him, cradling them on his knees.
He paused, and I could feel him collecting his thoughts.
“Scarlett, I need this to work. You laugh about Kids Only Club, but every time you make a joke about it I’m reminded that when the show ended, a bunch of my castmates made it big while I went nowhere.
I couldn’t even get an audition.” His gaze was heavy on mine, his eyebrows knit with intensity.
He was so damn earnest. “If I don’t get this right, my career is over. ”
And there it was, the real issue: fear. A fresh wave of empathy washed over me, knowing all too well how uncertain I’d felt since arriving in LA, the fear of failure that dogged my every step as I chased a dream that more often felt like a mirage.
A protective instinct stirred to life inside me, and I realized that while I may not have enough confidence for myself, I could at least have enough for him.
“You think you’re the only one who needs this? Before I landed this part, I was searching for coins in my couch cushions. Panhandlers had more financial security than me! Some of us don’t have those hefty Kids Only Club residuals to fall back on,” I couldn’t resist tacking on.
He raised an eyebrow like, Really, was that necessary?
“Come on, it was just a joke. Don’t get your booty shorts in a bunch.”
His head fell back, and he barked a laugh at the ceiling. “These really are the worst.”
I made a show of perusing him, letting my gaze brazenly wander from his head to his toes and back up again. “I beg to differ.”
He tracked my progress with keen interest, his maple syrup eyes slowly darkening to molasses. “Pervert.”
I unfurled a lascivious smirk like, Guilty as charged. “Who wears short shorts,” I hummed under my breath.