Chapter 21
Pain.
Agony, really.
It licks through my side like fire, sharp and blinding.
I’m trying to blink, but all I’m seeing is bright red because of the pain at my side. So, I just lie there, unable to move, wincing in pain, breathing shallow.
“Cass?”
A voice.
Familiar. Strained.
I breathe in … slowly … then try to open my eyes again.
And then I see—a face I know, two different eye colours, a pair of wings behind him, vast and dark, like a night sky painted with stars.
Constellations.
“Kieran?” I rasp.
Kieran exhales, long and sharp, like he’s been holding his breath for hours. Relief crashes over his face like a wave slamming into shore.
“Gods, I really thought I lost you,” he breathes, his voice hoarse, fingers brushing my cheeks. He’s trembling, like he’s not sure I’m actually alive. Like touching me might somehow wake him from a nightmare.
I try to reach up to him, but I wince instead.
“Easy,” Kieran whispers, catching my hand and gently squeezing it.
“It hurts,” I whisper, biting my lip to try and keep it together and not burst out crying.
Kieran flinches, like my words physically pierce him.
Then, soft as a feather, he places a hand above my ribs—and slowly, the pain begins to fade.
A shaky sigh escapes me. Thank Gods for magic. I’d never recover soon enough to participate in the next trial otherwise. I’m about to thank Kieran, too—
But then I see his face.
He drops his head onto my arm with a groan, low and guttural.
That’s when it hits me.
He’s taking the pain from me.
“Oh, Gods, Kieran!” I nearly scream. “Stop! Stop it!”
He doesn’t.
Instead, he groans softly into my arm again, like he’s trying to muffle it. Horror slams into me. My hands shake, my heart in bits, trying to make sense of what’s going on.
“Kieran,” I whisper, voice trembling. “You can’t just—you can’t just do that.”
“Too late,” he rasps, his voice cracked at the edges. “Already did.”
I stare at him, horrified and absolutely shattered all at once.
“Are you mad?” My breath catches. I clutch his hand, begging. “Stop it … please, stop it.”
“I’m immortal. I heal quicker than you.”
“Why are you—” I choke, unable to even finish the sentence. Tears sting my eyes, hot and sudden. Kieran lifts his head, and I nearly break at the look in his eyes.
Somehow, this hurts more than the blade did.
Kieran is fucking stubborn, and a fool.
And all I can do is pulling myself upright, ignoring the fire in my ribs, and wrap my arms around him, tight enough to feel the pain. Tight enough to keep him from drowning in the pain that should have been mine.
Kieran hisses—but I don’t let go.
I won’t let him feel this pain alone.
I refuse to.
“For fuck’s sake.” He curses into my hair, finally giving in. “You’re unbearable.”
“And you’re crazy.” I pull away just to slap him on the arm. “What did you do that for?”
A lazy grin tugs at his lips. “Maybe I just enjoy the pain.”
“Well, good,” I snap. “Because I’m going to beat the crap out of you for that.”
Kieran sighs dramatically before leaning in to wipe the tears from my cheeks. His eyes soften, thumb brushing over my skin. I rest my face in his palm. “You’re loud—that’s good. Means you’re not dead.”
“You’re about to be.”
He smiles, beautiful as ever, but he looks exhausted in a way I’ve never seen him before. Usually, Kieran buzzes with restless energy. Now it looks like he hasn’t slept all night.
I shouldn’t feel so happy about that, but my stupid heart dances at the thought of him sitting by the bed, worrying himself sick.
“What happened?” I murmur, glancing around for the first time.
This isn’t my room.
I’m in a bedroom—but someone else’s. It’s massive and sunlit, the sheets soft as clouds, and the air smells faintly of cedar and sandalwood. Across from the bed, two tall glass doors open onto a balcony with a view of snow-dusted mountains.
I blink.
I’ve seen that mountain before—and this place, too. The house carved into the cliff.
It’s Kieran’s house.
“I don’t think I need to remind you of this part, but you were stabbed,” Kieran says as he carefully eases himself into the bed beside me. “By the time I got to you, it was almost too late … I couldn’t heal you fast enough, so I took you to our healer. A few minutes later, you would’ve been—”
He stops, swallowing the word. His jaw tightens, like the memory still haunts him.
“You’re okay now,” he whispers, leaning in until his head rests gently against my shoulder. “That’s all that matters.”
I breathe, deep and shaky, trying not to get emotional.
We haven’t known each other long, but I’ve spent almost every day with him—at work, sometimes before, and even after. Somewhere along the way, we’ve become part of each other’s day, and now seeing him like this …
It’s killing me.
I am completely confused, and surprised by how much Kieran affects me.
One minute I was using him.
The next, I’m blinking back tears because he looks like an apocalypse just tore through him.
It was supposed to be fun.
I was supposed to forget him.
“So …” I swallow, trying not to give in to pain—though this time it’s no longer physical. “You decided to take me here?”
“It’s the safest place. The wards are so thick you can’t go through them unless I let you in.”
“My room is warded.” I lift my chin. Kieran pulls back just enough to narrow his eyes at me.
“Yes, against humans,” he says, voice low like it’s a reminder. “A Fae stabbed you.”
I wince, my wound flaring like the blade is piercing me all over again.
“I’ve never seen that Fae before, and I can’t think of any reason why she’d do something like that.”
It’s clearly not part of the trials—because what did she have to gain? Unless she bet on someone else to win the first trial, so she decided to take her loss out on me.
“It’s not about you,” Kieran mutters, shifting as he leans back against the headboard. “It’s about me.”
I frown. “What do you mean?”
“I think it was a test … just to see if hurting you would affect me.” His jaw tics. “It’s not exactly a secret we’ve been … fooling around. And I won’t lie and say I’ve never been this public with anyone before—because I have.”
I press my lips together.
I’m not na?ve enough to believe I’m the only one who’s ever mattered to him. In fact—until now, I never thought I mattered to him that much at all. But when you have lived a couple hundred years, you are bound to break your heart at least a dozen times, maybe more.
“But … it really got to me this time. I fucking lost it.”
Gods.
“Please tell me you didn’t do anything stupid,” I murmur.
Kieran licks his bottom lip, grinning like a mad Fae that he is. “Depends on how you define stupid.”
“Kieran …”
“I may have killed her … that Fae,” he admits, eyes shutting as he lets out a long, frayed breath. “And honestly? The worst part wasn’t even that … it was the fact that I let my emotions get the better of me, and now the whole damn Court probably thinks I’m in love with you.”
A breath.
A beat.
And I laugh, even though I shouldn’t.
I should be terrified. I should run to the edge of the earth and never look back.
I still remember what he did to Jordan—how cruel and merciless he could be. And I can only imagine what went down when I was unconscious.
But none of that makes me flinch.
All I want … is to be closer to him.
“Stupid fucking mistake,” Kieran mutters. “Now the rebellion will keep using you against me.”
“I see.” I tilt my head. “Everyone thinking you’re in love with me is a mistake?”
“I couldn’t care less what people think—you, of all people, should know that,” Kieran drawls, his tone almost bored. “I only care about keeping you safe, but I instead, I put you in danger.”
My breath catches.
Gods—Kieran needs to stop being so blunt like that.
Or else I’ll madly fall in love, and we can drag each other to hell together.
“I’ve always been in danger,” I quietly say. “I’m in the trials.”
“This is not the same,” he counters, voice rough. “Yes, you could die in the trials, but now you have to be paranoid. You have to question if your water is poisoned. If someone’s going to slit your throat on a walk. If your friends are still yours.”
“And that’s why you brought me here.”
“I wasn’t going to wait for them to finish the job.” He scoffs. “And if that Fae wanted to kill you, she could have. But she didn’t. The whole thing was a message for me.”
“I understand that.” I sigh, the weight of it all pressing down on me. “But Kieran … you’ve put me in a difficult position. It’s even more obvious now that you favour me. The others already think that I’m cheating. And you know you can’t keep me here forever.”
He smirks like it’s a challenge. “Try me.”
I stare at him, blinking.
For a moment, I let myself imagine it—staying here, wrapped in his starlit world, far from trials and chaos and the weight of what I came here to do. How easy it would be to lose myself in him.
But I’m still human.
He’s Fae.
I didn’t come here for this.
I came here for a ghost.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” I mutter, looking away.
“Ugh, you always have to ruin the fun.” He groans, leaning in to nip at my shoulder like he’s famished. “Can’t we just fuck and forget about the world?”
A chill threads through me, even as my skin burns beneath his mouth.
Is this all he wants?
Is it his solution to everything?
“Here I thought kings were supposed to be responsible.”
“Good thing I’m not a king.” Kieran raises his brow, then glances at the time. “You’ve been out for over a day—are you hungry?”
“A day?” I wince. “Oh Gods, that means I don’t have much time to look for the eclipsed coins!”
He blinks. “Is that seriously what you’re thinking about right now?”
“Is having sex with a wounded person seriously what you’re thinking?”
A pause.
We stare at each other.
Then burst out laughing.
I’m wheezing, clutching at my side.
Kieran rubs a hand over his face, shaking his head like he can’t believe this is what we’ve become.
I take a deep breath, unable to stop smiling. “If I say I’m hungry, are you going to cook for me, or just conjure something out of thin air with magic?”
“Magic doesn’t work like that,” he says, chuckling. “I could pull a soup out of thin air for you, but it’d taste like garbage. It’s difficult to get the ingredients right. That night at the Tower of the Stars was a fluke.”
I bite my lip.
Now I can’t stop picturing him frowning over a pot of magically tasteless soup—and Gods, that’s too cute.
“So, I’ll have to do it the old-fashioned way,” Kieran adds, rolling up his sleeves and starting to climb out of bed.
But I tug him back by the arm.
Kieran pauses, brow arching … and I answer by sliding closer, tucking myself into his side and closing my eyes.
I just want to stay like this.
Just for a minute.
Kieran’s breath brushes my skin.
“Or, we can just do this for a while,” he murmurs, arms wrapping around me, pulling me in until my back rests against his chest.
And I let him hold me.
In his arms. Under his wings.
The safest place in the world.