Chapter 28
It would be nice to say that after our fake wedding, Kieran and I went on a honeymoon, and we lived happily ever after.
But nothing could be further from the truth.
As the second trial creeps closer, so does the weight pressing down on the both of us. I can feel it in the way Kieran looks at me. In every word he speaks. In every kiss that brushes against my skin.
They are not just touches, but our last goodbyes.
There’s a longing in them now. A quiet sadness.
And now that the day is finally here, I can barely chug any food in my stomach. Anxiety coils inside me like a snake crushing its prey.
Kieran hasn’t left my side all morning, his brows drawn tight in permanent worry.
“I could just pull you out of the trial,” he blurts.
My eyes widen. “You don’t mean that. What would we do after?”
“I don’t know,” he says, frowning. “Live?”
I swallow the hard lump in my throat, letting myself imagine it for the hundredth time this week.
Could I do it? Leave everything behind?
Abandon my family. My friends. My whole life.
Whatever is left of them.
In a way, I already did. I left them all, without so much as a goodbye.
But I was prepared to die, not to live.
And I know. I know it in my heart that if I threw everything away and chose Kieran—whatever that may entail—I would never be able to forgive myself for abandoning Declan again.
Not if there’s still a chance. Not if I could still try.
Could I ask Kieran for a wish even if I don’t win this?
Would he do that for me?
Would he love me enough to bring back my dead boyfriend?
The snake in my stomach crushes around me even tighter. All I’d have to do is ask. One sentence is all it takes.
But I’m terrified of the answer.
So we let everything hang in the air between us.
The dread. The tension. The unspoken love.
Unsaid and unbearable.
“I can do whatever I want,” Kieran says, frustration echoing in the corridor. His hand tightens around mine. “I’m the King of the Court.”
“I thought you didn’t want to be King.”
“I don’t.” He groans, voice fraying at the next words. “But I want you.”
My heart skips a beat. It blooms with happiness and hopeless dreams that break into shards of sharp pain the next second.
Did he just say that because he’s upset, or he meant it and would burn down the entire Court just for me? He broke up with Aurora because he didn’t want the crown.
I can’t be the reason he takes it.
Kieran is clearly blinded by whatever spell I have over him. Sooner or later, he would regret it. I can’t force him into something he never wanted, just because he wants to save me.
I’m not worth it.
And Kieran will be doomed for eternity—long after my fragile mortal body is still and buried in the ground.
“Kieran, I’ll be fine,” I say, forcing a smile even though my voice trembles.
“Even you don’t believe that.” He scoffs. “I can smell your fear.”
“I’m scared. I don’t know what’s waiting for me,” I snap back. “But I’ve got my weapons—enchanted weapons. Only Oliver has the advantage, and you know Lucas will die before he lets anyone lay a finger on me.”
“Yes, I have a bone to pick with him,” Kieran mutters under his breath.
I blink. “You can’t seriously be jealous.”
“I can,” he says, completely unfazed. “He should stop acting like a guard dog around something that’s not his.”
And just like that, my anxiety turns into a smile that sneaks up on me before I can stop it. “You should be glad someone’s there to protect me when you can’t interfere with the trials.”
“That fucking oath,” Kieran mutters. “I should’ve never taken it.”
“What would happen if you broke it?”
He lets out a sharp breath, his jaw tight. “I’d be stripped of my powers.”
The blood drains from my face. I thought at most, maybe a punishment, or an injury.
But if Kieran lost his powers, the entire Court would crumble.
“It’s not like this for every oath,” he adds as if he’s reading my frantic thoughts. “The one I made is binding. It’s deep magic. Now you know why I couldn’t tell you about the trials.”
“Are they stupid?” I snap. “If you lost your powers, the rest of this Court would die.”
“Yes, well … Fae can be quite intense.” He flinches. “Even when it means burning everything down just to prove a point.”
Oh, Gods.
I hope I can hide the terror in my face, but I doubt it.
Before we can continue our walk to the courtyard, Aurora finds us. She turns on her heels, white gown sweeping the floor like falling snow, all smiles like it’s her wedding day—when she knows we’re about to have another funeral … or two.
Maybe that’s the point. Maybe she wants me to see it. To imagine her in a white dress next to Kieran. The last thing I see before stepping into whatever twisted, fucked-up mind games the Trial Committee has cooked up next.
“You’re late,” she says, shooting me a look. Then she turns to Kieran, softer this time. “And you shouldn’t be here.”
“I can be anywhere in a matter of seconds,” he drawls.
I keep my mouth shut.
Aurora ignores Kieran and presses me instead. “Everybody is waiting. Lucas is looking for you.”
Fair enough.
I sigh and glance back at Kieran. I’m about to let go of his hand—when he pulls me in, tucking me into a hug, tight. I gasp. “Kieran—”
“You’re going to be okay,” he whispers, wings folding around me, blocking out Aurora’s cold gaze. “Please be okay.”
I’ve been dreading this moment ever since the day he took my pain from me and made it his own—the day I could no longer pretend this was just a fun game. A harmless flirt. A distraction.
Everything changed after that day, and I’ve spent every waking minute since savouring it, soaking in everything about him. And even then, I was secretly hoping that maybe Kieran would grow bored of me. That once he actually had me, the spell would fade.
But it only grew, and grew.
Into this wild, soul-crushing love I can no longer deny.
And I want to tell him.
Gods, I want to.
But what if he doesn’t feel the same?
And worse—
What if he does?
“It’ll be over before you know it,” I whisper, anything to comfort him, because I can’t bear the look in Kieran’s eyes. I can’t walk away whilst he looks at me like that.
I can’t say goodbye like this.
“I’ll be waiting for you,” he murmurs, fingers brushing my cheeks as he leans in—and kisses me like he’s trying to memorise this feeling we share for eternity.
Aurora coughs behind us.
But Kieran and I don’t break apart until a moment later. I cup his gorgeous face in both hands. I no longer have magic, but the ring has never left my finger since he put it on, still burning with a promise neither of us has spoken out loud.
I want to memorise this face, in case I don’t make it.
I want to stare into those eyes, just a little while longer.
“Cass, I—” Kieran starts, but he stops, glancing away like the words suddenly escape him. There’s conflict in the storm-lit eyes. The same one in mine. When Kieran finally speaks again, his voice is hoarse. Frayed. “Fuck, I really need you to come back.”
I bite my lip, trying not to cry when every part of me is crumpling like torn paper.
“Please … I need you to come back to me,” he says again, begging this time.
And I nod.
I nod, even though I can’t promise.
“I’ll try,” is all I manage to say.
Then I turn before the tears can fall. Aurora waits with that frozen gaze of hers—but I don’t look back.
I can’t.
If I do, I’ll break
I’ll beg for him to take that crown, burn everything down, just so we could be together.
Aurora walks alongside me down the corridor, her white gown trailing. I’m swallowing the tears threatening to fall. Every step I take is a battle. It takes everything in me not to turn.
After a long silence, Aurora says, “You don’t need to wear the ring anymore. It doesn’t give you power.”
I stay silent, head held high.
She scoffs. “Did Kieran secretly marry you? Why does he have a ring?”
I don’t answer.
I don’t fucking care what she thinks.
But then, she stops walking.
“You love him.”
The word slices through me like a blade. And even though she’s the one saying it, I swear it cuts her, too.
“Oh, Gods.” Her voice is quieter now. “You really love him.”
“Shut up,” I snap, my voice trembling. “Just shut the fuck up for once, Aurora.”
And surprisingly, she does.
I don’t want to think anything of it. The only thing in my mind is Kieran’s words. His voice. His hug.
Gods.
He was trying to say something.
And I didn’t say anything.
Fuck.
Why didn’t say anything?
I didn’t give Tessa the hug she asked for.
And now this.
When will I ever learn?
It’s too late now. I can’t go back. Kieran isn’t there when I look back over my shoulder. He’ll never know how I feel—never know how much I love him.
And I hate that this is what I’m carrying into the trial, but I can’t undo it.
We arrive in the courtyard without exchanging another word. The gilded stands circle us like a circus, the sun shining bright above. The others are already there, dressed in fighting leathers. Lucas spots me and heads straight over.
“There you are! Where have you been?”
Emotional hell.
“Nowhere,” I lie, not meeting his eyes.
I scan the crowd, desperate for a glimpse of Kieran. Just one last look. One silent goodbye. One moment where he knows all the things I didn’t say.
I spot Gideon first, then Octavia, then Skylar.
But no Kieran.
No sight. No shadow. Nothing.
Aurora steps onto the platform, already shaking off whatever that awkward walk stirred in her, then she smiles like she was born exactly to do this.
I don’t like the bitch. But Gods, I admire her.
“Good morning. It’s my absolute pleasure to welcome you all—”
I don’t bother listening to the rest. My heart is pounding, aching, punishing me for not doing anything until it’s too late.
Kieran isn’t here.
He isn’t here.
What if I never get to say it?
What if I don’t make it?
Please.
Gods, please.
Where is he?
Then—
A hand grabs me from behind and yanks me back. I stumble—but he catches me like I was made to fall into him.
Oh Gods, how did he—
“Kieran.” I breathe.