Chapter 39
The air is different.
The bed feels strange, yet weirdly familiar.
I open my eyes slowly. The senses hit me all at once—the soft hiss of the rain against the roof, the warm smell of cinnamon spiced coffee, the faces hovering over me—
Oh, Gods.
I jolt upright so fast my soul nearly rips free from my body.
I blink, again and again—and my family is still gathering around me.
Mum.
Dad.
Noah.
“Sweetheart,” Mum says from the chair beside the bed, reaching for my hand, but I snatch it back.
Oh, Gods.
What—
What. The. Actual. Fuck.
For a heartbeat, I think I’m still in a coma. That I was in a major accident and dreamt it all up—the Court, the Fae … Kieran.
Because this—this can’t be real.
I’m home.
But my ring is still on my finger.
I didn’t dream him up. I was at the Court.
“She looks like she’s seen a ghost,” Noah says. “That Fae—Gideon—he warned us you might react like this.”
Gideon brought me here!?
“How long—” My voice cracks, panic spiking in my chest. “How long have I been back?”
A month in the Court is four to five days here.
Even a single day could be a week.
“Oh, Gods, I have to go back. I have to—”
“What are you talking about?” Dad rises to his feet, but I’m already halfway out of bed. “Cassandra, you’ve been gone for nearly two weeks! We had no idea if you were dead or alive. You can’t just leave again. I won’t let you!”
“I’m sorry, Dad,” I say, panic rising. “I wish I could stay. I really do, but—it’s been two months for me, and Kieran—Kieran needs me.”
Gods, I hope he’s still alive.
If anything happens to him, I—
“Gideon also said you’d say that,” Noah cuts in, arms crossed. “I don’t know who this Kieran is, but there’s no way in hell we’d let you out of our sight again. He said he’d be back when he could, but I already told him to fuck off.”
“Noah, you don’t understand.” I shove past him, rifling for a coat. “I promise I’ll come back and explain everything, but right now I have to go.”
“How, exactly?” Mum asks.
I stop breathing.
I … don’t know.
Fuck.
Realisation wakes me up harder than the cold in the cell. I run through every possibility in my head—and find no answer. The Court only reveals itself during a celestial event. The Fae can leave when they want, but they can’t stay here, or they will fade into nothing.
And Kieran can never leave.
There’s no one here to take me to him.
No one at all.
“No …” The word breaks on a whimper as tears sting hot behind my eyes. “I can’t stay here. I can’t—”
It’s been what—at least three days over there? And Gideon hasn’t come back.
I have no idea what’s happened. What if Atticus captured him and Lucas? What if he captured Aurora, too? What about Kieran—is he even alive?
“Oh, Cassie …” Mum steps in, wrapping her arms around me. “I don’t know what’s going on, but please—don’t do this to us again. At least talk to us. Make us understand.”
I don’t know how to.
How do I compress two months into words? Two months that weren’t just a slice of my life—they were an entire life.
I choke, and my tears break free. Because all I can think of is Kieran—alone, injured, in bed. Not knowing where I am.
And I can’t get back to him.
My finger grips the ring so hard it hurts.
My lifeline.
All I have left of Kieran.
It takes me forever, but I tell my family everything.
The trials. The rebellion. The mating bond. Kieran.
And I see every emotion crash into them like waves to the shore—their despair, their confusion, and their disappointment.
I wasn’t coming home to stay.
I picked life at the Court over them.
I never thought I would come back so soon, but now that I’m here, I have a chance to say everything that I didn’t. Everything I should have said.
“You’re telling us”—Noah is the first to break the crushing silence. I brace myself for judgement—“that you have a whole other life at the Court. Fell in love with a Fae King, became his mate, and were going to live there with him forever until a civil war broke out?”
I flinch. “Yes.”
“You’re out of your damn mind.”
Exactly the reaction I expected from him.
From all of them, really.
“You have just met this Fae—this Kieran,” he presses. “I thought you did all this for Declan.”
“I did.” I narrow my eyes, my voice tightening. “And it’s killing me that I can’t anymore. I’ll probably never stop blaming myself. But what did you want me to do—stay in the trials and condemn the rest of the Fae to die because somehow the stars decided to bind me and Kieran together?”
“They’re Fae, for goodness’ sake! Why do you even care about them?!”
“Because I love one of them, you fool!”
The words rip out of me, leaving the room in stunned silence. My parents flinch, like the sound itself wounds them.
“I’m sorry I left. I was in a very dark place, all right?
” I force out. “I tried to break up with Declan the night that he died, and I haven’t stopped blaming myself.
But the Fae aren’t all like what we’ve been told.
And it’s not like I planned on falling in love—not that I care what you think.
But right now, I don’t have time for this. I need to go back.”
“So what? Are we supposed to just let you go?” Noah’s voice cracks, sharp pain flashing in his eyes. “Do you have any idea what those two weeks did to us? Mum cried herself to sleep every night. Dad barely ate—while you were off living your best life with the Fae King.”
I can barely breathe.
And maybe I deserve it.
“Noah, that’s enough,” Mum says at last, her hand tightening on his arm.
I look away, shame and guilt stuck in my throat.
“I’m glad you’re okay,” she whispers. “But … in a way, I feel like we lost you along with Declan that night. Maybe it’s our fault that we didn’t try harder to pull you back. I should’ve asked you to move in. I should’ve never let you be alone.”
It must run in the family, the art of blaming ourselves.
“Mum,” I breathe. “It’s not your fault. Nothing was going to stop me.
I’m really sorry … I wish it wasn’t like this.
There’s just … too much going on right now.
And I promise, I will try to find a way to come back.
We’ll have a proper talk. I won’t be gone forever.
” Maybe Gideon could bring me back, or take them to the Court for a visit one day.
I don’t know yet. But I will find a way.
“But when Gideon comes back, I will leave with him.”
“You’re talking about marching into a war,” Dad mutters. It’s a struggle for him to get the next words out. “How will we even know you’re still alive?”
Truth is, they won’t.
And I might not survive it.
All I know is Atticus is probably keeping Kieran alive but weak enough that he can’t act. He knows the Court won’t survive without Kieran—and if Kieran is still breathing, there’s a chance we can still turn this around.
If not, then that’s it for me. For everyone.
But how do you tell your parents that?
“I have to do this, Dad,” I admit, knowing how impossible I’m being—asking them to let me go. “Please … try to understand. I’m not leaving because I want to. I wish I had more time with all of you, and one day we will … but not right now.”
Silence drapes over us, heavy as the storm outside. Rain is still pouring down like the sky was crying with us.
The truth is painful, but it’s better this way.
At least now they have closure.
“If a day here is a week over there, Gideon could be back any minute,” Mum says quietly before forcing a smile. “I’d say we should … have a proper meal. Spend one last day together.”
I bite down the tears threatening to spill and nod. “I’d really like that.”
It’s been so long since I’ve tasted Mum’s cooking, and I savour every bite like it’s my last.
No one cooks like her. Gods know she’s tried to teach me, but I’ll never be half as good. Having a feast at the Court every day is great, but I’ve missed the simplicity, the warmth, of Mum’s home-cooked meals.
I hope she can cook for Kieran someday.
I picture him meeting my parents—how awkward it’d be when Dad puts on the what-do-you-want-with-my-daughter scowl, acting all tough and demanding respect, whilst Kieran stands there, calm, polite, older than both of them put together. As disturbing as that is.
We play board games after dinner—something we haven’t done in a long time. It’s strange, how you always think you have forever with your parents. Life sweeps you up in a confused, spiralling wave, and you put other things above your family because you think they’ll always be there.
Until one day, they aren’t.
These are such simple things—eating, talking, shuffling cards—but my aching heart is so full. Full but heavy with worry. I hold on to every laugh, every joke, but each minute that ticks by is absolute torture.
What is taking Gideon so long?
It’s two in the morning, and my parents are clearly tired, but no one moves to go upstairs. I know exactly why.
“I won’t leave without saying goodbye,” I say eventually. “So you don’t have to sit here all night.”
My parents glance at each other.
“It’s not just that,” Dad mutters. “But I don’t think I can sleep, knowing this could be my last night with you.”
“Dad …” I breathe. “You have to sleep at some point.”
He huffs. “I used to say that to you when you were a kid.”
“Well, you grow up and start telling your parents what to do.” I cross my arms, but my smile never falters. It’s just how life is, isn’t it? We grow old and take care of our parents instead.
Except …
Once I turn Fae, I’ll have to watch my parents die, and live forever without them.
I know that it would happen eventually, even if I stay human, but the thought of watching everyone I love slip away—leaving me behind—is terrifying.
Mum’s laugh still rings in the room. She shakes her head. “I can’t believe you’re going to be a queen.”
I blink, blood rushing to my cheeks. “Well—who knows if Kieran will ever take the throne.”
“Oh, I’d like to be a queen’s mother.”
… Did that really just come out of Mum’s mouth?
I think we’ve had too much wine.