Chapter 2
RAGNAR
“Yes, mother, I'm sure I want to work for Christmas this year. I don't want to be a downer for the holidays for everyone else. Just let me have some time and I'll be fine.”
I knew it would be difficult to explain my absence again this year to the family, but there had been no way I could have dealt with the holiday this year on my own. It made it harder than it already was when I could hear the genuine concern and love in my mom's voice.
“But, dearest, we miss you ever so much. Please reconsider. All your cousins and their families will be here and your brother and sister and their families are all making the trip too. You'll be the only one who won't be here again this year.”
“I know, mom, but please understand. I just can't face it yet.”
None of us had talked about the real reason I avoided the family, but it was always hanging there between us. This time, she did mention it though, so I knew she was very concerned about my mood.
“Dearest, it's been three years since we lost him.
Chance was as much a member of the family as you.
We all miss him terribly, but we want you to enjoy your life.
He didn't want you to wallow in your grief. Losing a mate is the worst thing that can ever happen, I know, but the universe can give us second chances if we just open up to the idea.”
This conversation was at an end, whether she knew it or not. I refused to even consider the possibility she was proposing.
“Sorry mom, I'm driving through the mountains now and I'm about to go through a dead zone, if I lose you…” I pushed the button on my steering wheel to end the call.
I felt guilty for two seconds, then turned my phone to silent.
I knew she meant well, and I also knew she was right, but I wasn't ready to admit it.
Losing Chance had been devastating enough for me, but having to be around families who were living the life I thought I would have, was still too much to endure.
Pulling into the front of my home for the next few weeks, I let out a sigh. This place with it's cozy cabins and undisturbed, quiet woods had been a needed refuge the last few years. The raven population nearby had been an added bonus for my work.
Pulling out the key they'd given me at the lodge, I smiled at how the new guy, Branson, had been all but sweating with nerves when I'd checked in.
How he'd gotten the job if he was that unfamiliar with shifters was a mystery.
I shook my head, then unlocked the door.
Everything was almost the same as last year, down to the plaid blanket on the sofa.
The only change this year was I'd requested they put me a small Christmas tree in the living room.
I hadn't wanted anything to do with the holiday last year, but I felt maybe I could handle it this year.
Baby steps.
The whole cabin smelled like forest pine and wood smoke since someone had already been here and started the fire in the fireplace to warm the place for me.
I had also requested the kitchen to be stocked for the time I was here since I didn't plan on leaving for anything other than walks or flights in the woods.
As I closed the pantry door with a box of cookies for a snack, I heard a familiar tap tapping on the window and smiled.
“Hello, how are you on this fine winter day?”
I looked out the window to see a handsome raven sitting on the window sill cocking his head back and forth.
He lifted his wings and gave me a gravelly squawk before replying, “Good day.” The voice was my own voice, mimicked exactly.
It shook me for a split second until I recognized his crooked left toes and the small scratch on his large beak.
“Yes, good day, old friend. It's wonderful to see you. I'm glad you remember me this year. Are we up for a quick flight over the mountains this afternoon? Maybe you can tell me your name this year, you think that might be a plan?”
The majestic bird, almost the size of a hawk, sat still, laser focused eyes on me for at least a minute, until he shook his feathers, then turned to fly away.
He liked me, and didn't mind visiting me, but he still hadn't decided to trust me completely.
I'd been trying to communicate with the members of the flock, unsuccessfully, for a while, years to be exact. I knew other shifters who had been able to communicate with non-shifter animals of their same kind, but it had been hit or miss with most, and the bird species had been particularly tricky. The experts had still not found whether the issue was one of understanding or whether the birds just hadn’t deemed us worthy of communication. I was leaning toward the latter.
“Okay, maybe not with the name, I get it.”
Turning away from the kitchen window, I went back outside to unload the car and get settled in my home for the next few weeks. As I unpacked the bags of supplies and clothes I'd brought I thought about how this place had provided refuge from all the memories back home.
Chance and I had settled down together in a beautiful home in the South.
We had several acres of forest for me to fly and for him to run.
He'd been a fox shifter and while the old fables had always pitted the fox against all the other animals, Chance never had a bad bone in his body.
My Chance had been loving and sweet and too good for this world.
My decision to sell has been one of the hardest things I'd done.
I had liked my home and hadn't minded being there, but it had held so many ghosts and memories, even now.
I'd signed the closing documents on my way out of town the day before yesterday and had felt so many emotions since.
I'd stay here for a few weeks, then decide where I wanted to land after that.
As for now, I was free as a bird. I chuckled to myself at my own joke, while swiping a tear from my eye.
While checking on the fire, I caught something shiny in my periphery and went to the front window near the Christmas tree.
Outside the window I saw a small pile of odds and ends and shiny things.
There were several pieces of multicolored string and ribbons, a broken silver-tone chain, pieces of metal and several coins.
Glancing around the front porch I saw the flock of local ravens perched on my car, on the porch railing and on the nearby tree branches. The welcoming committee had arrived.
Not feeling quite so alone as I had moments before, I stepped out on the front porch and made a grand show of admiring each and every item.
As a thank you for each one, I placed cookies, crackers and deer jerky, all certified wildlife safe, in the spot they'd placed the trinkets, then brought all the gifts inside.
Almost immediately when I saw what they had brought, I knew what I'd do with them.
I plugged in the tree, turned on the multicolor function, then made sure the birds could see me start to decorate the tree with their treasures.
If they weren't sure how much I liked them before, I hoped they knew how much I treasured them and their gifts now.
After I fashioned the strings on the branches, then placed the coins under the tree on the tree skirt I made out of one of the cabin’s plaid blankets, I admired my handiwork.
The tree glowed with the colors from the incandescent lights.
I had specifically requested absolutely no LED lights.
Not only were they cold and uncomfortable to look at, but they were equally uncomfortable to look at for the wildlife.
With the softer lights and the few shiny ornaments, the tree was already looking festive.
I fussed with the placement of the blanket tree skirt after getting the few trinkets just so, but then noticed the quiet observers outside had started shuffling and getting restless.
They were telling me I'd delayed our fun long enough.
The cookies and snacks were long devoured, and our flight was overdue.
I knew I was correct, when, as soon as I walked on the front porch and took my coat off preparing to shift, the flock spoke up in calls and caws of welcome.
The cabin was lovely and the area was beautiful, but this was the real reason I kept coming back.
I shook my head and let the shift take over, embracing the feathers and beak and claws that replaced my human form.
I shook my head again, but this time it was the quirky side to side of my raven eyeing the world through wild eyes.
The handsome leader of the flock flew over and perched next to me, eyeing my raven form up and down before nodding his head and bobbing his body up and down with a hop, “ Let’s go, let's go!”
I didn't recognize this voice. He had learned these words from someone else at some point, but the context was correct and he absolutely knew what it meant. I bobbed my head in response and using my raven vocal chords, I mimicked my own human voice. “Let’s fly, guys and gals.” With that, I spread my wings, let my raven take over completely and lost myself in the beauty of the world around me.
For a short time, I wasn’t Ragnar Scott, widower, I was one of the flock with nothing to worry about but the wind currents rising over the mountain peaks.
It would end soon enough, but while they allowed me to join them, it was bliss.