Chapter 6 Ragnar
RAGNAR
The birds on the front porch were silent black sentinels against the freshly fallen snow. It was fitting that they were the ones to hear my inner thoughts about this new development in my life.
“So I guess the universe felt I had enough time to heal after Chance’s passing. But is any time really enough when you lose someone you love?”
It was obviously a rhetorical question. The leader of the flock fluffed his feathers a bit more against the bitterly cold morning, then croaked, “It’s time, buddy boy.
” The voice was a low bass grumble, bringing to mind a big biker telling someone to mount up before they rode out.
Even so, the words were once again perfect for the situation.
“So, you can understand the context and everything I’m saying? Is that what you mean?”
He turned away from me toward another member of the flock, then flew back and perched on the arm of my chair. He sat very still for several minutes, watching me intently. After a few minutes, I began to see flashes of images in my mind. They were fuzzy at first, but then they became clearer.
The first was an image of a more petite raven in the morning sun, flying across a blue sky, then perched high in a fir tree.
Next came a picture of a nest with eggs, then chicks, then fledglings learning to fly.
The images flashed faster and faster as the chicks grew, found mates, and had chicks of their own.
They were independent of the flock, but near.
Then the images slowed to a standstill. There was blood in the snow. A small female lay still and unmoving.
“I’m so sorry for your loss.” The words slipped out quietly in the still, cold light of the morning.
The following image was a day like today, clear and blue, but the feeling was different.
The flock was back, finding prey for the wolves and watching for predators.
But another female appeared in the images now, too.
I lifted an eyebrow at that, and the raven fluffed his feathers and looked over at the smaller female perched close on the porch railing.
“So you lost your mate, and now you’ve found your new one?”
He croaked roughly, then repeated, “It’s time, buddy boy.”
“Yeah, yeah, I get it. I do, but it’s harder for us.” The big bird shook his head and flapped his wings angrily. “Okay, okay. You’re right. That’s bullshit. I know. I’m just scared.”
“Understandable.” The word, spoken so suddenly, startled me because it didn’t come from the bird on my chair but from the one on the rail, the female who was his mate. The voice was gentle and soft, as if the speaker truly understood what the other person was saying.
“Thank you, pretty lady.” I bowed my head, and she bowed back.
The snow that had been threatening all morning began to fall, and it looked like it would be enough to snow us in for days. There were things I needed to get done, including looking after my sick mate. I’d postponed moving on for long enough, it seemed.
“Okay, my friends, thank you for trusting me with your wisdom. I have a mate who needs me now, so I’ll leave you to find your safe place in the storm. I’d be honored if you stayed here.”
I saw an image of a barn with high ceilings and rafters, with heaters for the horses and several ravens on the high beams, all warm and safe.
“Well, I can’t compete with that, can I? Have a wonderful and warm day, my friends.”
They both croaked their final farewells, then flew with the rest of the flock into the snowy sky.
When I shuffled into the living room, dropping my coat over the back of one of the dining room chairs, I was startled to see Ryan had gotten up and moved from the bed to the sofa while I’d been outside on the porch.
“Hey. How are you feeling?” I walked over to feel his forehead for a fever, but I hesitated. I held the back of my hand toward his head. “Do you mind?”
Ryan smiled weakly and nodded. “Please, I can’t tell on my own.
” I touched my hand to his forehead, loving the feel of his skin against mine.
The attraction I’d pushed aside when I realized how sick he had been was rushing back now that he was feeling better.
I didn’t feel the feverish heat on his forehead, so I moved the palm of my hand to his ear and cupped it to feel the temperature.
“My mom taught me that the ears will never lie about a fever, but a forehead will.” I left my right hand on his right ear, then touched his other ear with my left hand, cupping his head gently in my palms. “Looks like you might be out of the woods. You feel cool now.” I couldn’t help myself anymore, so I leaned down and placed a quick kiss on his forehead.
“I’m so glad you’re getting better. You had me worried. ”
Ryan was speechless for a few seconds, then, ignoring the kiss, he shared.
“The only thing my mom taught me was how to tie my shoes.” I was confused until he elaborated.
“She passed away when I was six. I grew up with my stepdad and his daughter. Let’s just say there’s not a lot of love lost there.
” His chuckle turned into a cough, and then he explained, “There’s even less love now, I’m sure.
” I raised an eyebrow in question. “The only reason I’m here is that I bailed on my stepsister’s bachelorette party in Vegas.
She only invited me to foot the bill. Guess daddy cut up her AmEx this month.
I checked out of the hotel and left her and her idiot friends there without a word or a means of payment. ”
His giggle of glee at what he’d done made his eyes sparkle and brought a healthy glow to his cheeks, replacing the fever flush he’d had for the last two days.
He was a big guy with broad, attractive features.
I started to compare him to Chance and stopped myself immediately.
They were different people with different lives.
There was nothing to gain from comparing.
In his own right, Ryan Winthorpe was a very handsome and sexy man.
I found myself getting lost in his cool gray eyes when I realized he was waiting for me to respond to what he’d just said.
“I’m sorry, what?”
He laughed and coughed again, reminding me that even though he was fever-free, he was still under the weather.
He wasn’t feverish, but the cold was still there, dammit.
“You were lost in thought for a second. You’re forgiven.
I asked if we had any food. I feel like I haven’t eaten in a month. I want to get my strength back.”
I felt like a complete asshole. “Damn, I’m sorry!
Yes, of course, we have food. I had the place stocked with a few weeks’ worth of supplies before I arrived.
I wanted enough to last through New Year’s at least. I got up this morning and made chicken soup.
Is that okay? Do you have any dietary restrictions?
I can make something else if you want.” I was rambling, I knew, but he didn’t seem to mind.
“Homemade chicken soup sounds heavenly. I don’t have any allergies, and I’ll eat damn near anything except guacamole. Aww, don’t look at me like that.”
“No guac? Seriously?” I yelled from the kitchen as I grabbed the bowls and ladled us both some piping-hot chicken broth with carrots, celery, and egg noodles.
“I don’t think this is gonna work out if you don’t like guac.
” I carried the bowls into the living room, set them down on the coffee table, then went back to get the saltine crackers from the pantry and two bottles of water.
“Okay, hold up. You’re going to buck fate because I hate avocado? Come on. I mean, I like sour cream and salsa verde.”
“Well, okay, I’ll let it slide, but we need to cover more basics while we’re at it. Coffee or tea? One two three, go.”
“Tea”
“Tea”
“Yes!” Ryan looked thrilled. “I finally met a tea drinker. It really is meant to be.”
“Thank god. It was always my goal in life to have a house with no coffee pot. Just to piss off all the coffee drinkers when they ask for some, and you can say you don’t even know how to make it.”
Over the next few hours, we went back and forth, sharing basics, then hopes and dreams. Every time he took a bite of his soup, I envied the spoon sliding between his full lips.
“Are you going to eat your soup or just watch me eat?” Ryan’s knowing smile belied the fact that he knew he was playing with fire.
He picked up his bottle of water and lifted it above his head, a little higher than necessary.
His Adam’s apple bobbed with every swallow until he emptied every last drop.
I shifted in my seat, rearranging myself to make room for my growing problem. “I’m eating, but to be fair, I’m enjoying the view much more.”
Ryan set his empty bottle down on the table, then patted the cushion beside him on the sofa. “Well, why are you sitting all the way over there? I’m feeling a bit chilly over here by myself. Come keep me warm?”
“Let me get a few things squared away, and then I’m all yours.
” He pouted but nodded in agreement. I took my time.
There was only going to be one first time between us, and I didn’t want anything to go wrong.
I was also convinced he wasn’t feeling well.
His eyes were glassy, and his speech was starting to sound tired.
I could feel his want and need through the mating bond moving between us, but his body was still recovering.
Fuck knew, I wanted nothing more than to sink deep inside him and claim him, but I wanted all of him, and I knew he’d only be partially alert if we did it now.
So I took some time. I added more wood to the fire, took the dishes to the kitchen, checked the snow levels, and topped off the wood box. When all this was done, I stalked over to the sofa, not stopping until he was caged between my arms. “All yours, now.”
“Mmhmm, I like having all your attention.” He reached up to hug me and pull me in for a kiss, but yawned before our lips could touch. His hand flew to his mouth, and he flushed with embarrassment. “Oh, God, I’m so sorry! I can’t believe I just did that.”
I dropped a quick, chaste kiss on his lips, then sat next to him, tucking us under the blanket so he was nestled against my chest and stretched out comfortably on the sofa.
“Don’t worry, it’s perfectly fine. I promise.
” I kissed the top of his head, loving the feel of his silky hair against my skin.
“You’ve been sick, and you’re still recovering.
Trust me, I love the feel of you snuggled next to me, and your hair feels like silk on my lips.
” I nuzzled into his hair and breathed in his musky scent, learning it was Ryan.
“Even just sitting next to you is a pleasure. So, let’s have a Christmas movie marathon since it’s Christmas Eve, then we can crawl into bed and spoon. How does that sound?”
I felt his hesitancy in the tension of his body at first, but as I continued to reassure him and pet him, holding him tight, he relaxed until he was lying limply against me. “If you’re sure, I think I could definitely use a rest. Which movies do we have to choose from?”
I pulled up the streaming app, and we discovered we both loved classic movies. Soon our lineup was full. The first on the list was The Bishop’s Wife, then Christmas in Connecticut, followed by the somewhat obscure The Man Who Came to Dinner.
Ryan tried to sit up and stay awake, but before Cary Grant had told David Niven he was an angel, he was sound asleep in my lap.
I sat there for hours, watching my favorite movies, and after a while, I realized I hadn’t felt this at peace in years.
I stroked my hand down Ryan’s back and sides whenever he grew restless, feeling him settle quickly at my touch.
His presence seemed to still something in me that had been restless for a long time.
Time would tell, but I was more certain than ever that this was where I was meant to be.