Chapter Forty Ella
Chapter Forty
Ella
It was past two in the afternoon, and I was still lying in bed, although I’d moved from Zola’s to my own.
Every glimmer of light from my phone sent my head and heart into a frenzy.
Jimmy hadn’t reached out since leaving the night before, and I lay in bed contemplating every decision I’d made since arriving in America.
I had no idea why I’d thought I could keep this under wraps.
There was so much pressure, and I’d been determined to live an unrealistic fairytale life as far as I could.
I’d wanted to protect Jimmy and handle this on my own.
I didn’t want to puncture the fantasy we’d built between us.
I heard Zola’s voice chatting on the phone most of the day to Ethan, and as much as I admired her for trying, I knew she was fighting a losing battle trying to sort out the shitshow we’d created.
I was doomscrolling down my TikTok feed, watching endless videos from different angles of the catastrophic night, when Zola came to the door.
‘You have a visitor,’ she said. Her voice was low, as she nudged her head towards the living room.
I sat up so quickly I felt the room spin, realising I hadn’t eaten or drunk anything for almost twenty-four hours. ‘Jimmy?’ I felt my blood warm. Maybe he’s come to sort all of this. Maybe he’s found a way to fix us.
‘Philip,’ she whispered, making sure he couldn’t hear us. ‘I can tell him to leave if you want . . .’
I shook my head. ‘No, it’s fine.’ I glanced at my pale face in the mirror and untangled my hair, brushing it abruptly to get the tugs out.
Zola watched me with concern on her face, entering my room and closing the door for more privacy. ‘Look, Ella, remember what he did, OK? He’s floating around here for some reason, we’ve no idea what, and you’re vulnerable right now. I don’t like it.’
I stopped brushing and faced her. ‘He just wants to make sure I’m all right – it’s not like that anymore,’ I assured her, reaching for a wipe and cleansing my patchy skin.
Zola continued watching me in silence for a few more seconds.
‘What?’ I said, reaching for a chewing gum, knowing my breath must smell like a bag of dicks, but having no energy for a full dental hygiene session.
‘Be careful, yeah?’ she said, her voice tight with concern as she opened my door and let me walk through to the living room. ‘I made you a coffee, you’ll need it.’
I could feel her hover in the hallway behind me, tense and wary, like a stray cat waiting to attack.
I headed through to the sitting room where Philip was standing, his eyes fixed on the gorgeous afternoon view of the Hudson. I cleared my throat and he turned to me.
‘Ella.’ His voice sounded panicked, like he’d been genuinely worried about me. ‘You didn’t answer my texts!’
He walked over to me, arms out, and wrapped them tightly around me. I felt rigid, like I was doing something wrong by embracing him. But it also felt nice – safe and familiar.
‘I’ve been spiralling,’ I managed to say, with a slight laugh.
Philip pulled back, still gripping my shoulders. ‘I bet you have! I saw the newspapers and the TikToks.’ He pulled a face at how ugly everything was. ‘The things they’ve said about you, about Katy, it’s awful.’
I nodded, agreeing, but I had no energy to go over it all again with him. I pulled away from his grasp and sat on the sofa, clasping my hands round the coffee Zola had made me.
‘You should try telling Jimmy that,’ I managed, reliving the moment from the night before when he was questioning my intentions.
Philip bristled slightly, uncomfortable when I said Jimmy’s name. He sat beside me. ‘So, what’s the plan?’ he asked. ‘I want to help if I can – could I talk to the media on your behalf? Maybe they’d listen if it came from me?’
I shook my head, knowing no one could do a thing, but grateful for his offer. They were only interested in ruining people’s lives, not printing a story on how they got me all wrong.
‘It’s pointless.’ I shrugged. ‘This entire trip has been pointless.’ I felt my voice crack. ‘I’ve lost everything in the process, and it’s all been for nothing.’ My eyes glazed over, and I scrunched my face up, determined not to cry in front of him.
‘Hey, come on! I’m sure it hasn’t been pointless. You had a little drama at a party, Ella. You still have the app launching next week! Remember the last gallery drama you had? You basically put that Italian guy on the map.’
I covered my face. ‘The app isn’t launching. A major investor has pulled out . . . so . . .’
Philip went quiet, clearly out of ideas for pep talks. Silence settled between us.
‘I’ve ruined my entire career. If someone sticks my name into Google for recommendations, all they’re going to find out is that I’m a fucking money grabber.’
Philip moved closer. ‘Well, the offer at my company’s PR firm still stands,’ he said softly, likely thinking about how I’d reacted the last time he’d mentioned it. ‘But I can also help you if you want to try it on your own for a bit longer. I know a lot of people back home, Ella.’
I forced a smile as I watched him genuinely try to help me. As much as his recent actions infuriated me, he had always been kind. I could see he was trying. Philip’s eyes locked with mine and he matched my smile.
‘Thank you,’ I said quietly, feeling drained of pretty much everything I had.
‘Come here!’ he said, stretching out his arms for a hug. I dragged myself up the sofa and leaned into him, properly this time. His body felt warm, strong, protective. I closed my eyes and inhaled a long, deep breath.
‘I know things aren’t great between us, Ella. And I know I hurt you, but I’m going to do everything in my power to fix this. I’m sorry,’ he said, his voice still soft.
My thoughts ricocheted in my skull. I felt lost, uncertain, raw. But it felt nice to have someone on our side. Someone who knew me, who knew my friends and knew we weren’t any of the awful things the media had made us out to be.
We sat in complete silence for a while. Philip ran his fingers through my hair. I had missed this for so long, I’d dreamed about his touch, his comfort, his warmth, but now it felt strange, like nothing. After my time with Jimmy, it all felt entirely different.
Then I heard a voice call out from behind me.
‘Zola! It’s me!’
I turned to see Ethan standing beside the elevator, his eyes fixed on me, cuddling Philip. He looked a little more uneasy than usual.
‘Hey!’ Zola called out, looking happy to see him as she came out from her room. Then her gaze fell on me. Her smile dropped as quickly as Katy’s knickers when she caught wind of a twelve-inch cock. She placed one hand on her hip and paused, biting her lip.
‘You have got to be fucking kidding me,’ she muttered under her breath. ‘Ella, a word!’ She pointed to the hallway, summoning me. I stood up like a naughty schoolgirl and dragged my feet through. ‘One second, guys,’ Zola said to Ethan and Philip, then stormed behind me into the hallway.
When she reached me, I could see the fury blazing in her eyes.
‘What the fuck was that, Ella?’ Venom seethed through her teeth.
I took a step back, wondering who the fuck she was talking to, because there was no way it could be me.
‘Excuse me?’
‘He fucking cheated on you!’ she continued.
I felt my face radiate enough heat to warm the city with anger. ‘What are you on about? I know exactly what he’s done! And just for the record, we’d finished!’
If I were being honest with myself, I wasn’t sure whether we had or not, but it had been a grey area when Philip and I broke up. I didn’t have the mental strength to dive into the finer details of that right now.
‘What is your fucking problem anyway, Zo?’ I spat back. ‘Philip and I have history, and he’s trying to make amends. He’s shown up to help me, to help all of us! It’s not like that anymore. He’s a friend!’
Zola laughed, her body swaying from side to side. ‘Oh, yeah? And how’s he going to help? Eh? By snuggling up in Jimmy’s house with Jimmy’s girlfriend. You’re pathetic!’
‘What?’ I was furious now. I had no idea why she was gunning for me. ‘No, actually, he’s offered us jobs at his company for a start.’ I shook my head, not knowing why I was under attack for a stupid hug from my ex.
‘And why do you think he’s done that, babe?
’ she continued. ‘He’s controlling you, Ella.
’ She slowed her voice, as if I were the thickest person in the world.
‘He wants to keep you down here in a little box where you’ll stay forever.
He doesn’t want you to become successful, to grow!
Because then you won’t need him anymore! ’
I laughed. ‘You’re acting like a lunatic. He’s just trying to fucking help, Zola. He’s being kind!’ I tried my hardest to keep my voice low, but I knew the men in the living room would spot a domestic. ‘And if he was controlling me, why would he offer you and Katy a job too?’
Zola was rocking on her feet, like she was about to explode with rage. ‘Because he’s trying to win you back!’ Then she turned her head towards the living room and called out, ‘But you can tell Mr Khan I’d rather shovel shit all day than work for him!’ She turned back to face me with a wide grin.
‘You are fucking out of order, Zo!’ I barged past her towards my room, noticing from the corner of my eye that Philip had left the apartment.
‘Yeah, well, I’d rather be out of order than be treated like a total fucking sap!’ she called back.
I turned, feeling it hit me all at once.
‘This is what it’s all about, isn’t it?’ I snarled, realising why she was being so bitter.
‘You’re jealous.’ I shrugged. ‘You’re jealous that Philip came to New York after he fucked up, and Curtis didn’t.
You’re raging because he’s willing to change, when you haven’t heard jack shit from Curtis for weeks.
That’s why you’re so angry, that’s why you don’t want to go home. You’re scared.’
Zola stood in a daze, as if I’d taken a steamy piss in her cornflakes. She was motionless, speechless.
A jolt of adrenaline made my hands tremble. ‘You’re scared to make a decision. You act tough, Zola. But honestly, you’re probably the most pathetic out of us all.’
I turned around, charged into my room and slammed the door shut. I felt sick and crouched down to my knees. My heart was racing, my hands were shaking. Why did I say that? Why was she so horrible?
A few moments passed. Out in the hallway, there was silence. I stood back up, opened the wardrobe and pulled on my long coat and UGGs.
I had to get out of this apartment.