17. Kasten
Ireturned to the castle to be told, once again, that Sophie was in the gardens. I was glad the incident six days ago hadn’t dissuaded her from going somewhere that clearly brought her so much pleasure.
The Red Men wouldn’t be bothering us again anytime soon. Every time I thought about them, my blood ran hot. Their audacity was astounding. Their attempted assassination of a noble close to the king was foolish enough, but trying to threaten me to force me to aid them? Especially after I had freed Jack? They’d lost every last shred of common sense.
They’d had my sympathies before. Now they had nothing. And I had left Jacob tied up for the Adenburg city guard.
I watched Sophie out of the window. Why she had chosen such a peripheral area for her garden patch, I had no idea. It was one of the most run-down areas of our lands. And I could only view half of it through the beech trees. But at least it was still close to the castle, even if I had to enter the second floor servants’ area to see it through the window. I was pleased to see Meena had two other guards shadowing her. Sophie seemed remarkably unshaken, considering she’d been attacked in the gardens before. In fact, she seemed to be in her element.
The young gardener, Tom, was heading toward her. He was one of four gardeners who spoke with her often. I suspected she had charmed them all without realizing it. She waved at him and smiled as he approached. A pang of envy mixed with jealousy made me clench my jaw. Which was stupid. I wanted her to be happy. I wanted her to make friends. But if he made one inappropriate move…
She was pointing to various areas of her garden, and he leaned over her neat rows of freshly planted shrubs with interest. Occasionally, he asked a question or pointed to something. When she came to the final row, she seemed deflated, and I fought the urge to fidget. Something was wrong.
Tom bent over some shrubs, then said something and hurried off. Sophie stayed crouched next to the final row of shrubs as if searching for something among them. I’d never had an interest in gardens, nor much time to enjoy them. They seemed nothing more than an expensive necessity that came with big castles and lands. Something to entertain guests or produce food for the castle. Seeing my wife deflated while I would be useless in this area made me hope that Tom would damn well fix it.
Tom hurried back. He had a flowerpot with a similar green shrub in his hands. Sophie stood to examine it. She spoke excitedly to Tom. He hurried away, leaving the shrub. It looked exactly like the ones on the ground. I dragged my hand down my face. I couldn’t work this out.
She was still studying Tom’s plant with a smile that made my heart beat faster. The gardener returned with a sack over one shoulder. He dumped it at her feet, and she bent to carefully place the shrub beside her before looking in the sack.
Her face changed and she got that look. The one where her eyes widened and every feature seemed to shine, her whole body bursting with energy. Joy. My mouth dried, and I stepped up to the glass, studying the transformation.
Sophie jumped to her feet and threw her arms around Tom. He stood rigid and taken aback. She seemed to remember herself and stepped back. I could imagine her stuttered apology, but the way she shone… Tom seemed to notice it too. He beamed.
“Kasten!”
I jumped back from the glass, swearing.
Callum approached and followed my gaze, folding his arms. “You standing here, staring at her all the time—it isn’t normal, you realize. In fact, it’s a bit creepy.”
I shrugged, frowning. “She’s my wife.” I was allowed to watch her.
Callum sighed theatrically. “Then treat her like your wife and actually talk with her.”
I sighed, heaviness filling my chest. “I’ve made her happy.” I looked back out the window. “Look at her. She’s happy. She is as free as I can make her. That’s enough. Nothing good would ever come of her knowing me or this mess we’re in.”
Callum slapped me on the back. “Maybe this is your chance to be happy, rather than being so sour about everything.”
I snorted. “Don’t be ridiculous. What would we even talk about? This is enough.” I gestured out the window. “When she looks like that…” I caught myself, clearing my throat. “Can you send Tom, the gardener, to my office?”
Callum raised an eyebrow. “Tom? What’s he got to do with the campaign? We’re leaving in three weeks, and the supply train still isn’t finalized. You’re getting distracted, Kasten, and it’s not like you. We can’t afford to make mistakes.”
I gave him a hard look, tilting my head to one side and folding my arms. “Are you doubting that I’m doing my job?”
Callum held up his hands. “No, no. I’ll get Tom. Just…let me know if you need any help with the campaign, all right? You shouldn’t work so late every night. Many of us could help.”
“You’ve got the weapons to sort out. And we need more spare freisk knives.”
He nodded once. “They’ll be ready. They’re all working well. I’m just making the adjustments invisible for any inspections. I’m not the one getting distracted.”
He turned and left before I could retort. I took one last look at Sophie smiling, bathed in golden sunshine, then headed back to my office to contemplate who was most likely to kill me next month: my father or the enemy. Or any one of the nobles I had angered. Duke James was probably top of the list right now; there had been real anger and hatred in his parting words. The most important thing was for me to limit casualties, whatever they planned. It wasn’t the fault of my men that the king wanted me dead.
I collapsed in my office chair and pinched the bridge of my nose. I was tired. So, so tired. And not just because of my inability to sleep.
Originally, I thought this role would get easier with time. I thought I would be used to the preparations, the secrets, the inevitably of death, the knowledge that I couldn’t keep everyone safe. I’d waited for the troops to become mere numbers on a ledger. Statistics. But it hadn’t happened, and every time I planned and replanned, I felt like an ant trying to play God with too many lives.
I touched the box which contained the names of those who’d fallen under my command, as was my ritual every time I sat down. I’d done what I could, and many of their families were now employed in Kasomere. But until the king was satisfied, more lives would be lost. And the king was never satisfied. I doubted even my death would end the bloodshed. This war would last an eternity.
Thank the kingdoms, I had Callum. We would have been long dead without him.
There was a timid knock at the door.
“Come in,” I snapped, more abruptly than I’d intended.
The door creaked open slowly, and Tom poked his head in as if uncertain whether I had really summoned him.
“Quick now, I’ve not got all day.”
The young man startled and scurried into my office, wringing his cap between his hands. Not sure why. I wasn’t that scary.
“My lord?”
“You were talking to my wife just now?”
Tom acted as if he were in trouble, hunching his shoulders slightly and darting his eyes to the door. “Yes, my lord. I was helping her with her garden.”
“What was in the bag that made her embrace you?”
His face drained of color, and a tremble ran down his arm as he stumbled over his words. “I assure you, my lord, it was an innocent gesture. She was merely taken by surprise and very excited. I didn’t instigate it.”
I waved his words from the air, trying not to sound too impatient. “Answer the question, Tom.”
“It’s horse droppings mixed with peat and compost. My own recipe, my lord.”
I frowned at him with annoyance. Was this some sort of joke? She was overjoyed about horse feces?
Tom noticed my expression and stumbled over his words. “It was for her sweetwart, you see. Hers isn’t flowering, even though it’s the right month. It’s a tricky one to grow, and I mean, well, she only purchased and planted them four days ago. The leaves are good for all sorts of things, but the flowers, well, they are the real prize, my lord.”
I rubbed my chin. Sweetwart? “And you grow them too? Was that one you brought over to her?”
He nodded. “Yes, my lord. I wanted to show her one of my younger ones that I’d got to flower. She was very excited. I explained the trick was the acidity of the soil and underwatering. It’s not easy, but I’ve been growing herbs for our kitchen for years. I found a certain compost mix brings them into flower reliably. I use it all the time, so I gave some to her. She’s tried to grow it before in pots and never had one flower, you see, and she’s hard on herself. She’s not had much opportunity to experiment in the past with the practical side of gardening, but her knowledge is impressive. I’m learning from her every day.”
I leaned back in my chair. “What sort of gardening is she trying to do? I couldn’t even see your sweetwart flowers from the window. They can’t have been very impressive.”
“She…she enjoys growing herbs and plants with special properties, my lord. Sweetwart flowers can be turned into a local anesthetic. Much safer than numbing agents taken orally.”
I stared at him.
He shifted his feet. “A local anesthetic is a substance that numbs a small area of your body, my lord.”
I scowled at him. “I know that, boy. I just…do all her plants in the patch have properties like that?”
He nodded. “Yes, my lord. She’s fascinated by them. I’m sure she would tell you about them all if you asked. She understands more about that side of the plants than me. I just grow them.”
Had I been mistaking her passion entirely?
“She said her favorite flower is lisalthis. What is that?”
He cocked his head. “Lisalthis is a weed. It grows everywhere. The tiny flowers make white and blue carpets across the ground, but they only bloom at dawn. It’s delicate and can’t be picked without wilting straightaway.”
I frowned. “Do we have it in the garden?”
“Well, yes, my lord. We keep on top of it as it can spread, but we let it grow in the rock garden.”
“Let it spread across the grounds.” I leaned on my elbows. “Whatever your normal duties are, her new garden takes priority, you understand? She is to have everything she needs. Every type of compost. Anything you suspect she might appreciate, bring it to her. I don’t care what it is or how much space or expense it requires.”
Tom grinned and nodded. “Yes, my lord. If I may be so bold, a lot of plants I suspect she may wish to grow require swampland. We obviously have no natural swamps nearby, and I don’t think her ladyship would dare make something unsightly. But if you ordered one made as a present, I think she would be thrilled.”
I blinked. He was still being serious. “A swamp? You’re sure?”
He nodded more vigorously. “Then she could grow yellowmoss and bigsweed and even attempt honey orchids. Not to mention pigsmoss…”
I cut him off. “I get the idea. I want you to organize this. Talk it through with Stefan. Find a suitable spot. If it indeed pleases her, you will be promoted to second head gardener, and I’ll double your salary.”
Tom’s jaw fell slack. “Y…yes, my lord. Thank you, my lord. I’ll see to it right away.”
“And keep it a surprise for now. Don’t tell her.”
He bowed and practically ran from the room.
I sighed and pushed back my hair. Horse manure, weeds, and a swamp. How could I have ever guessed what Sophie would want? I really was no good at this.