27. Sophie
Iran down the stairs to the ground floor and skidded over the black and white tiles to the main door. I barreled into them and pushed them open without stopping, immediately taking the steps to the courtyard two at a time, holding my skirts above my knees, and not caring if I over-balanced and fell.
The courtyard was empty of all but guards holding flaming torches at the inner wall. I ignored them as I ran past, not giving them the chance to question whether they should stop their lady.
On the wide street of the city, hushed by night, half silvered by starlight, and half shadowed by cloud cover, I slowed and heaved in great ragged breaths, finally letting the tears flow freely.
Guards patrolled the main street. One headed toward me between the blue pools of kryalcomy lamps, so I took a side street and hurried up the twisted path between houses. A cat darted across my path as I walked, choosing turnings at random and listening to my heartbeat slow until my tears finally dried up.
I stopped and looked around as my mind caught up with my reckless heart. I pulled my shawl tight around my arms. Where was I even going? I hadn’t been in the city often and had always been in a carriage or guarded and directed by Meena. The clouds now covered the whole sky in an expectant blanket of black.
I hesitated. Dawn couldn’t be that far away. Should I turn back to the castle, or find a place to rest? I’d traveled a long way through meandering streets, and in the heavy, humid darkness, I couldn’t find the silhouetted towers of the castle. It could be a long walk back, and it felt like it was about to rain. An inn with food and drink was probably a good idea. Besides, I didn’t want to face Kasten again right now. I touched my wrist and my neck to ensure my jewelry was still there. That should be more than enough to pay for a meal and maybe a simple bed to rest in.
I took a left, then a right, the twisting streets narrow and disorientating. They would eventually lead to the main street, which was crowded with shops and restaurants and inns. I just had to go downhill.
A set of heavier footsteps behind me made me pause. The footsteps paused too. My heart leapt in my throat, and I spun around but only found the dark cobblestone street full of shadows and wonky corners. I started walking again, and a moment later, the footsteps resumed, slightly faster than my own. Again, I stopped and turned. Again, I saw nothing.
I picked up the pace and chose intersections at random. The footsteps continued, always on the edge of my hearing, stopping when I stopped. I was definitely being followed. I took a left and a second set of footsteps joined the first.
My heart thudded so hard, my chest ached, and I wished I had any sort of weapon. Not that I knew how to use one. Why had I been so stupid to come out here alone? If whoever was following me approached, maybe I could just give them the jewelry and they would go? Maybe Red Men were after me again to threaten Kasten. Or maybe something even worse.
I took a deep breath. Maybe it was just Meena giving me space. Or another castle guard.
I couldn’t convince myself.
I kept walking, hoping that any minute now I would see the soft blue glow of the main street with its patrolling guards. It was straight and well-lit, making it much easier to see anyone trying to follow me. I would be safe there.
A few warning spots of rain hit my face. I looked up as the clouds unleashed, drenching me in seconds. Drips fell from the tiled eves of the houses like curtains, running in channels on low walls to water butts lining the narrow street. The sound of rain increased, making it harder to hear the footsteps, but I was sure I could hear a whispered voice.
“You sure that’s her?”
“Yeah, yeah. Positive.”
My skin prickled as all the hairs on my body stood on end. I broke into a run over the slippery, uneven cobblestones. The footsteps became heavier as they picked up the pace behind me. My skirts tangled around my ankles, clinging to my skin as I attempted to pull them free.
I rounded a corner and saw the glow of kryalcomy lights ahead. Just a little farther.
A tall, broad man appeared with a kryalcomy lantern, blocking my path and my way to the main street. I stumbled as I slowed, looking for another path to take, but the walls of houses and gardens extended to either side. The footsteps behind me slowed, loud enough to be heard even over the rain. I turned and saw three men cautiously coming closer. They’d caught me. I was trapped. Fear, cold and relentless, froze my limbs as I desperately sought a way out.
“Sophie?”
I looked back to the silhouette of the tall man with the lantern, his face hidden under the hood of a rain cloak. Kasten. That was Kasten’s voice.
Relief flooded me, so palpable, I choked on a sob. I ran up to him and grabbed his free arm, hugging it tightly to my chest. “Kasten.”
“Are you hurt?” he asked gruffly.
I shook my head, rain trickling down my face.
“Let go of me, then. Stay here and don’t move.” His voice was low and dangerous.
I awkwardly untangled myself and instantly felt foolish for grabbing him. Especially since only an hour before, I had been running away from him. His hand found the small of my back to steady me, and I felt something hard and pointed in his grip.
As he smoothly stepped between me and the shadowed street, I looked down and noticed he held the glowing pyramidal tracking device. I’d completely forgotten about it and how it made me easy to find. Right now, I couldn’t be more grateful that the Red Man had set it to track me.
Kasten slipped the device into the pocket of his canvas cloak, then quickly pulled out a long knife. I looked around his arm for the men who’d been following me. They had already turned and were heading back up the hill, half concealed by shadows and rain.
I exhaled in relief, expecting Kasten to let them go, but he set off at a sprint. I gasped as he moved faster than a man of his size should have been capable of, let alone with injuries. Did this have something to do with Callum’s illegal kryalcomy?
Through the rain, I could barely make out the details of the fight as he caught the first man, yanking him backward by his coat collar and punching him in the face. He fell down and lay limp from the single blow. The other men were already out of sight, but Kasten moved again, his dark cloak a blur of shadow and rain. Seconds later, after one strangled shout, Kasten came back into sight, dragging three unconscious bodies through the puddles. His shadowed face was furious and his jaw clenched. He looked even more dangerous and brutal than normal, but I realized, strangely, I wasn’t scared of him.
I shifted on my feet, but he said nothing, dragging the men past me onto the main street. He shouted over to a patrolman on the other side and gave him quick, hard orders, pointing back to the castle and then back to the unconscious men. The patrol man looked stunned and responded with quick nods under his smart blue hat, before he dragged the men one at a time into a nearby guard house. Each man was heavy enough to redden the patrol man’s face, yet Kasten was not even out of breath. Was that kryalcomy too?
I reached out and tentatively touched my husband’s arm, adrenaline still racing through me. “Thank you, Kasten. I’m?—”
He grabbed me by the shoulders and lowered his head to mine, rain dripping from his hood onto my face. “What is wrong with you tonight! Why did you go running off alone like that? What possessed you?”
His anger both terrified me and enraged me. My mind screamed at me to back down and beg for his forgiveness, but my wounded heart only hurt more at his tone and cried out louder with pain and rage. I shoved him off me. “You did! You told me to go!” I pushed my rain-slicked hair back from my face.
“To your room! Not to the city in the middle of the night!” He punctuated his words with his outstretched hands. I had never seen his face so animated, his hood falling back so trickles of rain poured over his features.
“Well, maybe you should have specified that you wanted to treat me like a naughty child!” I was so angry, so tired, my hands started to tremble violently.
He gaped and pushed right up to me, forcing me to step backward until the wall was flat against my back and its wetness soaking through my clothes. He hissed. “Do you have any idea what would have happened if that woman had reached you earlier? Because I tell you, she was a whole lot worse than these men!”
Nerves shuddered up my spine, but I refused to be cowed, and shouted right back into his face. “No, I don’t know because you haven’t told me anything! How am I meant to know what to do and how to behave if you keep me completely in the dark? I don’t understand the dangers you have put me in!”
He jerked back as if I had slapped him, his long narrow eyes blinking rapidly in the rain. He looked down, his voice becoming quiet, but still laced with anger. “I never meant for you to be in danger.” He started to tug off his oiled cloak, spraying water droplets.
I struggled to catch my breath, my strength ebbing from my limbs as the adrenaline disappeared. The shaking in my hands had grown worse. Black dots appeared around the corners of my vision. I was vaguely aware of him wrapping his waterproof cloak around my shoulders and placing the hood over my hair.
I would not faint. I would not faint. I was so sick and tired of being weak.
The blackness only grew, and the world swayed.
Stupid, stupid, weak…
“Sophie?” Kasten’s voice was disembodied now. Suddenly gentle and concerned. “Sophie, speak to me?” It had an edge of panic to it. But that made no sense. He was furious with me.
The world went utterly black, and I felt the strange sensation of falling but never landing.
“Sophie, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have spoken like that. Sophie, can you hear me?”
Something about Kasten’s voice was strange. The tone was off. I couldn’t grasp onto it to figure it out. I could only hear boots pounding against cobblestones. But I was still falling through blackness.
The world lurched and sensation slowly returned. Strong hands gripped me, handing me over. “I think she just fainted. I’m not sure. Take her to her room. I’ll get the physician.”
Meena’s voice. “What on earth happened?”
“I’ll tell you later. It’s my fault. I’ll…keep my distance. I think I’m the last person she wants to see right now. I’m just not…completely in control right now.”
I could feel gentle arms around me, and my vision slowly returned to reveal Meena carrying me up the stairs. She noticed me blinking up at her in confusion as I tried to piece together what I’d just heard.
She smiled. “Well, you certainly gave us all a fright.”
I looked around, but Kasten was gone. Panic started to rise in me. “Did Kasten just carry me all the way back to the castle? His arm is still injured. He shouldn’t have used it.”
If Kasten’s surgery failed, it would be my fault.
Meena gave me a stern look. “The general is fine, and he’s already done far worse things tonight as far as his arm is concerned. He deserves to have it dislocated with how little he listens to the physician. Now we need to concentrate on you. How are you feeling?”
I blinked in surprise at her assessment of Kasten’s behavior. What had happened earlier with that woman? How many people had he fought tonight when I hadn’t even taken his stitches out yet?
Meena adjusted her grip and pinned me with her gaze. “Lady Sophie? How are you feeling?”
I sighed and closed my eyes. Confused. Angry. Scared. Worried. Lost.
I didn’t reply but let her carry me through the door of my room and lay me on the bed.
I really shouldn’t have shouted at Kasten like that. Especially when our relationship was so fragile. But he shouldn’t have shouted at me either. How could he blame me for something that was his fault? I would have expected something like this from Frederick, but I’d started to believe Kasten was different.
Miss Claris would have chastised me for such a thought.
And just what had Kasten been doing to that poor, sick woman? Helping her? Torturing her? I’d never seen anyone in a similar state before, and he’d been rough.
As the world stopped spinning, I slowly sat up in the bed and faced Meena. She handed me a cup of water, which I took gratefully. “What was going on in there?” My voice sounded small. Weak. I sipped the water.
Her expression was gentle, even sympathetic. “You shouldn’t have seen that.” She took the cup back and handed me a towel, helping me wrap it around my soaking hair.
I rotated my jaw in frustration. “Answer me, Meena. Please. I’m sick of being excluded from everything, especially in situations where I am in danger.” I had to know what sort of a man Kasten truly was before my admiration for him grew any more…and what world I’d been thrust into when I married him.
Meena’s eyes lowered. “He doesn’t explain because knowledge of this could get you killed. If the king’s men found out what was going on here… He wants you to be innocent so you would be spared. Not to mention it would put you directly against Lord Lyrason.”
I leaned closer to Meena, clenching my fists so they didn’t start shaking again. “What was wrong with that woman? Tell me now or I’ll…I’ll march straight back to the east wing.”
We both knew the threat was an empty one. I couldn’t even stand, and Kasten had made it very clear that she was dangerous.
Meena sighed. “Please calm down, my lady. That woman is very, very sick. Kasten was trying to save her and those who might be harmed by her. I can’t tell you more. I am sorry. Just know that your husband is a good man. He shouts at you because you scared him. You being there severely compromised your safety. Please don’t hold it against him.”
I sighed. Kasten would never be scared of anything.
I flopped back down on the pillows, what remained of my strength leaving me, and the room starting to spin again. Kasten was helping a sick woman, something that could get him killed if the king found out. Was she some sort of criminal? Or had she caught the disease from something illegal? I couldn’t work this out on my own, and I was so exhausted from trying to.
Meena helped me peel off Kasten’s canvas cloak, my soaking shawl, simple dress, and shift. I could barely sit up. She pulled on my nightgown and wrapped me in blankets, removing the ones I had made damp. “Try not to dwell on it, my lady. The physician will be here soon, then you can sleep. It’s almost dawn. You should take the day leisurely.”
I gave her a vague nod in response, and she dimmed the kryalcomy lights. “I’ll be just outside the door if you need me.”
I lay down in the half-darkness, my heartbeat refusing to slow. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw the screaming woman. Kasten yelling, his face contorted in rage and fear. Shadowed men trying to catch me, excitement in their eyes. The speed and skill with which Kasten took them down. Surely that had to be related to Callum’s illegal kryalcomy? I replayed the scene in my mind. He had been…amazing. Completely confident in his abilities. And even though I’d seen how ruthlessly violent and efficient he could be, I wasn’t scared of him. I should have been. Instead, from the moment he appeared in the alley, I’d felt safe. When he had been shouting furiously in my face, I should have been terrified. Instead, I had shouted back.
I’d never shouted at anyone before.
I twisted the bedcovers between my fingers, remembering my overwhelming feeling of relief when he’d appeared in that dark street. I played the moment over and over. The emotions that had crashed over me when he appeared.
I stared up at the ceiling thinking over that strange revelation. Married to Kasten, I felt safe, which made no sense when my life had been threatened in his castle yet again. Kasomere was definitely not safe. I should have known as soon as I’d found out I would be guarded night and day. So why wasn’t I scared?
And if it wasn’t fear, why had I run from him?
I sighed and pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes.
Why did Kasten make me feel like I didn’t know myself at all?
There was a knock on the door, and a physician entered with soft footsteps, her head and upper body wrapped in a large shawl. She wasn’t the physician who had attended Kasten, and I didn’t recognize her. She looked me up and down with a gentle smile.
“I’m Physician Harris. Do you mind if I turn up the lights?”
I shook my head and slowly eased myself into a sitting position. “I’m sorry you were called out so early in the morning. I’m afraid it was probably not needed. I merely fainted and just need rest.”
She nodded, but didn’t reply, setting her leather bag on the table and unclipping it. “Do you faint often?”
I frowned at the question, thinking back. It was my impression that it was not uncommon for women to faint. I probably did so more than others, but Miss Claris had always said I had a fragile constitution.
“I often feel lightheaded when I’m emotionally stimulated. I normally sit down before I can faint, but not always. It’s not that common, maybe a few times a year? I assumed it was partially due to wearing corsets.”
The physician narrowed her eyes and took out a stethoscope. A faint blue light glowed on the head that immediately diverted my attention. I didn’t recall a similar light on Physician Jones’s stethoscope. “Does that use kryalcomy?”
The woman held up her finger as she approached. “One moment, if you please. Were you wearing a corset last night?”
I shook my head. “But I suppose, I had been running and hadn’t slept and had a fright. I’m not very brave or very strong.”
The physician pursed her lips. “Is that so?”
She placed the stethoscope on my chest and instructed me to breathe in and out as she listened. There was a twitch between her eyebrows, and I wondered what she heard.
She turned back to her bag. “To answer your earlier question, yes, the stethoscope does. Kryalcomy can redirect air. It amplifies the sound, which makes it easier for me to hear your heart. It’s a recent invention approved by the Maegistrium. Still very expensive, which is why you might not have come across it in Adenburg yet.”
No, only in a remote city that wasn’t unusually rich.
She pulled out a cuff attached to a box which also had a blue glowing light. “I’m going to test your blood pressure. This uses kryalcomy too. When I turn this dial, it inflates with air and then slowly releases. It records the pressure level when I can hear your pulse again. It’s more accurate than the standard ones.”
She wrapped the cuff around my upper arm, inflated it, and held the head of the stethoscope to my wrist. Just the pressure of the cuff inflating was enough to make me feel dizzy again. I watched as the dial on the box slowly lowered as the pressure reduced until the physician pressed a button to make it stop.
The physician repeated the process while I waited for the results, my eyes feeling heavy with lack of sleep now that I was in the warm comfort of my bed.
Finally, she withdrew a clipboard from her bag and recorded some notes.
“Your heart rate is fast and your blood pressure slightly low. This might be why you feel lightheaded. Are you currently taking any medication or tonics?”
I pointed to the box of tonics Miss Claris had brought that were stashed in the corner. “I take a fertility tonic.” My cheeks heated even as I said the words.
The physician didn’t even blink at the admission but jotted something down. “How regularly do you take it?”
I shifted uncomfortably. “I used to take a spoonful daily in my previous marriage. Since my arrival in Kasomere, I’ve been sporadic at best.”
“I need to check that none of the ingredients are exacerbating your low blood pressure or might interact with what I’m about to give you.” She walked over to the box and withdrew one of the vials, swirling the reddish-brown liquid. She tapped her chin in annoyance. “Why isn’t it labeled?” She turned back to me. “Do they always come like this? Who makes them for you?”
I pulled my bedcovers up to my chest in discomfort. “They’re never labeled. I think for discretion’s sake. Miss Claris said it would be unseemly for anyone to know I took such a tonic. She said I should appear able to conceive without needing help. My maid sourced them with permission from my father. I never asked from where or what the contents were.”
Physician Harris put down the vial and planted her hands on her hips. “That’s ridiculous. Drinking unlabeled tonics is dangerous. Whoever made them is guilty of bad practice.”
She strode back to the bed, writing out something on a slip of paper. “Since neither of us knows what’s in that tonic, you should stop drinking it completely for your own safety. Instead, I will recommend something to help with your blood pressure. A pharmacist will be able to mix it up for you. We’ll retest in three weeks.”
I tugged on the bedsheet, wrapping it around my hands, my mind turning to my garden. “I have my own fallow weed in the garden and could add some carrot juice from the kitchens.”
The physician paused. “You will need to purify and distill the fallow weed and then have the concentration at least one in fifty and add something for the taste.”
I nodded. “I’ll take it with honey. I know fallow weed is only effective above one in thirty and above one in eighty it can cause vomiting.”
She pursed her lips for a moment, then nodded. “Let’s try that then. If it doesn’t work, we’ll use something prepared by the pharmacy.”
I nodded, happy to have another clear use for my project.
She softened her voice. “You are still young, but if you still haven’t fallen pregnant in a year, I will prepare you something myself to help. Until then, try not to put pressure on yourself and your body.”
I nodded, my cheeks feeling warm.
The physician paused as she started to pack her bag. “I…hope this doesn’t sound unprofessional, but I’m friends with Tom, one of your gardeners. He said you were growing yellowmoss as well as bigsweed.”
I nodded. “We’ve already had a tiny harvest that’s drying in the shed. It’s not much, but we’re hoping for a bit more in a few weeks. I used up my last batch of bigsweed when the injured troops came home since Physician Jones said you were in short supply with so many casualties.”
The physician nodded. “If you manage to grow a surplus in the future, the pharmacist is often short since we’re far away from any natural bog land around here and have to wait for merchants. It’s very expensive, as I’m sure you know. I would always be willing to purchase it from you. The fact that you managed to create the right conditions here in Kasomere is extraordinary.”
I nodded. “That was all Tom’s hard work and genius. Of course, I can grow more for you in the future. And if you know of other plants the people here need, we could attempt to grow them as well.”
She smiled, the action genuine and breaking through her professional mask. “That is very kind. I’ll let you know.”
After she left, I found my gaze drifting to the bottles of tonic. What was in them? I’d always assumed it was some concoction of common fertility enhancers like raspberry leaf, chasteberry, nettles, and clover. I had assumed Father had wrangled higher quality ingredients than average through one of his clients, which was why he insisted I drink them.
Unease shifted in my stomach. It felt wrong to distrust and doubt Father and Miss Claris after all they had sacrificed for our family, but suddenly my curiosity was too much. There had to be some way to identify the ingredients, but with no labels of any sort or marks on the bottle to trace its origin, I could only analyze the contents, and a brown liquid wasn’t much to go on.
Guilt made me turn over and squeeze my eyes shut. What else could it possibly be? Poison? I was being ridiculous. Father didn’t deserve my suspicions. Everything he did was for his family.
I curled myself up into a ball and waited for dawn to come.