1. chapter one
chapter one
what are you doing here polly pocket?
september, 2023
I was positive that I wasn’t going to survive the night.
But it wasn’t fear that gripped me, nor a reluctance to be here. Itwas the opposite, in fact. I was so full of excitement that it twisted in my stomach, causing a smile that no doubt made me look like a child wandering into Cinderella Castle for the first time. Although the concert hall we’d just skipped into was nothing like a castle, it was more like the dungeon ruins that had gone untouched for centuries.
But I didn’t care. I was here because I wanted to be here. By no oneelse’s choice but my own.
And being somewhere so crowded would normally make me miss the feeling of being tucked up in bed, reading about eight-foot-tall faeries with ten pillows stacked behind me that did nothing to help my bad posture. But, as I entered the room, the dense cocktail of tobacco and stronger things that mingled in the air, and the smoke that hung low over the crowd made me feel free. And that wasn’t a feeling I’d ever fully experienced before.
“You do know that your shoulders are visibly shaking, right?”
I turned to face Cora as her laugh faded out. Her all-black outfitand smoky eye look perfectly complemented her jade eyes, blending her into our surroundings with little effort. Not to mention her midnight bob, which made her look like her picture would be under the definition of ‘mysterious’ in the dictionary.
My smile widened as I looked at her. “I’ll calm down, I swear—I’mjust excited!” I glanced around the concert hall, trying to take it all in—the sea of black-clad bodies, the dim lights—and felt myself drifting into a hazy blur.
I watched as Cora’s eyes fell down on me, my white cotton dressmaking me stick out like a green grape in a bunch of red’s. But then she smiled at me. “You don’t have to do anything but enjoy it, Goldie. What did we talk about before we got here?”
I slowly blinked at her, our conversation from before we left our dorms ringing in my ears.
I have my life back. I can live my life how I want. My free time ismine and I have the whole world in the palm of my hand now. Thing’s are normal again.
Just thinking about everything that had to fall into place for me to be here—at a concert with my friends, the night before my first day of college, studying the major I’d chosen, working toward my dreams—had me grinning like a total loon.
Cora’s smile hiked higher when she saw the realisation on my face.
I nodded at her. “I have my life back.”
“Yeah, you do.” Her arms wrapped around me a second later,pulling me in for a quick hug before releasing me. “And I know this isn’t normal, but I just thought the VIP area would let your short arse at least see the stage— Oi!”
My eyes rolled as I nudged her, still getting used to her typicalEnglish charm. “Oh, what would I do without you and your PR team?”
She huffed a laugh as she looked around the crowd, her lips tugginginto a frown. “Probably get swept up in a stampede of angry rock fans.”
I grinned, glancing around. “Who all seem to know you, too. Who knew you and indie rock bands shared such a demographic?”
Her eyes narrowed, but a smile tugged at the corner of her lips. “Sarcasm from you feels like it's coming from Winnie the Pooh.”
We both chuckled, the moment light between us, until a tap on her shoulder broke the rhythm. A group of girls, all bright smiles and matching outfits, hovered nearby, phones in hand, asking for photos with her.
Cora had already been stopped several times for photo’s by peoplewho recognised her from her social platforms, and being one of the more well known influencers of our generation, I wasn’t surprised. As the leading lady of kids sitcoms, I was even more grateful that my fan base couldn’t have had a larger collective age than twelve, forever in awe of her and how she stays so zen around the crowds.
As the thought of shuffling down a packed red carpet, with hecklescoming from every angle, floated through my head, I counted my lucky stars that I’d left that life behind. The sets, the press appearances, the contracts—all of it was in the past now.
Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a bundle of pink nearingtowards us, followed by deep brown eyes and blonde spiral curls. My calves burned as I strained on my tip toes, waving my hand in the air to get Rory and Daisy’s attention as they searched for us. Daisy caught my eyes a moment later, before tapping Rory on the shoulder and both of their faces stretching into a smile as they cleared through the crowd to reach us.
“Can you believe that? $50 for a t-shirt. A t-shirt!!” Rory shoutedas she and Daisy slipped into the roped-off section of the audience, shaking said t-shirt as she did.
“Why did you buy it then?” Cora asked, snickering.
Rory rustled her shoulders. “It feels wrong not going to a concertand spending your life savings on the merch, it’s like a trophy.”
Daisy nodded from beside Rory, her curls bouncing as she did. “It’strue, although I just went with a patch.” She pulled the patch, made up of the bands logo, out of her pocket. “And it was only $6.”
Daisy was the girl who’d been assigned to the same dorm as me, andalthough I’d only known her for eight hours, I could tell she was going to fit in well with us.
“Thank you so much again for the tickets, Cora." My roommate beamed. "Are you sure wedon’t have to pay you?”
“Oh, absolutely not.” She smiled at Daisy. “My management got themfor free anyway, and I thought it could be nice to have our first group outing in the VIP section of a Moody Sunday’s concert.”
I hadn’t heard of the band either until about three hours ago, whenCora burst into our dorm, Rory following behind her with the tickets in her hand. And for those next three hours before we had to leave, I was balled up on my bed with my headphones on, trying to learn the lyrics to the set list so I didn’t look like a bore with my mouth closed the entire time.
I found myself reciting the lyrics to one of the songs I found thecatchiest in my head as murmurs began from the crowd, right as I noticed Rory take the t-shirt she’d bought and throw it over her head, pulling it down her body and completely blocking out every ounce of pink she’d existed in.
I threw my hands up pathetically as she tied the excess fabric inthe middle of her torso. “Great, now I look like I got lost on my way to a Kidzbop concert.”
All three of them look over me, the gleaming white fabric making mestand out more than I ever wanted to.
Daisy tilted her head at me. “You look adorable.”
“And adorable is what’s going to get me killed,” I said back to her, atight, sarcastic smile plaguing my face.
“If you want to go and buy a shirt so you blend in, I’ll go with you,the opening artist hasn’t even come on yet.” Cora shrugged. “Shall we go?”
“Umm.” Rory croaked, before looking over to me. “Not only do Irespect you enough to stop you from wasting a small loan on band merch that you’ll never wear again, but there was barely anything left when we got there. Nothing but water bottles and the patches Daisy got.”
I shook my head. “No, it’s okay. I refuse to buy anything blackthat’ll just haunt my wardrobe.”
Black wasn’t my colour. If that wasn’t already obvious by the fact Ilook like a Polly Pocket in a sea of gorgeous Monster High dolls.
And before I realised what had happened, the arena lights wentoff, darkening everything around us, and the screams from the crowd only got louder, making my bones feel electrified. The spotlights angled at the black curtain that was being pulled away from the stage, revealing a band, and shortly after, a guy with a cream guitar jogged from the smoke that lingered towards the back of the stage.
My friends all whooped and screamed as whoever he was addressedthe crowd, waving and winking at the few girls who were practically falling over the barriers that separated us from him.
“Good evening, New York. My name is Tristan Harper, and I knowyou weren’t expecting me here tonight but… surprise.” Screams coming from all different corners of the concert hall broke up his words, making a smirk peek on his mouth as they hit his ears. “Why, you’re a lot nicer than people say you are, ain’t ya?” More screams echoed around the hall, including a few from my friends.
His smirk formed a bright smile before he gripped the microphonestand and tugged the thing towards his mouth. “This is Neverland.”
This wave of cheers was the loudest, making my insides shudder asthe artist, who had an even thicker English accent than Cora, announced his song, before the rich tones from his electric guitar began to play through the speakers.
And then he started to sing.
It didn’t seem fair that on top of his imperfectly styled brown hairthat fell over his forehead, matching eyes in the same colour, broad build, and intricate tattoos laced down his arms, he also had the gorgeous singing voice that he had. There was something husky about it, almost seductive. The way the words fell from his mouth felt like shards of ice that melted onto your skin the second they graced it.
Although I didn’t recognise the song, I still began to move, as did Cora, Rory, and Daisy beside me. And once the rest of the band kicked in for the song’s chorus, we swayed our hips in time with the music, committing to occasional twirls and basking in what would be the last night we could properly enjoy ourselves before our social lives only existed within the walls of the library.
The entire crowd cheered as the singer, Tristan, finished his firstsong, before swiftly moving onto his next. As the drums kicked in and Tristan’s voice travelled through the mic in a way that made me want to scroll through my music app and add each and every one of his songs to my playlist, there was some commotion behind us.
I twisted my head over my shoulder to see two guys, dressed headto toe in black and both sporting t-shirts for the actual band whose concert it was, that had been led into the VIP area. The taller one had sunglasses on, tugging them from his face as he looked around the section, while the other guy had his attention on the phone in his hand. I paid them no notice as I let my head fall back in front of me, dancing around with my friends and letting the music wash over me.
As Cora took hold of my hand and led me into a spin, I heard one ofthe guys behind us mumble something. “I told you we didn’t have to rush to get here, the shitty support act is still on.”
The other one, still with his eyes on his phone, barely gave him aglance as he replied. "Well how the fuck was I meant to know there’d be no traffic? This is Midtown on the weekend.” He finally puts his phone away. “But ya ain't wrong about him being SHITTY.”
Almost every head in our section turned around to look at the guywho called that; even a few of the girls who were clawing at the barricade took a moment to scowl at him. But once the music registered in my ears again, I ignored them and went back to dancing.
Until a scoff came from behind me.
“I swear, it’s like they’ll let any fucker up there so long as he’s hotand knows how to play more than three chords.”
The other guy boomed a laugh so loud that I flinched, as did Rory.
“Right? I bet most of these idiots just want to fuck him, they wouldn’t care if he just came out and stood there.”
Another gritty scoff made me cringe. “Look at em’. Just hornygroupies with the collective IQ of a grapefruit.”
You know what? We're not doing this.
I froze mid-dance, spinning to face the two guys. They stood there,blinking at me like I’d just slapped them, as if they hadn’t been the ones ruining the mood.
“You know, if you think he’s hot, you should probably just tell him.You might stand a chance with all these horny groupies.” As the guy with the sunglasses now resting on his head opened his mouth, I carried on. “But if you don’t shut up, then will you do us all a favour and crawl back into whatever hole you came from?”
The smile I showed them was anything but genuine, before battingmy lashes and twirling around to join my friends. Their jaws were practically hitting the floor, but all I did was shrug, take Daisy’s hand and lead her into a twirl, thrusting us back into our bubble.
Even I couldn’t believe I’d just done that. But this was my firstnight of freedom dammit, and I wasn’t going to let anything, or anyone, ruin that for me.
But just as the adrenalin that was racing around my body settled,both of their cackles sounded and stole back my attention.
“Joe, they’ve put us in the fucking daycare section. Go get one ofthose attendees and see if we can stand with VIP’s who can actually buy a jack and coke.”
I shook my head as a humourless smile spread across my mouth,before both Cora and I turned around this time.
She spoke first, resting a hand on her hip before she spat, “If thisis the daycare section, then that explains why you’ve got the manners of a fucking two-year-old. Now will you do what my friend said and either piss off or shut up?”
The taller guy out of the two inched closer towards us, his widebuild and the way he leaned over us made an invisible weight press down on my chest, and my heart pick up its pace. “Or, you two smart asses could leave and let the grown ups have some fun.” His dark eyes fell on me. “You don’t look like you belong here anyway, baby girl.”
His stare turned from menacing to hungry as he said that, his eyespractically undressing me as they glided down my body, in a way that made me feel like a diamond, in the hands of a thief.
I didn’t have time to think before his friend stepped in front ofhim.
“Want me to walk you home, angel?” He growled, a sickening smirkdarkening his face.
But that fire that I knew was deep down in me somewhere began torise, embers spitting out of my mouth as I gagged right in their faces. “I think I’d rather die. But thanks anyway. Now if you don’t mind, I’m gonna get back to drooling over the hot guy on stage.”
Cora chuckled from beside as I hiked a thumb over my shoulder, herarms wrapping over my back and spinning me away from them.
I lied about drooling over the guy, who had started a new songentirely during the course of whatever that interaction was, but the more I looked at him, the more I seemed to understand why the girls who were eerily close to falling over the barricade were drooling after him.
He’d removed his white overshirt in the time I wasn’t payingattention to him, only leaving a black tank top and his deep blue jeans, but if anything, his absence of clothing and the spotlights only made the sweat that coated his skin glisten under the light. Like a dark angel, brooding over the stage.
And if I wasn’t on the floor right now, I would have been one ofthose people.
The pain that bloomed in the center of my back had me calling out inagony. Something had hit me. Hard. And now I was on the floor; the shoes of the people around me were all I could see.
“Oh my Christ, Goldie!” I heard Cora call from above me.
“What the hell happened?” I recognised Daisy’s voice, or it couldhave been Rory’s. I couldn’t tell. All I knew was that one second I was letting my eyes go hazy as I traced the tattoos of the guy on stage, and the next I was on the floor.
That's when the pain in my knees hit me too, and I couldn’t holdback the groan that was clawing its way out of my throat. A sob escaped as I struggled to stand, but the stabbing pain in my back and the relentless throbbing in my knees were all I could focus on.
“Woah, woah, stop the song. What’s going on over there?”
Somehow I was able to clear my head of enough space to recognisewhose voice that was, but I couldn’t find the energy to question what it meant that my spine tingled at the sound of it.
I barely lifted my head enough as I got to my feet, but for thesecond I did, I noticed eyes on me. So many eyes, and too much attention for someone who was trying to escape it. And some of that attention was coming from the guy on stage.
But I couldn’t focus on that right now; I had to find out what hadhappened and why my knees felt… wet.
I let my head fall forward, slow enough that the pain in my backdidn’t worsen, where I caught a glimpse of my bloody knees, cuts darting through both of them and staining my dress a deep crimson.
“We need first aid!” It was Daisy who shouted that, and before Iknew it the people in front of me cleared a space, as my friends sat me down on the filthy floor. But I didn’t care, if I was stood for much longer I’d probably pass out.
“What’s going on down there? Can we turn the lights on?” Thesinger, Tristan, called from above us, the worry in his voice rattling through the mic in his hands.
I barely lifted my eyes enough to see him, but I did, and I heldhis stare for a few seconds before my friends shouted up to him.
“It was those assholes.” Rory pointed at the guys, who looked likethey were trying to hide. But once the arena lights came on it was impossible not to spot them. “They pushed her!”
So that’s what happened.
It made sense; they seemed like the type to retaliate whentheir egos got bruised. Although I wished that retaliation would have been another insult instead of assaulting me.
“The fuck we did!” One of the guys called.
Silence hung over the room; only the murmurs of people asking whatwas going on filled the silence. I felt the need to call up to the artist and tell him to carry on, that I wasn’t worth delaying his time slot, but before I could, he beat me to it.
“Oi, dickheads.” He called, as a few laughs sounded from the crowdat the insult. “What the fuck gives you the right to assault someone during a concert?” The guys said nothing. “Huh? What the fuck's the matt'a with ya?”
As the girls crouch beside me, their hands trembling slightly asthey dab at my cuts with water from the bottles we’d brought, the cold sting mixed with the soft brush of fabric against my skin. My eyes don’t leave them until a sudden wave of boos erupts from the crowd, their collective anger rippling toward the VIP area.
Tristan’s laugh booms through the mic. “Yeah, that’s right, boo'em.” He sets his eyes on the pair, throwing his arms out to his sides. “See, everyone in here thinks that you’re both twats.”
The crowd erupted in a laugh, and if I weren’t in pain and feltlightheaded, I would have laughed too. He was bruising their egos with every dig he called at them.
“Can someone get 'em out of 'ere, please?”
The next thing I know, three security guards are barging throughthe roped-off area and begin escorting the guys out of here. I felt a sigh of relief roll through me as I watched them leave, the pressure in my chest lessening.
Just as they left, a first aid lady came to my rescue, reassuring methat I’d be fine as she began bandaging my knees. When she finished, she gave me a smile and called something to the guys on stage, and as I got to my feet, the lights in the arena went out again, and a round of applause rippled from the crowd.
“Are you sure you want to stay?” Rory asked me for the eighthtime, the worried look that took over her face still not leaving.
“Yeah, I promise, I’m fine.” I smiled at her, then at Cora and Daisy.“I don’t want this to ruin our night.”
Their faces softened into smiles, a quick nod of acknowledgementbefore their attention flicked back to the stage. I followed their lead, but then my gaze drifted upward.
There, near the edge of the stage, the guy with the guitar hovered,eyes catching mine. When he saw me looking, his brows lifted in surprise, and a grin—wide and pretty, matching the glow of the spotlights—spread across his face.
He nodded his chin at me as he asked, “Are you okay?”
My voice seemed to disappear, so instead I nodded at him.
His head tilted. “Promise?” That cheeky grin not budging.
I nodded a him again, barely containing the smile on my face.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that, darlin.” He quipped, cupping his hand aroundhis ear.
I couldn’t help but let a laugh slip. “I promise!”
Tristan nodded, happy with my response, before he re-positioned hisguitar and ran his hand over the strings, the delicate sound causing a fresh wave of screams. He glanced back at me, his eyes holding mine, before he turned his attention to the crowd.
“Well, now that we’ve chucked the riff raff out, how about we sing acouple more of my favourites before the wonderful Moody Sunday’s take the stage?”
The crowd roared in response.
And when he started singing again, the room picked up where it leftoff, as though my little incident never happened. A hot flush crept up my neck as the memory of every pair of eyes locked on me while I crouched on the floor lingered. But I pushed it away, not wanting to overthink it right this second.
Instead, I lost myself in the music, swaying and spinning with myfriends, shouting the chorus of the song the band blasted through the speakers. It was the only part I could remember clearly.
And maybe, occasionally, in the rare, quiet moments between the chaos, thinking back to how Tristan Harper smiled at me, like I was the only one in the crowd.
.