10. chapter ten
chapter ten
custard tarts are way cheaper than therapy
I was ending my first week at college with a trip to Flo’s to see mysister. I deserved a morning of gossiping and eating sugary pastries, because that definitely wasn't what had occupied my last five mornings.
But I didn’t care. Addy was back in town for the press tour for therom-com movie Forever and Always, that she’d just finished filming. And although she quit, to pursue her dreams of becoming an author, she was still a part of the movie, and sadly her dreams didn't unteather her from the contract that demanded her presence at the press conferences.
“Thanks, Flo!” I called to Florence, my sister’s best friend, whoowned the bakery we were standing in right now, as she handed me a custard tart and iced latte.
“Anytime Gold’s. Don’t leave without saying bye!” She calls back tome, her sweet English accent nowhere near as rough around the edges as Cora’s. But both were equally mesmerising.
Flo dished me the friendliest smile before serving the nextcustomer in the very long line, before letting me head back over to the booth Addy claimed when we walked in, sliding in opposite her and not wasting any time before tucking into my tart.
“I can’t believe you haven’t tried one of her custard tarts yet. I’vemissed them so much since we’ve been in Europe.” My sister pouts from across the table, her auburn hair sitting pretty just below her shoulders and her freckled cheeks popping as she does.
I tilted my head and smiled at her as I sunk the tart into my mouth,the gooey vanilla custard gliding over my taste buds. I felt my eyes roll into the back of my head as I moaned, “Oh my God.”
“Right! It’s like ‘I wanna start a religion worshipping this recipe’ kindof good.” My sister urged, to which I barely nodded back at her. I was too busy having a moment with tart. “So, how’s college life treating you?”
Addy’s question pulled me out of my thoughts, which may or may nothave been a montage of me and this tart running through whimsical meadows together, and I lifted my head to catch her fiery gaze.
“It’s everything I thought it would be. I actually have time to goback to my room and learn. I have time to learn , Addy. Do we get how big this is?" She chuckled, and I shook my head, more in disbelief. "And... I’m just really, really grateful. And I just have to thank you—”
“Goldie, enough with thanking me.” In a heartbeat, her hands cuppedmine, the older sister in her protecting me. “We both got you out of that life back in California. It was teamwork. Hell, I’m sure Nate said more than me during that dinner.”
The dinner when I broke down and told my parents that I hatedacting, and that what I really wanted was to be where I’m sitting right now.
“But the point is that you have to recognise that it was yourwillpower and strength that got you here, eating the world's best custard tart.”
My sister smiled at me from across the table, and like I do everytime she reminds me of my power, I grow that extra bit thankful that I was put on this earth with her as my guiding light.
“It’s like you were made to be a big sister.”
Her smile went all wide and doughy as she squeezed my hands back.“And I wouldn’t want it any other way.”
I shook my head, my smile still rightly in its place though. “Okay,let's stop being sad sacks. How’s the press tour going? How’s Nate? How’s writing?”
She shrugged, the straw moulding over her lips for a secondbefore she settled her cup against the table. “It’s fine. Nate and I actually got a few extra days off whilst we were in between Rome and Paris, so he surprised me with a visit to Austria, and you best believe that I nearly fainted once I realised he was taking us to the Admont Abbey Library.”
The Admont Abbey Library, AKA the place sister once told sheknew she was meant to exist. Her being the bookworm and the amazing writer she is.
“And Nate is fine; he’s doing better now we’re back in the city andnow that we’ve finally cleared out my old apartment and moved into our new one.” She took another sip of her latte before she carried on. “I still don’t know why you didn’t take my old apartment; it was overlooking the park, and it wasn’t so high up that when it was windy you couldn’t feel the building tilt.”
I huffed a laugh. “I know, I know, but I wanted to be in the dorms.And freshmen have to live on campus anyway. And I’m glad we do, because I wouldn’t have met Daisy, or her brother, Finn, or his friends.” I take a sip of coffee. “Being there feels right, and it’s all happening just how I wanted it to.”
Addy nodded at me. “So you’re getting the real college experiencethen?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I am.”
Addy raises her eyebrows and tugs at her mouth. “Interesting, sorunning into a singer who spills coffee all over you and then hands you his shirt because yours is drenched is the real college experience?”
My jaw hung open so wide I was convinced it would lock in place,leaving me permanently gobsmacked.
I shook my head. “How… how didyou—”
Addy gave a quick nod toward the counter at Flo’s. I followed hergaze to my friends working their shift, both grinning as they noticed us watching.
Their smiles lasted all of two seconds, falling when they saw myface.
“Flo, give us two seconds, Goldie looks like she’s about to go all Micheal Myers on us,” Rory said to Flo, who was scurrying about behind the counter. Flo simply looked at me, saw my face and told them to be quick, all with a huge smile on her face.
“What’s causing your face to look like that?” Cora asked as shereached the table, pulling at the frills of her apron.
I let my head fall to the side, my emotions fading and leaving myface blank. “Seriously?” The snitching pair looked at each other before turning their gazes back to me. “You told her?”
In an instant, their eyes went wide, and their mouths gaped.
“Well,” Rory started, slyly leaning over the table to grab both mineand Addy’s drinks and whipping out her pen, ready to doodle her way out of this mess. “Adaline asked us how you were doing, and…”
Cora jumped in. “We said that you were doing well, and that you’donly been late to one class.”
From across the table, Addy cleared her throat. “And that’s when Itold them that you being late was impossible because you’re, like, anal-ly on time for everything. And when they told me it was your first ever class that you were late for, that’s when I stopped believing them.”
“But then we told her that we were telling the truth and that youreally were late.” Rory rushed, colouring in whatever she’d drawn before sliding back our drinks.
This time it was a big heart, next to the word sorry.
“And then I asked what made you late.” Addy added.
The realisation set in my shoulders as I flopped my spine againstthe padded booth. “Great. That’s just great. Does anyone else know that Tristan Harper spilled coffee down me and gave me his shirt as a apology and then told me to keep it because it looked good on me?”
Have you ever heard a synced gasp before? If you haven’t, then I’lltell you it’s quite freaky. Both Rory and Cora, and my sister, gasped at the same time the second I said that, which then made me remember that I’d been keeping that little nugget of information to myself all week.
I think I even heard Flo gasp.
“He told you to what?” Cora repeated, both her and Rory crouchingdown and resting their chins on the table.
My head fell into hands, as a groan muffled from behind them.
What was the point in secrets? What was the point in staying inthat tower, knowing that if I didn’t climb down those steps soon, these girls would simply tear the place down brick by brick to make sure I was okay. It was obvious that whatever was going to happen over these next four years would be group knowledge within the hour.
“After he gave me the T-shirt… and I went to the bathroom, to tryit on, I saw him walking towards our class, but at the time I thought he was just… following me.”
I recall his smile as I talk, the cockiness that suited him, the wayhis smirk made his face light up…
“We had this whole thing, about walking into the class, and somehowhis hand ended up on mine as we reached for the door handle.” I hear Rory whisper an ‘OMG’ from behind her hands. “And when we walked in, he started waking to his seat… but before he did, he turned around and told me just keep the shirt… because it suited me.”
“Fuckin’ ell, Goldie,” Cora whispered the same way Rory did. “Whatthe hell does that mean?”
I sat up straighter in an instant. “It means nothing. Okay?” I lookedaround at my friends and my sister, the anticipation dripping from their expressions as their wide eyes were fixed on me. “I’ve known the guy for barely a week, and as I’ve already said, having that kind of college experience is not what I came for. I came to learn. That’s the priority. Not… me.”
The mood around the table dropped, like an arctic storm cloud hadfound its way to us and decided to hover ahead, greying us. I watched in my peripheral as my sister nodded her head at Cora and Rory, who fled from the table and were back buzzing behind the lilac-tiled counter in a heartbeat.
As I reigned in my emotions, I threw my head back against thebooth, wondering if I was mirroring Addy purely because we’d known each other so long, or whether the weight of the conversation was too that mimicking her strength was just my way of dealing with this.
“You don’t think that you’re a priority?” I didn’t miss the way hervoice cracked, like hearing me say those things chipped off a piece of her heart.
I shook my head. “I gave up everything I’d ever known to be here,Add’s. If I’m going to prove to mom and dad that throwing away everything they worked for with my acting was worth me being here then I need to stay focused. I’m not saying that I can’t have fun with my friends, that was something we all agreed we owed ourselves. But… I just don’t see how my heart fits in with all those other things. And if I’m being honest, I wouldn’t know how to fit it in even if I did.”
“And why not?”
I shrugged. “I’ve never had time to get to know it before. And nowthat I do, I don’t know where to start.”
The fire that had always flickered in Addy’s eyes seemed tosimmer, the embers dying out as she skated her thumbs over the backs of my hands.“Gold’s, you’ve got four years to figure out what your heart wants.And I know it’s overwhelming. I felt that way too when I left California, all on my own, just like you. Granted, I’d somehow figured out before I left that Nate was the one who my heart belonged to, but that doesn’t mean that time won’t come for you. And until that moment arrives, live a little.”
“But Addy,” I sighed, chewing on this inside of my cheek, beforedropping my gaze. “I feel lost.”
“Good,” The word had my eyes springing back up to meet hers. “Thatmeans you’ve got somewhere to go, some place that you want to be, whether you know it or not.” Her thumbs stopped skating for a moment, her fingers lacing through mine, warming them as she smiled. “And you’ve got all the time in the world to get there, honey. You’ve got time to figure out your heart, and what makes it stutter. But…”
“What?” I asked, holding onto her stare for dear life.
My sister shrugged, a harmless smile dancing on her mouth. “Nothing… it’s nothing—”
“No, tell me.”
Addy studied our locked hands for a second, before shufflingcloser, the ends of her hair barely scuffing the table. “Goldie I’ve known you from the second you came into this world, and I have never seen you, the most confident, self assured young woman I’ve ever known, stumble over her words like you did when you were talking about that guy.”
I felt the colour drain from my face.
But Addy only gathered our hands and shook them. “But that’s agood thing, Goldie.”
I shook my head. “How is becoming breathless everytime you think about someone a good thing?”
Addy shrugged, the corners of her mouth curling. “It means you’renot as clueless as you think you are.”
Her words hung in the air, sinking in slowly. They made sense, but Icouldn’t figure out what to do with them. It wasn’t just about knowing what made my heart race—that part was easy. But the rest? The dates, the first kiss... The more I turned it over in my mind, the more I realised just how lost I really was.
But I nodded at my sister; it was all I could do without begging hernot to leave my side and help me walk through all of this. It was all I could do without admitting that being on my own, although it’s what I wanted, was scary when I really thought about everything I’d missed out on, everything I was unprepared for.
That was a conversation for another day. She’s be leaving town soonand I didn’t want it to just be full of moments of me asking her how to be.So I smiled, before shoving the last of my custard tart right in my mouth, letting her think what she’d said had done it’s magic.