18. chapter eighteen
chapter eighteen
he's just like the rest of them
“ I s here okay?” Tristan asks, his voice a murmur against the lowrumble of thunder rolling in over the city.
“Here’s fine.” I nod, looking around at the small patch of grass we’dclaimed amidst the growing morning crowds in Washington Square Park.
Despite the distant whispers of conversations and the approachingstorm, everything felt strangely peaceful—like the air was holding its breath, waiting. I couldn’t explain it really, but as Tristan spread out the blanket, his movements deliberate, my thoughts wandered. He smoothed it out, leaning over just enough for the faint outline of muscle to show beneath his sweater, distracting me for a moment longer than I’d like to admit.
He let out a quiet groan as he settled in, the sound sending a flicker of something through me. I squeezed my eyes shut for a second, shaking it off, before pulling my backpack off my shoulder. I focused on the task at hand, fishing out my laptop, trying to steady my mind while the air remained charged with something I still couldn’t name.
“Okay, what did you want to start with? Or should I just tell you what I suck at and then we can go from there?” I ask as I lift the screen, but as my eyes fall onto him, that mopey look he’s had stuck to his face all morning is still stuck there.
I let the lid fall closed and blew out a breath, shifting on my crossed legs, my white skirtbunching awkwardly under my shoes. “What’s the matter?” I ask, trying to keep my voice steady, but the weight of his gaze pulls at me. When his eyes meet mine, the warmth that usually swam within them frozen over. He looks... hollow, as though the world had just collapsed around him.
My breath catches, a sudden rush of dread rising. “Has someone...died?”
His eyes widen. “Jesus, no, no… nothing like that.” His handsscrubbed across his face, the muscles that were encased in his sweater flexing as he rested them on his jean-covered knees. He stayed like that for a moment.
I edged closer, my voice softening as I asked, “Tristan, what’shappened?”
He slowly lowered his hands from his face, but the hauntedlook in his eyes stayed put, making my chest tighten with a worry I couldn’t shake. His sigh was quiet, barely more than a breath, but it carried the weight of something heavy. His lips parted, and the sharp curve of his cupid’s bow caught the light as he turned his head toward me.
“It’s Henry,” he said, and the words hung between us like a darkcloud, making my stomach drop.
My forehead scrunched. “What about him? Is he okay?”
The laugh he blew through his nose didn’t sound the least bithumorous. “Physically? Yeah. In the head? No fucking way.”
I shook my head, my laptop sliding between us as I fidgeted. “Whatdo you mean?”
“I mean…” He paused, pulling his knee up to his chest, wrapping onearm around it while his other hand ran through his messy hair. The tension in his fingers spoke volumes. “I think I saw the real Henry last night. At the Lions game.”
I stayed still, trying to read the unease on his face. “Okay…” Iprompted, my voice softer than I intended, bracing myself for whatever came next.
“We got talking about who we had our eyes on, girls-wise, and whenhe said he felt drawn to you, I asked him if he liked you, or if he was going to act on it.”
The solemnity of his whole body seemed to drain everydrop of hope from my body that this story had a nice ending.
“And he said that he wasn’t going to limit himself, and when I askedhim what he meant, he started talking about something called a cookout and not spending all night eating brisket and…” Tristan paused to look at me, his eyes tracing every part of my face that told him how confused I was. “Basically Gold’s, he confessed that if he started seeing you, you wouldn’t be the only one he’d be seeing.”
The fall breeze hit me then, sending my golden braids over myshoulder and prickling my skin with goosebumps. I turned away from Tristan for a second, trying to picture those words leaving a person like Henry, and when I couldn’t, when I didn’t think it was possible for this to be true, I whipped my head back to face him.
“Are you being serious?” I asked, my voice low and sunken. “You’repositive that that’s what he was trying to tell you?”
Tristan shook his head as he sat up straighter. “He wasn’t trying totell me, he did tell me, Gold’s. The dickhead sat there and said he liked you but that this was college, and he didn’t want to be tied down.”
I laughed, though I wasn’t sure I meant to. The sound felt strange,out of place, because this whole thing sounded absurd. Made up, even. Tristan’s brows knit together when he heard it, his expression tightening. “I’m sorry,” I said quickly, trying to catch myself. “It’s just… I can’t picture something like that coming from someone like Henry.” The words felt ridiculous, like I was trying to convince myself more than him.
“You don’t need to picture it; I’m telling you that’s what he said.” Histone dipped, in a way that I hadn’t heard it dip before. It wasn’t frustration exactly, more like fear.
But not a thing about what he said made sense.
“Are you sure you heard him correctly?”
He threw his head back with a smile on his face. “Jesus, Goldie,” Myheart didn’t have time to sink further before he sprung his head back up. “I know what I heard, and I saw the look on his face as he said it. The prick isn’t the golden boy you’ve clearly pegged him as from the month you’ve known him.”
I stared straight through him as he said that, watching the fearthat was in his voice shine through his eyes, too. The muscles in his hands twitched as he brushed it over his mouth, the endings of his tattoos that stretched onto his hand peeking through as he did. His breathing calmed down after a second or two, before he twisted his body to face me, his head inching closer to mine.
But my mouth beat him to it. “I get it, and I appreciate you tellingme, but… I’m just not sure it’s as malicious as you’re making it out to be. When we were planning that presentation, he was really sweet, and even at my birthday, he was just really... charming.” I shook my head at him. “Maybe he was just acting up because he was talking to you.”
His eyes darkened. “And why would he need to act up in front ofme?”
I shrugged, but the words slipped out before I could catch them.“Well, it’s you, Tristan. You’re so… you’re the polar opposite of him—he might have felt a bit… intimidated.” I softened my tone, hoping to reassure him that it was more about Henry’s insecurities than anything else.
Tristan shook his head. “So you’re saying that he was just saying hewanted to get with every girl in this place because he thought that’s who I am, that saying that was a way to connect with me? Because what? I’m the dickhead with a guitar and therefore I can’t possibly care about girls' feelings and only want them as a quick shag?” His words felt like a punch to the stomach. “Is that how you see me?”
I shook my head quicker than I ever have. “No… of course not. I’mjust trying to figure out why a guy like Henry would say something like that.”
“And the only answer you’re willing to come up with is that he wastrying to impress me, because that’s the kind of guy everyone, even you, thinks I am?”
“No, Tristan, I just—”
“I’ll tell you what, let's make this first lesson a quick one.” His eyeswere almost black as he shuffled closer, his height serving him well in this moment. “You want to know how to bag your archangel? How about turning up to class on Monday in the skimpiest thing you own? Try hanging off his every word and treat him like the God he thinks he is. Or how about just telling him you want a no-strings-attached kind of thing with him,” His face was nearly inches from mine, his jaw ticking in a way that I’d never seen before. “Do all that and he’s yours. Trust me.”
I had to shuffle myself back, the whole realisation of the momenthit me in the face like a gust of wind. If he wasn’t so close to me, I would have seen that there was no reason for him to lie to me. If that cloud of amber and spice wasn’t penetrating me like his stare was I would have thanked him a thousand times for looking out for me. But there was nothing better I could focus on in the moment than him and his hold over me, which was only getting clearer by the second.
As though a bulb went off in his head, he backed up, my breathsdeepening as he leaned back on his hands. “Shit, Goldie—”
“No,” I rushed, pinning a smile on my face like everything was okayand there weren’t a thousand thoughts sprinting around my head. “It’s okay, that’s why we're here right? I’m here to scare away the vultures and you’re here to… help me not suck at dating… it’s fine.”
His head angled as he went to reach for my hands. “Gold’s—”
I got to my knees and shoved my laptop back in my backpack. “No,you gave me your advice, and I’ll bear it in mind.” I somehow got to my feet on shaky legs. “I probably won’t use it but, I might, who knows.” The most awkward laugh that’s ever seen the light of day left my mouth as I turned to face him, still sitting on the blanket and watching me with those luring eyes. “So, uh… just call me when you need me to hold your hand, or… whatever.”
And before I could change my mind, I pathetically speed-walkedback down the path we walked here on, ignoring his call after me and making a beeline for the park exit. I knew I was in the wrong, that I shouldn't had jumped down his throat. But I was too overwhelmed to do anything about it right now, even though all I wanted to do was turn back and stay with him.