Chapter 9
Nix
Lukewarm water was raining down on me, but it felt scalding hot on my icy skin. It burned, but it was a delicious pain. The kind that left one feeling better than before.
I closed my eyes and just stayed under the spray until it stopped hurting and stopped feeling hot. Then I turned and increased the temperature until the pain was back and my body was yet again being warmed by an outside source.
When was the last time I’d taken a hot shower?
I couldn’t even remember.
Somewhere in the beginning, when I’d still thought the wolves would lose interest quickly. Back when I’d dared to spend my meagre savings on booking motel rooms for the night.
I looked down at my feet, at the murky, slightly brownish water that disappeared down the drain.
After those first weeks, I’d started sleeping exclusively in my tent. It’d been easier. Cheaper. Back then, it’d been hot outside, the summer sun perfectly capable of keeping me warm. Who needed a dirty motel room if one could sleep under the stars, breathing in air that tasted like freedom?
The small bathroom started fogging up, the air growing heavy with steam. After turning the temperature higher two more times, I turned off the shower to wash my hair.
As soon as the spray stopped, I was shivering again. I reached for the small bottle Levi had handed me when he’d shoved me in here. He was waiting right in front of the door. I could feel his aura, could feel his magic still trying to reach me.
He was worried, wanting to check in on me, so he unconsciously tried to have his magic make sure I was okay.
He was slowly getting more control over it, even if he didn’t know what he was doing.
Was it because he was part of a wolf pack now?
Did being surrounded by shifters—paranormal beings—help him be more in tune with his own paranormal nature? Maybe.
I could easily find out if I talked to him, but should I?
I opened the cap of the shampoo bottle and poured the clear liquid into my palms. The fruity scent was pure heaven, the feeling of shampoo in my hair divine. My fingers scraped over my scalp. Getting rid of all the oil and dirt was the best feeling on earth.
I put the shower back on and groaned when the hot water washed away the dirt collected during months on the run.
I waited until the water ran clear, then used shampoo and body wash again, and later a third time until the shampoo actually lathered, my hair squeaked between my fingers, and my skin was rosy and felt a bit raw.
Holy shit, I was clean.
I didn’t smell like forest and sweat.
I stayed under the spray, the water as hot as I dared to turn it, as I let it wash away the tears that kept falling.
How was it possible that a single hot shower made me feel like a completely different person? No, not like a different person. Like a person, period.
For the first time in months, I felt human.
Not like an animal that was being hunted. Not invisible, hiding in the shadows. Not dirty because the lakes were too cold to bathe in and I hadn’t had enough spare magic to warm up the water.
I didn’t know how long I stood under the hot spray, but it was long enough for the skin on my fingers to wrinkle. Still, I stayed an extra thirty seconds, revelling in the warm droplets that hit my face, in the feeling of being completely clean.
Who knew when I’d get the chance to shower again.
Who knew how long the Alpha’s change of mind would last. Yeah, he might’ve wanted me out of a cell right now, but who was to say he wouldn’t throw me back in later.
At least I’d get a little reprieve, because the only one waiting in my room was Levi.
There was someone next door, though. The kid with the injured leg. His aura was calm now, the fear and agitation gone as his body was getting the rest it desperately needed.
Stepping out of the shower, I reached for the towel and groaned when I wrapped the soft, plush fabric around my body, basking in the way it enveloped me like a cloud.
Fuck. I couldn’t get used to this, but I wanted to. I wanted every single shower to feel this heavenly.
I glanced at my reflection in the mirror and swallowed, barely recognizing the man who stared back at me. He looked haunted. Cheeks sunken in, eyes darting around, lips pressed into a firm line, a harrowed expression on his face.
I quickly looked away, my stomach turning at the sight of myself.
“Nix?” Levi tentatively called out. “I’ve got new clothes for you… if you want them.”
Did I?
It was a gamble.
Right now, the wolves were offering me all kinds of stuff. A shower. A nice room. Shampoo. New clothes.
But at what cost? With shifters, kindness always came with a price tag.
They wanted my magic. Always. A fun evening in the packhouse turned into extra requests for the barrier.
Something I could do for sure, right? We were friends after all.
An afternoon basking in the sun, listening to a pup playing the guitar?
She needed help because a fracture in her leg hadn’t healed right.
They’d heard a mage could fix that. I wouldn’t mind having a look at her, right?
After all, she’d entertained me for hours.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and eyed the clothes strewn on the bathroom floor. A shiver ran down my spine, my whole body revolting at the thought of putting those damp, cold, and utterly dirty clothes back on.
If a fresh towel felt like heaven on earth, what would clean clothes feel like?
I wanted to find out. Desperately so.
And if I had to pay a price…
I bit my lip. I could help out with magic if they wanted me to. Maybe, if I was agreeable enough, they might forgo the collar. Maybe…
“Nix? You okay?” Levi sounded worried, his voice pitched higher than usual, the panic he’d exuded down in the cells back in his aura.
“I’m… I’m here,” I croaked, my thoughts still running wild. “I…” Fuck it! “I’d like the clothes.”
For some reason, I’d expected the bathroom door to open with a creak like in a horror movie.
Instead, the door opened smoothly, and Levi appeared, his face a carefully schooled mask, but he couldn’t hide the wince as he took me in.
Couldn’t hide the way his aura pulsed in distress, the way his magic tried reaching out with the intent to heal.
But you couldn’t heal malnourishment with magic.
“Thank you,” I said as I quickly reached for the bundle of clothes in Levi’s arms, eager to get his scrutinizing eyes off me.
“You’re welcome.” Levi swallowed, his throat bobbing as he paused, mouth opening as if he wanted to add something.
I raised my brows at him.
“Uhm… Rhett and Gray are outside. In the hallway, not in your room. They want to talk to you. But if you’re not up for it, I can tell them to come back later.”
“Gray is the Alpha?” I asked, hating the way my voice was almost inaudible.
Levi nodded. “Yeah.”
I blinked. “Then you can’t tell him to come back later.”
What was he saying?
If the Alpha wanted to talk to me, he would. Levi putting up a fight would only result in him being reprimanded.
Yet Levi snorted as if I’d made some kind of joke.
“Oh, Nix, I definitely can. You look like death warmed over. Jasper will want to have a look at you first anyway. If you tell him you’re not up to answering questions, they’ll have to wait.
And if you don’t want to tell Jasper, I’ll tell Rhett and Gray. They’re not monsters, you know?”
I, in fact, didn’t know. Nor did I really believe him.
He hadn’t seen what I’d seen.
He didn’t seem to know how packs worked. He didn’t know that even if a pack was an okay-ish or good place for wolves, that didn’t translate to mages.
We were at the bottom of the paranormal food chain. The hippies of the magic-user world. Laughingstock for witches and wizards and sought-after property for packs.
When I took too long to answer, Levi gave me a pitying look. “You’ll see. Once you get to know them, you’ll see that they’re good people.”
Once I got to know them…
I didn’t want to get to know them. But I didn’t have a choice.
The Alpha was my mate.
I turned my head to the ceiling and took a deep breath, fighting the panic rising in me, clawing at me, reminding me that my days of freedom were over. Forever. Because fate had decided to tie me to a wolfpack.
They didn’t even need a fucking collar. Once the Alpha had gotten his fangs into my neck, I wouldn’t be able to run ever again.
“Hey. Uhm… is it okay if I go grab Jasper? You can get dressed in the meantime.”
“I don’t need a doctor.”
Levi laughed, but his eyes were shining brightly, his magic reaching for me again. “Yeah, you do. You might not see it, Nix, but you definitely do.” He gave me one last, hesitant smile before leaving me to myself, the bundle of clothes in my arms.
I tried to draw a deep breath, but my chest was tight, panic gnawing at me as more and more realizations hit me.
I was in the packhouse. There were more than twenty shifters around.
And my mate… I closed my eyes, letting my magic flow freely.
It instantly zeroed in on one aura, a pulling sensation in my chest drawing me closer to one of the walls.
My mate was right there on the other side.
I could feel him, the magic within him and his wolf strong and stubborn.
Fuck this shit.
I snapped my eyes open and started getting dressed.
The clothes hung on my frame, but they did what they were supposed to do: keep me warm. I gave myself another quick look in the mirror and pulled the hood over my head, then exited the bathroom into the guest room, where Levi and the doctor were already waiting for me.
“Hello,” the doctor said, extending his hand.
I eyed it carefully, my heart skipping a beat.
I didn’t want to touch him. I definitely didn’t want him to touch me.
Didn’t want him to come anywhere near me at all.
I didn’t need a doctor. “I’m Jasper.” His voice was calm, melodic, trying to lure me into a sense of security, but I knew better. A kind face couldn’t fool me.
I gave him a short nod but took a step back.