Chapter 15
Nix
I’d overreacted. Embarrassed myself.
Gray hadn’t accused me of anything that wasn’t true. I had stolen. I’d done it despite knowing it was wrong because I’d been too afraid of what might happen if I revealed myself to the local pack. Because I’d been too afraid of ending up in chains.
Which was a reasonable assumption, my inner voice supplied. He has to realize you didn’t think you had another choice.
I grabbed my hair and pulled, the pain blinding, but also drowning out the thoughts and worries, even the fucking pull to go downstairs and find Gray. Maybe apologize for overreacting.
He growled at you.
Yeah, but he hadn’t meant to scare me. I imagined this situation wasn’t easy for him either. He’d probably expected a mate who was ecstatic to have found his match. A nice shifter guy or girl who was completely on board with jumping into bed upon scenting each other.
Instead, he’d gotten a mage who couldn’t be around shifters other than him for more than a few minutes without freaking out.
He was a catch. Attractive, young, a freaking Alpha of a sizeable pack. An Alpha whose people respected and cherished him.
He was the cherished Alpha, and I was… the outcast. Unwanted by basically everyone I’d ever met in my life. And the people who did want me wanted me for all the wrong reasons. Well, they didn’t want me, they wanted my magic. They didn’t value me as a person.
No one did.
Okay, maybe Levi.
I sighed and forced myself to take my hand off the door handle.
I’d been about to go out and search for Gray again when I knew he was in a meeting.
He’d told me that Oakley had an appointment with him and that the meeting was important because it was about those pups I’d helped rescue.
About what they needed to do to ensure they could stay here.
That’s who my mate was. A protector. Willing to go to war to make sure I was safe. Willing to fight to keep those pups safe.
And instead of being a strong presence by his side, I was hiding again.
There were twenty-three shifters in this building. And the thought of going downstairs to talk to them while waiting for Gray to finish his meeting was… I shuddered, a cold shiver running down my spine as I imagined sitting in a room full of shifters.
Yeah, no. Definitely a hard no. Knowing they were here, in the same building as me, was hard enough. I could feel them, their auras, and was keenly aware of them moving, my senses going haywire every time someone came up the stairs.
Like right now.
Two of the shifters had left a group downstairs and were walking up the stairs.
I forced myself to take a deep breath and step away from the door. If I didn’t want to meet the pack anyway, I didn’t need to stand right in front of the door, waiting to get it smashed into my face. I might as well do something to take my mind off my mate.
Maybe I could… I spun in a circle, my eyes roaming over the room.
Well, there wasn’t much to do. It was furnished, but that was it, and since I hadn’t actually taken stuff from my tent, there was nothing to do here.
I mean, I could take a shower. Brush my teeth.
Maybe even braid my hair. And then… then I could sit on my bed and stare at the wall.
Sit on the windowsill and stare out at the forest. Sit at the desk and…
The knock on my door made me freeze and jump back, my heart rate kicking up a few notches.
Oh shit. I’d expected those two wolves to go to their rooms, not to mine!
Could I pretend I wasn’t here? Probably not. And pretending to be asleep while my heart was hammering as if I’d been running a marathon wouldn’t work either.
Fuck.
“Uh… yes?” I said, hating the way my voice sounded suspicious and openly afraid.
“It’s Nick and Connie… uhh… the wolves from two nights ago?” The pups, my brain supplied immediately, pictures of one of them lying on the ground, bleeding from a hole in his chest, came to the forefront of my mind. “Can we come in?”
No. Absolutely not. This was my room, and no one needed to be here.
“Yes.”
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. They were teenagers. Literal children. If push came to shove, I could handle two teenagers.
The door handle was pushed down, the lock opened with a click, and then the door opened swiftly, revealing two wolf shifters who looked even younger in broad daylight.
“Hi,” the slightly taller, albeit still scraggly one said, raising his hand to give me a friendly wave. “I’m Nick.”
“And I’m Connie,” the second one chimed in, gently closing the door behind him.
I took a couple of steps back, even though they really didn’t look that scary. Yes, looks could be deceiving, but they were kids. Exhausted ones with dark circles under their eyes and mouths set into hardened lines.
“I’m Nix,” I introduced myself. “How are you feeling?”
That was the polite thing to ask, wasn’t it?
The bigger one, Nick, immediately started rubbing his chest where the bullet had hit him. “It’s still a bit sore, but it could’ve been way worse.”
Swallowing, I nodded. If I hadn’t been there…
“That’s why we’re here,” Connie said, looking straight at me, his eyes filled with anguish and pain, but his mouth was set with conviction, his spine straight. “We wanted to thank you for helping us. For saving Nick’s life. Thank you.”
No one had ever… I turned away, not wanting to face them while I composed myself and blinked the tears away.
No one was ever grateful for what I did.
They’d never gotten the chance. The packs I’d worked for had been hostile because the price the coven had demanded for my help had been close to extortion—and the packs had known it.
Those who hadn’t hated me for being a mage had hated me for my rates, even though I’d never been the one to set them.
And I’d never really healed other people, just myself.
“You’re welcome,” I finally said, looking back at them with a smile that felt way too shaky on my lips. As if I’d start crying if I said more.
“Jasper said that Nick might’ve died if it hadn’t been for you,” Connie said, balling his hands into fists. “And the pack says that you’re not their mage. That you’ve been hiding on pack lands. Is that true?”
I let out a weak laugh. Being interrogated by a teenager was a lot less intense than being interrogated by Gray or Rhett, and I found myself actually wanting to answer, if only to chase away the ghosts of pain hiding in the boy’s eyes.
“Yeah, that’s true.”
Nick nodded, biting his lip. “So, you came out of hiding to help us?”
“Yes.”
“Why?” He crossed his arms in front of his chest, chin raised stubbornly.
“Because you needed help.” Plain and simple. The longer answer was that I hadn’t really been thinking. I’d just acted. Acted when the barrier had screamed at me, acted when I’d felt their fear, their pain.
Connie gave his friend a scolding look, then turned back to me, blinking up at me through strands of black hair. “We’re grateful you did. I didn’t even know mages could heal like that. Our pack’s mage… well, it’s not our pack anymore, but he never healed anyone.”
I suppressed a bitter laugh, but anger surged inside me.
Yeah, I bet their pack didn’t want their mage to heal people, because in order to heal someone, you had to send magic into their body.
And if you were at a point where you were allowed to send magic into someone’s body, not only could you heal, but you could just as easily destroy.
“Maybe he didn’t know how,” I said noncommittally, not wanting to think about the fate of that mage.
Of him being tied to a pack, a collar around his neck, his magic restricted.
Of him not being able to use it to shield himself even if he needed to, of having a part of himself cut off, being treated like a tool, not a person.
I felt my breathing quickening as my own memories resurfaced. Memories of my father holding out a thick iron collar, telling me how I needed to be more appreciative of everything he was doing for me because it could be way, way worse. Of him stepping up to me and…
“Maybe,” Connie said, the corners of his mouth tilting down, cheeks turning red.
“Then again, we didn’t treat him right. I’m sorry for that too.
I’m sorry I never tried to help him. I guess I didn’t realize he was…
he was a person too. Being kept just like I was.
I should’ve found a way to take him with me. ”
This young wolf was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, his eyes haunted, filled with the terrible things he’d seen that he never should have.
“Connie, no,” the other boy said, eyes blazing, pulling his friend into a hug. “It’s not your fault.”
And it really wasn’t. The world we lived in wasn’t a good place for mages, but it wasn’t the fault of a teenage wolf either.
Even I knew better than that. It was the fault of a society that had decided mages were something that needed to be controlled.
And it was society as a whole that needed to change.
Their way of thinking about the worth of people needed to change.
It wasn’t something one lone kid could do.
But the young kid wouldn’t be swayed. He shook his head vehemently and looked at me, his bright amber eyes burning. “I never realized how wrong it was. But it was. It is. I swear, if I could turn back time, I’d take him with me.”
“What’s his name?” He deserved to be named, not to be talked about as the mage.
“Callum,” Nick supplied, shifting from one foot to the other.
Callum. I nodded. One more mage suffering needlessly due to the greed of shifters. I wouldn’t forget about him. Or his name.
Nick and Connie exchanged looks, probably trying to figure out a way to get out of here. The air was heavy with tension, with guilt, and I couldn’t fault them for feeling awkward. Hell, I felt awkward. But it also didn’t feel right to just… dismiss them and send them off.
It’d been nice of them to come and thank me.