Search History How Not to Fall for Hot Hockey Coaches/Your Brother’s Best Friend
EVE
I clear my search history—twice, just to make sure—then slam my laptop shut. Not sure what I was hoping to find.
Some sort of community or forum for people pining for their sibling’s friends? What to do when you think you’re falling for your friends with benefits situationship that was only supposed to last for the winter? A guide to get rid of those feelings?
My lips purse as I lean back in my swivel chair, swaying back and forth. Maybe I just wanted an excuse to get these insistent thoughts out of my head for a minute.
This whole thing with Cole would be a hell of a lot easier if I was only physically attracted to him. Of course, that’s always been the problem. My crush didn’t begin just because he’s hot. He is unbelievably hot, but that’s beside the point.
How can he feel more like my boyfriend than any of my past relationships?
We’re supposed to keep this arrangement feelings-free.
Then he goes and does all these sweet things for me like helping me work on my camper and taking care of me when I’m sick.
He never gets annoyed with me for my neurodivergent tendencies.
In fact, he’s so heartbreakingly supportive I don’t know how to cope.
It’s impossible not to fall for a guy who believes in you in every way. I feel so seen when I’m with him.
I should’ve known I couldn’t keep this simple and uncomplicated.
The truth is I was a goner for him from the start, before we even began this situationship. The longer it’s gone on and I’ve grown closer to him, the more I wonder if it’s the same struggle for him.
It’s not like anything has changed. Cole is still working under my dad and he’s still my brother’s best friend.
Yet… I don’t care as much as before. If there’s a chance for us to be together, maybe we could work after all.
If we do, I don’t have to worry about any fallout tearing my family’s relationship with him apart.
I’m afraid to bring it up in case it does cause a change, one that could end this before I’m ready to let go.
Naturally, I distract myself from one of my sources of overthinking by focusing on the other—my business. I open my laptop again. I’ve had a browser tab open with an application to a maker’s market at the end of the year for days. This would be a big step for me.
When I bought the camper, I imagined being able to do things like this if I was doing well with Sweet Luxe. It’s not ready, though.
There’s also the other worry—am I even good enough to apply? I’ve only been in business a few months. I thought it would be good to try, even if I didn’t get in. I probably won’t.
Trapping my lip between my teeth, I procrastinate on my phone. I end up opening my messages with Cole, then hesitate.
I listened when he needed me to. Of course I did—this is our safe space. It makes me feel braver than texting him for real. I always feel better when I talk to him.
CraftyCutie: Hey, are you busy?
MightyPuck: Never for you. What do you need?
It barely takes him any time to respond. A soothing warmth spreads around my heart.
CraftyCutie: Do you mind if I talk something out? You don’t even have to say anything. I just wanted somewhere to dump out my thoughts.
MightyPuck: Of course. I told you I’m always here to listen if you need me. Shoot.
CraftyCutie: You’re the best. Have you ever been to a holiday market?
MightyPuck: Sure.
CraftyCutie: Cool, okay, so there’s one happening near Boston at the end of the year. I’m thinking about trying to get in as a vendor.
MightyPuck: That sounds awesome.
CraftyCutie: It is! It would be, at least I think so.
I’ve got the application, but I’m choking on filling it in.
Whenever I start, I’m like, wait I’m a super small creator compared to the vendors that are accepted.
Then I googled it and apparently this sucky feeling is imposter syndrome.
I don’t know, I think I’m just really in my head about it. But I still want to do it.
MightyPuck: Do you want my input, or would you prefer if I just listened?
I roll my lips between my teeth, fighting the tender affection that cuts through my stress. How does he know me so well?
I wish I could be wrapped in one of his fantastic hugs. They’re the best. When I’m in his arms, it never fails to make me feel calm and balanced.
When did I get so reliant on him? It doesn’t matter. All I know is I can’t imagine not having him to lean on when I need him.
CraftyCutie: Solution-oriented suggestions are welcome.
MightyPuck: What’s the worst that can happen if you submit and don’t get in?
CraftyCutie: …nothing? I just continue on.
MightyPuck: But you tried, so that counts for something, right? You won’t know if you don’t try, just like starting your shop. You can always apply again.
CraftyCutie: Good point.
MightyPuck: And if you get in, that’s amazing.
CraftyCutie: You’re right. Will you stay with me while I fill this in?
MightyPuck: Absolutely. Not going anywhere.
My heart swells. Knowing I’m not alone helps immensely. It’s not as daunting to make my way through the application while he sends encouraging messages.
CraftyCutie: Okay… I’m gonna do it.
MightyPuck: Right here with you, sweetheart.
I rub my fingers together before hovering over the submission button. Just to be sure, I skim through the application again, adding a bit more to my bio section and reword a few other sentences. Blowing out a breath when I’m sure I’m ready, I send it off.
Popping out of my chair with a broad grin, I walk in a tight circle, shaking excess energy out with a flick of my hands. I bolt back to my phone as the adrenaline rush subsides to send him an update.
CraftyCutie: I submitted it!
MightyPuck: Good girl.
CraftyCutie: Thanks so much for doing this with me. It was a huge help.
MightyPuck: I believe in you. Always will.
At a loss for the right words, I send a heart. He matches my response. I spend way too long staring at it, committing it to memory whether it means what I want it to or not.