Chapter Twenty-Four
Maureen
Watching King storm out of the clubhouse, I couldn’t help but feel partly responsible. No, I wasn’t the one who kept the truth from him, but I wish I had stayed quiet and talked to Declan in private.
Hearing that the mother who raised you wasn’t your mother at all, but your grandmother, wasn’t something he should have learned in front of everyone.
“Dad.” Beck stood from the couch and walked to her father. “How could you not tell him?”
“Baby girl, it’s not the same thing and you know it.”
“It is the same thing. You went twenty-five years without knowing you had a daughter, and you learned nothing from that.”
“It is not the same goddamn thing!” Declan yelled. “Your mother was a selfish, conniving bitch. My mother sacrificed her oldest son to ensure that her grandson had the chance to live a life he chose. Not one the family chose for him, like his father.”
“And what were you?” Beck asked. “When King became an adult, his grandfather was dead. He joined the club. Why didn’t you tell him then? Why did you continue to keep the truth from him?”
“Neacht, do not blame your father. He was only doing what he thought was best. What he had been asked to do,” Sal said, defending Declan.
“What does that mean? The word you said?” Beck asked, narrowing her eyes at Sal.
“It means niece,” he replied.
“Thank fuck,” Blade whispered, as Jack and a few of the other brothers chuckled. As to why, I didn’t know.
“Beck, I did what I did to protect him. Not to prevent him from having a mother or a father. He had both, and they loved him very much. When that little boy is born, you will understand the lengths you’re willing to go to in order to protect him.”
“Dad,” Beck groaned. “You don’t know it’s a boy.”
Declan didn’t argue. He just kissed his daughter on the head.
I decided now was a good time to slip out and go home.
“Maureen, wait.” Declan turned to me.
“I need to go home.”
“Maura, we need to talk about Duane,” Sal called.
“No, Sal, we don’t. I don’t know what he was doing. I don’t know what he was looking into or what he found. All I knew was he was looking for Darcy.”
“How did you end up here?”
I looked at Declan, wondering if I should tell him the truth.
At his nod, I gave in.
“Apparently, he kept in touch with Declan and made arrangements for me to move here if anything happened to him.”
Sal turned to Declan with an accusing eyebrow lift. “I told him to leave it alone. He didn’t know anything about King. He was just looking for Darcy.”
“What did you do with the things from his office?” Sal asked, turning back to me.
“I boxed everything up. It’s in Colleen’s spare room.”
“Can you call her? I’d like to go through those things and see what I can find. Maybe I can figure out who killed him.”
Looking at Sal, I wondered if I should give him what he was asking for. I had no use for the things in Duane’s office. I just hadn’t thrown them out yet because they were a reminder of him.
“When are you going back?” I sighed.
Sal looked around the room again. I knew what he was thinking. He wanted to get to know his son. If he left now, he would never get the chance.
“I’m not sure.”
“When you get back, I’ll call her. I don’t want her going through them before you get back. I don’t want her digging into whatever he was doing.”
Sal nodded.
“I’m going home,” I told Declan.
“Let me come with you.”
“Declan—”
“Please, Reenie, we need to talk.”
“Ok,” I whispered, accepting that Declan O’Rourke had a way of getting me to give in with a simple look.
Pulling into my driveway, Declan was right behind me, reminding me that it had only been twenty-four hours since the last time. Looking through the windshield at my porch, I knew what he would see when we walked inside. Nothing had changed. I’d spent the entire day at the clubhouse, so I hadn’t made any further improvements in the house.
Trying to muster the strength to get through another conversation, I stepped out of my truck and walked to the house. I didn’t wait for Declan, just unlocked the door and walked in, leaving it partially open for him.
Walking through the empty rooms to the back of the house, I removed my coat and boots. Once the living room was done, I would have a place by the door. But for now, since the floors hadn’t been done out here, I placed everything in the mudroom.
Moving into my bedroom, I heard the front door close, and I waited. This was the only room with furniture, and the only room with heat that didn’t leak through the walls. This room was the only option.
That’s what I told myself.
I sat on the bed with my eyes closed and waited for him to find me. His footsteps scuffed across the floor as he made his way to me.
“Hey.”
The sound of his voice had me opening my eyes. There he stood, leaning against the doorway. His hands in the pockets of his coat, and his shoulder pressed to one side.
“Hey.”
“Can I come in?”
Swallowing down my refusal, I nodded. He walked to the side of the bed and sat down next to me.
“Reenie, you can’t live in this house.”
“We have been over this, Declan. This is my home. I knew what I was doing when I bought it. Tomorrow, I start working in the living room, first painting, then on to the floor. Then, I can order my furniture to be delivered. After that is the kitchen—”
“Where do you eat?” he asked, cutting me off.
“Well, yesterday, I had lunch at The Diner. Today, I ate at the clubhouse. King told me I was welcome anytime. And Hash, well, Hash asked me to marry him.” I grinned at the scowl that marred his face. “I’m considering it.”
“Like hell are you marrying anyone but me.”
“Declan...” He had to turn my silly joke into something serious. My life had always been filled with serious. Hell, the short time I had been in Nebraska was serious. I was ready for fun.
For laughter.
For joy.
“I mean it. This is our time, Reenie.”
Frustration had me standing up to move away from him. He reached out and grabbed my waist, pulling me to stand between his legs. I closed my eyes, dropping my head back.
His hands clenched on my hips, where he held me in place, dismissing any thought I might have entertained about escaping. The truth was, I didn’t want to escape. But I wasn’t sure I wanted to stay either.
“The secrets are out. You can stay.”
“I can stay?” Looking at him, I wanted to agree. I wanted to give in and let him have his way. But my whole life I had spent giving in, and where did it get me? This was my life now. It was bought and paid for. I was the one who made the decisions now.
The only one.
“You aren’t the one to decide where I can stay.”
“You know what I meant.”
Stepping out of his grip, I shoved at his shoulder. “No. I don’t think I do know what you mean. For weeks, you have been trying to get me to leave. Now, all of a sudden, you want me to stay?”
“I always wanted you to stay. But we can’t always have what we want.”
He looked so sincere. Like he really believed that keeping his brother’s secret was more important than his happiness.
“Have you never fought for what you wanted?”
He stood up, towering over me. “Have you?”
Dropping my eyes to his chest, I knew he was right. I had always done what was expected of me my whole life. I married who I was told to marry, had a child when I was told to have a child. Stopped having children when someone else decided I was done.
“You’re right. I’ve never fought for anything in my life. Until now.” Taking a step back I added, “I left. I fought through a year of loneliness to get out. I fought through marriage proposals and people telling me I had a duty to the family. I fought to live my life the way I choose. I deserve someone who is willing to fight for me.”
“Maureen—”
“You should go.”
“I’m not fucking leaving!” he shouted.
Wrapping my arms around my waist, I leaned back against the wall. “I loved Duane. Not at first, but I grew to love him. He was a good husband, and a good father. But I don’t want good anymore. I want great, Declan. I want passion. I want someone who can’t stand to be away from me. Someone who, when we’re in the same room, can’t help but touch me. I want someone that when he looks at me, he stops breathing because I am his every breath. I don’t want to settle again. I don’t want comfortable; I don’t want security. I want what Blade and Beck have. She was telling me about how they met, how devastated she was when she thought he was dead. How she didn’t want to go on living. I want a love like that.”
“You have no idea what I felt when Duane told me you were together,” he growled.
“But you let me go. You didn’t fight for me. When you knew I was here, you were willing to let me go again. You wouldn’t fight for me. Now that there are no more secrets to keep, you’re willing to have me?” Throwing my hands in the air, I shouted at him, “Do you have any idea how that makes me feel? Like I’m a consolation prize. Like I’m not important enough to come first. King will always come first for you.”
“He’s my baby brother. I’ve raised him since he was ten years old. You’re a mother. You know what it means to put your kid first.”
“No. Duane and I never put Colleen above our relationship. I know that’s the only reason he never cheated. Because I showed up for him and he showed up for me. Sure, we always made sure she was fed, and clothed, and loved. But her happiness didn’t come before ours. We knew one day she would grow up and live her own life. And it would be just the two of us again. You and I will never be just the two of us, because he will always come first with you.”
“I thought you were different. I thought you would understand everything I’ve sacrificed to make sure he would grow up happy, the way my parents wanted him to.”
He walked out of my room and stopped. Turning around he added, “You know what Beck’s mom told me about why she lied? Why she fucking left me? Because of King. He was thirteen years old, and she didn’t want him. So she took my child and left. He was a fucking kid, and she wanted me to give him up for her.”
He turned his back again and walked through the house to the front door.
Rushing to follow him, I called out, “I’m not asking you to give him up. I am asking you to put me first. Hell, I’m asking you to put yourself first, Declan. King is a grown man. He doesn’t need you to sacrifice your own happiness for him anymore.”
The door slammed on the end of my sentence, and I stared at it.
A bitter laugh escaped through my lips as a tear slid down my cheek.
He left.
I guess that was it.
Taking a deep breath, I held onto my resolve. I wouldn’t beg. That little girl inside me was screaming, telling me to go after him. That I was about to lose the one thing I ever really wanted. But the grown woman would have to explain it to her. Life was too fucking short not to have what you deserved.
Declan was right about one thing.
You didn’t always get what you wanted.
Especially if you weren’t willing to fight for it.