Chapter Ten #2
Mike came bursting into the room, startling her.
“I’m so sorry I’m late. The Metro was stopped underground, and I didn’t have cell service.
” His dark blond hair had gotten grayer since the last time she’d looked closely.
His eyes were rimmed with red and had bags under them that hadn’t been there before the recent disaster.
If she had to guess, he’d also lost about ten pounds.
“Come join us, Mike,” Dr. Trulo said. “We were just chatting while we waited for you.”
Mike unzipped his jacket and sat next to Tracy. “Sorry.”
She nodded. The second he’d come into the room, her open heart and mind had slammed shut in an involuntary reaction that had her wondering how they’d ever find their way back to each other.
“What did I miss?”
“Tracy and I were talking about how she’ll cope when Ethan is ready to go back to school and his activities.”
“I won’t handle it well,” Tracy said, “but he can’t stay home forever, even if I wish he could.”
“I get that,” Mike said. “It’s hard for me to stay at Angela’s, where I can’t watch over him and Abby every minute of the day. I don’t even want to go back to work because it would take me away from them.”
Tracy was surprised to hear Mike say that and immediately felt guilty that he was at Angela’s and couldn’t help keep their kids safe.
“You’re experiencing trauma responses,” Dr. Trulo said. “Rationally, you both know you can’t keep him safe and protected all the time, even if you wish you could. But I have hope for you because you’ve succeeded once before in allowing Brooke to go away to college, where she’s grown and thrived.”
“That’s true,” Mike said. “Despite everything, she’s a rock star.”
“Maybe it’s not despite everything,” Dr. Trulo said. “Maybe it’s because of everything she went through that she has a keen appreciation for life and is determined to make the most of hers.”
“That could be,” Tracy said. “She’s made us very proud.”
“Ethan will, too,” Dr. Trulo said. “Years from now, you’ll look back at this time and wonder how you survived it, but he’ll be out there getting it done.”
“How can you be so sure?” Mike asked. “I worry about this ruining him, not making him stronger.”
Tracy hadn’t realized that Mike was having those thoughts, too.
“There’s no way to know for sure, but he has two parents who are determined to see him through this, who are doing all the right things to set him up for future success. Not to mention, he’s seen his sister do it, and trust me, he’s watching her. Abby is, too.”
“That’s true,” Tracy said. “They worship her, and vice versa. She’s an amazing big sister.”
“Her influence will play a huge role in ensuring Ethan—and Abby—bounce back from this incident.”
“I’ve been wondering if we should have Abby in therapy, too,” Mike said.
“It certainly couldn’t hurt. You could talk to Christi about that.” After a pause, Dr. Trulo added, “Which brings us back to you two and how you find a way forward from this.”
His statement was met with silence from both of them.
Tracy wished she knew what to say or how to bridge the yawning chasm between them.
“Don’t everyone speak up at once.”
“I think,” Mike said haltingly, “that for us to fix this, we have to both want to. I’m not so sure that Tracy wants to.”
“Tracy?”
“I want to want to.”
“That’s half the battle,” Dr. Trulo said.
“I’m just not there yet. I…” She forced herself to look directly at Mike. “The situation we find ourselves in predates Ethan’s kidnapping, and you know it.”
“I do know it. I’d never say otherwise. We’d drifted apart in recent years, which created an opening for the disagreement over boundaries for our son.
I own my part in allowing that to happen, and trust me, I regret that I undermined the authority I’ve always more or less ceded to you by allowing him to run loose in the city.
That was wrong. I shouldn’t have done that after years of expecting you to make most of the hard decisions for both of us. ”
“Tracy, what do you have to say to that?”
She was stunned that Mike was willing to take that kind of accountability. “I appreciate that you get why I was upset.”
“I do.”
“Do you really, or are you saying what you think I need to hear to fix this?”
Mike seemed to recoil from the question.
Dr. Trulo held up a hand. “Before you get angry, Mike, it’s a fair question. You held a hard line, saying you hadn’t done anything wrong by allowing Ethan to have freedom that Tracy didn’t want him to have. So it’s understandable she might be skeptical of your sudden turnaround on this topic.”
Mike sighed. “That’s fair, and my turnaround has evolved.
I’ve had a lot of time to think about this since I’ve been staying at Angela’s.
They go to bed early over there, and I’m left to stare at the ceiling and ponder the many ways my life has gone sideways.
One of the things I’ve come to realize is that I wanted my kids to have the same kind of childhood I had, running the streets with my friends until dinner and then going back out after to play ball or race our bikes or go to the store on the corner to buy candy.
But that world doesn’t exist anymore, and I never should’ve let my little boy run around with other kids without an adult with them.
He’s too young, and I’m sorry I fought you on that, Trace. I really am.”
Tracy reached for another tissue.
“And I’m not just sorry because we stared down absolute disaster, but because you were genuinely right.
You’re the daughter and sister of cops. You’ve had a front-row seat to the many things that can happen.
I should’ve had more respect for your position, and I absolutely should not have questioned you in front of Ethan.
That’ll never happen again. I promise you that. ”
“Thank you,” she whispered. “I appreciate that.”
“Wow.” Dr. Trulo smiled like a proud papa. “Look at you two making real progress.”
“I hope this counts as progress,” Mike said.
Tracy turned to face him. “It does.”
“Good,” he said, sounding relieved. “That’s good.”
After they’d made their next appointment with Dr. Trulo, they left his office together, taking the elevator to the lobby.
“Do you want to maybe get a coffee or something?” Mike asked as they went outside into warm spring sunshine.
“Sure,” she said, relieved to feel something other than numb. “That’d be nice.”
He smiled and extended his arm to her. “Let’s go.”