Chapter 18 #2
I force the lump in my throat down with a large swallow of my drink, hissing slightly at the burn as it works its way through me.
“I didn’t know what to say,” I tell them truthfully because there’s no point in withholding the truth any longer. Kase knows all my shit, so might as well lay it out there and hope they don’t fuckin’ call the cops on me or some shit.
“Start from the beginning,” they say as they take a seat at the table, arms crossed over their chest, their own drink in front of them. I swallow another gulp for some liquid courage and open my mouth.
“It started that night at Mayhem… the night I met Madison.”
“Madison? Who the fuck is Madison?”
“I’m getting to that, aren’t I?” I snap, molars locked together.
“Fine. Shit, you’re tense about this,” they snark.
“Well, I don’t exactly feel great telling you.”
Kaser’s face falls, and I immediately feel guilty. “Why?” they ask softly, and I sigh loudly.
“Because I’ve done some shit I probably shouldn’t have done, but I can’t take it back. Or…” I trail off and curl my upper lip in. “Won’t take back, I guess is more accurate. And I don’t want common sense talked into me because I know this is the way it has to be between us.”
“Cedrick, you’re rambling. What the fuck are you talking about?”
“Madison was a client at Mayhem. He was one of my victims, and… fuck, Kase, he was absolutely perfect. I can’t even describe to you how beautiful he was.
The way he cried. The way his eyes scrunched when he—” I cut myself off before I can give too much away, but by the look on Kaser’s face, they already know.
Shit.
“Damn. You went there with this guy? Really?”
“Yes.”
“And…”
“And it wasn’t enough,” I tell them bluntly, waiting to see if they get the hint. And because it’s Kaser and they’re smart as fuck, of course, they do.
“Ricky, you didn’t.”
“I did.”
“That’s…”
“I know.”
“You can’t just—”
“I know! But it’s already done. Too late to go back now.”
“You can stop,” they insist, but I’m already shaking my head.
“I can’t.”
“Cedrick…”
“I can’t, okay. I can’t explain it, but he’s just… There’s just somethin’ about him that drives me up the fuckin’ wall, and I need him, okay?” For some reason, my chest is heaving, and my eyes sting. I chug the rest of my drink before I can say anything more.
“This sounds serious.”
“It is… I think.”
“Does he know that?” they ask, and I can’t help but snort.
“No.”
Kaser’s brows draw inward. “And why not?”
“Because he’s kind of terrified of me still,” I admit in a mumble.
“Why.” Not a question but a demand.
“Because I’ve kinda been stalking him for the last few weeks,” I let all the words out in a rush and then curl my lips inward after I’ve finished as I wait for Kaser to reprimand me.
“Cedrick,” they say after a minute of just staring at me, “you stupid mother fucker.”
I blow out a breath. “I know.”
“What the hell did you think was gonna happen? That he was just gonna suddenly not be scared of you?”
I shrug. “I kinda like that he’s scared of me,” I admit with a half-grin.
Kaser rolls their eyes, but I catch their own lips twitching. “Of course, you do. But stalking someone isn’t the way—”
“He won’t talk to me any other way,” I argue.
“How do you know that?”
I narrow my eyes. “I just do.”
“Did you even try?”
“Fuck you,” I snap, then try to take another gulp of my drink before realizing, with a frown, that I’ve already finished it off.
“Don’t get snippy with me, buddy. I’m just pointing out the obvious, which you clearly can’t see because you’re too close.”
“I’m not too close. But he won’t want anything to do with me if I’m not Static,” I snap the truth I’ve been trying to avoid thinking about ever since that night.
Kase’s face softens, and I hate it. “Why do you think that?”
“Because I know it’s the fuckin’ truth, okay? He only wanted what was covered in makeup and tattered clothes. And that’s fine. I can give that to him. It’s easy to be him because sometimes, I feel like I’m Static more than I am Cedrick.”
“But you’re both.”
“He doesn’t want both.”
“But you don’t know that, Ced. You haven’t even tried.”
“And I’m not gonna fuckin’ risk losin’ him over it, either. I know he wants Static, so that’s what I’m stickin’ with.”
“Risk losing him…” They repeat my words softly, and I wince. For fuck’s sake.
“Pretend I didn’t say that,” I snap.
“I can’t.”
“Yes, you can.”
“Cedrick, this sounds serious for you.”
“It is,” I admit.
“But is it serious for him?”
“Is having a stalker serious for someone?” I snark and immediately regret it.
“Cedrick!”
“FUCK!” I shove away from the counter with a growl. My fingers delve into my hair, and I yank on the strands until I feel the sting in my scalp.
“You were serious about that?”
“Obviously! I’m not fuckin’ lying to you.”
“Anymore.”
“Okay, fine. Anymore.”
“This is so fucked, dude,” they say, dragging their hand over their shaved head.
“You’re telling me,” I mutter.
And like the Gods have a sense of humor, my phone vibrates at that exact moment. I pull it out of my pocket without thinking about it. It’s a motion alert notification for Madison. I open it to view, smiling softly when he comes up on my screen.
He’s walking sleepily from his bed to the door, which he leaves open to use the bathroom, I’m assuming. He’s gone for a couple of minutes, and then, he shuffles back in, one eye cracked open, black shorts and a white t-shirt on his small build, and I just want to rip them off of him.
I clench my fingers around my phone before locking it and putting it back in my pocket—and it’s not until I meet Kaser’s eyes that I realize what I’ve just done.
“Please tell me that wasn’t what I think it was,” they say, voice quiet but stern.
I purse my lips. “Depends on what you think it was.”
“I’m worried you were just staring at that boy on your phone.”
“And if I was?” I hike my brow.
“Cedrick…” Kaser blows out a breath. “Jesus fucking Christ.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“No, I don’t think you do. You can get in serious fucking trouble for this, dude.”
“Yes, I know,” I repeat dryly.
“Do you? Do you really?”
“Ya. I just don’t care.”
“Oh. Ohh, that’s just great. You don’t care that you could go to fucking jail. Again, I might add.”
“It was one time!” I argue.
“Yeah. But this is much more fucking serious than fifth degree theft as a kid, Ced!”
“I know.”
Kaser drops their head back with a long, drawn-out sigh. “Jesus, this is fucked.”
“Yep.”
“You’re fucked.”
“Mhm.”
“You’re not helping, either. You know that, right?”
“Right.”
“Oh, fuck you.”
“I mean, if you’re in the mood…” I drawl with a smirk, which makes Kase roll their eyes.
“No, I’m good. Now I know why it didn’t last as long this time. You’ve had someone else on your mind.” They sound kinda sad when they say it, and I rush to fix it.
“Kase, that wasn’t—”
“No, I know. I know you’d never do that. But I get it, too.”
I drop my head a little, feeling defeated and exhausted because I don’t know what to do. “I’m sorry.”
“I know. I love you too,” they snark. And all feels right for the moment.
“You’re my best friend, you know.”
“Yeah, ‘cause no one else is crazy enough to be.”
“That ain’t no shit,” I bite back with a grin and stride over to the table to wrap them in my arms, feeling a sense of warmth I haven’t felt in a while. I press a kiss to the top of their shaved head.
This is all a mess, and I might be fucking it all up—but at least I have Kaser to help me through it.
I just wish I would’ve talked to them sooner.