Chapter 21 #2
He already knows me better than I know myself, and if that’s not crazy, I don’t know what is.
I tug my bottom lip between my teeth. I can’t tear my eyes away from Cedrick.
He’s… well, he’s beautiful.
How he can go from a terrifying clown to this handsome man is absolutely crazy, but… he does.
Cedrick:
Did I scare you off
You hate my face dont you
Fuck
I find his panic so endearing, it makes me grin from ear to ear. This side of Cedrick is unlike anything I ever imagined, but it’s… it’s sweet.
Me:
Your face is handsome. Thank you for showing me.
Cedrick:
Handsome huh? Never been called that before
My brows tug together.
Me:
Really?
Cedrick:
Really
Me:
That’s sad.
Cedrick:
There are lots of things that are sad and thats not one of em
There are worse things lol
What are you doin
I miss you
I blink at the rapid flip in conversation, how he goes from self-deprecating to moving the conversation to me, but I let him because obviously, he doesn’t want to talk about it.
Me:
You already know what I’m doing…
Cedrick:
Doesnt mean I dont want you to tell me
Me:
I’m sitting here talking to you because apparently I don’t have anything better to do with my day.
Cedrick:
Im that special huh
Me:
Apparently stalkers get special privileges.
Cedrick:
Not just any stalker I hope
Me:
Just the good ones.
Cedrick:
Im a good boy yay me
My face flushes seeing Cedrick call himself a good boy. It reminds me of when he called me one… of how much I liked it…
Cedrick:
You like good boy dont you darlin
Me:
No.
Cedrick:
Liar
I see you
I see when you lie
Its cute
When you get all red
I wanna kiss the blush
And then bite it
Oh, God. I swallow and tug my bottom lip between my teeth as I glance up at the light fixture, where I know Cedrick is looking at this exact moment. And for some reason I can’t explain, I push to my feet and walk to the center of the room, just below where I’m sure it must be.
I reach up on my tiptoes and blow the camera a kiss before walking out of my room, leaving my phone behind as I find my roommates to spend the rest of the afternoon with them—away from my stalker and his sweet-talking words that are quickly becoming way too much.
It’s easy to talk to him… and that’s a problem.
The next night on the phone, I find myself revealing things that I never would have otherwise. And it’s nothing of pertinence either. It’s small, stupid things like my favorite color—green—or my favorite food—pizza.
“Pizza?” he parrots, and I flush.
“I don’t know.” I twist my fingers. “I just really like it.”
“No, it’s cute,” he drawls, and I flush.
“It is not! It’s just food!”
“If you say so, treat. So, tell me more about you.”
I gulp, hating the heat in my face. “Isn’t this supposed to be you telling me things? Why am I sharing things with you?”
There’s a pause. And then, he says, “Because you want someone to know you, Madison. And I want to be that person.”
I stop breathing for three beats of my heart, and then, I choke on an inhale. “Oh.”
“Oh?” he parrots. “Was that too much?”
“Too much? N-no, I just…”
“My favorite color is black,” Cedrick blurts.
“My favorite food is mashed potatoes, and my mom is an alcoholic. Fireball is her drink of choice, but really, she’s not picky.
She’ll drink what’s cheap if she doesn’t have the money—and she usually doesn’t.
It’s why I left with Kaser—why we moved up here.
Well, that, and because their mom, Lillian, died.
But that was a whole other thing, and that was so hard on both of us—”
“Cedrick…” I breathe.
He seems to finally take his own breath. “Yes?”
“Why are you telling me these things?”
There’s a long pause, and then, he says, “I want you to know me, too.”
“Oh. O-okay. Thank you for telling me that,” I tell him earnestly, feeling much better knowing something so deep about him.
My fingers hurt from wringing them together so much, but it’s the only thing I have at the moment, and it’s better than nothing.
This is new territory, and I should be terrified revealing this much about myself to this man—the man who has blatantly been stalking me—but something is telling me to take the leap.
“Okay… so my parents are like, super religious, right? I know I already told you that. And they think the way you’d think they would, too—very conservative and strict.
It’s why I left… I just couldn’t take it anymore.
But not only that, I don’t think I would’ve made it out alive if I would have stayed…
just with who they are and how they think.
It wouldn’t have worked. Not only that, but as I started to grow up, I realized I thought and felt way differently than them, and things started to shift pretty quickly.
“Leaving was hard—probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do—but I did it.
” I take a deep, solidifying breath and let it fill my lungs for a moment.
“I did it. And now, here I am. I’m in school, I have awesome roommates, which I don’t know how I got lucky on that front, but I did.
And I’m… I think…” I take a shaky breath. “I think I’m okay. That this is okay.”
I don’t mean to say that. But I do. And I regret it, but it’s too late.
“This is okay?” Cedrick asks, and I gulp.
“I don’t…”
“It’s okay, little mouse. We’ll take this as fast or as slow as you want it.”
“We will?” I ask tepidly.
“Whatever you want, darlin’.”
“Thank you…” It feels weird to thank my stalker, but it also feels right.
This feels right.
And I think I’m tired of fighting it.
It’s nearly midnight, and Cedrick and I are talking on the phone again, just like we have every night for the last two weeks.
“You wanna what?” Cedrick asks, and I flush hotter as I pull the phone away from my face and run my fingers through my long hair. It’s grown out over these last few weeks, and it’s in my face as it hangs over.
“Never mind,” I mutter, regretting bringing it up already. Maybe it’s too early for that. Maybe he’s not ready for this. I’m not sure I even am…
I don’t know what I was thinking.
“No, no. Tell me again.”
“No,” I mutter, feeling embarrassed. I stare at the wall in front of me, hating that he can see me like this but loving it just the same.
“Yes.”
“No, Cedrick,” I argue, wanting to just end this conversation. It was stupid. I don’t know what was going through my head…
“Madison,” he demands, and I still. “Ask me again.”
I gulp. Choke on the beat of my heart. “D-do you want to m-meet somewhere?” I ask again, feeling even less sure of myself this time around.
I’m not even sure I meant to say it before. It kind of just came out, but now that I’ve said it, I think I mean it.
I do want to see him… but do I want him to see me again?
“B-but it has t-to be-be somewhere public,” I add the addendum quickly.
“Yes,” he agrees easily, and I balk. Just like that?
“R-really?”
“Madison…” he drawls, and I shiver despite my nerves. “I’ve been dying to see you again. I’ll do whatever you want me to do.”
I glance around my room, knowing he’s watching me at this moment and reveling in it. It makes me feel powerful. “Anything?”
“Yes,” he agrees easily, and I feel myself smile.
“Wear your eyeliner.”