Chapter 30 #2
I run in front of Cedrick and plant my hands on his chest, feeling the rapid chug of his heart against my palms. “Cedrick, stop.” His eyes are wide and crazed, but when he feels my touch, they dart down to look at me, and then, they soften.
“Madison,” he says, and I can’t help but to give him a soft smile.
“Cedrick,” I repeat.
“You didn’t come home,” is all he says, eyes dancing back and forth between mine, and it takes me a minute to realize that’s why he’s here.
He showed up and barged into my house because he couldn’t see me in my room.
He didn’t know I made it home safe.
He had no idea, and he’s been worried this whole time.
“Shit…” I wince. “I’m so sorry… I didn’t… I wasn’t…”
His eyes narrow as he glares over at Kane. “Clearly.”
I reach up to grab his face to direct his thoughts back toward me and away from my friend. “No, it wasn’t like that, I swear. He… he was helping me figure stuff out.”
“Why couldn’t I?” he asks pleadingly, finger tracing the line of my cheekbone now that he’s been released, and it breaks my heart.
I swallow thickly, but I can’t blink away the tears. “I don’t know…”
“I was worried.”
“I know.”
“I couldn’t see you.”
“I know.”
“And when I couldn’t see you…” he trails off, and I nod. Because I get it. I messed up. In more ways than one. And we need to talk. Finally.
I don’t know if I’m exactly ready for it, but it needs to happen because something like this… this misunderstanding, can’t happen again.
To any of us.
I’m…
I’m ready now.
Maybe.
With him, I could be.
“Well, this is all fine and dandy, but what the fuck is going on?” Lenny blurts, and Kane bursts into laughter even though he’s the one that got punched in the face.
“Everyone, meet Mads’s boyfriend. Boyfriend, meet Lenny and Collin. We’ve already had the pleasure of meeting,” he says with a bloody grin, and I wince, eyes darting toward Cedrick.
His eyes are still glowing, but he sticks his hand out for both of them to shake. “Sorry ‘bout the misunderstanding. Needed to see Madison.”
“So, you just barged in here?”
“Yes,” he deadpans, and I giggle. It’s really not funny, but I mean… c’mon…
“Well, let’s give them some space. They’ve got loads of shit to work out,” Kane says, and I wince, but Cedrick just nods his thanks as they all leave the room and close the door behind them.
Cedrick turns toward me and crosses his long arms over his chest. “I don’t like this room,” he says after a moment of blandly perusing it.
“I know.”
“You were in bed with him.”
“I know.”
“But it wasn’t…” he trails off, and I watch his throat bob with a swallow, and my heart constricts. I rush toward him, not thinking twice before wrapping my arms around him.
“No, of course not. He’s just a friend, and he was there for me last night when I needed him. It was just comfort. He helped a lot, actually. And helped me see a lot of clarity.”
Cedrick’s arms tighten around my waist as he speaks into my hair. “Clarity?” he asks.
“Yeah. About… everything.”
Cedrick breathes me in, and I let my eyes fall closed as I fall into him, allowing myself, for the first time, to really feel.
“Care to shed some light on me?”
I swallow thickly, already feeling the inevitable tears building up. “I’ll tell you everything. But…”
“But what?” he asks, pulling away with a frown.
“But first, I think I need your help with something.”
“You sure you wanna do this, darlin’?” Cedrick asks as we round the driveway, and I nod.
“I need to. It’s a chapter I need to close. And… and you’ll stay, right?”
“Of course, I will.” He reaches across the console and squeezes my hand, and I immediately feel better.
“You know this could get pretty ugly, right?” I tell him, just to make sure he knows.
“I know, treat. It’s all right. I’ll be fine,” he reassures me for the tenth time in the last hour.
“Okay… just making sure.”
“Madison Thomas!” I hear my name screeched from the top of the stairs, and I wince. Well, that didn’t take long.
“Ready?” Cedrick asks, completely ignoring my mother as he stares into my blue eyes.
And while we haven’t talked fully yet—we have plenty of time for that—I have given him a lot about what happened that night at Mayhem and what I discussed with Kane.
I had to tell him, so what we were doing here made sense.
And he’s been so good, so understanding. And I know I don’t deserve it. But I’m grateful to him, nonetheless.
“As I’ll ever be,” I mutter before squeezing his hand one last time and stepping out of the car. The autumn air is frigid this morning, and I shiver as it soaks through my thin hoodie, but I welcome the sting because it keeps me alert—and I need to be sharp for this conversation.
“Mother,” I nod my head as Cedrick and I make our way up the stairs. The butler, Roman, stands by the door, and when I meet his gaze, he gives me the warmest smile that makes my own break out across my face.
“What are you doing back here? And who is… this?” she hisses the word with disgust. I chance a glance at Cedrick, and all he does is lift a brow.
“Where’s Father?” I ask instead, ignoring her.
Her eyes narrow, annoyed with my rudeness. “In his office. Why?”
“I wish to speak to you both.” I choke down the nerves.
She looks between us, eyes bouncing for approximately fifteen seconds before she concedes, probably out of sheer curiosity. “Fine. We’ll talk in there.” And then, she turns her back on us and expects us to follow.
“Thank you, Roman.” I smile at him when he holds the door open.
“Mr. Payne,” he returns with a small twitch of his lips, and it makes my heart pang. He’s the only good one here.
The walk through the spacious halls is honestly pretentious, and I wince, but Cedrick doesn’t seem to give a shit about any of it as he walks beside me, head held straight, eyes looking forward, never glancing around.
He doesn’t care where I came from.
He only cares who I am now.
Fuck… I love him.
It nearly steals my breath away.
“Guess who showed up,” Mother says as she pushes open the door to Father’s office. He glances up from his desk, eyes widening when he sees me.
“About time you came home,” he starts, but I cut him off with a hand in the air.
“I’m not home,” I clarify to both of them. “I want to make that clear. I only came by to tell you both something.” And that’s when the nerves really hit. Because this is it.
There’s no going back after this.
Remember, you don’t want to go back.
I hear Cedrick’s voice in my head from what he told me earlier in the car on the way up here, and it steels my resolve. I walk further into the room, feeling Cedrick take matching steps, until we’re directly in front of my father’s desk.
“What’s going on, son?” he asks, eyes imploring, and it takes everything in me to say the words. To know I’m disappointing them but needing to do it anyway—for my own sanity and survival.
For us.
And for me.
“Mother, Father,” I address them both, and when both sets of eyes are on me, I glance down, grab Cedrick’s hand in mine, and entwine our fingers.
They’re strong against mine, and they hold me steady as I tremble.
“I’m gay. And I just wanted you to know.
” I speak the words to the wall, unable to meet their gazes, but I’ve said them. They’re out there.
I fucking did it.
It’s silent for the length of four heartbeats, and then, my mother screeches, “What?!”
I wince but try to push through. “If you—”
“This is wrong, Madison! I knew you leaving was going to corrupt you! I just never imagined this! This!”
All the while she’s spitting her fury, my father’s face gets redder and redder. And I know we need to leave—before it’s too late.
I squeeze Cedrick’s hand, and when he reaches over and grips my chin to bring our eyes together, I nod minutely. Yes. Take me away from here.
Take me home.
“Get your hands off him, you, you—”
“Don’t say it,” I turn toward Mother and bite softly back at her. “Don’t you dare.” And with those final words, hand in hand with Cedrick, I walk out of the room, out of that house, out of that life—for good.
The seat I’m sitting in is a comfort as Cedrick reaches for my hand and takes it in his, holding me as tight as I need.
“I’m so proud of you, darlin’,” Cedrick says as he starts the drive back to Grosse Pointe.
I’m shaking, and I can’t help it. My adrenaline is pumping hard, but the words are a comfort. A necessity I didn’t know I needed until I heard them from his lips. “T-thank y-y-you,” I hiccup through my sobs.
“Darlin’.”
“Hmm?” I swallow thickly as I stare out of the slightly fogged over window.
“I love you.”
My jaw falls slack, and tears burst from my eyes before I can stop them. The sobs are ugly and wracking and horrendous, but Cedrick doesn’t seem to care because all he does is let me feel them.
He simply grabs my hand, presses a kiss to the back of it, and lets me feel my feelings.
I don’t say the words back yet.
I can’t.
Not until he knows all the truth, just like he told me.
But I think he knows I feel the same.
How could I not when this is who he is?
My clown.
My stalker.
My…