January 18
Koh Phangan.
I walked down the main street towards the pier, checking out the coffee shops and looking for something my followers would find inspirational.
It was a relief to be in a place I’d never been to before and – as far as I knew – neither had Amit.
The truth is, Amit did me a favor by avoiding social media.
I didn’t worry about his picture popping up or about blocking him if it got too hard.
I hit play and the last episode of the fifth season came on.
This was the last episode I had seen before going to Thailand and it came back to me slowly.
Lily and Marshall are hunting for a sign from the universe to help them decide whether to get pregnant.
Hunting? More like trying to coerce everything into such a sign, because it’s clear what they want.
I turned off the TV. The show hadn’t distracted me.
The opposite actually; it made me think.
Amit was always seeing signs about us, and I brushed them off.
He wanted to see them – those coincidences.
I was scared, so I ignored them. I saw that this hurt him, and I did nothing about it.
I wouldn’t commit to a common fate. Now I wondered what signs I had missed, right under my nose.
I was sick of ignoring signs. From then on, I was going to say yes to everything the universe offered me.
What synchronicities had I missed? I thought about it for a second and then I got it. Ah, shit.