Chapter Fourteen
Tara pasted a smile on her face that made her lips hurt. Minutes ticked away as Drew and Royce waited for her response. The tiny kitchen in her little cabin filled with the morning sunlight and the uneasy anticipation of her ex-husband, who was used to having his way, along with the untethered excitement of a five-year-old boy. It was hard to believe only a few hours ago a storm had swept through this area, and she had been wrapped in the arms of a man who on the outside was dangerous but sweet and gentle on the inside. At least he had shown that side to her last night. And she had stomped all over it by leaving him behind.
“Mom, did you hear what Dad said?” Royce stared at her with wide eyes, his father’s eyes. He looked so much like Drew she often wondered if her genetics were even in there.
“I heard him.” She needed to figure out a way to say no, but her mind caught on nothing.
“It’s a flag league for five- and six-year-olds. Sports transform kids. Every kid needs the experience of playing team sports. I don’t know why you’re against it.” Drew’s smile didn’t reach his eyes. The smile was for Royce’s benefit. That vacant stare was his way of warning her that he’d have the last say.
“Why can’t we wait a few more years? Let him grow some.” She didn’t want him dealing with head injuries from such an early age. He would end up like Drew, angry and mean.
“You worry too much. He’s a good player, like his old man.” Drew made a fist and showed off his championship ring, as if she’d never seen it before.
“I don’t know. I need some time to think about it. Royce, you need to leave for school in ten minutes. Go get your backpack and brush your teeth.”
“Okay, but please say yes.” He trotted off to the bathroom, closing the door behind him.
“You’re going to let him play, Tara.” Drew’s lips pulled back in a grimace.
“Is that a threat?” She tilted her chin even with her insides shaking. Their fights always started this way. If she opposed him, he fought back, using vicious and cutting words. Only twice, he had raised his hand to her, but it was two times too many. She wasn’t stupid enough to believe he wouldn’t do it again even though they were divorced.
He stepped closer, and she backed into the counter. “The coach asked me to help out, and I’m going to. It’s good for my image. That means Royce plays. He doesn’t need your permission because I’m his father, and I already told the coach to expect Royce at practice.”
“You aren’t his only parent. You don’t have joint custody because you didn’t want it. I make the final decisions where our son is concerned.”
He grabbed her wrist and tugged her closer still. “Let’s get something straight. I let you have custody so you’d feel like you mattered, but you don’t. I have the power to take my son anytime I want. I won’t do that to you because you two have a bond, and he loves you. When it comes to football, I know best. Not you. He’s ready to play. He’s good. Great even. He can go pro if he wants. And he needs some friends in this shitty town you picked to live in. Did you know he doesn’t have any friends?” He released his grip.
She slid to the side and out of the kitchen into the living area. Her wrist ached, but she would not rub it and give him the satisfaction that he’d hurt her. “It takes time to make new friends.” She cringed at the weakness in her voice.
“You seemed to make them pretty quickly. Did you sleep with that guy when you left our son unattended?”
“I didn’t leave Royce unattended. Izzi is a very good babysitter.”
“How good of a babysitter could she be if she had to call her father to help? I don’t want strange men around our son. You don’t know what he’s capable of.”
Acid churned in her stomach. He could actually stand in her home and accuse Gage Ryker of being a pedophile. Only Drew could stoop so low. “That’s ridiculous. Gage Ryker is the sheriff of this town.”
Drew barked out a laugh. “Men in power often abuse it.”
He had no idea he was speaking of himself. His behavior never came into question where he was concerned. He blamed his parents, his teammates, his coaches, and even her.
“I need to take Royce to school and get to work. You have to leave now.”
“He said most kids at school don’t even know I’m his dad. Did you tell him to keep that a secret? It would be just like you to hide that important piece of information. You were always jealous of my success.”
A pain built up behind her eyes. Her body ached from sleeping on that awful couch. She had five clients on her schedule today. It would take all her energy just to get through work. She didn’t have the strength for this conversation or for Drew anymore.
“I don’t broadcast your name if that’s what you mean. Royce needs to make his way in the world on his own merits, not in your shadow.”
“My shadow casts far and wide. He can’t escape it, and neither can you. So stop contradicting me. You will do what I say, and I say he plays.” He lunged for her.
She jumped back, tripping over the coffee table leg and landing on her tailbone.
“Mom?” Royce stood in the hallway. She hadn’t heard him return from the bathroom. His eyebrows shot up to his hairline, and his frightened gaze bounced between her and Drew.
“I tripped. Daddy was just helping me up.” She pushed off the floor and brushed her hands on her pants. Her ankle smarted, but her pride was broken in two.
The doorbell rang, slicing through the tension and creating a new tremor in the room. If no one moved, whoever was at the door might go away. She couldn’t bear to see Kace now if it were him. Who else could it be? Anyone else would call or text.
Royce ran to the door and threw it open, but the person on the other side was blocked from her view. A cool breeze rushed in, waking her senses. She had to move, to act normal. Her muscles would remember the drill if she would just act.
“Hi,” Royce said.
“Hey, Royce. Is your mom here?” The voice was deep and familiar but not Kace.
She forced her legs around the table. “Gage? What are you doing here?”
Gage filled out her doorway with his height and breadth. His uniform and dark sunglasses gave him an untouchable and fearless presence. She welcomed the sight of him with a silent prayer of thanks.
“Sorry to interrupt. Izzi and I were headed to school. I thought maybe Royce would like a ride since you had a rough night and could probably use a few extra minutes before work.” He peeled off his glasses and kept his gaze on her.
“The sheriff in this town gives rides to school?” Drew choked out a laugh.
“Mr. Paxton, I take my job very seriously. Whatever my residents need, I provide for them. Whether it’s a ride to school or to arrest someone breaking the law.” He crossed his arms over his large chest and arched an eyebrow.
Drew busied himself with his phone, not acknowledging what she perceived as an implied threat. Or maybe it was wishful thinking.
“Are we driving in your police car?” Royce said.
“You bet.” Gage’s top lip curled up in a smile. The similarities between him and Kace continued to throw her off balance. The forceful demeanor only seconds ago had dropped for Royce’s benefit. These Ryker men were the kind of men she wanted Royce to emulate. Not Drew and the way he threw his weight around.
“Can I, Mom?”
“Sure, buddy,” Drew said before she could. He shoved his phone back in his pocket. “I have some things to attend to. If you’ll excuse me. Royce, have a good day at school.” He mussed Royce’s hair on his way out.
She sank onto the couch, unable to hold herself up a second longer. “Give me a hug. You don’t want to keep Sheriff Ryker waiting.”
She wrapped Royce in a hug whether he wanted one or not. She needed it. “Have a great day at school. Be polite to the sheriff.”
“Hey, pal, can you ask Izzi to help you get in the car? I have a booster seat for you.”
Royce ran outside, yelling for Izzi.
“Is everything okay here?” Gage said after Royce was gone.
“Fine. Thank you for taking him. I could use a few minutes.” She needed those minutes to gather her weary nerves and check into the shooting lessons the ranch offered.
“If you need anything at all, don’t hesitate to ask. I meant what I said about taking my job seriously.”
She didn’t doubt it. From what she’d seen of this family so far, they all took their jobs and each other seriously. “Thank you, but I’m fine. Just a little tired.” Meeting Gage’s gaze was too much. It was as if he could look right through her to her lie. She didn’t want him to pick up on what she was hiding.
Gage offered a small chuckle. “That cabin isn’t exactly five star.”
“It was a much-needed shelter when that storm hit.”
“I’m glad you and my brother were okay. I’ll text you when I drop off Royce.” He placed his sunglasses back on and closed the door behind him.
She held her head in her hands. She needed to get moving but couldn’t muster the energy. A hot shower and some coffee would be great, but the desire to be productive seeped out of her. She didn’t know what she would have done if Gage hadn’t arrived when he did and distracted Drew. She wished it had been Kace at the door, but he was probably mad at her for abandoning him earlier. He had every right to be. He’d been nothing but kind and caring, even after she threw herself at him and then took her offering away.
Her nerves had been tangled up in knots when they returned from the long night in the cabin and came to the end of the trail to find his brothers. Jett had been furious they were together, and she had wanted out of there before he had a chance to point that fury at her.
She had also wanted to see Royce more than anything, but she had handled her exit with Kace badly. After work, she would find him and apologize. If he’d even speak to her again.
****
Tara locked up the spa, relieved to be going home. The day had been endless with two walk-ins in addition to the five scheduled massages. She had only taken a thirty-minute break to make sure Royce came off the bus and was home. She hated leaving him with Karen Ryker, but today she didn’t have much choice. October was a busy month for the ranch. Jett had assured her things would slow down some as the winter came, but not altogether. Pulling off this single-parent thing wasn’t easy. She placed a hand on her belly. She would never have been able to juggle two on her own. She never wished that unborn baby away, but when she finally left Drew, she was relieved she only had one child to keep safe. She bit her trembling lip. She was a terrible mother for thinking those things.
The afternoon light dimmed the world to gray and grew shadows in the corners. The wind had picked up and scattered dried leaves across the parking lot. They swirled and crackled in the wind’s fists. Her old and worn-out car waited under the single light. She and her car had a lot in common.
She had hoped Kace would stop by, but she hadn’t even had a glimpse of him wandering around. Her arms and shoulders ached from all the work. Her legs begged her to get off them. Royce would need dinner and help with his homework. She wanted to mix another batch of lotion for her online customers, and Calista had texted with a request for small jars to put in a giveaway bag for fundraiser sponsors. She would be up all night working. Her apology to Kace would have to wait, or she could text it. That seemed like the coward’s way out, but it was really about the time she didn’t have to spare.
She should be grateful for the work, but tonight she would rather have someone else carry the burden of responsibility. She hefted her tote onto her shoulder and crossed the lot. Maybe she could hire Izzi on a more permanent basis. She certainly couldn’t rely on Karen now that things between her and Kace were bad.
“Tara.” The voice threw her out of her thoughts and spun her around.
“Drew, you scared me to death.” She fumbled for her keys in her tote.
“I’m sorry. I was waiting for you to leave work. You had a long day.” No accusation lined his words, not at least any she could find. A softness settled around his mouth and his eyes. He pulled a bouquet of fall flowers from behind his back.
Here was the Drew she had married. He had been sweet then, always surprising her with flowers. He would smile at her as if she were a gift. That man had gotten lost somewhere. Probably in all the head injuries.
“Take them.” He pushed the flowers closer to her.
Their sweet and spicy smell coated the air. She hesitated, but her will wasn’t strong enough to say no. She shouldn’t appreciate the gesture, but after the past twenty-four hours, she did. “Thank you, but what are they for?”
“I came to apologize for how I acted this morning. I shouldn’t have behaved that way. I have a work thing messing with my head, and I took it out on you. Please forgive me.”
She wanted to say sure and let it all be over, but she had heard the empty apologies before. He couldn’t control his anger. Not at least toward her. He was different with Royce, but she worried that could change when Royce went through the teen years and started rebelling.
“You can’t put your hands on me anymore.” She handed the flowers back.
“Keep them. They reminded me of you—sweet, blooming with beauty. I really was a jackass this morning, Tar. I was jealous too.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and kicked the ground. The front wisps of his hair fell over his forehead, making him look younger. “I know I have no right to be, but when I found out you were with that guy, I got angry.”
Part of her wanted to reassure him nothing had happened—the old part of her—but another part kept silent. “Drew, we’ve been over—”
“Hear me out a sec. Please. I know I screwed up our lives. I hurt you and don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I still love you. I’ve always loved you, and I realized how much after you took Royce and left. I can’t live without you. We were good together once. We could be good together again. Please, Tara. Let me come home. If you’re not totally in love with me right now, I understand. Let me come back, we can work things out, and we can give Royce his parents back. Doesn’t he deserve that? Please. I’m begging you.” Tears filled his eyes.
A breath caught in her throat. She had never seen Drew cry, not even when he had won the championship. Where was this declaration a year ago when he came into her work and trashed the place because he’d been delivered official divorce papers? He hadn’t begged her to take him back then. He had called her names and scared her clients.
Saying yes and lightening her weary load would be easy. She had learned to operate from pain. She took pain away from her clients, but for her the pain had been the motivation to get out of her mother’s house. Pain had been the motivation to leave Drew. Pain could be the very reason she went back.
Royce deserved to have an intact family. He deserved to have a mother who wasn’t wrung out at the end of the day, who could be present for him and his needs. If she went back to Drew, she could work fewer hours or not at all. She shook the thoughts away. Her body ached with fatigue. The bone weariness made her consider his proclamation. Nothing more. She didn’t love Drew. And now she had strong feelings for Kace she wanted to explore.
Drew brushed away the hair from her face with a gentle touch, a touch she had loved once. A touch she had also come to cringe from. A nagging inside her brain told her to walk away. This meeting in the parking lot wasn’t right. She deserved more than a man who always asked for forgiveness. She wanted a man who understood what she needed. She wanted Kace Ryker.
“I need some time to think about it.” Her words hung in the air like a soap bubble waiting to pop. She had no other way to make him leave except to hint at her consideration.
“How much time?”
“I don’t know. I do know that I have to get home.” The conversation was too much. It had climbed inside her chest and made it hard to breathe. It confused her brain. The exhaustion made it hard to know what to do.
“If we were back together, you wouldn’t have to worry that you’ve left Royce to work. I can take care of us.”
He could hear inside her head. He knew her well enough to know her mother’s words would haunt her now. “Tara, find yourself a man who can provide.” Her mother had been full of bad advice.
“Drew, I said I need to think, and I do want to get home to Royce.”
He backed up with his hands in the air. “No problem. Can I take Royce to school tomorrow?”
“Sure.” She agreed just to get him to leave.
“Great. I’ll see you then. And Tara?”
“Yes?”
“I love you.” He walked off into the dark corner of the parking lot.
She didn’t see his car and wondered, for the first time, where he had come from. He could have walked over from the main lot, but no matter which, his exit seemed dramatic…and strange. Did he really love her? Were the tears genuine?
She dumped the flowers on the back seat of the car and her tote on the floor. She’d be home in five minutes, she’d start dinner, and maybe she could find time for a hot bath after Royce went to bed. She’d kill for a massage.
“Tara?”
She jumped. How many times in one night were men going to frighten her? He came away from the building. She hadn’t seen him there in the light under the overhang. He must have walked from somewhere on the property. A path behind the building led to the guest cottages. He could have come from there.
“Kace.” That one word floated out on a quiet exhale. Her shoulders relaxed into place. This was the man she had wanted to see holding flowers for her. But he stood there with a pinched look on his face and arms crossed over his chest.
“Can I ask you something?” He moved toward her but stopped with ten feet or more between them. He was beautiful in his untucked flannel shirt and faded jeans. His hair hung loose, and his face was clean-shaven, revealing the tan-colored skin along his jaw she hadn’t seen yet. She liked him both ways, scruffy and dangerous, and clean and safe.
“Sure. Ask away.” She resisted the urge to check the time. She had been hoping to see him all day, and now here he was, but she still had a child who was home with a sitter. His mother in fact, and that was the reason she couldn’t allow Karen to continue to watch Royce. If things went badly between her and Kace, and they even couldn’t be friends, how could she continue to ask his mother for help?
“Do you love him?”
“Excuse me?”
“I overheard some of your conversation. I didn’t mean to. I went for a walk and came up on you two. I heard him say he loved you, but you didn’t answer.”
“That’s kind of a direct question.” She couldn’t explain what had happened between her and Drew. Drew always pushed for what he wanted until he got it. They had had a life together once, but he had stolen it from her when he pushed her down the steps. That was the part she couldn’t tell Kace about. How did she explain to him that she had loved a man who had hurt her so badly? She never wanted Kace to look at her with pity. If he felt sorry for her and her bad choices, she would die.
“Yes, it is, but I have to know.” He shoved his hands through his hair.
He didn’t argue or explain. He was straightforward, and she liked that about him. He didn’t play games, said what was on his mind. He knew what he wanted, and he went for it, so typical of a confident athlete.
“Why do you want to know if I love him?” And even if she didn’t love Drew, she needed to consider what was best for Royce.
“Last night when you kissed me, did that mean anything to you?” He continued to keep his distance.
She wished he would move closer so she could touch him. “You had said you knew sex would be important to me. How can you ask me if our kiss meant anything?” Of course, he would think it meant nothing to her. He was probably used to women throwing themselves at him all the time. He was attractive and successful with a fan base. He had no idea how out of character it was for her to make the first move.
“If it meant something, why did you leave me this morning? I wanted to drive you back. My brother had no right to come between us.”
“I had to get back to Royce, and Jett needed you.” She didn’t want to get in between them. Jett was looking out for his business, as he should be. And he was probably looking out for Kace.
“No, he didn’t. I told you I wouldn’t let anything happen to your job. I meant that. Don’t let Jett be the reason you reject me. If you love your husband, that’s one thing.”
“Ex-husband. When are you going to tell your family that you’re still having concussion symptoms?” She needed to change the subject. She wanted to explore this thing with Kace because no man had ever grabbed her attention this way, but she didn’t want to talk about Drew anymore. And maybe in order for things to move forward with Kace, he needed to start being honest too. He wanted her to be.
“I appreciate your concern, but I’m fine. There’s nothing to tell. The symptoms are all but gone.” He moved closer. Finally. “Please tell me what you want. Do you want him back?”
She didn’t completely believe him about the symptoms, but she wouldn’t argue. The only thing she wanted in that moment was to go home. She had sworn she would never want another professional athlete, but there was more to him underneath his drive to win.
“I want to apologize for this morning. I didn’t mean to ditch you. I really did want to get back to Royce, and I was afraid.” There she had said it.
“Afraid of what?”
“Afraid I would mess things up for your family. Afraid Jett would fire me anyway. Afraid your brothers would judge us. Afraid of what it looked like with us stuck in that cabin.”
He gave her a small smile. “You don’t have to be afraid with me. I’ll be your spotter, and you can drive.”
“I’m not following.”
“When I race, my spotter sits up on the tower and becomes my eyes to my side and behind me. He tells me what’s happening on the track. But I make the decisions in the car. I have the final say. I’m in charge. You’re driving, Tara. You decide which way the road turns.”
She closed the space between them and wrapped her arms around his neck. He didn’t hesitate and pulled her closer. She had to stand on her toes to reach him, but he met her halfway and pressed his warm, soft lips to hers.
The sensitive spot between her legs ached for him as he pushed her lips open with his tongue. He tasted cool and minty. She tangled her fingers in his hair, and his hands swept up her back. Every one of her muscles tightened with pleasure. He cupped her face and took the kiss deeper, then unzipped her jacket and gripped her sides. The fall air swooped in and under her coat but did nothing to cool her flushed skin.
She didn’t want the kiss to end. If she were in control, as he said, she could have more of him. She unbuttoned his shirt with tentative fingers. The flannel was soft to her touch, lived in. She fisted the material. He growled and kissed her harder.
This kiss stirred her soul, the way a kiss should feel. Drew’s mouth had never aroused her this way.
Her phone went off with its high-pitched ring. She wanted to ignore it and go on kissing, but she eased away with regret. “I’m sorry. I need to get that.”
He dropped his forehead to hers and kept his hands on her waist, as if he didn’t want to break the connection either. “Sure. I understand.”
She fumbled for her phone in her jacket pocket. The house phone number and her favorite picture of Royce lit up the screen. She swiped with shaking fingers. “Hey, buddy. Everything okay?” She was certain Royce could hear her pounding heart through the phone.
“When are you coming home? Can I have a snack?”
“I’ll be there in five minutes. Did you do your homework?”
“Yes. Miss Karen helped me. Can I play video games until dinner is ready?”
“That’s fine. I’ll see you soon.”
“Okay.” He ended the call. She almost laughed with relief. Royce was a typical five-year-old, worried about his own primitive needs and not what his mother was doing.
She turned to Kace. “I have to get home. Royce is waiting for me.”
He opened the driver’s door for her. “Can I see you tomorrow night? I have a few appointments during the day.”
“Are you seeing the doctor?” She slid into the seat and turned over the ignition.
“Nothing like that. I told you I’m fine.” He arched an eyebrow. “Your car needs a tune-up.”
“You can tell that just from hearing it?”
He closed the door, and she rolled down the window.
“I’m also a pretty good mechanic. Well, I used to be when I owned the garage in town.” The smile drifted from his face.
She wanted to hear more, to know what was going on inside him. The pain of the last months was all over his face and inside his body. She knew that from the knots running up and down his back and neck.
“I have an open appointment tomorrow at two if you want to come in for a massage.” She could help heal him if nothing else ever grew between them. She was a fool to believe that this thing between her and Kace didn’t want to grow. Was she going to be the one who stopped it?
“Can I call you and tell you if I’ll be back in time?”
“Of course. I’ll talk to you then.” She put the car in reverse, gave him a quick wave, and eased out of the spot.
“I know you don’t love him,” he said before she could pull away.
She hit the brakes. “What?”
“You don’t love your ex. You couldn’t kiss me like that and still have feelings for him.” He shrugged and walked away.
She watched in the rearview mirror until the darkness swallowed him up as if he’d never been there at all. She made her way home to her son with Kace’s words on her mind and his taste on her lips.