Chapter Sixteen
Tara filled the last jar with her new shea butter. She had added several drops of lavender essential oil to this batch for a delicious, relaxing scent. If she needed to relax, she had no doubt women everywhere could use a little help. She rubbed a small amount on her wrists and took a deep inhalation. Lavender was her favorite, and she would need some of this oil tonight to get to sleep.
The clock on the wall in her tiny kitchen said almost midnight. She had been making lotions since Royce went to bed around nine. His stomachache might have had more to do with stress than illness. She had rubbed some peppermint oil onto his belly, tucked him in, and read a book with him. She had relished his warm body snuggled against hers. She wanted to be able to hug him forever but knew someday he would grow up and leave her. How would she handle being all alone then? And would she want to be left with Drew?
After she finished cleaning the kitchen, she ached to drop into bed and pull the covers up to her neck. She had nothing left in her. It had been a long day at work before the school called. She had been looking forward to seeing Kace in the afternoon, but Drew had stopped by the spa at lunch. He had asked her if she would like to move in with him. She could have her own room if she wanted. He had said she deserved to live like a queen, not like a servant. She wasn’t a servant, but the cabin was small, and it was hard to make the lotions in such a tight space. The kitchen at the main building was ideal, but she couldn’t leave Royce at night to go up there.
Having an extra pair of hands to help with dinner or to throw a load of laundry in while she read to her son would be a dream. With Drew back in their lives, falling back into old routines would be so easy. Royce missed his dad and loved having him at football practice. She still hated the idea of him playing, but she had lost that battle. While they were reading tonight, he’d mentioned a boy on the team he might want to be friends with.
Her phone buzzed and startled her from her thoughts. Who could be texting now? She wiped her hands and grabbed the phone.
—Are you awake?— Kace texted.
Her heart did a small flip. She had missed him today and hadn’t wanted to cancel on him, but Drew’s offer had thrown her. She couldn’t lead Kace on if she thought she might return to Drew. But she couldn’t stop thinking about his kisses. Drew’s kisses did not compare to the way Kace’s lips drove her crazy. Could she really spend the rest of her life with a man who made her want to turn her head and cower when his open mouth came toward her? But her son needed stability, and what kind of mother put her needs above her child’s?
—I am. What are you doing up?—
—Can’t sleep. Head hurts. Why are you up?—
—Working.—
—On who?—
She couldn’t help but laugh. —Lotions.—
—Ah. Thought I had some competition. Feel like company?—
—Now?—
—Right now.—
She should tell him no. It was late. She had work tomorrow. Royce had school. Kace could sleep in if he wanted with no one to answer to except himself. But now that he had reached out, she would spend the rest of the night thinking about him, wondering why she had been such a coward to send him away. She wanted to see him, to touch him, to kiss him. When she was with him, she forgot her troubles.
Her finger hovered above the screen. There would be no going back once she hit the send button. —A short visit.—
Someone knocked at the door. She wasn’t going to need the lavender oil to relax after all.
“That was fast,” she said as she opened it.
He stood on the stoop in another flannel shirt over jeans and a black down vest. His smile warmed her up as the cold night swirled at her ankles like lake water. He held a drink tray with three to-go cups in his large hands. His fingers were long and thick and could turn her to jelly. She wanted to teach him massage because he would have the strength and the touch to liquefy her.
“I brought hot chocolate from the kitchen and chicken soup for Royce.” He held out a cup to her.
“Thank you. It was so nice of you to think of Royce. Do you want to come inside?”
“I thought maybe we could sit out here.” He handed her the chicken soup and stepped off the porch.
“Okay. I’ll be right back.” She placed the soup in the refrigerator and grabbed a long cardigan. He had thought of her son again. That simple, tender, and thoughtful gesture churned all the warm and cozy feelings for him inside her. She would not be able to resist this man with his charm much longer.
He sat on the step, and she sat beside him, close enough that their thighs and shoulders touched. She could blame the proximity on the size of the step, but she wouldn’t. She wanted to snuggle closer and not just for more warmth. Instead of jumping his bones, she sipped her hot chocolate, reminding herself of all the baggage she came with. Earlier, she had wanted nothing more than to collapse into bed, but now she desired only to spend time with him even while the cold cement step turned her legs to ice.
“I wanted to see you,” he said.
His intense stare set her nerves on edge. She had to look away before he saw right through her and her thin-veiled attempt to hide her desire.
“Here I am.” She flung up her arm, narrowly missing his head. He ducked but didn’t laugh. Her joke fell flat. She went back to sipping the hot chocolate and leaving the jokes for someone else.
“How’s Royce?” He picked at the cardboard cozy on the cup.
“He’s better now.”
“Was that the real reason you blew me off?” He glanced at her from the corner of his eye.
She owed him some honesty. She could never tell him the whole truth about her and Drew, but maybe she could let him see how she felt. “I wasn’t avoiding you. It’s just…I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“With me?”
“With me. When I’m with you, I want to be with you more. When I’m not with you, I realize I can’t have what I want. Royce’s needs have to come before mine. He needs his dad around. It might be best for him to have his family intact.”
“I’m not going to pretend I’m great with long-term relationships. I’m thirty-six, and I’ve never been married, never been engaged, haven’t had a serious girlfriend in a couple of years, but I think if you’re going to be with someone for the long haul, shouldn’t you at least love them?”
The breeze picked up and swirled leaves around on the walk. An owl hooted its answer somewhere in the distance. Pieces of Kace’s hair had fallen out of the hair tie. She brushed a few away from his chiseled face. He grasped her hand and held it to his chest.
“Tara, do you love him?”
“No.” Her whisper caught in the wind and blew away as if she hadn’t said it, but she had, and she meant it. She didn’t love Drew anymore and hadn’t for some time. But he was familiar and the father of her child. He had money.
With a strong finger, he tilted her chin. “Then let me love you.”
A new fear bloomed in her chest and cut off her breath. “It’s too soon. It’s not—”
He kissed her fingertips. “I’m not trying to scare you with the wrong word. I’ve never felt this way about another woman. I don’t understand it completely myself. But I do want to take it out for a spin and see what the ride feels like.”
A flash of heat ran over her body and settled low in her belly. She had no doubt she would like his ride. “That sounds like dating.”
“We don’t have to call it anything if you don’t want to. I want to spend time with you. I want to get to know your son. But I don’t want to share you. Even with four brothers, I was never very good at sharing.” He smiled again, but this time a reverence passed over his eyes. Sitting before her was this big alpha athlete determined to win, and deep underneath his protective armor was a soft, gentle side he let out in small strokes.
She took their cups and placed them on the ground. The pads of her fingers ran over his jawline dotted again with a day’s worth of beard. His whiskers were prickly like the bristles of a brush. She traced a finger down the front of his neck with a light touch and spread both hands over his shoulders.
“I want to touch you everywhere.” Her throat tightened around the words. There would be no going backward after this. She would have to be brave and tell Drew no. Kace was the man she wanted.
He brought his lips to the spot below her ear. He smelled clean like soap. Delicious shivers ran over her skin. He left a trail of kisses on her neck and ran his tongue along her collarbone. She closed her eyes and let desire overrule reason. His hands made their way inside her cardigan and pulled her against him.
She wanted to pull his clothes off, but the front step of her cottage in the middle of the night might not be the most appropriate place to behave this way. She moved away from his kiss. “This is very nice, but…”
“But Royce is right inside, and making out on your front porch sends a bad message.” He dropped his forehead to hers.
“Thank you for always understanding where Royce is concerned.”
“I have a niece. I had to cover Gage plenty of times so he could get laid.”
Relief bubbled out of her in laughter. “That makes what we’re doing sound kind of trashy.”
“Absolutely not, and not for him either. Especially not now that he’s madly in love.” Kace rolled his eyes. “He still doesn’t want Izzi to know what he’s up to, even though she does. She’s sixteen and understands sex, but my by-the-book brother likes to keep up appearances.”
“That’s sweet. He’s setting a good example for her. And so are you by helping out your brother.” She couldn’t imagine having so many siblings looking out for her. If she did, maybe she wouldn’t have been so tempted to take Drew up on his offer. Even now, she was afraid she might be making a mistake by telling him no. He could become angry and retaliate. What if he went after Kace and hurt him worse than he already was?
“I love my brothers. I just wish they understood me a little better.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and tucked her against him.
“I’m going to guess none of you are very good about talking through your feelings.” She snuggled against his hard lines, fitting her curves to him.
He barked out a laugh. She’d take that as a yes to the no-talking-about-feelings statement. He was such a guy, and apparently, so were the brothers. She might have to ask Calista how she handled it if things between her and Kace continued.
“There’s no time for feelings when you’re driving at two hundred miles per hour or when you’re running a ranch or upholding the law.”
“I disagree with that, but that is a conversation for another time, tough guy.” She turned in his embrace to meet his gaze. “It’s late. I need to get up early. I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to send you home.”
“Don’t apologize.” He helped her stand, but he swayed on his feet.
“Are you okay?”
“Rough day.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’ll be fine.”
“Can I help?” She should have asked him that sooner. She had the ability to relieve his suffering, and she had been only thinking about herself.
“I’ll take a rain check on that massage you canceled.” He rubbed the ends of her hair between his fingers.
Heat filled her face again. “I’m so sorry about that. Drew had come by earlier and messed with my head.”
“Is it something you need me to deal with?”
“I don’t need you to protect me, if that’s what you mean.” In some ways she did. Drew would back down to a man like Kace. Drew was a bully who picked on the weak. When she started showing her weak side, he’d taken advantage of it. But she couldn’t tell Kace about the man Drew really was. Kace was strong and protective. He watched out for those he cared about. He would want to get involved, and she would rather die than admit her own stupidity. She wanted Kace to go on believing she was a smart woman who could take care of herself and her son. The only reason she even considered going back to Drew now was because of Royce and what he needed. And the possibility that Drew was telling the truth about changing.
“He made me an offer today,” he said.
“He did what? What kind of offer?”
“He wants to buy my part of the land and build you a house.” Kace linked his fingers through hers.
The idea that Drew was serious had not scared Kace off. That shouldn’t surprise her. She doubted much scared this man. “That’s not going to happen. Not anymore.” She couldn’t live with Drew even if they did have separate rooms. She knew that now, standing with Kace on her front step. She would have to find a way to make parenting work with Drew, but other than that, she was done. She had existed through pain long enough. Didn’t she deserve some joy?
“How would you feel if I said yes to his offer?”
She couldn’t stop him, but she didn’t like it. If Drew purchased land in Backwater, he would never leave, and she wanted—no needed—for that to happen if she had any chance of happiness in this town. “It’s not up to me. You should be talking to Jett and Lock about that. I suspect Gage and your mother as well.”
“If I sell to him, what will you do?”
“I don’t want to be with him. I would prefer he live somewhere other than Backwater, but he’s committed to coaching Royce’s football team. He’ll be here through November at least. Owning property would keep him here indefinitely.” Royce would be glad to have his dad around if Drew kept up his good-dad act. But if Drew decided he had other things he wanted to spend time doing, him living minutes away would be harder for Royce. He wouldn’t understand why his father was so close but so unattainable.
“He’s my only buyer, and I’m running out of time.” He pulled her against him and wrapped his arms around her waist.
“What about the concussion symptoms? Should you drive in your condition?” She tilted her head up to meet his gaze.
“I’m better when I’m driving.”
“Then I think you’ve made your decision.” If Kace sold to Drew, that would only make Drew push harder for them to get back together. Once he found out she and Kace were dating, she didn’t know what Drew was capable of. And he would be living in her backyard.
Things could go south with her and Kace. She knew life held no guarantees. What would she do then? Did she risk having to start over in another town so far away from Drew that he couldn’t see Royce? How many lives would be hurt by this sale if she and Kace were no longer a thing? She didn’t have to figure everything out tonight. All the planning in the world couldn’t stop life from happening.
“You have this way of understanding what I need when no one else does. You give me the space to move forward or change lanes or whatever. You know how to be there for me when I need it.” He eased out of the embrace and rubbed the heels of his hands against his forehead.
“Are you okay?” She placed a hand on his arm, but he turned away.
“I just need a minute.” A tight raspiness coated his voice.
“When was the last time you went to the doctor?”
“I’m fine, Tara.” He dropped his hands and plastered a smile on his face, except it didn’t reach his eyes, and his skin had drained of its color.
“You are not fine. You can’t keep pretending you are.” This stubborn man was willing to go on suffering instead of admitting he needed help. To what end?
“I just need to do more of the physical therapy. I’ve been busy.”
“You could always have these headaches if you don’t take care of yourself.” She tugged her cardigan closed. “Let me help you.”
He met her gaze full on. “Tara, you don’t have to worry about me. I have everything under control.”
“There is no shame in admitting you don’t feel well. I deal with people all the time who are suffering from pain. I know it when I see it. How are you going to drive like that?”
“That’s the thing. When I’m driving, I feel fantastic. So you don’t have to worry about me, but I appreciate that you do.” He placed a soft kiss on her cheek.
“Will you tell me if you start to feel worse?”
“Absolutely.”
“Do you promise?” He was like every other athlete—arrogant, stubborn, and competitive. He tried to snow her with his sexy smile and sweet kisses, but he wasn’t fooling her. She only hoped he didn’t hurt himself in an attempt to win a race.
He wrapped one of her curls around his finger. “You have the softest hair.”
“Are you trying to distract me with your charms?” He would undo her with the little ways he touched her, gentle and endearing, but she could not allow him to take his health for granted.
A wicked grin flashed across his face. “Is it working?”
“No. Well, a little, but I’m serious, Kace. Please promise to say something if your symptoms worsen.”
“I promise if I start to feel bad, I will tell you.” He crossed his heart with two fingers.
She searched his face, hoping he was telling the truth, but she only saw the hint of dark circles under his eyes. “Thank you.”
“Can you and Royce come to the family dinner tomorrow night? Not as a date unless you want to call it that, but my mother might think it is because I’ve never brought a woman to dinner before.”
“Is there a company policy that the help can’t date the boss?”
“Remember, I’m not actually the boss. And if there’s a problem, I’m pretty sure I can take the real boss. He’s lost fights to me before.” His playful smile danced in his eyes. He looked better already. Maybe she was overreacting to his discomfort.
“How old were you when that happened?” She wanted to hear more stories of what his life was like growing up in a house filled with love and noise. She had been so lonely as a child she made up stories while hiding in her bedroom to fill the emptiness all around her.
“I might’ve been about fourteen. He stopped picking on me when I grew as tall as he was. Then he started on Lock.”
“How’d that go?” She could imagine these young men handling their squabbles in a physical way but not violent the way Drew was or even her father. No, these men would know where the line was, when too much was too much. They loved each other very much if all the worrying about Kace said anything at all.
“Have you seen Lock? He’s the biggest of us all. But he only fought with Jett because he could win. Now they mostly slap each other around. Lock’s afraid of Gage, but you didn’t hear that from me, and I learned early on Lock packed a mean hit, so I didn’t tangle with him unless necessary. Everyone babied Ajay. He got away with a lot. Probably why he isn’t here anymore.” He shrugged and changed the subject. “What do you say? Will you come to the Ryker family dinner? You won’t be the only female. Besides my mom, Calista and Izzi will be there.”
“I’d like that.” She might like it way too much. She already enjoyed what she knew of the Rykers. It would take just a little push to send her over the edge into complete adoration. They were the kind of family she dreamed about. Being a part of them was in reach, and that scared the hell out of her because it meant she had something to lose.
“Great. I’ll see you around nine tomorrow morning for the massage. Good night, Tara.”
“Good night, Kace.” She waited on the porch until he walked away and the darkness swallowed him up.
She liked the idea of this man and his life even with the racing. She liked the ranch and the ability to walk everywhere and be safe. The space gave her peace. It was a good place for Royce to grow up. She would not jeopardize that. Her job was important to her. She needed to keep that too. Maybe she could have it all and all at once.
Drew was the thing that didn’t belong. So how would she get rid of him?