Chapter Twenty-Three
Kace ran his hands through his wet hair. The rain had picked up in the few minutes it took to drive around the property. By the time he jumped out of the truck and walked to Tara’s door, the cold rain had soaked the shoulders of his shirt. The small overhang kept him from getting wetter but not by much and not when the wind shifted.
He needed to offer an apology and beg her to forgive him for running off angry. He wasn’t always a man who allowed his emotions to get the best of him. He should have brought flowers. He turned to run back to the truck but stopped. If he wasted another minute, Drew Paxton would have a chance to dig his claws in further. Kace would bring her flowers tomorrow. He took a deep breath and knocked on Tara’s door.
No one answered.
Her car was parked in its usual spot in the small driveway. Unless she’d walked somewhere, the lights on inside indicated she was home. Or had Paxton taken her to see the place where he would be building their house? Not likely in the dark and the rain. He clenched his fists and used one to bang on the door again.
The front light came on, then shorted out with a crackling sound. He would have to tell Lock about that and have it fixed for her. The door swung open. He hoped for a big smile when she saw him, but she closed her eyes and pressed her lips into a thin line. Her rumpled clothes hung on her as if she’d lost fifteen pounds since last night. The light from the living room cast enough of a glow so that the dark circles under her eyes were visible. She glanced at the burned-out light and shrugged.
“Hey,” he said. The wind decided now was a good time to start a fight and brought the rain in on an angle, hitting his arm.
“What are you doing here?” She leaned her head against the doorjamb.
“I came to apologize about yesterday.” He definitely should have brought flowers. The tension coming off her could snap like a timing belt.
“Apology accepted. Now you can go.” She started to shut the door, but he put his hand up to stop it.
“Are we through because I left?” A knot tightened in his throat. The rain pounding on the overhang matched the beat of his overworked heart. There had to be a way out of this jam-up. She couldn’t want to marry Paxton all over again.
“We’re through because we don’t fit.” She crossed her arms over her chest.
“How can you say that? I thought things were going great.” She had fit in every piece of his life, including the broken and bruised part.
“It’s in your best interest to stay away from me.” She ducked her head, and her hair fell over her face. He wanted to see her expression, but he shoved his hands in his pockets instead. She was drifting away from him, and he wasn’t sure how to catch up.
“I don’t understand what’s happening here. You get me like no one else. You make me feel things I’ve never felt before. I thought we were going to give us a try.”
“Stop it. Please.” Tears filled her eyes and ran down her face.
He went to her, closing the space between them to give her the support she needed to explain, but she stopped him by smacking her palm on his chest. Her touch was hard and rigid, unlike the way she had run her hands over him before.
“Babe, please don’t push me away. Something is going on. Is Paxton forcing you to marry him?”
Her mouth dropped open. “How do you know about that?”
“He called me this morning and increased his offer for my land. He mentioned you two were getting married again. Is it true?” He held his breath and braced himself for the crash. An apology wasn’t going to stop her from marrying Paxton if she had her mind made up. He couldn’t figure out why she wanted her ex, and he needed to. The rain answered for her instead, falling against the overhang in an agitated rhythm.
“We don’t know each other, Kace. There are things about my past you might not like. Let’s just end it now before someone really gets hurt.”
“That’s not an answer to my question. Are you going to marry him?” He didn’t want to hear her answer if it was yes. The pain building behind his eyes would become unbearable with the stress of knowing she went back to that guy. “Can we go inside? I’m getting soaked.”
“Did you accept his offer on your land?” She didn’t budge. She stood straight and tall instead with her chin tilted up. She stared at him with a determined glare. He wanted nothing more than to wrap her in his arms and warm whatever had her acting so cold.
“I did this morning, but I’m changing my mind. I don’t need to sell.” He needed to talk to Jett as soon as possible to make things right, but he wasn’t going to leave the porch until she told him they had a chance. “Tara, are you going to marry him?”
“I don’t know.” She turned and went inside but left the door open.
He would take that as an invitation and follow her. “Why would you even consider his proposal?” He closed the door to keep the rain out. A puddle formed under his feet, so he didn’t move. He wouldn’t track his mess through her house.
She poured wine into a glass but didn’t offer him any and didn’t drink what she poured. Instead, she leaned against the counter in the kitchen and worked her bottom lip under her teeth. “Royce needs an intact family.”
“Where is Royce? Is he asleep?”
“Out cold. He won’t stir all night. I got fired today.”
“Jett fired you?” His brother must have lost his mind. He would talk to Jett about that too when he called.
She raised her glass and took a swig. “Yup. I used my own lotion on the clients today. One woman broke out in a rash and blamed the massage. Jett had been furious. Rightfully so. I disobeyed his rules and brought trouble to his business.”
“His fury is because of me. I’ll call him for you.”
“I can’t have you fighting my battles. He’ll only hate me more. Royce and I have to go, Kace. I have twenty-fours to get out of here. I’m sorry, but you and I are never going to work.” She drank the wine and poured more.
“You can’t mean that. What about last night? What about all the time we’ve spent together?” He couldn’t lose her. She made him whole by healing the pain in his head. She made him laugh. She made him feel like a man.
“I’ve enjoyed every minute we’ve been together, but I’ve hurt your family. Jett could never forgive that. And I have my son to think about. I don’t have a way to take care of him if I don’t have a job. My online store doesn’t give me enough income yet.”
He kicked off his boots and dropped onto the sofa. Holding the weight of this conversation was too much to keep him standing. The day had worn out his damaged body even with the excitement of racing again. He had only wanted to share his good news and hope to love her. Instead, she had blindsided him with her rejection. His head hurt from the whiplash of her collision.
“Let me tell you a little about the hurt my family has experienced. I told you the night Ajay died that Calista’s sister died too. What I didn’t tell you was Ajay shot her. My family suffered the humiliation Ajay caused. Our business suffered for some years because a murder kept tourists out of Backwater. We live with having a murderer in our family every day even though it was an accident. Ava had walked right in front of him when he pulled the trigger. It took Gage and Calista sixteen years to work through what happened and be happy together again. A rash on some lady’s back would barely ruffle Jett. He’s mad at me. You got caught in the crossfire.”
She came to him and sat beside him. Her hand gripped his arm. The cold from her skin seeped through his shirt. She was shivering. “I’m so sorry. I can only imagine the pain your family must feel.”
Unable to stand another second without her in his arms, he pulled her close. She leaned her soft curves into him, and she wrapped her arms around his waist. The tension that existed when he arrived had evaporated like fog off the lake. “Will you trust me when I say I can fix things between you and Jett? When he finds out I’m not selling, he’ll calm down. He’ll see he overreacted. Unfortunately, all of us guys have the overreacting gene.”
She sighed against his chest. “You’re cold.” She ran her hands down his arms. “And you’re wet. Why didn’t I notice that before? Let me make you some coffee to warm up.”
“I’m fine.” But his heart expanded in response to her touch.
“Is that some kind of guy mantra? You don’t have to keep up the act with me.” She pushed out of his embrace and moved around the kitchen, opening and closing cabinets, scooping coffee grounds, running water. He soaked in every note like a good soundtrack.
“Tara, will you let me talk to Jett for you?”
“Even if I can keep my job, there are other things in my life that are broken. Things that Drew understands and accepts.”
“Why do you think I wouldn’t? I just told you my brother killed someone. Are you going to hold that against me?” His body craved the warmth she had given. He craved the peace she brought him. He should tell her the truth about the extent of the fogginess, the brain lags, tell her everything so the peace could return.
“Of course not. You didn’t do that. You’re not a murderer.”
“Neither was Ajay. I just have to be clear about that. Ajay was only eighteen. He was a messed-up kid who ran with the wrong crowd, and I didn’t do anything to help him. I was too busy doing my own thing and allowing Gage to handle Ajay and his problems.” The coffee maker hissed and sputtered in time to the rain on the roof. He didn’t want coffee, but he wanted her in his arms. He followed the path she had taken and stood before her in the kitchen.
“You were young too. Not knowing how to help doesn’t make you a bad person.” She reached for the milk but not for him.
“And neither does whatever secrets you’re holding on to.”
She stopped and looked at him. The pain on her face tore his heart in half. Tears filled her eyes again. “You will always pick racing over me. I can’t live my life coming in second. I’ve already done that.”
He couldn’t promise that wasn’t true. There would be times she would have to take the back seat. “You matter to me. Don’t you get that? Racing is a big part of who I am. Just like this ranch is. Just like my Kootenai heritage is, and just like the fact I’m the middle child of five boys.”
“It’s more than that, but you don’t see it. You’re willing to get hurt for your sport. I can’t worry every time you get inside your race car.”
“I won’t get hurt. The safety precautions in place at the pro level are top notch. Even if I crash, doctors are on hand to see a driver right away. I promise I’ll tell someone if my symptoms are back.” He might want to, but he couldn’t tell her how bad the symptoms were just yet. Not before the Southern November. After that, after he placed high enough in the winnings, then he’d say something. After he proved himself to this new team.
“Kace, if this were even a year ago, things might be different. I might be willing to take the chance that I could handle racing being your first love. But things have changed.” She placed her palm on his face. Her gentle touch warmed his cool skin.
“Someday I’ll have to come off the track, you know. I can’t race forever, and I don’t want to work behind the scenes. I’d rather have my garage back right here in town.” If his symptoms didn’t stop, his career could end sooner than later.
“Are you asking me to wait?”
“I’m asking you to give us a chance. Forget about Drew. You don’t love him. You shouldn’t marry him because he can provide you with some kind of financial security. You don’t have to be married for Royce to have a good life. Shit, Gage proved that a thousand times over raising Izzi by himself. She never sees her mother.” He took her hand in his, and she didn’t pull away. He tugged her a little closer. His heart stuttered as she left only inches between them. The room filled with the scent of coffee, strong and bitter.
“You said you weren’t going to sell to Drew, that you didn’t need his offer. Why?”
“I was offered a chance to drive in the championship race the first week of November. The owner liked my backstory. I couldn’t believe it. He wanted an older driver. If I win, I’ll stay with the team. It’s the best of both worlds.”
“What did your family say?” She returned to her task of fixing the coffee. She grabbed mugs and sugar. Her gaze never met his.
“I haven’t told them yet. I came straight here. Jett will be glad I’m not selling.”
“But he’ll be upset you’re driving. Your whole family will be.”
“They have nothing to worry about. I’m fine.” He stopped. It was his—what had she called it?—mantra. It’s how he got from moment to moment. It’s what he had said every day after Ajay died until he believed it. It’s what he said after every race he lost. And after the accident, even when his physical signs made him a liar.
“I have to start packing. I’ll be up all night. You need to go.” She abandoned the coffee and dodged him, heading for the door.
He went after her because he couldn’t let her go. Her words said leave, but her eyes gave her away. “You don’t want me to go.”
She rested her forehead on the door.
“Tara?”
She didn’t move.
He approached her the way he might approach a deer and placed his hands on her shoulders. He massaged the knots in her muscles the way she had done for him. She leaned into the pressure. A flash of heat ran over his skin. He wasn’t cold anymore.
He concentrated on making her feel better. The pain in his head subsided as his hands worked her muscles. She leaned her head back and sighed.
“Is this okay?” His hands traveled along her back and settled under her shoulder blades. His fingers pressed into each muscle until it jumped under his touch. He wasn’t sure if that was right, but she didn’t ask him to stop.
“You’re very good at that.”
Her compliment straightened his spine a little more. “Do you want me to go?” Because he would. He would never force her to be with him.
“No.” Her words were a whisper.
“But you don’t want me to stay either.” He dropped his hands to his sides.
She turned to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. He held her warmth against him, never wanting to let her go. He would do whatever she said. He would stay if she asked and go if she demanded. He might even entertain the idea of postponing his return to racing until he was one hundred percent just to keep her in his arms a little longer.
She tangled her fingers in the ends of his hair. He pressed closer to her so she could see what she was doing to him.
“Can you wear your hair long when you race?”
“The girls do. But if you don’t like it this way, I’ll cut it.” Anything she wanted.
“I love your hair.” She shivered.
“Now who’s cold?”
“It’s how you make me feel like I’m sliding naked across a frozen lake.”
He kissed the spot below her ear. Her exotic floral scent hinted at its hiding spot where his lips met her skin. “Keep talking about being naked.”
“If you knew something about me that you didn’t like, would you still want to be with me?” She tangled her fingers in his hair again and pressed him to her neck.
“I can’t imagine there is anything I wouldn’t like about you,” he said between kisses.
“If I disappointed you, would you still want to be with me?”
He stopped with some regret and looked at her. “Babe, I realize I’m not an expert in the relationship arena, but don’t people get disappointed sometimes? You can’t ask Gage that question right now, but I bet in a few years he’ll tell you Calista forgot to wash the coffee maker and how disappointed he was.”
She choked out a laugh. “You’re teasing me.”
He rested his forehead on hers. “I am because I want you to smile at me, and I want to go on kissing you.” He wanted that more than anything in that moment. He wanted to take her to bed and show her how he felt. Words weren’t enough.
She pulled her sweater over her head. Her creamy skin was as smooth as fresh paint. Her breasts spilled over the top of her lacy bra. Her waist curved at the waistband of her jeans. All the blood ran to his groin. But there was still one thing he had to know.
“Are you going to marry him?” Because he would not sleep with another man’s woman. She had to be completely his or not at all. She didn’t want to come in second, and neither did he. He would back out of the race for her heart with some dignity and send her to Paxton.
She gathered her sweater from the floor and ran from the room. The echo of the slamming door gave him his answer.
He let himself out into the rain.