Chapter Fifteen
Mags
I bent my head, closed my eyes, and took a deep breath, reminding myself of where I was—and who I was. It wasn’t very often I’d hear the phantom cries during the day, but after Diana, I couldn’t be surprised by anything anymore. Seconds ago, I’d heard a cry ring out through the air, but it was in my head.
My hell was in my head, the past haunting me, the present torturing me, the future looming over me, reminding me of all the lonely days to come.
Get a grip. Lock it in and shut it down.
I released the breath I’d been holding and lifted my head again, watching the cowboys work to move the herd into pasture three. Midnight huffed impatiently, clearly wanting to head back to the barn for the bushel of carrots she watched Jigs bring in earlier.
It was Friday.
None of us really wanted to be out here, but auction was next month, and we had to get the herd ready. In a few hours, the twins would head into town, Jigs would go over to Beau and Abbie’s cabin for supper—which I declined to attend—Mason and Harmony would be in their home, and Val and Kings would spend the evening with the kids at the main house. As for me, I would be able to get a decent amount of sleep. My body had reached its limit, and I knew when my head it the pillow, I would pass out.
There was no other option—thank fuck.
I was settling into an old cycle, one my therapist wouldn’t approve of.
I stayed awake until I couldn’t. That way, I didn’t get sucked into the nightmares. Before, they were replays of old combat missions, the ones that stuck with me, but now, Diana was mixed in, enduring pain I never wanted her to. I was half-tempted to call Grayson, to have him yell at me and pull me out the way I did for him last year when Carrie had been taken. His mind had warped the present and the past, forcing them together, and instead of watching himself be tortured by the terrorists who took him, it was Carrie.
He’d been sucked in, and his team called me, knowing I was the only person on the planet who would be able to pull him out.
I adjusted my hold on the reins and looked to the tree line, knowing what I had to do.
I knew I had to talk to my therapist. I knew I had to keep Grayson in the loop, because it’s what I expected of him, and he’d honored that tenfold.
You never take your own advice, man.
Both Grayson and Kings said those words to me—on the same night, in fact. Now, five years later, I still struggled with it.
Because you don’t deserve a damn solution. You deserve to rot. You deserve to suffer. Especially after hurting Diana.
Weeks had passed, and still, I heard nothing—not a single whisper of her coming to visit the ranch. Guilt coated my tongue, vile and poisonous. Hurting her was the single greatest torture I’d ever had to suffer through, but knowing her relationship with everyone else on Hallow Ranch had been fractured because of our connection was a different kind of pain entirely.
The hair on the back of my neck shot pin straight as a second cry rang out through the trees.
Fuck.
Goddamn fuck.
That wasn’t in my fucking head.
My eyes narrowed, scanning the mountain before snapping back over to the herd on the other side of the pasture. The rest of the cowboys were too far away to have heard the cries. I leaned back and blindly fished out the walkie from one of my saddle bags and radioed Jigs.
“Jigs. This is Mags. You copy? Over.”
I heard a round of static. “You got Jigs. Over.”
My eyes swung back to the mountain. “Are the girls hiking today?” Over.”
“No,” he answered. “Val and Harmony are in the town. Over.”
My shoulders relaxed, but only slightly.
It was in my head.
“Wait—Mags. Do you copy? Over.”
I brought the walkie up to my mouth. “Copy,” I clipped.
“Mags—shit—” Jigs cut out, static following. My jaw tightened, the pain I’d been harboring for the last month becoming damn near unbearable. When Jigs’ voice came across again, fear grabbed me by the throat, ready to choke what little life I had left. “Mags, Diana is hiking today. I repeat, Diana is on the mountain. Caleb just told me. Over.”
My blood ran cold, and before I could think, I snapped the reins and shouted the command. Midnight took off instantly, hooves pounding as I steered her towards the base of the mountain, panic lodged in my throat.
Diana was on the mountain.
Diana was on the mountain, and she’d screamed—crying out for someone, anyone.
My firefly was in danger.
I snapped the reins again with one hand and lifted the walkie up once more, my body moving in time with my steed. “She’s in trouble,” I growled. “I’m going to find her. Over.”
There was nothing but red in my vision as I urged Midnight to a halt and swung off, leading her to a tree. With eased practice, I tied her off on a low hanging branch and moved to the saddle bags, pulling out the satellite phone, a first aid kit, and my pistol.
“I’ll be back, girl,” I told my horse.
Then, I disappeared into the trees to find my woman.
I crouched down to my haunches, the shrubs giving me more than enough cover as I stared directly at a bear—the same bear that was supposed to be transferred off Hallow Ranch months ago. That didn’t go as planned, seeing as how that entire crew was dead, their ashes on this very mountain. I stared at the beast, watching as it sniffed the ground and then plopped down in front of a berry bush.
Knowing the animal would be occupied for a while, I slowly backed away and moved east.
Once I was out of the bear’s sight, I resumed tracking again. I’d spent the majority of my military career learning how to track, and after years of being on this ranch, I could track almost anything—including Diana. I stopped on the trail, my eyes landing on her footprints, and followed them for another twenty minutes until they veered off the trail, the tracks becoming messier, scattered throughout the dirt.
She had been in a panic, trying to run from something.
My mind immediately went back to the bear, the screams I’d heard echoing through the air ringing in my ears.
“Fuck,” I muttered, looking up the sky. She’d ran—from a fucking grizzly .
I whipped my hat off and ran my hand over my hair, visions of her—scared out of her fucking mind--running from that damn beast taunting me. My chest began to heave, the red in my vision fading, replaced by black dots. My heart was pounding, and my hands began to tingle. In the distance, echoes of gunshots floated through the air, Grayson’s voice at my side, barking out orders.
I was being sucked back in.
“Fuck!” I bit off through my teeth.
Lock it in.
Lock it in.
Lock it in.
Lock it in.
“Diana,” I whispered, dropping my head. “Your only focus right now, Mags, is Diana. Find Diana.”
Find Diana.
Find Diana.
Find Diana.
Find Diana.
I inhaled a deep breath, held it for ten seconds, and let it go as I lifted my head and put my hat back on.
Find Diana.
Find Diana.
Find Diana.
Find Diana.
I began moving again, stepping off the trail and scanning the forest floor for evidence of struggle. There was a bundle of pine needles shoved to my right, and down further, more shoved were to the left. As I ground my teeth together, I kept my focus on tracking her and, minutes later, I came to one the biggest pine trees on the mountain. It was one of my favorites, a landmark. I looked back, noting the destroyed wildflowers and crushed grass. My eyes narrowed, making out paw prints.
This must be where she’d spotted him.
The only positive I could take away from seeing the bear was that the beast wasn’t covered in blood—Diana’s blood. Which meant, by some miracle, she’d gotten away. I continued down the hill slowly, and at the halfway point, I froze, every inch of my body feeling like it was stabbed with hot pokers as I stared at the blue fabric hanging off a fallen tree.
Find Diana.
Find Diana.
Find Diana.
Find Diana.
Find Diana.
Find Diana.
Find Diana.
Find Diana.
I moved, chanted those words over and over in my head, as I bent to grab the fabric. It was soft and stretchy, and I knew it had come from a pair of those damn fucking leggings. I’d only seen her in them a handful of times, and every time, I’d nearly give in to her, the temptation. However, finding a piece of said leggings on this hill made my stomach sink. I took a step back, refocusing, and after I moment, I saw it.
The path in which she’d fallen down the hill, gravity pulling her.
My stomach twisted, anger and fear boiling inside me, forming a toxin that seeped into my bloodstream. I bit down, grinding my teeth together as I descended the rest of the hill, chanting the same two words in my head.
Find Diana.
Find Diana.
Find Diana.
Find Diana.
Find Diana.
Find Diana.
Find Diana.
Find Diana.
Find Diana.
Find Diana.
Find Diana.
Find Diana.
Find Diana.
Find Diana.
Find Diana.
Find Diana.
Find Diana.
Find Diana.
Find Diana.
Find Diana.
Find Diana.
Find Diana.
Find Diana.
Find Diana.
Once I was at the base of the hill, I frantically scanned around for her, hoping to see her honey blonde within this deep sea of turning green. My throat tightened when I didn’t see her, panic like a weight at the bottom of my gut, threatening to hold me down and suffocate me. The echoes of gunshots played in my head as I looked over my shoulder, my eyes tracking up the hill, following the disturbed path she’d slid down.
Fuck, my baby .
I knew, down to my broken damned soul, she was hurt—badly. A fall like that could’ve have killed her, and not finding her at the bottom gave me a flicker of hope she was able to scramble away. As the past tried to suck me back in, mixing with the heavy toxin of fear and panic, I looked straight ahead to the clearing currently blanketed in the autumn sun, its bright rays bouncing off the still-green grass. Keeping to the shadows, I scanned over the tree line on the opposite end, and then my eyes landed on a familiar teal backpack, my knees nearly giving out.
There, sitting against an old oak, was my firefly. Her head was tilted back as she looked up at something in the tree. For a moment, I let the cool rush of gratitude hit me, but it came to a screeching halt when I saw blood stains on her bright leggings.
There.
Was.
Blood.
On.
My.
Woman.
Her blood.
Behind me, the talons of war latched on my to shoulder, digging into my flesh as shame whispered something in my ear. “You couldn’t even protect her here, in the middle of your sanctuary.”
With a growl, I rolled my neck and shouted her name.
“DIANA!”