Chapter Seventeen
Diana
I’d made a pact with myself the day Denver told me Mags was moving out of the bunkhouse. That pact mainly consisted of not giving into my curiosity and staying the hell away from Mags’ cabin. I didn’t need to know what his home looked like, didn’t need to know how it smelled on the inside, how he decorated. I didn’t need to know any of that stuff, because I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, those things would only make me fall deeper.
I had already been drowning.
Now, after everything, I wasn’t sure if I ever wanted to come up for air.
Mags turned the four-wheeler slightly as we came into his field, his cabin standing tall in the middle of it, a smaller building at the back. It was a log cabin, sturdy and magnificent, just like him. There was a wraparound porch with two wooden rocking chairs perched on one side, a small table between them. The roof was metal, painted dark red, and all the windows had matching shutters. The sun was beginning to set now, giving the cabin a halo, making it look like its own slice of heaven. But I knew the truth.
Inside this beautiful cabin was where this cowboy battled his biggest demons.
Nothing about this cabin was his heaven.
Mags pulled the vehicle up to the porch before shutting it off and pulling out the key. “Hold on to me,” he ordered.
Immediately, I wrapped my hands around his neck again as he lifted me so he could swing his leg over. Once he was on the ground, a small grunt left him, and guilt settled on my shoulders.
“I can hobble—”
“Now is not the time to test my fuckin’ patience, Diana,” he warned, not looking at me.
I shut my mouth and focused on his cords of his neck as he walked up the steps, the sound of his boots echoing across the wooden floors. As he adjusted his hold on me to open the door, I had only a few seconds to admire the delicate carvings etched into it before it swung wide, revealing his home. My eyes landed on the furniture first, taking in a long couch with dark blue cushions, a stunning wooden coffee table in front, on the other side of it a set of matching chairs in a similar style to the couch. Beyond his living room furniture was a stone fireplace, a massive, dark wooden mantel above it, where three picture frames sat. Behind the couch was a small desk in front of a window, a thick leather journal on top, a single pen beside it.
Mags crossed the threshold, taking me to the couch as the clean scent of his home hit me. “Easy,” he murmured as my body settled into the cushions. They felt so good, a whimper escaped me.
His head snapped up, the brim of his hat hovering over my forehead. “What? What is it?” he demanded, fearful he might’ve just hurt me.
I shook my head. “It feels good,” I whispered, holding his gaze. “Your couch is so soft.”
He said nothing, and outside, the others were arriving. He looked up to the door and then back to me. “They’re going to hover.”
What?
“What? What do you mean?”
He lifted his hand, tucking some of my hair behind my ear, stroking my ear lobe. “All of them. They’ll hover and fuss over you because that’s what you deserve, but the second you get overwhelmed, Diana, tell me,” he pressed. “I’ll send them away.”
I stared at him, his dark eyes, tanned skin, dark furrowed brows, and untrimmed beard making my skin hot. “Why would you need to send them away?” I asked softly.
“Because you endured a trauma, and a crowd of people won’t do anything to help you process it,” he answered, his hand moving to cup my face. I wanted to tell him to stop, that we shouldn’t be doing this after the boundaries we’d set.
But his touch felt too good, the rough skin of his hand, his heat.
I was starved for it.
His thumb swept across my face. “You tell me what you need, and it will be done, yeah?”
You.
I just need you.
The words were on the tip of my tongue, but I quickly swallowed them back down as Denver’s voice cut through air. “You check out her ankle yet?” he barked.
Mags’ eyes shot up, glaring at his boss. “Just got her settled, Kings.”
Denver moved around the couch, looking at me. He was running on fear. I was his friend, someone he cared for deeply, and I’d been hurt—on his ranch. In his smoke gray eyes, all I could see was guilt. “You want me to do it, or do you want Mags—”
“—Mags,” I rasped without thought. “I—I want Mags. Please.”
The weight of my words settled on my shoulders after they left my mouth, but it was too late to take them back. Mags’ hand, which was now on my shoulder, tightened ever so slightly.
Den’s gray eyes flashed as he looked to his cowboy and then back to me. I held his gaze, silently pleading with him. Thankfully, he just nodded, giving in before moving into the kitchen. My eyes followed, hoping like a fool I would be able to have a conversation with him.
Then, the kitchen came into view, the simple L-shaped and butcher block counter tops reminding me of the kitchen in the main house. Instead of green cabinets, though, there were exposed shelves, stacked all the way up to the ceiling, anchored by metal piping. Mags’ dishes, from his dinner plates to his coffee mugs were on display.
Though it was something so simple, I felt as if I was seeing a part of him I’d never seen.
It was just another cold, harsh reminder my love for him was built on a foundation of delusion and hope. I knew nothing about this man, but over the years, in my solitude, I liked to imagine how he would live if he’d ever leave Hallow Ranch. I’d always pictured his home to be simple but rustic. And his dishes—-I expected them to be plain, gray or black.
I stared at the stack of dark blue plates beside Denver’s head.
I guess I’d been wrong.
“Diana.”
I blinked, re-focusing back on Mags, who was now at the other end of the couch, looking down at my boots with a furrowed brow. “Y-yes?”
Mags looked back up to me. “Forgive me,” he murmured, snaking his hand underneath the bottom of my calf, lifting it. My foot hung, and I bit down on the inside of my cheek to stifle the sound. “Scale of one to ten, how much pain?”
“Five,” I pushed out, looking up to ceiling when he flicked open his pocket knife. “Please don’t cut me.” My plea was barely above a whisper, and I wasn’t sure if he’d heard it until he vowed, “Never.”
I dared to look down again, my chin tucked close to my chest as he wiggled the blade underneath my laces, the light from outside reflecting off it. In one, swift pull, he yanked up, cutting them all and I felt relief rush through me. “Oh,” I moaned, closing my eyes. His fingers on the back of my leg flexed as his other hand worked to cut the boot off.
“Is it broken?” This came from Abbie, who appeared by my head, her arms wrapped around her body, her brow pinched with worry. I noticed she was wearing one of Beau’s flannels, her hair braided over her shoulder now. My eyes met hers, and she gave me a flat, pained smile.
“No,” Mags answered, stabbing the knife into the top of his table, the blade going one fourth of the way in. He placed his hand below the heel of my hiking boot, the leather on top now sliced open, and begin wiggling it gently to ease it off me.
“Diana, if you can bend your foot, do it now,” he instructed, his eyes on his work. Denver returned, first aid kit in hand.
All of us watched, the tension in the room thick as I slowly bent my foot down, pointing my toes to the fireplace. Thankfully, the pain wasn’t bad. Not great, but it was manageable. Another plus it wasn’t, in fact, broken. However, my foot was swollen beyond belief.
Mags, on his knees beside the couch, reached over the coffee table to snag the spare pillow on the chair. He placed it on top of the armrest by the fireplace and, ever so gently, eased my foot down. “Good?” he inquired, finally looking at me, his eyes soft.
I nodded, afraid to speak.
Abbie lowered herself to my level, putting her hand on my arm. I twisted my neck to look at hair. Emotion painted her face. “Harmony and Val are rushing here.”
My tongue felt like a thousand pounds as I breathed, “I don’t think—”
Abbie leaned into my space. “Don’t fight this,” she said smoothly. “Let us take care of you.”
“Mags is going to wrap your foot, and when the girls get here, they’ll get you cleaned up,” Denver informed me, handing Mags the first-aid kit. Abbie and I didn’t miss the look shared between the two cowboys.
Then, just for the sake of my own comfort and sanity, Abbie whispered something in my ear. “Everything is going to be okay.”
The hot water steamed up the cozy, rustic bathroom as I sat on the toilet lid, staring at the floor. Val leaned over the edge of the tub, checking the temperature, Harmony on the counter top. Abbie had gone to fetch me some new clothes. Before the girls arrived, Mags had given me some medication for the pain, holding a glass of water to my lips, not letting me do a thing. My protests didn’t mean shit to him. He’d only said my name, leaving the rest unsaid as Denver watched us from across the living room.
When Harmony and Val arrived, the ranch owner immediately went to his wife, kissing her forehead and murmuring something in her ear. Her green eyes widened before they swung over to me, horror and confusion painted over her face.
Of course, before I could let it sink in, Mags shifted, blocking the view and putting his hand on my neck. “You say the word,” he whispered, his voice jagged again, “I’ll send them away. All of them.”
That was ten minutes before I was taken into the bathroom, and everyone was here now—including Chase, and Thomas was on his way.
Apparently, Jigs had done the honors of informing the Sheriff who then notified my paralegal. At this point, I could only assume Emma had been informed and I wouldn’t put it past her to hightail her butt to Hallow Ranch from Denver.
The bathroom was silent, and despite the warmth the water created, I still shivered.
“Alright,” Val said quietly, flicking the water off her hand as I looked up at her. “The bath is ready.”
I nodded and sat up, moving my arms to take my shirt off. I winced, a sharp pain shooting through my right side.
“Whoa, Di. Slow down,” Harmony rasped, her voice soothing as she hopped down from the counter, her Docs hitting the floor softly. She looked at her sister-in-law as she came to me.
“I got it,” I said, shaking my head. “Just sore, that’s all.”
“Diana, look at me,” Harmony ordered.
I tipped my head back, instantly reading the look on her face, the understanding in her blue eyes as her fire red curls created a halo around her head. “Don’t make light of this,” she warned gently. Silence drifted between us. Harmony, more so then anyone else I knew, had endured a lifetime of hell before meeting Mason by chance. She had been tortured, beaten, and raped by her ex-husband. She’d also suffered the loss of her unborn daughter at his hand. There was a reason her voice had a permanent rasp to it, a constant reminder of her past.
Because of her strength and all she’d overcome, I listened to her. “Alright,” I said.
“Now, Val and I are here for you—nothing else,” she began, looking at her sister-in-law, my dear friend. When she looked back to me, she continued. “You absolutely can get undressed by yourself, but speaking from experience, Di, it’s going to hurt—badly.”
A lump formed in my throat.
“You’ve endured enough pain,” she rasped, tears pooling in her eyes.
She had no idea.
I felt my own tears then, my eyes stinging.
“Let us help you,” Val pleaded, coming to us and grabbing my hand, squeezing. Tears were already falling down her cheeks. “Please, Diana.”
Her words—both of their words—had a double meaning behind them, and it broke me. Therefore, my next words drifted from my lips on a broken, cracked whisper. “I don’t know—” My breath hitched. “I don’t know what to do.” My face crumbled then. “I don’t—I can’t—”
Valerie had my face in her hands then, hers inches from mine. “Let. Us. Help,” she said, her voice cracking too. “Let us in.”
I nodded, my hand slapping over my mouth to stifle the whimpering cry climbing up my throat.
By the time the girls managed to peel my clothes off me and ease me into the water, Abbie was back. Valerie had pulled the shower curtain closed three fourths of the way, leaving my wrapped ankle exposed, resting of the edge of the tub.
“Okay,” Abbie breathed. “There wasn’t much to choose from.”
I heard Val wince. “Sorry, I haven’t done laundry in a few days.”
My voice was thick when I responded. “Whatever you have is fine, I’m sure.”
“I got some PJ shorts and a t-shirt,” Abbie continued.
“Good,” Harmony added. “Loose clothes are best.”
“Do you need help washing, Di?” Val asked softly through the curtain.
I looked down at myself, knowing if I wasn’t so exhausted from the days events, I would’ve been ashamed of them seeing me naked. “No, that’s alright.”
“Where the heck does Mags keep the soap?” Abbie muttered as I heard her rummaging through his cabinets.
“Oh!” Harmony said. “He keeps all his extra supplies in the closet at the end of the hall.”
“How do you know that?”
“I helped him put it all away after Jigs’ last trip,” Harm answered. So that was who bought his groceries. “Be back.” I heard the bathroom door open and close.
“Do you want to wash your hair?” Val asked.
I wanted to laugh. “Yeah,” I answered. “Can someone bring me a cup?”
“I will,” Abbie said. The door opened and closed again, leaving Val and I alone. I saw her shadow move, getting closer and then lowering as she took a seat on the floor. A second later, the curtain was moved and her arm appeared on the tub ledge, palm upwards and waiting. My lip wobbled as I took it. Our fingers intertwined, and I let out a breath at the same time she did.
More silence.
I was focused on the ripples in the water when she finally spoke, asking the one question I never expected.
“How long have you been in love with him?”
I looked up to the ceiling, leaning against the tile, the pain in my heart more intense than the pain radiating throughout my body. “Over a decade, Val.”
Her hand twitched. “You mean…?”
An unsteady breath left me then, a single tear sliding down the side of my side, down my neck, over my collarbone, heading directly to the organ that damn cowboy owned. “Yeah,” I rasped. “From the moment I saw him.”
“Oh, Diana,” she whispered.
“Believe me, I tried to stop it, but it was too late.”
She was silent.
“I’m pathetic,” I confessed.
“No,” she said, her hand squeezing mine. “Nothing about falling in love is pathetic—nothing about love is pathetic.”
“I—”
“I didn’t want to fall in love with Denver, Diana,” she cut me off, her words shocking me. “He was the last man I ever wanted to be with. He was rude. Honestly, Di, he was an asshole. He treated me so horribly, and of course, he was well within his rights. I was trying to take his home.”
I said nothing, waiting.
“But then, something changed. Something shifted between us, and suddenly, the cowboy I hated was the only person I could think about, aside from my mom,” she explained, pausing for a brief moment. “You know, she saw it before I did.”
“Saw what?” I asked.
“The love between Den and me. She was all the way in Texas, dealing with cancer treatments, and she saw it, Di. She felt it .”
I looked down, closing my eyes.
“Nothing about love is pathetic, Diana. It’s the strongest force in the world,” she whispered. “How can you fight something like that?”
“He doesn’t love me back,” I croaked as I dropped my head.
She was quiet for a few long seconds. “If you truly believe that, Diana, you aren’t truly seeing him.”
I ignored the pain in my shoulder as I ripped the shower curtain back with my free hand. Valerie jumped, eyes wide, as I breathed out, “Are you telling me you’ve seen it? Truly? Because when he showed up at my house to deal with my ex—”
My friend’s jaw dropped to the floor, and she shot to her knees, releasing my hand and bracing hers on the tub. “When Mags what?”
I stared up at her, my heart thundering in my ears. “He came for me,” I whispered.
I watched the seven thousand stages of shock run across her face before she uttered, tripping over her words, “M-Mags left Hallow Ranch?”
Just then, the doorknob twisted, swinging wide to reveal Abbie and Harmony standing in the doorway, jaws slack, eyes wide. The silence was deafening, only to be broken my Harmony when she rasped, “Mags crossed the property line for you?”
Abbie put her free hand in her hair, shaking her head. “You didn’t—you didn’t tell me that.”
“Wait, you knew about Mags and Diana?” Valerie cut in. I mentally kicked myself, instantly hearing the hurt in her voice. For years, Val and I were like two peas in a pod, but for the last few months, a gap had formed between us—because of me. Because of my fear.
“I didn’t tell anyone,” I replied quietly, completely forgetting that I was naked, my imperfect body on display for these three gorgeous women.
Harmony was still staring at me like she’d never seen me before, like I’d grown four heads and a tail.
“Harm?” Val called softly.
“Here, let’s get out of the hall,” Abbie suggested, putting her hand on Harm’s back and ushering her inside. Harmony only took two steps, and Abbie had to squeeze around her to get into the bathroom. Abbie hopped up on the counter, curling one of her long, toned legs underneath her as her eyes bounced back and forth between Harm and I.
“Harmony,” I murmured.
That seems to snap her out of it, and she blinked, her head shaking in disbelief. “I’m sorry—I just…” She trailed off. “I just can’t believe he left the property—I mean, I always imagined him only doing it to protect someone he cares for, but…” She left the rest to hang in the air.
Valerie turned back to me. “Diana, why do you think—”
“He told me no, Valerie,” I confessed sharply, tired of this day, tired of re-living this conversation, as if I hadn’t spent countless hours going over every single detail of every interaction I had with that cowboy over the last decade.
I couldn’t look at their faces anymore as I slowly shut the curtain before sinking down into the tub, hoping the coverage of the bubbles and warm water would drown out the screams coming from my heart.