Chapter Twenty-Two
Mags
“Touch me, Diana,” I ordered softly.
When she didn’t, I wrapped my arm around her body, her beauty, and pulled her closer, touching my head to hers. I let out an unsteady breath, my scar tingling. “Put your hands on me, baby,” I pleaded roughly. “Touch your cowboy.”
Slowly, oh so damn slowly, my woman placed her hands on my chest. The softness of her hands shot directly down to my already aching cock, her honey still on my tongue, her cries still ringing in my ears. I watched with a strained patience as she took her time, dragging her soft fingertips down my chest, my abs, then back up, both hands going to my scar.
“Does it hurt?” she whispered.
“I get phantom pains sometimes,” I told her, my voice soft. “I can feel a sting, and it feels so real, I wake up thinking I’m still in the damn hospital bed.”
A small crease appeared between her brows then. “I’m sorry.”
I didn’t reply, my focus only on her touch skating over my burn. When her fingers brushed over my damaged nipple, a grunt crawled up my throat.
“Am I hurting you?” she asked in a rush, pulling her hands from me.
I grabbed her wrists and put her hands back. Her eyes shot up to mine, waiting for me to push her away.
I was done pushing her away.
I was done denying my need for her, my love for her.
“Don’t stop,” I begged, my voice cracking.
Over the next few minutes, I watched her hands moved over me slowly, over my scars, down my arms and back up, over my collarbone. Her fingers stretched through my beard and along my jaw, over my ears and into my hair again. She rose up higher, her eyes now holding mine as she pressed her skin to me, a needy groan leaving my throat.
“Fuck,” I snarled, hooking my hand to the back of her head and crushing her lips to mine. As I drank from her sweet mouth, her hands dropped back down, trailing south, not stopping until she reached the waist band of my jeans, her baby blue nails tracing over the top of my boxers. My abs constricted as I pressed my hips into her, letting her feel me. My tongue commanded hers as she whimpered, my fingers sinking into her wet, honey blonde hair.
As she gasped, I nibbled her bottom lip, my free hand finding one of her wrists, guiding her.
“Touch your man, beautiful,” I commanded, shoving her hand down. When her fingers wrapped around my cock, my head fell back, her name spilling from my lips. “Fuck, yes.”
She moaned when I shoved the rest of my clothes to my hips, my cock finally free, already addicted to her touch. We both looked down then, my ears savoring the sound of her little noises, knowing she saw it—the small silver ball at the tip of my cock.
“Mags, what is—”
My fingers found her chin, forcing her to look up at me. “A piercing,” I answered on growl, my hips moving slowly as I fucked her hand. Those hazel eyes widened, but she didn’t stop stroking me. “That’s it,” I praised, my other hand going to cup her breast, feeling the weight of it, loving it.
“When did you get this?” she asked, staring at my cock.
“When I was twenty-one,” I answered. “On a dare.”
Diana’s eyes met mine again. “A dare?” she parroted softly, still pumping me.
I bit down, grinding my teeth, the base of my spine tingling. “Fuck.”
Her thumb swiped over my piercing at the same time my finger brushed over her nipple, her gasp louder than my groan. “You want me?” I clipped, holding her hazel eyes, getting lost in them. I didn’t give a shit about the dare anymore. I wanted to be inside her.
“Yes,” she panted, her eyes hooded as her other hand dropped to cup my balls.
I nearly let go then. “Jesus fuck, you drive me insane,” I bit off.
My hands were underneath her arms within the next second, throwing her back onto the mattress. She didn’t have a chance to protest before I was over her, my hands on either side of her head as I held my hips away from hers, my hard cock hanging between us.
Diana, my sweet firefly, stared up at me now, eyes wide, chest heaving with anticipated pants, her hair spread all over my pillow. Slowly, she opened her legs, curling them slightly as I looked down, watching it all. The tip of my cock hovered over her pussy, inches away from pleasure.
“M-Mags?” she breathed.
I looked back to her face, finding her trembling now. We were about to cross a line; one we would never be able to draw again. “What is it?” I whispered, my thumb stroking her temple.
“I haven’t—I don’t—” She paused, looking away from me. I waited, suspended over her in fear, knowing if she didn’t want this—want me—I would never be able to recover.
“Firefly,” I pressed, voice jagged and weak.
“I haven’t been with anyone in a long time,” she confessed, still not looking at me.
My brows furrowed. I didn’t understand it. “The men in that town are fuckin’ stupid,” I muttered, taking a guess. It was none of my business who she’d been with before me, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t prepared to hunt them all down. I was the only man on this Earth who should know what she felt like, what she sounded like. Unlike all the other men who’d had her, I cherished her.
From this moment on, I was prepared to spend the rest of my life worshiping her.
When she looked back to me, she gave me another gift. “There was no one else I wanted,” she said softly, reaching between us, wrapping her fingers around my shaft again. My hips jerked and I lowered as she guided me to her entrance. “I only want you, cowboy.”
I only want you, cowboy.
I only want you, cowboy.
I only want you, cowboy.
I only want you, cowboy.
I pressed in, the head of my cock, piercing and all, finally feeling her silk, drenched in her warm honey. I bit down, jaw painfully tight now, and pressed my forehead to hers, caging her head in with my arms as her hands came to my biceps, her nails digging in. I gave her another inch, mesmerized by her beauty, the sound of her gasp, the perfect shape of her lips, the sharp intake of her breath, her breasts rising to brush against my chest.
“M-Mags,” she moaned, her sex already fluttering.
I brushed my nose against hers. “Let me in, beautiful,” I ordered gently, holding my hips still, my balls tight, ready to fill her.
Her eyes held mine, greener today than brown as she breathed, “Fill me.”
With a growl, I pulled out and slammed all the way back in, her heaven swallowing every inch of my cock. She arched for me, exposing her neck, pressing against me as a guttural cry left her.
Peace.
All I felt was peace.
I held myself there, feeling her, loving her, utterly and completely consumed by her. Her nails dug into my skin as she gasped for breath. “So—so b-big,” she gasped, her breath hitching.
My lips found her neck, and I pulled out again, pressing a kiss there before I filled her again, savoring her sounds. “And you take me so well, Firefly,” I praised, shoving my need to hold her down, holding back from fucking her until I pumped her full of my seed.
There was something I wanted more than that.
I wanted her to come on my cock.
I scraped my teeth against her neck and started to make love to her with slow, steady, agonizing thrusts. Her arms wrapped around my neck, hands around my head, holding me there as she gasped and moaned, her thighs shaking at my sides. One of my hands hooked underneath her knee and pressed her leg higher, my cock going deeper. My pelvis moved against her clit, the tip of my cock hitting her womb over and over, my body pinning hers to the mattress.
She was at my mercy.
On that thought alone, the base of my spine tingled, my body ready to give her everything.
“Mags,” I moaned.
“Yeah, baby,” I grunted into her neck, my hips moving faster now.
“You’re inside me,” she said, her voice quivering.
I kissed her neck before lifting my head, holding her eyes as her jaw slacked. The realization hit her before me, and when it did, it might has well have been a damn train. We were connected. We were together. She was mine, and I, hers.
“I’m inside you,” I confirmed softly, my voice thick with emotion. Tears filled her eyes.
“Mags,” she rasped, her neck arching.
“Diana,” I grunted, my fingers digging into the soft flesh of her thigh, my pace steady.
“You’re stretching me,” she panted.
God, fuck.
“You’re taking me,” I grunted, hand going to her hair, kissing her mouth. My tongue dove in as my cock filled her, our skin slapping together now. Our teeth scraped against each other, our lips fusing together as our tongues danced.
She pulled away, gasping. “You f—feel so good.”
“Yeah? I feel good?” I taunted darkly, my mouth finding her ear. “My cock feel good, Firefly?”
She shuddered, her walls starting to flutter.
Fuck, but she liked the filth coming from my tongue, didn’t she?
“Dreamed of this,” I reminded her gruffly, thrusting harder now, barely holding on to my sanity. “You underneath me, taking me like a good girl.”
“Yes! Oh, yes!” she cried, whimpering at the end.
“Fucked my hand thinking about this very moment, Diana,” I growled into her ear. “Groaned your name and only your name every fuckin’ night, right here in this bed, as my cum covered my stomach. Made a mess thinking about you, your curves, your hair, your lips, your kindness, your soul.” She cried out, and my eyes closed, feeling it. “My little light. My Diana. Hell, even in the bunkhouse, I fucked myself to the thought of you.”
“Mags!”
My name coming from her mouth would always be a treasure, but I needed her to scream it. I licked the shell of her ear before nipping it with my teeth. “You would always, without fail, come all over my cock right before I filled this sweet pussy, baby.”
She said nothing, her breath hitching.
“Make my dreams come true, Firefly,” I whispered, lifting my head again, brushing my lips against hers. “Come on my cock.”
My woman, in all her beauty, came apart on me.
I watched in awe as I lifted, holding her hips into the mattress, pounding into her now. Her tits bounced with the force of my thrusts, her slick coating my cock as I looked down, watching her take me. When I looked back up to her face, her eyes had rolled back, her neck arched, and she cried out a single sentence that, even when I was dead and buried, my soul would never forget.
I love you.
The rain was steady as the third storm of the day died down, the drops hitting my bedroom windows softly as Diana lay in my arms, her head on my chest, body against mine, her thigh on top of mine. Like the rain, her breathing was steady, calm. I could feel her heartbeat, her breasts pressed into me.
She’d been asleep for the last hour, her body spent along with mine.
Even though the morning had been a gift and my body was sated, feeling contentment for the first time in my adult life, my mind refused to shut down.
I looked down at her, finding her lips parted, face relaxed, her hair frizzy—a beautiful mess. The most beautiful one I’d ever seen. She was here, in my arms. This was real . I looked back to the ceiling, waiting for it to come as it always did on the mornings the ranch didn’t need me.
I waited for the pain, for the demons inside to show their ugly faces, daring me to face them instead of shoving them back down. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I slowly removed Diana’s arm from my stomach while sliding mine out from under head, quickly replacing it with a pillow.
The last thing I wanted to do was wake her—she needed her rest.
Once I was out of bed, I covered her up, watched her for a few moments, and then moved into my closet. I grabbed a fresh pair of boxers, jeans, and a T-shirt and headed into the bathroom to dress. My eyes dropped to my hardwoods as I walked out, seeing the trail of rainwater she and I left only hours ago, the sight making my heart race.
Fuck, but she was finally mine, wasn’t she?
Minutes later, when the floor was dried and coffee was made, I headed out to the porch and took my usual seat. I sat in silence, sipping my coffee. When the cup was halfway empty, I pulled out my cell. With the phone to my ear, I listened patiently as it rang, and when my best friend’s voice filled my ear, a new, unfamiliar sense of guilt settled in the bottom of gut.
“Grayson,” he answered.
“Hey, Gray,” I greeted, balancing the coffee mug on my knee, watching the steam rise.
“What’s going on, Mags? You never call on a Saturday.”
“Got something to say,” I told him. “You busy?”
There was movement in the background, the familiar sound of a gun being loaded. “Nope,” he answered before addressing someone. “Dom, put the bomb down.”
My brows rose.
“Ash said we need it,” the man, a member of the Red Snake team, Dominic Edwards, argued.
The man they were talking about was Ash Doss, formal Navy SEAL. He was also part of the Red Snake team and helped Beau when Abbie was in danger.
“The last time we let Ash hold a bomb, Kansas City lost a building,” Grayson quipped.
My lips twitched. Ash was a crazy son of a bitch, but he got the job done.
“I’m taking the bomb, Gray,” Dominic declared.
“Mags, if we make it out of this next mission, kill me,” Gray muttered, a door slamming in the background.
“Doubt Carrie would like that,” I replied, leaning back in my chair. “Thought you weren’t doing hunts anymore.” Last year, Grayson was attacked, suffering from multiple gunshot wounds. There was significant damage to his leg, making it difficult for him to run.
“I’m supervising,” he countered. “Now, what’s up?”
“I have a woman.”
My friend was quiet.
The guilt began to spread, but I held my tongue, needing him to stay something before I continued. And when he did, he rocked me, practically gutted me. “Please tell me it’s the lawyer.”
My silence stretched on for some time. “You knew?”
A soft chuckle left him. “‘Course I fucking knew, Mags. Knew it, watched it, prayed for it.”
“I love her,” I admitted.
“Know that too.”
My head fell as I shook it. “Bastard,” I muttered.
“What shocked the hell out of me was that no one else on the ranch saw it.”
“They fuckin’ saw it yesterday.”
“What the hell happened yesterday?” he asked.
“If I tell you, you’ll fly down here and give her a lecture,” I noted dryly.
“A lecture on what?” he pressed.
“Grizzlies.”
There was a beat of silence before he spoke again. “Did that woman run from a grizzly?”
“Ran, fell down a hill, busted up her ankle, and scared the living shit out of me,” I confirmed.
“Jesus. She alright?”
“She is now.”
“Where is she now?” he asked.
“In my bed.”
When he didn’t respond, I continued. “I need help, brother. Spent the last decade losing my already broken mind over this woman, and yesterday, when I saw her covered in her own blood, her skin smeared with dirt…” I trailed off.
“I understand,” he murmured. “I understand completely.”
“Don’t want to get sucked back in, Gray,” I said, my eyes on the rain now. “The pains are back. So are the echoes.”
He muttered something under his breath. “I can send Dominic to you.”
“No, that’s not—”
Fuck, how the hell was anyone supposed to talk about this?
You’ve been in therapy before, dipshit. Act like it.
“That’s not what, Mags?”
I dropped my head back, jaw tight, eyes closed. “Have you told Carrie?”
Gray, being the fuckin’ mind reader he was, instantly replied, “Yes. Not everything, because there’s some shit she can’t know.” He paused. “But she knows about the kidnapping and the torture I endured.”
My mouth felt dry suddenly, visions of that dark day flooding back.
“She also knows you’re the one who saved me,” he tacked on.
I set the coffee down on the table beside me and rubbed my hand over my face. “Carrie—she knows about—”
“Of course she does,” he said, confusion in his voice.
“Did she know when she met me?” I asked, leaning forward.
“Yeah, brother. Now, about Diana—”
“—I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing,” I clipped, more irritated at myself than anything.
“First things first, you need to catch me up, and then I can give you advice on how not to screw this up.”
Before I knew it, I was leaning back in the chair again, watching the rain and telling my best friend about every interaction I had with this woman. He listened intently, making comments when I fell silent. He didn’t judge. He didn’t scold. He didn’t warn. He just listened.
By the time I was done, my chest felt lighter, and the guilt I’d been feeling all but dissipated.
“I had a feeling you were in your head about her when you called me last,” Gray said after a moment.
“That was after I said goodbye to her,” I mumbled.
He chuckled. “It’s not that easy saying goodbye to the woman who’s in your head.”
She wasn’t just in my head, she was in the very essence of my being.
“Hardest thing I’ve ever done, Gray,” I whispered, staring at my boots now. “Never felt so much pain.”
“I get that too,” he muttered before clearing his throat. “So here’s my advice…”
I braced myself.
“Hold on to her with everything you got. I’m not saying it’s going to be all sunshine and rainbows, because it won’t be. Your demons are going to show themselves whether you like it or not.”
“I can’t let that happen,” I declared. “There’s so much she doesn’t know—”
“Doesn’t matter,” he argued. “When you love someone and they love you, you both get a front row seat to the good, the bad, and the fucking ugly of your souls. That’s what love is, Mags.” I swallowed, and my knee began to bounce. “Love isn’t a fully grown tree in bloom. Love is growth, down to the roots. Love weathers every season, and trust me, some seasons are going to be dark. If there’s anything loving Carrie has taught me, it’s this: there’s beauty in everyone’s darkness, and the only thing that can find that beauty is love.”
Beside me, the front door opened, and a second later, Diana appeared, my sheet wrapped around her, her hazel eyes flashing with worry.
There’s beauty in the darkness, and the only thing that can find that beauty, is love.
“Thank you, Gray,” I said, rising from the rocker, not taking my eyes off her.
She looked at the phone. “Is that Grayson?” she whispered when I got to her, my arm going around her waist, pulling her close.
I nodded at the same time Grayson demanded, “Put her on the phone.”
Diana heard my best friend’s rumbling voice, and her cheeks tinted a bright pink as she shook her head.
“Maybe later, Gray,” I murmured, cupping her face, my thumb sweeping across her jaw. “Gotta make my woman some breakfast.”
He chuckled. “Later.”
“Good morning, gorgeous,” I said, dropping my lips to hers.
Her fingers fisted my T-shirt as I tilted her head to the side, forcing her mouth open with my tongue. A soft whimper left her then, my tongue touching hers. I kissed her gently, savoring her as I backed her into the wall, pressing my body against hers. Her hands snaked up my chest, over my shoulders to hook around my neck, her breasts pressed against me now, the sheet still between us. My cock, already hard and ready for her slick heat again, wept in my jeans.
She pulled away, gasping for air as my lips moved over her jaw and down her neck, my hands dropping to her ass, grabbing two delicious handfuls. “Mags?” she called, her breath hitching as my tongue tasted the sensitive skin at her neck.
“Yes, Firefly?” I rumbled, my hips flexing.
“I—um—what happens now?”
My head shot up, my hands dipping lower to hook underneath her thighs. “What happens now,” I began, growling as I lifted her, “is I get to eat my breakfast.” Her legs wrapped around my waist as I walked back into the cabin, the sheet trailing behind us as I kicked the door shut and headed into the kitchen.
“Your breakfast?” she parroted softly as I set her down on the island.
My hands slide up from her ass to her bare waist, the sheet still covering her front. “Yeah,” I whispered. “My breakfast.”
Before she could utter a word, I pulled the sheet from her, gently eased her back, propped her heels on the edge of the counter top, and pushed her legs open, revealing her little groomed pussy. The morning light reflected off her arousal, glistening for me, and I felt my balls tighten. I braced my hands on either side of her hips, leaned down, and inhaled deeply.
“Mags,” she breathed when I blew the air onto her swollen clit. My eyes shot up, finding her face. Instantly, I knew something was wrong.
I sat up and pulled her feet off the counter before reaching for her hands, pulling her up. “What is it?” I demanded, my hands cupping face as I scanned her eyes. Her cheeks, which were already flushed, grew even more pink, reminding me of the heaven I’d just left. “Baby, what’s wrong?”
“I—” She looked away from me, clearing her throat. I slowly dropped my hands.
“Talk to me,” I pleaded. “No matter how much I wish to, I can’t read your mind.”
Her voice was soft, timid. “Maybe we could move this into the bedroom?”
“We can do whatever you want,” I replied instantly, and her eyes found mine again. When she didn’t say anything, I prompted gently, “We don’t have to do anything, Diana.”
Those hazel eyes I loved so much widened, panic swirling within them. “No, that’s not—of course I want to have sex again.” I felt my lips twitch as she continued to trip over her words. In all the years I’d known her, I’d never seen her so flustered. “I just—you know—um—”
“Firefly,” I called out gently.
“Yes?”
“Are you more comfortable in the bedroom?” I guessed. “Is that what you’re trying to say?”
Her eyes dropped to my mouth for half a second. “I’m more comfortable anywhere there’s not a lot of light.”
I stiffened. “What?”
She ran her hand through her hair before gesturing to all the windows in the kitchen and the living room. “Before, you know, when we…” she trailed off. “Made love.” She looked at me, waiting for me to correct her.
“Yes, Firefly, that’s what we did,” I told her, my voice firm. “It was beautiful, and I loved every damn second of it.”
“So did I,” she murmured.
“I made love to you in my bed, in the morning light, Diana,” I reminded her before repeating her gesture to the windows. “Granted, it is a bit brighter now, but I don’t understand why you only want to be in the dark.” I paused, the gut-wrenching realization hitting me like a train. She was watching me with caution etched into her beauty now, leaning forward slightly, her hair slowly falling over her shoulder.
“Mags, I—”
“It’s as good as it gonna be, baby,” I said darkly, watching her jerk back. “The doctors did all they could to repair the damage the bomb caused. Multiple skin grafts and a ton of surgery, Diana. This is as good as it gets.”
I didn’t even blink as she grabbed my shirt and yanked me to her. Her arms hooked around my neck, pulling me down so our foreheads touched. She shook her head viciously against me, stammering. “No, handsome, God no. That’s not—I wasn’t—you’re beautiful, Mags. So, so beautiful. I wasn’t—”
“Need you to spit it out, baby,” I pushed, not fully believing her.
I never expected anyone other than the doctors to see my wound, let alone have a woman in my bed again. I knew it was hideous, that it was something the world didn’t want to see, but fuck me, I at least hoped the woman in love with me wouldn’t mind fucking me in the light.
“It’s me,” she blurted, halting my thoughts. “I don’t want you seeing me in the light.”
I blinked and pulled back, feeling her hands fall from me. “What?”
That sweet mouth opened and shut twice before I clipped, “I’ve already seen you in the light. Put my mouth on you, had you spread out in my bed, coming on my tongue, and I watched every single second, loved every damn second.”
The heat in her cheeks spread down to her neck. “I was…we were…”
“So wrapped up in it that our insecurities couldn’t stand a fuckin’ chance?” I quipped, my voice harsher than I intended. When she didn’t say anything, I nodded. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”
“I’m thirty-five years old, and I’ve never felt beautiful.” Her confession, a carefully spoken whisper, hit me like a damn grenade as she dropped her head.
“You’re the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen.”
Her head shot up, tears in her eyes.
“You’ve always been the most stunning woman to me, even when you change your hair,” I said, stepping closer to her. “Even when you lose weight and gain it back. Even when you’re not dressed up, ready to take on the world.”
“Mags,” she croaked.
“Even yesterday, when I found you against that tree, in the dirt and covered in blood, you were beautiful. You will be beautiful when you decide to stop changing your hair and let it go gray, when the smile lines around your mouth and eyes become more prominent. Even when you’re old and walking with a cane, baby, you’ll still be beautiful to me,” I continued, my voice growing softer with each sentence.
Her question came out as a rasp. “You—you noticed when I lost weight?”
My jaw tightened as my nostrils flared. “Yeah, and we’re going to talk about that, but not right now.”
“What do you mean we’re going to—”
“Spent over a decade lovin’ you, and I don’t even know all of you, Diana,” I deadpanned. “You don’t know all of me, but that’s going to change. We have a lot to figure out, and it doesn’t need to be figured out today. Today, I just want you as you are.”
“Are we crazy?” she whispered.
I nodded once. “Yeah, we are, but who the hell cares?”
At that, she started laughing, and it was the most gorgeous thing I’d ever heard.