Chapter Twenty-Five
Diana
“Mags?” I called after a few moments of silence.
He was no longer looking at me, but rather, at the front door, clearly in a different place. His hands had fallen from my face, and I watched in interested horror as the cowboy on his knees in front of me disappeared. A lump formed in my throat as I studied his profile, the fire in his eyes dimming slightly. I knew, after years of being around Denver and witnessing his PTSD, that this may very well be a flashback.
I also knew not to touch him right now, despite my dire need. All I could do was softly call him name and remind him of where and when he was.
“Mags, it’s Diana,” I said softly, leaning down. “You’re here on Hallow Ranch, in your cabin.”
I held my breath, waiting, watching, silently praying he would come back to me. Outside, the late afternoon sun had begun to shine between the clouds, its rays coming in through the windows, highlighting the floor. “I’m right here, Mags,” I continued. “I’m right here, waiting for you, but I need you to come back for me.”
He bent his head, lost in the past.
I took an unsteady breath, my hands shaking along with my voice. “You asked me to stay for you, and I have. Come back to me, babe. Please. Please come back to me, Mags.”
Pressing my lips together, I looked over my shoulder to the journal on the desk—all his secrets, his nightmares and dreams, all in one place.
“Diana.”
My head whipped back around to find those dark eyes I loved so much, his brow pinched with regret. He brought his hand up, running his fingers through his dark hair. “Sorry about that, Firefly. I’m so sorry. I just—”
“What was it?” I asked, still unsure whether I should touch him. “What triggered it?”
He stared at me for a long time. “You’ve seen this before, haven’t you?” he murmured.
I nodded. “Yes. With Denver.”
“Mm.”
“I also know not to touch you when you have an episode,” I noted, my voice still trembling.
He ended my short-lived torment then. “Put your hands on me,” he commanded softly.
I lunged and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him in as a sob left me. “I’m sorry. Whatever I did or said to make you go back to that horrible place, I’m so sorry.”
His arms were around me, locking around my waist, his face in my hair. “You did nothing wrong,” he whispered.
I was full-on crying now. “I—I—yes—”
His hands slid up to my shoulders, to my upper arms, gently pulling me back. “No, you did nothing wrong,” he reassured me as his hands cupped my face once more.
I pressed my forehead against his. “Are you okay?”
Moments passed, my heart thundering in my ears, and when he closed his eyes, a tired sigh left him. “I know we said we didn’t have to rush everything into one weekend, but I do need to tell you something before we move on, yeah?”
My nerves were eating me alive. “Anything,” I assured. “You can tell me anything.
“Thinkin’ maybe we need to eat before I do,” he murmured softly, giving me a small smile. I’d never seen anything like it before.
My hands were at his wrists then, my fingers wrapping around him, the touch grounding me. “Nope. Don’t do that,” I pleaded, shaking my head. “Tell me now. My anxiety cannot handle this.”
“Diana—”
“—I want to know everything,” I cut him off, holding his eyes. “For the last eleven, almost twelve, years, I’ve wanted to know everything about you, cowboy. You say we don’t have to do this all in one weekend, but I wouldn’t mind it. I know there are somethings you can never tell me, and there are things I cannot tell you…” I trailed off, kissing him lightly. “But I want everything and anything you can give me, Mags.”
“Always killin’ me, gorgeous,” he said. “Fuckin’ killin’ me and bringing me back to life at the same time.”
I swallowed the cry trying to climb up my throat. “Can you do that for me, cowboy?”
“I’ll give it all to you, Firefly,” he vowed. “Every day, every hour, every minute. For the rest of my life.”
My soul shouted in victory, but my heart, oh, my cautious little heart, stayed quiet.
Then, on his knees in front of me, my head in his hands, he gave me a piece of truth I never saw coming.
“Diana, I’ve been married before.”
My jerk was immediate but unintentional. One of his hands fell away as the other snaked to the back of my neck, holding me steady as my hands dropped back into my lap. “W-what?”
His voice was gentle, patient, everything I needed it to be as my mind conjured this woman—his first wife—in my head. “Her name is Ashley.”
Ashley.
The lump in my throat began to hurt, glass tearing into it now, and I couldn’t speak.
“My family, baby--you will never know them,” he declared, the pads of his fingers pressing in. “Ever. They don’t get you. They don’t get access to the only good thing to happen to me in this life.”
The only good thing to happen to me in this life.
When I gave him no response, he pressed, “I need you to understand that, Diana. Not only did I shut that door when I was eighteen, I burned it to the fucking ground. You will never know them. You won’t know what they look like, what they do, where they live. Nothing. I will tell you, eventually, all the shit they put me through, but not now. Ashley is first. Got me?”
I nodded, and he shook his head. “No, Firefly. I need verbal conformation. Can you give that to me?”
“Y-yes,” I croaked.
“Never loved her,” he said, his voice growing harder with each word. “We were kids when we met, and I was a dumbass boy. She made me feel things. She made me feel good when the rest of my life was shit. I admired her, yes, but I never once loved her. You wanna know how I know that?”
He didn’t give me a chance to answer.
“Because when I came home after getting out of the Marines, my burns still fresh, ready to meet my son and rebuild our life, I found her in bed with another man, and my heart didn’t break.”
My chest deflated. “What?” I breathed out, my hands coming to him, latching onto his shirt. “You—you have a son?”
“Thought I did. She was two months pregnant when I left for my last deployment, but the boy wasn’t mine. He belonged to the man my wife was fucking behind my back for two years.”
My heart was breaking all over again. “Mags—”
“You’re the only woman I’ve ever loved,” he declared, his thumb stoking my skin. “Wanna know how I know that?”
Again, he didn’t give me a chance to respond.
“Because I left my sanctuary for you, baby,” he told me softly. “The second I heard that fear in your voice, I didn’t even think. By the time I was at your house, I hadn’t even realized what I’d done.”
Sobs attacked me then, vicious and unrelenting.
“Love you so damn much, Diana,” he pushed out. “I’d go through everything, all the hell I endured, over and over again, to be with you.”
My mouth was on his then as I kissed him with everything I had, everything I could give, hoping and praying it would be enough to heal his pain. With a growl, he shot up, forcing me back into the couch cushions as he loomed over me, one hand by my head, the other shifting to the front of my neck. His tongue stroked again mine as he took control, my hands clinging to his shirt at his sides. He took everything and gave it back to me tenfold.
“I love you,” he grunted.
“Yes,” I moaned, nodding against him. “I love you too.”
The kiss ended as my cowboy pulled away. “The rest of my life is yours, Diana Harper.”
The rest of my life is yours.
“I—”
“You have me, all of me, forever,” he confirmed. “I became yours the moment I saw you.”
Silence fell between us, our breaths colliding, our gazes unwavering.
“Can I have her full name?” I asked. “Her address?”
His eyes flashed, his lips twitching as he replied, “No, Firefly.”
“She hurt you.”
“I got over it.”
“But—”
“Got over it and found you,” he declared. “Your words triggered me, and yes, I got sucked into the past, but not into the war zone. The memory of the day I left her came up, and I got lost in it. I’m sorry for that. It’s been a long time since I’ve…” His words faded as his head snapped up, eyes narrowing on the door.
“What? Was is it?”
“God fuckin’ damn it,” he muttered, pushing up from the couch and going to the door.
That was when I heard it; the low rumble of an engine.
Slowly, I rose to my feet, food forgotten as he looked out the window.
“Is it Denver again?”
Mags bit off a curse. “Fuck me.”
A car door slammed, and then I heard footsteps on the porch. Mags looked over to me, his hand on the doorknob. “I’m going to apologize now, Firefly.”
Uh. “Who is it?”
“Carrie and Grayson.”
She was an angel.
There was no other way to describe this woman. From her snow-blonde curls and her bright smile to her even brighter blue eyes, Carrie was an angel.
They’d been here for over half an hour, Carrie immediately hugging Mags as soon as he opened the door, which was something I’d never seen before. No one ever hugged that man, not even Harmony or Valerie. I watched with stunned curiosity as my cowboy hugged her back. Her man, Grayson, however, hadn’t been paying an ounce of attention to them. No, as soon as the door opened, his eyes shot to me.
I knew very little about Joseph Grayson, but I knew he was a bounty hunter, one of the best in the country. I never got to meet him when Denver hired him, and now, I was thinking that might’ve been a mistake. He was tall, the same height as Mags, slightly thicker build. His most notable feature was the scar that started at his temple and trailed all the way down into his beard. Like the idiot I was, I waved at him, shooting him a lame smile.
Thankfully, that worked, because his cold exterior melted away, returning my smile with a gorgeous one.
Introductions were made and before Mags could get a word in, Grayson asked to speak with him. What for, I didn’t know, but I knew in my gut something was wrong. However, Carrie pulled me away, not giving me the time my anxiety needed to analyze it.
Now, from Mags’ place in the kitchen, his eyes met mine, softening a fraction as Grayson talked to him in low tone, making it difficult for me to hear. His arms were folded over his chest, his ass against the counter, ankles crossed as Grayson stood beside him, body facing my cowboy, his hand braced on the counter while he talked with his other. Studying Grayson’s scarred profile, I could see the concern etched in his features, the tension in his neck, the urgency in the way his hand moved with every word flowing from his mouth.
Mags paid attention to none of it, keeping his dark gaze on me, his eyes heating with each passing moment.
“You’re stunning.”
I blinked, looking over to Carrie, who was on the other end of the couch, dressed in a lovely pink dress and jean jacket. “Sorry?” I whispered.
She smiled at me, her eyes filled with admiration. She was either oblivious to the conversation happening in the kitchen, or she knew and was trying to distract me. “You’re stunning, Diana.”
Okay, I could let her distract me.
My cheeks heated. “Oh,” I murmured, my eyes dropping to Mags’ shirt and boxers. “I feel a bit under dressed, if we’re being honest.”
“Your clothes have nothing to do with your beauty,” she countered. “When I met Mags, I didn’t even have shoes on.”
Last year, Mags had spotted Carrie on the trail camera, trekking through the snow in the middle of a storm. Turns out, she had been kidnapped from her work in Astoria, Oregon and taken to a shitty motel just a few miles down from the far side of the ranch. She’d escaped—barefoot—and wandered onto Hallow Ranch. I had been in court that week, but when I returned to town, Valerie didn’t hesitate to fill me on all the “Mags Drama.”
“I’m sorry that happened to you,” I whispered, my voice cracking. “When Valerie told me about it, I just…God, Carrie. I’m so sorry.”
She leaned over, placing her hand on top of mine. “Fate’s a crazy, wonderful thing, ya know?” I tilted my head in confusion, and a soft laugh left her. “I used to think the universe, God, or whoever hated me because of all the things I’d been through. When I fell in love with Grayson, I truly believed it was a long overdue apology from the universe.” She paused for a moment, her neck twisting to look over to her fiancé. “Then, I got taken, and I thought it was blip, that the short time we had together was just a mistake.”
Oh, God.
Tears were shining in her eyes now, and the conversation in the kitchen had all but stopped. I flipped my hand over to hold hers, our fingers automatically intertwining. She held my eyes as she gave me a gift so special, it had me falling in love with Mags all over again.
“I passed out in the snow and woke up in this cabin, right there in front of the fire.” She pointed to the floor. “I didn’t know where I was, who I was with, and I was scared for my life. Denver and Mason were here, and Harmony, but they were strangers to me. A-and when Denver said Mags’ name, I knew Grayson wasn’t a mistake.”
A whimper left me as I brought my free hand to my mouth, my eyes stinging.
“Mags saved my life, but he also gave me hope again,” Carrie rasped.
“God fucking dammit , Sunshine,” Grayson seethed, slamming his cup down before stalking across the living room, capturing her face in his hands and kissing her.
I bent my head, giving them privacy, and a second later, I heard, “Sorry.”
My head snapped up to find Grayson smirking down at me. The scar on the side of his face was striking, sure, but he eyes, nearly as dark as Mags’, had the ability to hold me captive. “You’re allowed to kiss your woman,” I blurted. “Don’t apologize on my account.”
A rough chuckle left him as he took a seat on the arm of the couch beside Carrie, whose face was now beat red. “I’m also sorry for crashing your weekend, but,” he paused shooting a look to Mags, “I’m a nosy son of a bitch.”
“Gonna kill you one day,” Mags grumbled, shaking his head. He was keeping his distance from me, and I didn’t know how to cope with that. Whatever Grayson had told him rocked him, sure, but he was doing his best not to show it. The pit in my stomach began to grow.
“No, he won’t,” Grayson told me on a laugh.
“Okay, you came, you met her. Now get the fuck out.”
“Mags,” I scolded on a breath, my head snapping in his direction.
He ignored me, jerking his head to the door. “Get gone, Gray.”
“He’s your best friend,” I reminded him gently.
“He’s also a pain in my ass,” my cowboy tacked on.
“Everyone is a pain in his ass,” Carrie teased. “Except for you, Diana.”
“Correct,” he confirmed, nodding once. “Now, Carrie, I love you, but you and Gray need to leave.”
“But we just got here,” she said, looking at me, pleading.
I looked from Mags to the couple and back to Mags. “They can stay for dinner at least, Mags.”
His eyes dropped down to our still-full plates on the coffee table. “Need to remake it,” he grumbled.
“We can order pizza,” I offered.
“You get pizza out here?” Grayson asked.
“I can get the twins to bring it out here, I’m sure,” I said, reaching for my phone.
“Those greedy fucks will stay for the pizza, Diana. Hell the fuck no,” Mags sighed.
“Stop being a grumpy bitch,” Grayson shot out as Carried leaned in and whispered, “They bicker like old men.”
“Yeah, I’m going to kill my best friend,” Mags decided casually, rubbing his hand over his short beard.
“Try it,” Grayson threatened.
I couldn’t tell if they were joking or not.
Carrie shot up, taking my hand. “I’m taking her with me,” she announced, guiding me to rise to my feet. “We’ll be outside while you men bicker over stupid things.”
Mags looked to the floor, muttering something underneath his breath as I was dragged by him. My hand shot out, cupping the side of his neck. His eyes shot back up to mine. “You okay?” I asked softly, Carrie waiting for me at the door.
After a moment, he nodded, grabbed my wrist, and brought my hands to his lips, kissing my palm. “Yeah, I’m okay.” He dropped my hand and jerked his chin. “Go talk to Carrie, baby. She loves you already.”
The second we were on the porch, she turned to me, brows furrowed. “I know you’re going to ask, or you’ll want to ask.”
I blinked. “Uh—”
“I know this because if I was in your shoes, I’d want answers. I’d want to know what the hell those guys were discussing in the kitchen,” she clarified.
“It didn’t look like much of a discussion,” I deadpanned, looking back to now closed front door. “It looked like Grayson was doing all the talking.”
Carrie pressed her lips together, looking out into the field. “I told him to wait on it,” she murmured after a moment. “I told him to let Mags have his time with you before…”
When she said nothing else, I leaned forward. “Before what?”
“I can’t tell you,” she rasped, tangling her fingers together and shaking her head. “I wish I could, but it isn’t my business or place to do so. This is Mags’ life.”
“So the information has to do with Mags?” I pushed softly.
She gave me that and nothing else. “Yes.”
A breeze blew across the porch then, causing a shiver to run down my back as I looked over to the car parked next to mine. The sun was beginning to set behind the cabin now, basking the field in a beautiful orange glow, the glare of it reflecting off the black Jeep Grayson and Carrie came in.
“How did you get here so fast?” I found myself asking. “Mags was just on the phone this morning with Grayson.”
“Yeah, Gray was supposed to go on a hunt with the team,” Carrie said, moving to stand beside me.
“A hunt?”
“Sorry. A mission.”
I waited for more. “But?” I prompted.
“But Jake—he’s Red Snake’s tech guy. Absolute genius.” I twisted my neck to look at her, wrapping my arms around myself. “Anyways,” she continued, “he found something, and then Grayson called me, telling me to get ready. We were on the helicopter within the hour.”
On the what?
“You have access to a helicopter?” I asked, moving over to the rocking chairs.
“Well, I don’t, but Red Snake does,” Carrie said, taking a seat beside me. “Hayes—you’ll meet him eventually—he was a pilot in the Air Force. He can fly almost anything.” She jumped in then, telling me all about Red Snake and Astoria, not letting me ask the question I really wanted to ask.
What had Jake found?
Time passed as I listened to her, adding in whenever I needed to. I knew deep down that she and I were going to be fast friends. I cherished it. Our men eventually joined us out on the porch, announcing they made dinner. We shared a meal, and for the first time in a long, long time, I felt like I surrounded by family.
Grayson shared stories and I listened, greedily retaining every single word, loving the glimpses that he gave still lingered in the back of my mind.
Was Mags in trouble?
My thoughts drifted back to my conversation with Chase a few weeks ago, his discovery shouting in my mind over and over, trying to raise the alarm bells.
I’ve been around that man just as long as you have, Di, and after trying to look into him, I’ve found nothing. Mags, according the US government, doesn’t exist. I found something, but I couldn’t confirm if it was Mags. All records around what I found were sealed.
Once the meal was done, we all sat in the living room, Mags in his chair, me in his lap, Carrie and Grayson across from us on the couch.
“Thank you for dinner,” I said to Mags, breaking the sudden silence, the air thick with tension. I was the odd one out and felt like I was being examined underneath a microscope.
“No problem,” Mags murmured, his thumb stroking my thigh.
My heart squeezed, but I could only manage to give a half-smile.
“Mags said you have a teaching offer at Yale,” Grayson noted, taking a sip of his drink, studying me.
His words sucked away all the warmth, happiness, and love I’d been wrapped up in all day. My eyes landed on him, my words trapped in my throat as the plan I’d made months ago came crashing down around me.
“Really? That’s amazing,” Carrie praised. “When do you start?”
“Next year,” Mags answered for me.
My spine straightened, and I forced myself to take a drink of my water, clearing my throat after it went down.
“Oh, how exciting. Are you going to move there?” Carried asked.
“If I accept the position, I would have to move there for the semester,” I told them, shifting in Mags’ lap. Suddenly, I was the one needing distance. I moved to get up, but his hand clamped down on my hip, holding me in place.
“She’s brilliant,” Mags said coolly. “She’s been teaching at the university in Denver for a while.”
“What made you want to teach law?” Carried asked, interest peaked.
I took another drink, feeling everyone’s eyes on me. “I just want to do some good in the world. That’s why I became a lawyer in the first place, and when I built up a solid client list out here, I realized I couldn’t do this forever. A new generation of lawyers would have to take my place and these ranches and cowboys deserve to be taken care off.”
“That’s awesome,” Grayson murmured, pride in his voice.
My mouth kept moving, spilling out words I never planned to say. “Yale isn’t a forever thing, just an opportunity. I don’t plan on teaching forever either. It was just something that popped into my mind on a Wine Wednesday with Valerie.”
“Wine Wednesday?” Carried parroted.
I nodded. “Every Wednesday, the girls and I get to together for a glass of wine.”
“I may have to adopt that with my girls in Astoria,” she muttered.
Mags, like usual, had been silent, but his hand still maintained a firm grip on my hip, as if he was afraid I would lose me. I looked over my shoulder at him, finding his eyes already on me.
It hit me then, like an F-5 tornado, ripping up all my plans for my career I planted ages ago.
There was no way in hell, after everything, that I could leave Colorado.