Theo
After Nora agreed to stay, I dished up brisket, mac and cheese, and green beans for Charlotte and me while she prepared a plate for herself. Then, since the evening air was too nice to waste, we carried everything out to the patio table to eat.
“Let me just cut your meat real quick, okay?” I told Charlotte before letting her dig into the mac and cheese.
She huffed impatiently, clearly ready to dive into the pasta, but kept her hands on her lap while I cut her meat into thin strips.
Then, since my girl had to be bribed into eating meat with a special dipping sauce, I squeezed a big dollop on her plate and hoped her iron levels would be better the next time we went in for a well-child visit.
“So,” Nora said, once we’d all taken in a few bites. “How do you feel things went with Amanda last night?”
“Um…” I hedged, hoping I wasn’t about to have my third awkward conversation with Nora for the day. “It was good.”
“Good?” she asked, like she’d been hoping I’d explain further. But when I didn’t, she asked, “Were there any sparks when you dropped her off?”
“Well,” I said, pushing some pasta around with my fork, not sure exactly how to explain. Then, deciding to just be honest, I added. “I’m not sure I really felt any sparks.”
“You didn’t?” She narrowed her eyes like she didn’t believe me. “It looked like things were going well from where I was sitting.”
“Yeah. I mean, we had a good time, I think. But there just wasn’t much of an opportunity for us to discover if there was any real chemistry.”
“Not even when you took her home? Did you at least hug?”
“Oh, no.” I shook my head, realizing she was probably picturing a very different sort of scene than what was possible when we still had kids to pick up. “I didn’t exactly take her home since we both had to get our kids from Lia and Romeo’s place.”
“Oh, that’s right.” She lifted her glass of water and took a sip. “Probably no real doorstep scene then, huh?”
“Nope.” I cut into my brisket with my steak knife. “But that was just fine with me.”
“Not planning on the goodnight-kiss scene on her doorstep?” she asked, scooping up a spoonful of mac and cheese and blowing on it to cool it.
“Yeah, no.”
She studied me, like she had a question she wasn’t sure she should ask.
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing.”
I narrowed my eyes at her.
She sighed softly. “I guess I’m just wondering if you’ve kissed anyone since…?” She trailed off.
And I knew what she meant.
“Since Alisha?” I asked, a pit forming in my stomach.
“Yeah.”
I looked down at my plate and let out a slow breath. “I haven’t.”
“So it’s been over two years,” she whispered.
I nodded, looking at the clouds off in the distance with the hope that it would keep my emotions in check.
“Do you think that’s weird?” I asked. “That I’ve waited so long?”
“No, of course not,” she said immediately. “Everyone moves at their own pace. And you’ve had a lot on your plate. And losing your spouse is different from divorce. Comes with its own set of emotions and timeline.”
“It does.”
She shifted slightly. “Sorry about not being a very good wingwoman when Amanda assumed you were divorced. I just kind of froze.”
“It’s okay.” I sighed. “I obviously froze, too. It’s always weird having to explain.”
“At least Miles knew what to do,” she offered, cutting a piece of meat. “Turns out, Miles is a better wingman than I am, even when he didn’t pre-agree to the job.”
“He’s good for something, at least,” I said with a small chuckle. Then, wanting to steer the conversation away from myself, I asked, “How did things go with you guys, anyway? Is Miles head over heels for you yet?”
She laughed. “Yeah, right.”
“He seemed to have a good time,” I said, nudging her playfully with my elbow. “You both did. I was watching.”
I’d seen the way they leaned toward each other. The quiet whispers. The shared smiles.
Like they had their own inside jokes already.
When she didn’t say something, I added, “And he was holding your hand when we walked out of dinner, wasn’t he?”
“He was,” she admitted. “But that’s just holding hands.”
“Hey, that’s a big deal to some of us.” I raised my hands in surrender. “I certainly haven’t really done that.”
The words were out before I could stop them.
“Sorry,” I hurried to say, suddenly feeling overly exposed. “I think I might actually need professional help with dating. I’m so bad at it.”
“Were you always a slower mover?” she asked, poking at her green beans before finally meeting my eyes.
“Not always. I was never super fast either, but…” I trailed off, because the truth was more complicated than that.
Before, I hadn’t been afraid.
Now, everything felt like it mattered too much.
Now, I knew how good it could feel to have love, as well as how it felt to lose it.
I sighed. “I think I’ve worked things up so much in my mind that I’m putting too much pressure on everything.”
“It makes sense,” she said after a brief pause, as if she understood what I was trying to say. “You’re a family man now. You don’t have time to mess around like a lot of us do in our twenties. You’re looking for someone who can be a life partner as well as a mother to your daughter.”
“Yeah.” I nodded, feeling a bit choked up with her words and how she seemed to understand my situation without me needing to explain.
“The stakes are higher now.” I looked at Charlotte who had cheese sauce all over her face.
Then, looking back to Nora, I shrugged and added, “I’m dating for two instead of one. ”
“It’s a lot,” she said, drawing in a breath. “Meanwhile, I’m not even doing great at dating for one.”
“Hey, at least you didn’t almost have a meltdown when Miles grabbed your hand last night.” I hoped a little self-deprecation would help lighten the moment.
“True,” she said, her pink lips spreading into a smile. “And I don’t want to brag too much, but… I totally got a cheek kiss, too.”
“Oooh,” I said, grinning at the back-and-forth. “That’s a big deal.”
“I know, right?” She laughed.
“Daddy kisses my cheek,” Charlotte piped in, apparently paying closer attention to our conversation than I realized.
“That’s right.” I smiled as I leaned over and pressed a kiss to her cheek. “Because you’re my favorite girl.”
She giggled, pleased with herself.
When I straightened, I caught Nora watching us. Smiling.
“You really don’t need to be nervous about being awkward on a date,” she said. “One glimpse of how cute you are with Charlotte and you’ll steal anyone’s heart.”
I rolled my eyes. “That feels like a stretch.”
But I could feel the heat climbing up my neck, anyway.
I took a sip of my water to buy myself a second. “Okay, but honestly, from everything you observed at dinner last night, do you have any notes for me? Anything I can improve on?”
She considered that, tapping her fork lightly against her plate.
“I really don’t think you did anything wrong.
You were a complete gentleman, as far as I could tell.
You paid attention to your date. You were a great conversationalist. And you already know from our conversation this morning that you have nothing to worry about in the looks department. ”
And there it was again. The reminder that Nora found me attractive.
Which I didn’t quite know what to do with since it just wasn’t something I should be thinking about.
When our eyes met, her cheeks were a little pink. Mine probably weren’t much better. And for a second, it felt like we both understood something neither of us was going to say out loud.
That there was a mutual attraction there.
An attraction I hadn’t expected, since she’d always just been “Lucy’s friend, Nora.”
The girl whom I’d watched at my sister’s gymnastics meets but never thought much of aside from her being super talented and fun to talk to.
Definitely not someone I would ever have a romantic interest in.
And yet…
I shook my head, cutting that thought off before it went any further.
She worked for me now. That alone made her off-limits.
And I was older. By enough that it mattered.
The line should not be blurred.
“I’m done.” Charlotte dropped her fork onto her plate. “Can we go see the ducks now?”
“How about you take one more bite of your meat and one more bite of green beans,” I said, grateful for her bringing me out of my confusing thoughts and back to reality. “As soon as we get dinner put away, we’ll go. Okay?”
She studied her plate like I’d just proposed something unreasonable. But she picked up her fork.
I looked back at Nora and cleared my throat. Trying to get this conversation back on track, I said, “So I’m not a completely hopeless case, then?”
She held my gaze for a charged moment, and my chest tightened in a way I didn’t entirely understand.
“Definitely not a hopeless case.”