Chapter 18
Easton
Not Another Rockstar—Maisie Peters
“I wanted to . . . actually, am I disturbing you? I can leave if it’s not a good time.” Rayne’s gray eyes dart nervously around the room before settling on me. There’s something in her gaze that worries me. She wouldn’t have just shown up here without telling me unless something was wrong.
I shake my head and put down my guitar. “No, of course you’re not disturbing us.”
“We’re done for today anyway,” Beck says, giving me a meaningful look. But I refuse to read anything into his expression.
“That’s right. Besides, we’re looking forward to finally getting to know Text Girl.
” There’s a slightly cheeky grin on Colin’s face.
I shoot him a dirty look. Can’t he just shut up for once?
I know he’s only acting this way because for some reason, he feels obliged to look out for all of us, but I don’t need anyone to look out for me. Especially not when it comes to Rayne.
“What was your name again?” A crease forms between Rayne’s eyebrows, and I don’t do a very good job of disguising the laughter that threatens to break out as a cough. Rayne knows Colin’s name. She knows all of us.
“Colin.”
“Oh right, I remember.” She taps her temple, the corners of her mouth twitching with a suppressed smile. Beck and Jax don’t bother trying to hide anything; they burst out laughing. And yes, Colin absolutely deserves it.
“I like her,” Beck whispers to me. I’m not sure why my stupid heart skips a beat when he says that.
“You like anyone who stands up to Colin,” Jax interjects. He’s standing close to us, and I really hope Rayne doesn’t hear what my friends are saying.
But when she looks at me with a knowing twinkle in her eyes, it’s clear that she heard every word. Willow stands with her arms crossed behind Rayne, watching the whole scene. She looks a little too amused for my comfort.
“What are you doing here, Sunshine?” Beck asks, adding the next silly nickname for Rayne.
Her eyebrows go up. “You two are very creative with nicknames.”
Beck shrugs, unconcerned. “And yet they’re both so fitting.” He winks at her, and that’s when I decide it would be a good idea to get out of here.
“I actually quite like my name,” Rayne retorts, her chin jutting forward a little.
I push past my friends and stop in front of her. “Everything okay, Birdy?” I ask quietly.
She lifts her head, and there’s something in her eyes: a mixture of anger and sadness that makes it pretty clear that nothing is okay.
“He can call her Birdy without her objecting, but we—” Beck stops again abruptly when I give him a warning glance over my shoulder.
“Well, he’s her friend. We’re just his friends, and let’s be honest, Text Girl and Sunshine are really bad nicknames,” Jax says. For once, I have to agree with him.
“Thanks,” Rayne says, and smiles.
“I’m going to get changed, and then we can go, okay?” I tug at my shirt, which is sticking to my skin from the rehearsal.
“Where to?” Rayne asks, taken aback. I can’t blame her. After all, we’ve spent most of our time together over the last few weeks in my room. But the guys weren’t home then. I can’t say why, but it’s easier to be here with her when they’re not around.
“It’s a surprise,” I say, even though I have no idea where I want to take her. All that matters is that we’re not going to stay here. Not with these nosy idiots. “I’ll be right back.”
I squeeze her hand and hear one of the idiots laughing as I step into the hallway to the stairs. As soon as I’m in my room, I pull my shirt over my head and toss it carelessly next to the bed. I go to the dresser and get a fresh T-shirt, a warm hoodie, and a knit hat. It’s cold outside.
Less than five minutes later, I’m back downstairs.
Willow and Rayne are sitting on the sofa, my sister with her legs tucked up under her and Rayne perched on the armrest, one of her legs dangling in the air.
She’s playing with her rings again, but otherwise she seems pretty relaxed, especially considering that my friends are undoubtedly talking crap again.
“Shall we?” I say, and Rayne looks up. She smiles as she gets to her feet.
“I’d say it was great to meet you, but that might be a bit of an exaggeration,” she says to the guys. But she’s still smiling, and I guess they all know she’s kidding. “See you later, Jax, Beck . . . Guitar Boy.” She winks at Colin, a gleam in her gray eyes.
He laughs. “Touché, Text Girl.”
“Okay, that’s it,” says Beck. “We’re definitely keeping her.”
Rayne wrinkles her nose indignantly, but the look of amusement on her face is impossible to miss.
“Jeez, guys, can you please behave yourselves just for once?” Willow rolls her eyes. To her, my friends are like little brothers. Sometimes I think she’d like to teach us all to be a little more mature, but I’m afraid the time for that is long past.
“I have a feeling this is going to be fun.” Rayne gets up and comes over to me.
I put a hand on her back. It feels like a reflex, though I don’t know where it comes from.
I seem to have an urgent need to connect with her right now.
She glances at me and bites her lower lip, just for a moment, before quickly looking away again.
But it’s too late. My pulse races to dizzying heights and I feel much too warm.
Beck and Jax are laughing, and honestly, I hate my friends right now because I can’t concentrate when they’re making fun of me. Especially not when Rayne looks at me like that and bites her lip. Her pink, full lips. Fuck. I think I have a huge problem.
I have to force myself to look away from her, so I put on my shoes while she’s slipping into her jacket.
“Did you bring a hat?”
She stops. “No, why? Where are we going?”
“I’ll never tell.” I take off my hat and put it on her head.
It’s a little too big for her, but it looks great on her anyway.
She blinks up at me as I pull the soft knit hat a little too low on her forehead, my hands touching her face, and that’s not good.
I let go of her abruptly, but I can see something change in her eyes.
“So it’s a surprise?” she asks, her voice a little huskier than a moment ago. But maybe I’m just imagining it.
“Yup,” I reply, quickly grabbing Beck’s hat, which is lying on the second step. He won’t need it anymore tonight.
Rayne looks like she’s about to object, then decides against it.
We leave the house and walk to the van. It’s freezing outside, and the dark clouds are hanging so low that it’s bound to start snowing soon.
It’s about time. The last few weeks have just been cold with no sign of precipitation.
I want it to snow soon, otherwise I won’t be able to keep my promise to Rayne.
Maybe it wasn’t such a great idea to promise her something I have absolutely no control over, but now it’s too late.
I open the passenger door, and Rayne climbs in before I walk around the car and get behind the wheel.
“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” I ask as the engine roars into life with a loud stutter.
She sighs heavily, and out of the corner of my eye, I can see her start playing with her rings again. “Maybe I just wanted to see you.”
My heart skips a beat. It’s really not good how much I want that to be the truth. Unfortunately, I know it’s not. “That sounds like a question.”
“But it’s not.”
My heart falters. No, don’t think about why, or what that means—whether it means anything at all. I take a deep breath and smile at her, then force myself to focus on what’s important.
“Rayne, I know you. I can see that something’s wrong.”
She’s silent. It’s a silence that speaks volumes.
“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. That’s okay,” I say gently, turning to look at her as I stop at a red light.
“It isn’t. I just don’t know how to talk about it.” She sounds frustrated.
“Let it out when you’re ready. And if you’re never ready, that’s okay too.
” It’s crazy how much I want to take her hand right now.
But the next second, the light turns green, and I hesitate for long enough that someone behind me honks their horn.
So my hand stays where it is and the van starts moving again.
“Why are you so understanding, anyway?”
“Willow raised me properly,” I reply, and have to laugh when Rayne does.
Hearing her laughter feels like a victory. A victory over what, I don’t know, but it still feels that way. My throat feels strangely narrow, and I have to clear it before I point to the cable that’s attached to the radio and continue talking. “You can be in charge of the music.”
“You trust me with the music?” Rayne sounds almost surprised, but she’s already getting out her phone and plugging it in.
“Who could I trust more than you?”
“I don’t know. Your friends, maybe? I like them, by the way, even though their nicknames for me are annoying.”
“Yeah, seriously. But Rayne, you’re my friend too.”
Just a friend, Easton. Don’t forget that.
“That’s different.”
“No, it isn’t. Besides, I know your taste in music.”
“That’s true.” She taps on her phone screen, and I instantly recognize the song she’s chosen.
“Really?”
“So what?” She sounds much too cheerful. Artificially cheerful. “It fits you.”
“‘Not Another Rockstar’ fits me?”
“Yeah. At least a little.” She sighs, and I can sense her shoulders slump. “I saw my grandmother,” she suddenly says.
I involuntarily clench the steering wheel a little tighter. “It didn’t go well?” I guess.
“No. She came to the school. Not to see me, but because she had some meeting with Mr. Pearson. I saw her by chance as she was walking back to the parking lot. I was just on my way to the dorm for lunch.”
“Shit, that’s not good. Did you talk?”
“Only for a few minutes,” she says, and then she tells me about the conversation.
I hate having to concentrate on the road right now. I want to look at her when she’s talking. But I also get the feeling me not being able to look at her right now is the only reason she’s able to tell me all this.
“You know, in a way I understand where she’s coming from.
I mean, I didn’t try to get in touch with her either.
I made no effort when I lived with her, or after I moved out.
It was easy not to talk to her. After all, we barely know each other.
Maybe it’s not fair, and maybe I have no right to be mad at her and blame her.
But wasn’t it her job to take care of me?
And yeah, I know I’m an adult now, at least officially.
But I don’t feel like one. I really don’t.
” The desperation in her voice pierces my heart.
“I don’t know why it bothers me so much now.
After all, I spent months not caring whether she was there or not.
It didn’t matter to me if we talked. I didn’t even want to talk to her, and I still don’t. But I want her to want it, you know?”
“Yeah, I get it,” I say. I really do, but I don’t like it.
Not any of it. Rayne is an adult, yes, but she lost her parents.
Her home. Her friends. And her grandmother doesn’t care about her at all.
Maybe I’m just biased, and maybe she’s partly right that she could have just as easily reached out herself. Still, I’m on her side.
“I’m a terrible person, aren’t I?”
“No, definitely not. I think it’s very normal to want her to care about you.”
“Do you really think so?”
“Yeah. I’d like to give you some wise advice right now, but I don’t have any.”
“That’s okay. You can’t have wise advice for every situation.” Her voice trembles and I glance at her. Now there’s really nothing I can do about it. I put my hand on hers and our fingers intertwine. I squeeze her hand, and the corners of her mouth go up in a faint smile, which quickly fades again.
“It hurt that she came to school and didn’t want to see me. I think if she hadn’t come and I hadn’t seen her, it wouldn’t bother me at all. I probably wouldn’t even be thinking about her.”
“That’s not so bad.”
“But isn’t it a bit hypocritical?”
“Maybe. But I still get it.”
She squeezes my hand and then lets go. I wish she wouldn’t. My hand feels strangely empty without hers in it.
“That’s why I came. Because I knew talking to you would help.”
“I always help when I can.”
“I know. Okay, enough of my whining,” she says. “Where are we going?”