Chapter 35
Rayne
Head in the Clouds—Hayd
“Well look who’s back,” Zoe says, greeting me with an amused smile as I enter the ballet studio on Monday morning, shortly before class starts. I’m running late, and Zoe and Mae are already stretching. I drop my bag on the floor with a thud.
“Good morning.” My breath comes a little too quickly because I’ve been running across campus.
I quickly take hairpins out of my bag and start doing my hair.
Everyone else is already here and ready to go, and class starts in just a few minutes.
I should have been here fifteen minutes ago too so I could warm up properly.
But Easton and I couldn’t get out of bed, and by the time we finally got going, it was so late I only had time to rush to my room and change before hurrying over here.
“You broke your promise again,” Mae says with a pout, but I know her well enough that I can tell she doesn’t really mean it. She’s not mad at me, even if she’s pretending to be.
I give her an apologetic smile. “I know, I’m sorry.”
“You said you’d tell us everything yesterday, but instead you didn’t even come home. Admit it, you don’t want to tell us anything.” She sighs theatrically, which makes Zoe laugh.
“Yes, I do,” I insist. “I’m sorry.” It’s not even a lie; I feel a bit guilty, but I haven’t had time to text them to let them know what happened.
I couldn’t have gone to the dorm yesterday, either.
I mean, I guess I could have, but I really didn’t want to.
It was much too nice to spend the day in bed with Easton.
“That’s okay,” she says with a mischievous smile. “You were busy.”
The way she says it makes me blush immediately. “Yes,” I murmur, unable to stop myself from smiling as I think of Easton. His hands in my hair and on my body. His mouth exploring every inch of me.
“You’re blushing,” Zoe observes. Not helpful.
I sigh and put my hands over my face before I can look at my friends again.
“Does that mean you’ve figured out how you feel when you’re with him?” Zoe smiles at me, her eyes glinting.
“Yes.” I lower my gaze, my cheeks burning.
Mae squeals excitedly. “I knew it! God, you have to tell us everything!”
“I will, this time I really will.” I join them at the barre and finally start my warm-up. Every minute counts.
“Did everything go well with the song?” Zoe asks, leaning far over her outstretched leg.
I nod. “Really well, actually. The guys recorded four songs, and they all turned out great.”
“What are they going to do with them now?”
I don’t get a chance to answer Zoe as Mr. Conrad enters the studio just then, followed closely by Easton.
It’s been less than half an hour since we said goodbye after he walked me to my room, but it still feels like an eternity.
It’s silly. He’s wearing a dark-blue hoodie that makes his eyes look even bluer, his hair falling messily over his forehead, and I want to go over and kiss him. Again and again and again.
He smiles when he sees me, and I am infinitely in love.
“Hi,” he mouths, and I read his lips.
“Hi,” I whisper back. There are butterflies in my stomach. Mae and Zoe are watching us, giggling softly.
“God, you two are so adorable,” Mae says. I can hear the smile in her voice, and I can’t help but agree.
I turn to my friends again when Easton sits down at the piano. I can’t stare at him the entire time, even though I’d really like to. God, what’s happening to me?
“Good morning, everyone. Let’s start right away. I have a lot of plans for you this week,” Mr. Conrad says. Any other day, this would be the moment the happy butterflies in my stomach transform into a bundle of nerves, but not today.
Today I couldn’t care less that even after almost two months of extra practice with Zoe and Mae on the weekends, I’m still hopelessly behind, and that’s not likely to change anytime soon.
I don’t care because Easton is here, glancing at me in the mirror from time to time, making me feel much too warm while his fingers glide confidently across the piano keys.
I don’t know if it’s because I’m not really into it today, not as determined or focused as usual, but somehow everything seems a little easier.
When we move from the barre to the center to work on our jetés, I find I can jump a little higher and keep my legs a little straighter.
My muscles are burning, but it’s the first time that I’ve been able to keep up with the tempo—and with everyone else—as we switch legs in the air to land with a different foot forward each time.
I feel strangely weightless, and it’s crazy how easy everything is all of a sudden. I feel so light. I’m probably just imagining it because I’m surrounded by a pink cloud of total infatuation, but even that doesn’t really matter to me right now.
“Much better, Rayne. Try to pay a little more attention to your hands, but otherwise very good,” Mr. Conrad says, praising me.
A beaming smile spreads across my face, even though I’m breathing heavily. My stamina has improved, but not enough to get through an hour with Mr. Conrad without any problems. Especially when we’re practicing jetés. Maybe it’s only in my mind that things are easier.
“To finish up, let’s work on your grand jetés,” Mr. Conrad continues, and Mae lets out a barely audible, tortured groan next to me.
She hates grand jetés, where we have to leap with our legs stretched into a split.
I can’t blame her. I would hate them too, any other day. But today . . . well, not so much.
We’re divided into groups because there isn’t enough space for us all to leap at the same time. I’m together with Zoe, Jessica, and Kelly, and when I leap, legs stretched wide, higher than I’ve ever leapt before, it feels a little like I’m flying.
* * *
The day goes by quickly, with pointe class passing just as fast as the first lesson with Mr. Conrad. When Zoe and I finally enter the contemporary dance classroom, Melanie is already waiting for us, even though we’re early. She greets us with a brief nod and a warm smile.
“Did you have a nice weekend?” she asks, sounding genuinely interested.
We both nod at the same time, and Zoe starts laughing as I blush again.
Melanie raises her eyebrows. “Did I say something wrong?”
“No,” I reply hastily. “We had a great weekend.”
“Very good. I hope you got some rest. Breaks are important.”
I want the ground to swallow me up when Zoe starts giggling uncontrollably.
“Rayne must be totally rested,” she says, and I nudge her warningly in the side.
Melanie looks confused for a moment, then smiles again. “Glad to hear it.”
Her gaze shifts to someone behind us, and she greets Lia and Katie, who are just entering the room.
I’m not sure if Zoe has also seen Jase’s sister, but she hooks her arm through mine and pulls me to the other end of the studio without even looking in Lia’s direction.
I still don’t know what the problem is between Jase and Lia, but it’s pretty obvious that it’s not something that can be easily resolved.
Even Zoe, who is usually nice to everyone, ignores her consistently.
“I thought Mae was the only one making fun of me,” I protest, pretending not to have noticed anything. Whatever is going on, it’s none of my business.
“I’m not making fun of you, honestly.” Zoe blinks innocently at me, and I roll my eyes, grinning.
“Of course you’re not.”
“No, I really think it’s beautiful how clearly in love you are.” She hugs me briefly before letting go and smoothly lowering herself to the floor. I sit down next to her a little less gracefully.
“I think it’s pretty crazy,” I admit. “I didn’t think it would feel like this.” I can’t quite find the right words to express what I’m feeling, but Zoe gives me a knowing smile. She understands what I mean anyway.
“Yes, I know.” Her voice sounds soft. She turns her head, and when I follow her gaze, I see Jase and Skye entering the room. Skye is gesturing wildly with her hands as she talks to him. There’s a deep crease between Jase’s eyebrows.
“Everything okay?” Zoe asks as the two of them collapse onto the floor next to us. Jase leans over and kisses her. When they pull apart, they gaze at each other for a moment in a way that makes me feel like I’ve interrupted an intimate moment.
“Skye has secrets,” Jase finally explains.
“Don’t act like I’m the only one.” Snorting, Skye removes the hairpins from her dark curls until they fall in long, tousled locks down her back.
“I didn’t say it bothered me,” Jase argues, grinning at her. “I’m not mad or anything. I just wanted to know why you’re bringing this up now after not saying a word about it for months.”
“Can someone explain this to me?” Zoe looks from one to the other, confused.
But Skye’s gaze is fixed on me, and suddenly I know what’s going on.
“How quickly did Jax betray me?”
“Uh . . .” I say, unsure how to respond.
She sighs and waves her hand dismissively.
“Never mind. Jax and the guys want to shoot a video for the song they recorded over the weekend, and they asked if I could help because I’ve made a few TikToks.
No one knew about them except Jax. But I should have known he couldn’t keep his mouth shut, and now somehow it’s common knowledge. ”
“You make TikToks?” Zoe asks incredulously.
“That’s exactly how I reacted,” Jase says, reaching for Zoe’s hand and intertwining his fingers with hers.
“Which is exactly why none of you know about it.” Skye gives us a saccharine smile. “Well, too late now. It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“I still don’t quite understand what this is all about,” Zoe says.
Skye nods at me. “You explain it. You’re more involved in this than I am.”
“It’s not really a big deal,” I begin, then briefly summarize the idea the boys have been talking about over the last couple days.
“Sounds like a big deal,” Zoe says when I’ve finished.
“It’s really not.” I realize I’m trying to downplay the whole thing. “It’s just—” I break off when Melanie claps her hands in the middle of the room, and all conversation stops abruptly. We stand up and join the others.
“Now that we’re all here, let’s get started,” Melanie says. “How’s your choreography coming along?”
No one says anything. No one moves.
An amused smile flits across her face. “Has anyone started yet?”
Five of us hesitantly raise our hands, including Skye and Lia. Next to me, Jase makes a dismissive sound, but when I look at him, he has a neutral expression on his face.
“Okay, I suggest we do this a little differently than originally planned. I assume by this point you’ve all at least decided on a song and whether you want to work alone, in pairs, or in a group.”
This time, everyone nods, although I suspect there are still a few who haven’t even gotten that far.
“Wonderful, then let’s get started. Find your partners, if you have any, and then find a place to sit.
I’ll see if I can organize a second room for us so it doesn’t get too crowded in here.
I’ll be right back.” Melanie leaves the room without waiting for a response.
She probably wouldn’t have gotten one anyway.
“Have you started yet?” I ask, and Zoe and Jase both shake their heads.
“Not really. We have an idea, but nothing concrete yet,” Jase replies.
“A duet is much more difficult than a solo,” says Skye, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
“How far have you gotten?” Zoe asks, and Skye actually blushes a little.
“Almost done.” Her answer sounds almost like a question. She shrugs. “But I actually enjoy choreography. I need it for my videos.”
Melanie returns before any of us can reply. She leads half the class into an empty room at the end of the hallway. Skye, Zoe, Jase, and I stay behind with the other half.
I see Jase’s shoulders slump a little in relief as his sister leaves the room.
“I’ll start with you guys,” Melanie says as she reenters the room, pointing at the four of us. “Are you a group?”
We shake our heads simultaneously. Skye and I step back.
“We’re working alone,” Skye says.
“Then let’s get started. Please find a spot and begin.
” She turns back to everyone. “I just drilled this into the other group: Remember, it’s not about perfection.
It’s about your emotions and the music. Use that.
Don’t just focus on the rhythm, but also on the lyrics.
Get into it. Feel it. If you have trouble with the beginning of the song, start somewhere else.
You don’t have to develop the choreography from start to finish.
You can begin at the end if that helps,” Melanie says, then turns to the first group.
I walk over to the window and stand there indecisively for a moment before closing my eyes, taking a deep breath, and blocking out everything around me. When I think about the fact that I’m not alone, I feel like I’m being watched, and that makes me sure I’ll mess it up.
Emotions and music. That’s what it’s all about. That’s all that matters.
Blinking little lights
Seems like a night sky right at my feet
I’ve been here a while
Wondering if once again we could meet
Easton’s voice in my head. Soft and deep. The noises around me, the quiet conversations of those working in groups, fade into the background. I relax my shoulders, recall the movements Melanie has been teaching us over the past few weeks. Less control, more grounding.
I open my eyes, find myself in the mirror, and take the first step.